Someone to Love You
by l0vesparks007
Summary: A/U. It's been a long way back for Santana. And she finally feels like she is slowly becoming a normal person again. But what happens when she meets someone who turns her world upside down and she has to face the demons of her past? Pezberry.
1. It Does Gets Better

Title: Someone To Love You.

Ships: Pezberry. Tike. Samcedes. And hints of Brittana.

Friendships: Pucktana. Sancedes. Santina. Santike.

Rated: MA

A/U : It's been a long way back for Santana. And she finally feels like she is slowly becoming a normal person again. But what happens when she meets someone who turns her world upside down and she has to face the demons of her past that she thought she left behind? WARNING: This story contains elements of Self-Harm, Depression, Suicidal thoughts, Suicidal attempts, heavy drug use, and smut.

A/N: I totally got this idea from _rockinrye_. I read her story about Santana as a tattoo artists and thought it was extremely hot. So I took the intial idea and added my own spin to it. ENJOY !

Chapter 1: It Does Get Better

Santana Lopez has had a great last 2 years, despite the shit that she was dealing with after graduation from high school which was almost 5 years ago. It's finally starting to look up. Brushing her long dark locks back over her head and pushes her Ray Bans up off the tip of her nose, she flicked her cigarette to the ground and stubbed it out with her black Doc Martens she walked up to her pride and joy. Looking up at the sign, she smiled the words "Order of The Dawn" in bright blazing letters. Pushing open the door she inhaled deeply, loving the sound of the tattoo guns buzzing and the smell of ink. Her best friend since elementary school, Noah Puckerman walked up to her and bumped his fist to her.

"Damn Bro, What's got you all bright and shiny this morning?" Santana just smirked at her best friend.

"I just realized, that's finally starting to get better. Like I'm ok again." She took off her sunglasses and clipped them to her ripped Nirvana shirt. "My shop is one of the best in LA. And I'm becoming more and more satisfied in life by the day. I actually think that I'm genuinely happy, for the first time in God knows how long." Santana scooted her small frame up onto the glass cabinet in the lobby, her long tanned legs hanging off the side lightly kicking the glass underneath. Mike Chang looked up from the back piece he was outlining.

"That's good to finally hear. Everyone was pissy when you were upset." Santana shrugged at his statement. She knows she has been a lot to deal with these last few years. It was a dark time for her, so she knew it was hard on the people that were always there for her.

"I'm sorry. It's just been a lot. You know?" Santana hopped down from the cabinet and walked over to her station and checked her appointment book. "Fuck, I'm over booked today." She tossed her iPhone on her counter. "Hey Tina!" Santana shouted to the back. The small Asian, she hasn't changed in the slightest, her hair still long and black with now purple highlights and her usual black lacey frilly attire. "What's up San?"

"Can you take some of my smaller appointments?" Santana started flipping through her appointment book. "I have a shading appointment for Mark to finish up his back piece, an outline for another back piece for Rick after that, then I'm starting John's sleeve, then I have that cherry blossom tree for Jordin, then-"

"Ok San, I get it. I'll take em. How many?" Tina said rolling her eyes at her friend, checking her appointment book. She only had a few appointments today so she could take a few more.

"3?" Santana asked hopefully, batting her thickly coated lashes.

"Yeah, yeah yeah. Whatever."

"Thank you Tina. Sushi on me next time." Santana smiled, setting up her tattoo gun for her first appointment, when her first appointment walked in. "Sup Mark?" Santana pounded her fist with Mark.

"What's up Tana?" Mark said taking his shirt off and laying on the table on his stomach.

"Ehh, same shit, different day. You ready?" Santana smiled turning on her iHome and putting on her gloves. "Let's go."

...

Santana kicked off her boots and plopped on the couch. Her apartment looked unusually dark today, granted it a little after midnight and she was tired. She felt around for the remote, finding it she clicked on the TV. The soft glow of the television light up her apartment. Looking around she had really done pretty well for herself, despite what she had been through. She clicked through the a few channels and finally stopped when she saw Family Guy was on. She got herself comfortable and before she knew it, she drifted off to sleep…

_A rush of blurring lights passed over her head, she awoke in a daze. Trying to figure out what was happening. Why she felt so terrible. She attempted to croak out an answer but her voice was no where to be found. Her throat was dry and she felt like she had been hit by a truck. Her body shook violently, as she attempted to look around. She felt a strong hand squeeze hers and she looked over to a dark figure hovering over her calling her name. _

"_SANTANA?" She attempted to focus her hazy vision enough to make out of Mohawk. It was Puck. "Santana stay with me." He had tears in his eyes._

"_What is going-"was all she could mutter out before her body shook even more violently then before. _

"_She's seizing." She heard a female voice, soft like the one she countlessly heard over and over in her head. The one she used to fall asleep to, and the one she called out in her sleep._

"_Alright turn her on her side. She might choke." She heard another male voice. She realized she was vomiting. She just wanted this all to end. Why her? She felt her hand no longer had the pressure it once had. She tried to make out her surroundings but everything was so blurry._

"_Sir, you have to stay here. We're going to do all we can to save her." She heard the female voice again. Why it sounded so familiar, she couldn't understand. Her mind was playing tricks on her, as it always had. Her body shook violently as she attempted to turn her head to the side. More vomit, as she felt it rise from her throat. Burning her insides. Why can't it just be over? _

"_Santana. I need you to stay with us ok?" Santana attempted to look into the face of the woman talking to her. She made out the long blonde hair as she felt her body being lifted and placed onto a bed and instantly she felt gratified. She was here. It made her feel better. After all her long nights alone, she finally was here. "Brittany…" she muttered before she fell into a hole of black. _

"_ONE…TWO…THREE… CLEAR"_

Santana felt herself jerk awake. She immediately felt safe realizing she was in the comfort of her apartment. Her dream felt so real, as if she was reliving her dark and tumorous past yet again. It was a road she had often hoped she would never have to face again. Looking over at her clock, it read 4:30 am. Clicking off her television, she stalked back into her bedroom. Taking off her clothes and heading to her bathroom, she opened her medicine cabinet and searched for the bottles that her doctor had prescribed for her on nights like this. She hated taking her meds and avoided using them now unless she really needed too, she felt like a different person when she was on them. Not herself, even though she hasn't been herself in a long time. Finding the two bottles out of a row of many, Santana picked up her glass by the sink, filled it with water, opened the two bottles took one of each and washed them down with the water. Looking into the mirror, she often wondered what her life had become in the span of a few years. From being so happy to so dark in what seemed like a blink of an eye. Reaching for her makeup wipes, she delicately wiped the makeup from her eyes and took out her ear gauges. Changing them for her night time ones and pulling her hair up into a messy bun, she didn't feel like searching for her pajamas so she just settled on her sports bra and boy shorts. By the time she had put her clothes in the laundry hamper, she felt her medicine take affect at once. She instantly felt relaxed and overly tired. Climbing into her queen sized bed, she placed her phone on the charger next to her, sent a quick text to Puck.

**Might be late, had another dream & had to take meds. You know how that works :/**

She placed her phone on her night stand, curled under her thick black and red sheets and immediately fell into a deep slumber with the blissful thought that she knew she wouldn't have any more dreams thanks to her medication.

**Please review, alert, favorite or even constructive criticism. I can take it (: It may be kind of rocky but I hope you stick around for the rest. Thanks (:**


	2. Beauty In The Breakdown & 1st Encounter

A/N: This chapter is a long one. I was writing and next thing I knew it was like OMG. Lol. Thank you guys for all the alerts ! The response was overwhelming. So here's the next chapter. REVIEW (:

...

Chapter 2: Beauty In The Breakdown and The First Encounter

Santana awoke the next day, attempting to shield her eyes from the sun that was peeking through the blinds in her room. She groggily looked over to her phone checking the time. 1:45pm "Shit" sliding her finger across the screen she looked at the text she received from Puck:

**U ok? I'll call ur appointments for earlier and ask if they want to reschedule till later. Call me on ur way.**

Santana smiled at her best friend. If she had anyone in the world that was always there for her, it was him. Grabbing her pack of Newports and her lighter, she pulled out a cigarette and lit it. Taking a long drag, she sat in her covers and tried to figure out why she was still having that nightmare. Blowing out smoke, Santana tried to figure what was going on her head. She spent countless hours with her therapist trying to push those last few years from the fore front of her mind to the back, never wanting to remember or feel those feelings again. Of course, she figured once she thought she was ok again, something like this would happen. Taking another drag, she ashed her cigarette and climbed out of bed. Looking around at her apartment, she walked to her kitchen. Almost tripping over the shoes she kicked off last night, ashed her cigarette in the ash tray in her living room and gradually made herself some coffee and a bowl of cereal. Using the last bit of her milk, Santana swore. "Fuck I gotta go grocery shopping today."

She debated whether or not she wanted to go to work today. But quickly decided against it, she learned in therapy that the last thing she needed to do in times like this was to be by herself, that's what caused relapses, she needed to keep herself busy. Which meant taking her ass to work, so after putting her coffee mug and bowl in the sink, she sauntered to her bathroom to take a shower. Once she got out the shower, she wiped the mirror and looked at her face. Her dark curly hair dripping wet and dangling on her shoulders, she shook her hair out and started to blow dry it. After putting on her cut off jean shorts and a sleeveless tank top that hung loosely on her body, she debated on if she should straighten her hair. She was already late, and just decided to wear it natural. Walking to the mirror she looked at her reflection, she saw the drastic comparisons from her former high school self and now. How she just barely had a spark in her eyes, when just 5 years prior they were full of fire. Shaking her head she applied her makeup, lining her eyes and coating her lashes thick with mascara. Pleased with her appearance she looks back down to grab her new gauges, placing them in her ears without looking in the mirror. Once again she glances in the mirror, and for a minute she thought she was seeing things. Blinking her eyes again and again, she looked in the mirror. It had to be another sick joke her mind was playing on her. The reflection that looked back at her was not one she wanted to see again. It was her, but it was her from _that_ time in her life. Her face looked gaunt, her dark eyes looking like pools of darkness, her face stood emotionless, almost menacing. Her former self spoke to her.

"You thought you were getting better? HA! Please, you'll be back to your old self in no time. You thought you could forget? I'll always be that dark shadow looking over your shoulder every time you turn a corner. You'll never be better. You'll never get over it. You'll attempt to put up this façade like your normal again, but we both know you're not. You never will be. Your first attempt was pathetic. You could do better. You've thought of better. It will be only a matter of time. You'll succumb, you always do. You pathetic, worthless, little bitch."

Santana blinked her eyes again; she looked in the mirror and saw her normal self but with a tear streaked face. Fixing her makeup, she wondered if she would ever be able to shake this. Her dreams always reawakened these feelings. She couldn't let herself cave in. She had come so far. People were starting to trust her again. She was able to stand being in the dark by herself. Opening her medicine cabinet, she pulled out two more bottles of pills. Taking one of each, she stood over her bathroom sink, holding the sides for dear life, bracing herself to face the world for yet another day.

"You can do this Santana. You're strong enough. You've come so far. Everyone is looking up to you. You're better than this. All that hard work will not go unnoticed." She repeated the mantra over and over again. Each time the words sunk in deeper and deeper, until she felt a wave of calm over take her. She was ok again; she could look at the world with a brave face and take whatever it threw at her. Of course it was probably the effects of her medication. But she thanked god for them as a backup, when her will alone wasn't enough to fight the hands that tried to pull her back into the darkness she just recently stepped out of.

…..

Kicking her off her Vans and sitting barefoot and cross legged in her big chair in the back room, Santana was filing paper work and paying bills. She normally has Tina do it, but she let her go early. It was Friday and she knew she had plans with Mike. Brushing her hair back, she logged more hours and more receipts in the books. It was something to keep her busy. Everyone could tell that she just wasn't herself, but then again everyone knew what she was dealing with emotionally. She had her good days, she had her bad days and everything else was in between. It was a constant battle with herself internally. She was drained, she was tired of looking over her shoulder constantly worried that her past would clothesline her when she least expected it. So she kept herself busy, focusing on her tattoo parlor, and her relationship with Puck, Mike and Tina. They were always there for her. They told her constantly how proud they were of her and of how far she'd come. She can't wallow in her thoughts; they were too dark, too deep, too damaged. It would do her more bad then good. She called her therapist and made another appointment. She hasn't been back there in almost a year. She hoped she wasn't relapsing again; she was just talking about how far she had come. How she felt better, happy. She instantly thought of Puck, Tina and Mike's faces when she said she was slowly starting to feel like herself again. She couldn't let them down, but most of all she couldn't let herself down. She was granted a second chance, she wanted to make it work.

Puck watched Santana in the back room. He could tell she was kind of spaced out today. He figured she more than likely was still reeling from her dream the night before and was on her meds. He almost forgot she had to take them. She hasn't spoken or seemed like she had to take them in almost a year. His heart ached for his best friend, after that night almost 3 years ago. He vowed to God that if he got his best friend back, he would do everything in his power to make her whole again. To do his best to make sure she was happy and ok again. He felt that familiar prickle behind his eyes as he thought about that night, quite possibly the worst night of his entire life. He still had nightmares of walking into her bathroom, finding her unconscious on the bathroom floor, eyes rolled in the back of her head, her body completely limp in his arms as he screamed for help. He shook his head; he had to be strong for Santana. He had too, he was all she had. The only thing from her childhood that was still attached to her side, forcing himself out of his daze, he focused on Santana. He saw her fidgeting with her prevention bracelet she always wore. He cleared his throat loud enough for Santana to her, he couldn't let her relapse. If he lost her again…

"Tana-ram, whatcha doin?" He asked walking over to her in the chair, looking over her shoulder and wrapping his arms around her neck from behind her.

Santana jumped, immediately stopping her fidgeting with her bracelet. "Puckerman, you scared the shit outta me. It's Friday, the fuck are you still doing here?" Honestly she was glad Puck was there. She needed someone there with her. Her meds where wearing off, and despite how hard she was trying, she felt those dark hands grabbing her shoulders pulling herself further and further back.

"I was cleaning up my station and I realized you were still here, so I came back to keep you company." Puck said smiling brightly, sitting on the side of her desk. "How are you feeling?" He asked looking into her eyes with concern.

"I've had better days. But I'm fine. Don't worry about me." Santana forced a smile, trying to look as genuine as possible. But she knew Puck knew her better than that. Turning her head so she wasn't looking him in the eyes anymore.

Santana's eyes told everything about her. She could be stone cold mean, angry or even violent. He could tell everything about her by looking into her eyes, and when she avoided looking him in the eyes. He knew something was wrong. "You sure?" Puck asked again.

"I said I was fine." Santana snapped back, anger was her only resort right now. She didn't want to talk. She wanted to finish up this last bit of work so she could find the comfort of her own dark house.

Puck grabbed her by her shoulders. The last time he asked her this question and she didn't look him in the eyes, she gave him this same answer with the same venom laced voice, he found her in her bathroom twenty minutes later. This was NOT about to happen again. "Santana Marie, I know something is wrong. Don't shut me out…please." Puck looked her in the eyes again and wouldn't let her look away. "Santana look at me. Please. Not again, we've come so far. Don't back track now."

Santana blinked her eyes, she couldn't help the few tears that have gone rogue and escaped. She knew she was back pedaling. Her face in the mirror told her everything. It was only a matter of time before she felt her foundation crumbling beneath her. The one she worked so hard to keep together every day of her life. Next thing she knew, her face was buried in her hands, her body shook with sobs that took everything she had to keep herself in the chair.

Puck grabbed her and squeezed her tight. He knew that this wasn't easy for her. She just said yesterday how she felt like things were alright again, and now this. Pulling her face to his chest, she clung to him for dear life. "Shhh, San I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here." He repeated it over and over again. Santana's therapist told him to do just that whenever Santana was having an episode. "Calm down, talk to me." He brushed her hair from her face, waiting for her sobs to cease.

"I have no idea. One minute I was fine, everything was finally seeming ok. I had a d-dream" Santana fought through her tears, she had to get this out. "It was when I was being rushed to the hospital that night. I thought it happened again. I thought I heard her voice. Puck, I can't do this anymore. Why can't it just be over? I just want to be myself again." Santana sobbed. Although she felt a weight off her shoulders, she still felt empty, numb. She needed to feel again. A reminder she was still alive, she need to… _Stop Santana_. She scolded herself in her head, she started to pop her prevention bracelet. The sharp sting of pain in her wrist silenced her urges.

"It takes time San, you've been doing so well for so long. You haven't even noticed it's been almost 2 years since your last episode, almost a year and a half without your meds. It was a dream. You're doing great. Keep focusing on the future. I'm gonna stay with you tonight. Alright?" Puck grabbed her hand. He never left her alone after this.

"It wasn't just a dream Puck. I looked in the mirror this morning and saw the old me. I told myself that I was worthless and that it was only a matter of time before I relapsed and I had fooled myself into thinking I was alright again. I said my first attempt was pathetic… and that I would succeed next time. That I knew a sure fire way for success when it all caved in on me." Santana said, tears still flowing freely down her face and popping aggressively at her prevention bracelet. The urge had crept on her again, she looked down at her wrist. It burned and her sun kissed skin was bright red.

Puck stood there speechless. He tried to process what his best friend was telling him, but every time he tried, he just ended up opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water. "Did you call your therapist?" He was finally able to voice.

Santana nodded her head. "She's making a special trip to the office on Sunday for me." She hated the feeling that everyone had to stop what they were doing to take care of her. She wanted to be just herself again. The person that people weren't always weary about leaving her by herself. But then again, with her track record if the roles were reversed. She wouldn't leave herself by herself either. But she was glad Puck was always there. Just like when they were little.

"Good, then I'm going to do something to help you feel better." Puck said smiling, pulling Santana out her chair and putting the books away. "You're done with work for the night."

"Puck, you know as much as I'm flattered. I don't swing in that direction... at all." Santana emphasized the "at all" part and laughed finally, feeling the pressure she felt on her chest levitate to where she could take comfortable full breaths again.

"See, I knew you always wanted a taste of the Puckster. It was just a matter of time before you jumped from behind that rainbow flag you were waving to trade it in for the one with the pink and blue."

"That's probably the most disgusting thing you've ever said to me. And trust me, you've told me a lot of things that made my stomach turn." Santana rolled her eyes and slipped her feet back into her shoes and turning the lights off in the back office before walking with Puck to the front of the store.

"Please, I was just playing. Everyone knows that you've always had a fondness for tacos. And not just the ones your Aunt Marisol makes." Puck winked at her before locking all the cabinets and turning the lights out.

Santana shook her head at her best friend, setting the alarm and following him out the shop locking the doors behind her. "Can we PLEASE go for a day without you making remarks about my lesbianism?"

"But it's so fun." Puck playfully pouted at his best friend. "But all jokes aside. We're going out tonight. Your choice of clubs, the night is young and so am I. All I ask is that you don't pick another gay club. I love you but there's only so many times I can be hit on by dudes. I like tacos like you."

Santana couldn't say anything to her friend. She just shook her head. "Alright whatever. I could use a night out." Santana purposefully ignored the last part of his statement.

"YES. Straight girls here I come." Puck punched the air with his fist before he got in his car. Santana just hopped in her car and started the ignition, pulling off to her apartment.

…..

Santana smiled watching her best friend grind against this girl to the beat of the song playing loudly over the speakers. She could tell she was feeling better, but that was probably just the 8 mega shots of Jose Cuervo coursing through her veins, straight no chaser. She slowly rocked her hips to what she thought was the beat of the music, but at this time she was so drunk she was probably dancing to her own beat in her head. Spotting a hot girl over in the corner, Santana had to resist the urge walking up to her. Damn Puck for resisting all her gay club suggestions. Throwing back another shot, she shook her head. Just as she was going to leave the bar and dance, she felt someone brush past her and sit next to her at the bar.

"Hey, I saw you across the bar and I have to say that dress… is just… damn. I'm Matt." Santana had to resist the urge to laugh in his face. She had to say, he was very attractive. But the fact that he had something dangling in between his legs is something Santana was not attracted to at all, unless it was strapped to a harness between girl's legs. "Can I get another shot of whatever she was drinking for the girl?" Matt ordered her another shot. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name."

Santana scoffed. "I didn't throw it." The bartender set another shot in front of Santana. "Thanks for the drink, Matt." She walked away after throwing the shot back, she had to resist the urge to laugh as she walked away knowing Matt was staring at her as she sauntered away. Spotting Puck across the room she walked over to him, noticing how he slightly stumbled. She knew he was drunk. "Puck. PUCK!" Santana shouted over the music.

"Lopez! I was looking for you." Puck slurred. "This club is rocking. I got like 3 numbers." Santana smiled at her friend. "You're drunk Puckerman."

"And so are you. Your eyes are glazed."

"I had to leave the bar. Too much penis for my liking."

Puck rolled his eyes. "I'm sleepy. You wanna leave?"

"Yeah, my bed is calling me right now." Santana grabbed Puck's arm and wrapped it over her shoulder. They both leaned on each other for support as they stumbled out the club. Santana was drunk, she knew it and the tossing and turning her stomach was doing wasn't helping her either. She stopped walking for a second to gather herself before she went outside. Puck looked at her quizzically trying to figure out why she wasn't moving, she looked sick. "San, you ok?" Puck asked.

Taking a deep breath, Santana eased her turning stomach before grabbing Puck to take another step. _Maybe I did drink too much._ Santana thought before someone bumped into her, normally the bump would have just made her stumble a bit, but being as drunk as she was she fell right over, falling smack to the floor and losing one of her 4 inch stiletto in the process. Santana groaned for a minute, trying to keep her stomach intact before she lost her threw up all the liquor she consumed over the night on the floor. Swallowing the vomit she felt right in the back of the throat Santana looked behind her, prepared to punch whoever it was that knocked her down in the face, but as soon as she saw who it was, her breath hitched in her throat. She was the most beautiful thing she as ever seen and suddenly there was no one else in that club but the both of them.

"OH MY GOD!" The mysterious woman looked mortified. "I'm so unbelievably sorry. I was hugging my friend and got overly excited. Are you ok?" She held her hand out and helped her up from the floor. The woman's hand felt soft, she instantly felt her anger dissipate as she looked into the brunettes eyes. Her long brown hair was curled, her chocolate eyes locked on Santana's and she felt her knees go weak again. The woman grabbed her arm to keep her from falling again. Santana got herself standing on her own and just stared at her, she couldn't help herself as her eyes did a once over the woman's body, eyes knowingly filled with lust. The tight bright blue dress the woman was wearing was unbelievably short and stopped just a few inches from the space in between her legs and she couldn't keep herself from staring at the woman's ample breasts, her cleavage spilling out the top. "Are you sure you're ok? I can't believe it. I'm so mortified. I'm so sorry. I can't say it enough." Santana kept herself from staring too long, thankful that the club was dark so the woman couldn't see the blush creep across her cheeks or the desire in her eyes. She noticed the woman's eyes fixed on her body and stopped at the bottom of her dress, she fixed her dress realizing that her dress hitched itself higher on her legs than intended when she fell. The woman shifted her stance uncomfortably as she noticed Santana staring at her, thankful the club was dark so she couldn't see her blush or how she stared at her intently eyes filled with lust as well. "Once again, I'm really sorry." The woman explained, Santana could tell that she was sorry. But she noticed something different, the woman's eyes bore holes through her skin, licking her lips inadvertently while glancing at the tattoo Santana sported that started from her shoulder and down to her elbow. _Was she checking her out?_

Santana opened her mouth to speak "It's fi-" but as she felt the bile rising in her throat again. She was gonna be sick, she couldn't hold it back. Santana ran out the club in a blur her hair rushing out behind her. Puck sat there and watched the whole scene, running after Santana outside the club.

The woman sat back stunned. "What's her problem?" Her friend asked behind her. She just turned to her friend and shook her head. Continuing her walk to the VIP section, she almost tripped over something. She looked down; it was that woman's shoe. She picked it up; hopefully she would run into the beautiful woman again. That beautiful woman she accidently knocked down and whose face was forever burned into the forefront of her brain.

…

Puck walked outside looking for his friend, there was no sign of her anywhere. What he watched back in the club was hot. They were staring at each other with those crazy sex eyes, before Santana ran out like a little bitch. "Santana!" He called her name out again, hoping she would answer him. She couldn't have gotten far. "SANTANA!" He walked past the long line at the club and heard vomiting in the alley way. His curiosity got the best of him and he walked to the alley. He quickly blew out a breath of relief when he found Santana doubled over, one hand clutching her stomach and the other bracing herself against the brick wall of a building, coughing and sputtering as she heaved again, releasing the contents of her stomach. Puck walked over and held her hair back, trying not to touch her bangs in the front that already had a considerable amount of puke on them already.

"Damn you ran fast." Puck said rubbing her back when her vomiting ceased. Santana just wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and then leaned against the brick wall and slid down sitting on the ground trying to stop the world from spinning and seeing two of Puck.

"Will you stop moving?" Santana slurred. "I'm tryna focus and you're just making me even sicker." Santana felt the urge rise in her throat again and leaned over dry heaving.

When she stopped dry heaving, Puck picked her up and placed her on his back, piggy back. "How much did you drink Lopez?" Her head was slumped against his shoulder, he could smell the tequila and vomit on her breath and Puck had to turn his head before he got sick.

"Oh, I don't know." Santana slurred. "Maybe 5…6…10"

"10, Lopez?" Puck shook his head. "Oh you're gonna feel this tomorrow. Let me get you home before you puke on my back. And I am too good looking to be walking on the street with puke on my shoulder and a drunk girl on my back." He silently thanked God, for Santana choosing a club that was only 3 blocks from her house. They walked to the club earlier in the night and Santana was fairly light so he didn't mind, even in her drunken state she was no wear near being the dead weight most people are.

….

Puck chuckled as he heard light snoring from Santana, clearly she passed out on the walk back home. Puck kicked open her bedroom door and chucked Santana on her bed. He sobered up a long time ago and watched as Santana stirred in her sleep for a bit before snoring again. Walking over to her dresser drawer, he pulled out a large shirt from the drawer that was his for when he slept over and undressed Santana. Had this been any other woman, her lack of clothes under her dress would've been heaven, especially since Santana failed to wear a bra. But that was his best friend, and that was all it was. He just slipped the shirt over her head and pulled the covers over her body. Walking to the trashcan in the corner of his room, he picked it up and placed it by her head before stripping down to his boxers and climbing in on the other side. That way he would be there in the middle of the night if she got sick, or had another dream. Clicking the light off on the bedside table, he got comfortable under the covers, before realizing that Santana only had one shoe on when he brought her home. It was a lost cause, he had no idea where it was. He just shook his head and turned over; allowing Santana's light snoring to slowly lull him to sleep.


	3. A Trip Back To The Shrink

A/N: I'm sorry about this late update. I had the worse writers block in the world on this chapter. Every time I would get ready to write, a million ideas for later chapters would pop in my head. So this chapter is just really fluff and a filler, so next chapter I can start divulging more (:

Chapter 3: A Trip Back to the Shrink

Santana woke up, wishing she ended her life the night before. The throbbing in her head was agonizing with every breath she took; she curled herself under her covers to block out the light that was piercing her skull. The familiar tossing and turning in her stomach told her she had less than 20 seconds to get to a trashcan or the bathroom before she hurled up whatever was left in her stomach. Leaning over her bed, grateful someone had put a trashcan next to her head, Santana swore she threw up her ovaries as she released whatever it was left that was in her stomach. Groaning she turned over in her bed and cradled her head, her whole body ached. It felt like she was carrying a house on top of her. Focusing her spinning head she saw that she was in her bedroom and in a shirt that she didn't remember putting on. But then again she didn't remember pretty much anything from last night, all she remembered was walking down the street on Puck's back and tequila, lots and lots of tequila. But then that face fell to the forefront of her mind. That beautiful smile, those chocolate brown eyes, long brown hair and those legs, those long legs that went on for days despite how short she was, her voice and how apologetic she was for knocking her down. Santana instantly scolded herself. _She probably isn't even gay._ Santana thought to herself. She should have at least got the woman's name and number.

Rolling herself out of bed she slowly drug herself to the bathroom to take some aspirin. She was happy she didn't have to go into work today; she could barely take deep breaths without becoming nauseous again. Looking in her medicine cabinet for her Advil, she filled her cup with water and reached for the pills before they slipped out of her fingers and hit the floor with a loud clatter. The Latina grabbed her skull in agony and screamed at the sound of the pills hitting the floor. It rang through her ears, making her feel like her brain was rattling and oozing out of her ears. Immediately crawling to the toilet, she heaved. Wondering what else she had left in her body to throw up after last night and this morning. Reaching up and flushing the toilet, she stayed hunched over the toilet deciding then and there she wouldn't leave that position for the rest of the day. Groaning as the sound of the toilet pounded through her head like a mallet.

Puck awoke to the sound of Santana screaming in the bathroom and judging by her groaning and the toilet flushing, she was up and extremely hung over. Crawling out of bed, he walked over to her bathroom door and silently cracked the door open. "You alright Lopez?" He chuckled at the sight of his best friend huddled over the toilet holding onto it like her life depended on it.

"Yeah Puckerman. I'm just practicing bird calls." Santana replied sarcastically, not really in the mood for Puck's bullshit today. She was too hung over for this shit.

"Don't be a bitch. I'm just trying to help. Here.." Puck grabbed the pills off the floor and passed her two with a glass of water. "These should help and I'll go get you a Gatorade out the fridge."

Santana grabbed the pills and swallowed them, following them with the water and leaned back over the toilet. Silently praying that she could keep them down long enough for them to work to stop her head from throbbing before it cracked her skull. "Thank you."

Puck smiled at his best friend before closing the medicine cabinet a little too hard, causing Santana to groan in protest. "Ughhh gunshots." Santana grumbled.

Puck came back with a Gatorade and passed it to the Latina on the bathroom floor and watched her take a large swig of it before leaning back over the toilet. "Come on my little feisty Latin princess." Puck picked Santana up off the floor and took her back to her bed.

….

Santana and Puck sat in her living room watching movies once Santana's hang over decreased in severity. Flipping through the channels Santana finally settled on E! watching as Ryan Secrest talked about what was happening in the entertainment industry. She snuggled against Puck as they sat and watched before something grabbed her attention.

"And in other news, the hit musical Wicked is opening this week in the famous Orpheum Theatre. Starring new Broadway star on the rise Rachel Berry, you know it seems like Rachel Berry is everywhere on Broadway now a days, she is definitely someone to look out for in the future. She is going to be big. Back to you, Vanessa."

Santana quickly sat up from her spot snuggled against Puck. Quickly holding her head to keep it from spinning, she pinched Puck who seemed to be asleep. "Puck wake up!"

"OW! What the fuck Lopez? What?" Puck rubbed his arm where Santana had pinched him.

"Wicked is coming this week." Santana looked at Puck with hopeful eyes.

"And this means.."

"We're going. I love Wicked." Santana smiled. She was ecstatic, she loved musicals. Especially Wicked. She had to go see it.

"Fine, you can drag me to go see some stupid musical, as long as you stop abusing me. Shit isn't cool. What will the ladies think when we get naked and I have all these pinch marks and bruises all over me?"

"YES." Santana raised her fist in the air in victory. "I'm hungry. You want Thai? I didn't get a chance to go grocery shopping yet."

"Damn, you always tryna starve a brother. You ain't never got no food in the house when I come over!" Puck playfully frowned at his best friend, which got him a punch to the same arm Santana pinched him in. "OW!" Puck grabbed his arm, rubbing at it furiously. "Yeah, Thai is fine."

….

Grateful that her Saturday day- long hang over was over, Santana now looked up at the new task at hand. Parking her black Toyota Camry in the parking lot, she let out a sigh of nerves that made themselves present as she walked into her therapist's office. She hasn't been back here in a year, she looked around at the familiar office, swallowing the knot she felt forming in her stomach she walked up to the receptionist, smiling lightly. "Hi Lauren."

The plush woman looked up from behind her desk and smiled almost brightly. "Santana!" She greeted cheerfully. "Long time no see. I was surprised to see your name in the appointment book. Here for your 2 o'clock?" She looked up at the Latina while, buzzing to the back to the therapist know she meeting has arrived.

"Yeah." Santana attempted to be cheerful, but the inevitable was soon to turn its ugly head. Grabbing her arm, she rubbed it nervously as she waited for the woman to announce she was there so she could walk in and get it over with.

"Yes, Lauren?" The familiar sound of the woman's voice beamed cheerfully over the intercom on Lauren's desk.

"Mrs. Fabray, Santana is here for your 2pm."

"Oh, please send her in. I'm just getting ready for her."

Lauren smiled cheerfully again at Santana and ushered her to the back. "Mrs. Fabray is ready for you now."

"Thanks Lauren." Santana attempted another weak smile before walking into the doors and was immediately hit with the familiar smell of Lavender and Vanilla, which instantly reminded her of the fact she was back in her therapist's office again. Walking over and taking her usual spot on the couch placed by the window in her office, she took another huge breath to relieve herself of the nerves that were sitting on her chest.

"Santana! Long time no see. I must admit I was a bit startled when you called me on Friday. I had a feeling you no longer needed my assistance." She walked over to Santana and enveloped her in a hug that instantly made Santana feel welcome and comfortable.

"Yeah, I thought the same damn thing Quinn." Santana kicked up her feet on the table and pulled out a cigarette, immediately opening the window before she lit it and took a drag.

"Still smoking, I see." Quinn dully noted.

"Yeah." Santana grunted before exhaling a cloud of smoke out the window.

"So you wanna tell me about this dream and your vision from earlier this week?" Quinn looked over at Santana, pulling out her notepad from in Santana's file.

Santana looked at the file Quinn pulled out and chuckled. She wished Quinn would let her read her, noticeably thick file. She already had an idea of what it would say. "Well like I said on the phone. I had the dream from…._that_ night. And it seemed so real. Like I was reliving it, all over again." Santana shook her head and took a swig from the Vitamin Water Quinn set in front of her when her session started.

"Now your dream, were you watching from above or as a person on standby or where you in the first person?" Quinn looked over her notepad at the Latina sitting on her couch, casually smoking a cigarette and looking out the open window.

"I was in my body. I was literally going through it again. Same fear of not knowing what was going on, not knowing where I was. Why Puck was crying or why I felt like someone had hit me with a car."

"Hmm" Quinn bit her lower lip as she focused on continuing her notes. "And did anything happen recently that could have triggered these feelings or that thought again?"

"No. Just earlier that day I was telling Puck, Tina and Mike how I was starting to feel like myself again. How was I starting to be happy again." Santana took another drag of her cigarette and exhaled the smoke. Once again locking her gaze on the bird sitting on the branch outside the window, chirping happily in the sun before flying away, Santana wished she had the ability to just fly away from all this emotional turmoil she has been dealing with for these last 5 years. It's beginning to take its toll on her.

"It seems like your subconscious somehow released the memory again. It seems weird. Right when you're making decent steps towards working to no longer think about the past. It just happens to pop back up. Santana, I'm gonna ask you a question. But you are not to lash out, do you hear me?" Quinn looked up at Santana after glancing through the notes from her previous sessions.

"Um alright shoot." Santana looked at her therapist confused.

"Have you noticed the date?" Quinn asked putting her notepad down and focused her soul attention on Santana.

"No, why?" Santana exhaled her last drag of her cigarette and stubbed it out in the ash tray Quinn gave her and pulled out her phone and checked the date. February 19th. "What's so significant about February 19th?"

"Well, it's nice to know that you no longer dwell consciously on the fact that this the anniversary of your ill-fated break up with Brittany. Do you think subconsciously you remembered this and that's why all this is attacking you now after a year?"

Santana swallowed the large knot that sat at the base of her throat when she heard the name. No one dared to say _her _name around her. It was like an unspoken taboo. She never spoke of her and no one else did either. Santana felt her entire body go tense as she looked at her knuckles which had went white from her grip on her knees. Pulling out another cigarette, Santana sat in silence and lit it, taking a large drag. Trying to avoid the pink elephant in the room, she viciously rubbed at the tears that were threatening to fall just from the mention of her name. Quinn noticed the aura change in Santana and passed her a box of tissues, which Santana took gratefully and dabbed underneath her eyes.

"I'm sorry for bringing her name up Santana. I can tell that it is still a soft spot for you." Quinn picked up her notepad and started taking notes on the Latina's behavior, almost knowingly the way Santana alternated between shifting around in her seat, taking a drag of her cigarette and popping absentmindedly at her prevention bracelet.

"No it's fine Quinn. I have to learn to face it sometime. It's always going to be a soft spot for me. My relationship with Brittany..." Santana gulped at saying her name out loud for the first time in possibly 3 years. "..Was the highest point in my emotional rollercoaster before the drop to the very bottom that I'm still fighting to get out of."

Quinn sat back impressed at the woman's growth in front of her. If this was back about 3 years ago, the mere mentioning of Brittany's name would have had Santana storming out of the office in a fit of tears and cursing Quinn out in a mix of Spanish and English. She took note of the change in her notes. "I'm proud of you Santana. You have come a very long way."

Santana slowly felt some of the tension ease off her chest, as she came to terms with the fact that even though what happened hurt her deeply and probably beyond fixing completely, she could say Brittany's name without breaking down into body racking sobs.

"You also said that you had to take your medication for the first time in a year. You've been able to function healthy without it, prior to this dream and your vision?" Quinn looked at Santana over her notes.

"Yeah, I've really been trying to focus on my shop and my relationship with Puck, Mike and Tina." Santana took another drag of her cigarette.

"That's good, Santana. How are Puck, Mike and Tina?" Quinn asked placing her notepad down.

"They are doing fine. I really couldn't do this without them. They have been there by my side through all of this, especially Puck. They are so proud of my progress. I'm able to open up more with them. And they're happy that I'm not closing them out anymore."

"That is fantastic progress Santana." Quinn picked up her notepad again and scribbled quick notes. "Alright now, let's get into this vision of yourself in the bathroom mirror that next morning after your dream."

….

Santana walked back to her apartment on top of the world, it felt like. She knew her session with Quinn would help her out tremendously. Unlocking her door, she found Puck knocked out on her living room couch. Rolling her eyes she picked up a pillow and smacked him over the head with it. "Don't you have an apartment of your own to sleep in?"

Puck awoke with a start cursing loudly as Santana hit him over the head with a pillow. "What the shit Lopez?"

Santana chuckled at her friend and grabbed a beer out the fridge and grabbing another one to pass to Puck before looking in her closet for her other shoe from Friday night. "Hey Puck. Have you seen my other shoe from Friday? I've been looking for it since yesterday and I can't find it anywhere."

"You didn't have it when I brought you home." Puck opened the can and took a large swig. "Where are you anyways?" Puck called out looking around the apartment for his best friend.

"FUCK." Santana growled throwing her shoes around in her closet, those where her favorite pair. "I'm in the closet Puck."

Puck chuckled. She walked herself into this one. "But I thought you came out in high school?" Puck could barely get out his remark before doubling over in laughter.

Santana walked out her closet and looked at Puck before throwing one of her Nike Dunks at his head. "I hate you so much. You have no idea."

Puck ducked out the way of the shoe flying at his head and just smiled at his best friend, while wiping the tears from his laughter off his face. "It's good to see you in a good mood again San."


	4. Defying Gravity

A/N: And finally the ball is rolling. Please review and thanks so much for the feed back (: WARNING: This chapter contains spoilers to the musical WICKED.

Chapter 4:Defying Gravity

Santana crossed her legs impatiently waiting for the curtain to rise. She was having a much better week now; she didn't even need her meds anymore. She smiled anxiously as Puck returned to his seat next to her with popcorn.

"You owe me Lopez." Puck sat down in an exasperated sigh. "First you force me to come to this stupid play, and then the fucking popcorn is like thirty bucks." Puck grumbled. "You better eat every damn kernel and like it."

Santana almost jumped out of her seat in excitement when the bell dinged, telling everyone in the audience to get to their seats because the show was beginning to start.

….

Puck groaned as the first act was coming to a close. She nudged her friend and shushed him telling him that the first act was almost over, it had just one more song to go before the intermission and he could go smoke a cigarette and get a beer to get him through the rest of the second act. Santana turned her gaze back to the stage as she heard Puck release a sound of relief and rolled her eyes. She on the other hand was ecstatic; she clapped and silently sang along to the songs thoroughly enjoying herself. But for some reason, the woman who played Elphaba looked vaguely familiar. Santana tried her hardest to remember who the woman was, but even in her 4th row seat, she couldn't remember the woman for the life of her behind the green make up.

Giving up she grabbed another handful of the popcorn Puck was forcing her to eat and popped a few kernels in her mouth as the beginning notes of her favorite song started to play. She quietly squealed in delight as she sat up in her chair, as she heard Puck groan before opening his Playbill and release a satisfied "YES" when he saw it was the last song before intermission. She elbowed him in the ribs before returning her gaze to the stage as the women who she's been trying to figure out was for the longest started singing. Her voice sounded angelic as she started out…

_Something has changed within me_

_Something is not the same_

_I'm through with playing by the rules of _

_Someone else's game_

_Too late for second guessing_

_Too late to go back to sleep_

_It's time to trust my instincts _

_Close my eyes and leap_

Santana watched in awe as never before as the woman graced across the stage, while she sat and mouthed the words with her. Rachel Berry was definitely everything the critics were saying about her, "Astounding", "Angelic voice", and "Born to play the role of Elphaba". And then for a moment, Rachel's chocolate brown eyes locked with hers, and it was instantly no one else was in the auditorium but them as Rachel continued the song.

_It's time to try defying gravity_

_I think I'll try defying gravity_

_And you can't pull me down_

Santana instantly felt warmth grow in the pit of her stomach and realization smacking her dead in the face. _She can't fucking be._ Santana blinked her eyes at the Rachel, trying to get a better look while Rachel and the woman playing Glinda recited their dialogue. She instantly snatched the Playbill out of Puck's hands immediately looking for Rachel's biography, more importantly her picture without the green makeup. When she found the page, she almost dropped her bowl of popcorn and choking on the kernels she was chewing at the time. It _was _Rachel. The woman who knocked her down in the club that night, the woman who gazed into her eyes apologetically but also full of lust and want. The woman whose face Santana couldn't seem to bear out of her memory, even though she can't remember anything else about that night, Rachel's face was the one thing she remembered clear as day. Santana knew it was fate that laid a hand that night, and she sat shocked. Staring at Rachel's biography picture, still trying to wrap her mind around the fact that she was almost ran over by Rachel Berry just the weekend prior. Santana sat wrapped in a daze before Puck nudged her, calling her name.

"Move Lopez. I need a cigarette and a beer, if I wanna live through the second act. Why is this shit so fucking long?" Puck pulled out a Marlboro and offered the pack to Santana. "Marb?"

Santana instantly grabbed Puck by the arm and dragged him outside to the smoking area, Playbill clutched tightly in her hand. Once she got him outside, he looked at her like she'd grown a third tit. "Lopez what is your issue? First you drag me to this thing, and then by the end of the first act you're staring at the Playbill all wide eyed and not even paying attention to your favorite song being performed.

"Puck, it's her. It's fucking her. The girl from the club that damn near ran me into the ground." Santana was pacing back and forth, her heels clicking against the pavement as she ran her hands through her hair. "I can't believe it's her. I swear the world is so fucking small. LA is huge and she just happens to be here. In the same place I am? This is fucking insane." Santana was rambling so fast, Puck could barely understand her. Placing his hands on her shoulders to stop her from pacing, he pulled out his cigarettes along with his lighter and lit the cigarette from behind his ear.

"Calm down Lopez. Have a cigarette." Puck tossed her his pack before she tossed it back.

"I have my own." Santana pulled her pack of Newports out her clutch and took one out and lit it, instantly feeling her nerves ease, but her mind still on edge.

"There now that's better. Relax, breathe. Now who's here?" Puck asked ashing his cigarette on the ground before looking back at Santana, taking another drag.

"The girl from the fucking club, that knocked me down Friday night. She's fucking here. I can't believe it. Fuck she was so hot." Santana sighed taking another drag of her cigarette.

"Shut the fuck up. The girl you almost had an accident over? She's in the audience? Where did you see her?" Puck looked amazed, looking among the people outside.

"Not in the audience, Troll." Santana pulled out the Playbill and showed him Rachel's biography page, pointing her finger to her picture. "On stage, she plays Elphaba."

Puck snatched the Playbill from her and looked closely at the picture in disbelief. "Holy fuck. It is her." He shook his head. "Who would've fucking thought, you would get ran over by Rachel Berry, make lusty sex eyes at each other. Then run out when she apologizes before you almost threw up on her?"

Santana groaned, instantly wanting to smack her head against the side of the theatre." I almost threw up on her? Oh my god. I'll never get a chance now. Matter of fact, I don't even know that she's gay."

Puck chuckled stubbing out the rest of his cigarette. "Being around you for all my damn life, I know the signs of a lesbian. I have fantastic gaydar. I can spot a lesbian from a mile away, and a closeted one for as far as 100 feet. She is definitely a carpet muncher."

Santana kicked him in the shin after stubbing out the rest of her cigarette. "I told you I hate that term."

"But that's what you are." Puck claimed defenselessly rubbing his shin.

"I'd prefer 'taco lover' any day over 'carpet muncher'." Santana stated punching him rather hard in the arm.

"Ow, you bitch." Puck grunted rubbing his arm when they heard the bell ding signifying that start of act two. "I'm getting a beer." He grumbled before walking off.

"Serves you right douchebag. Bet you won't say it again." Santana smirked before walking back into the Theatre after Puck.

…..

Santana barely could contain herself as she watched but didn't really pay attention to the second act. Making her mind up as soon as Rachel came back on stage again, she was going to meet her. And introduce herself formally.

She sat tapping her foot almost impatiently as the show was drawing to a close. Every time Rachel took the stage she couldn't help but sit back and smile so hard it almost cracked her face in half. During the bows Santana sat and watched the beautiful woman that had occupied her thoughts ever since that Friday, her smile so bright as the audience gave her a standing ovation as she bowed. She felt Puck nudge her and instantly stopped smiling when Puck started winking and wiggling his eye brows suggestively and fleeting his eyes between Santana and the woman on stage. She fought her urge to punch him in the arm, when she noticed the brunette had walked off the stage. Taking that as her cue, she knocked Puck and pulled him closely, whispering in his ear. "I'm going to try to get backstage to meet her. I have too."

Puck looked at his friend skeptically. "And exactly how do you expect to get past the security guards that are surely guarding her door to protect her from sex crazed lesbians like yourself?"

Santana sat back and thought about it quickly, glancing down at her dress she had on, she hiked up the hem so it stopped just inches below the curve of her ass and pushed up her cleveage so it was more noticeable. "By flaunting the set of rambunctious twins that live on my ribcage and showing off these fantastic legs that years of dancing and cheerleading have given me of course." Santana smiled, she has never been more determined in her life. She needed to meet Rachel. The electricity that shot through her body and down to settle between her legs when the woman had helped her up in the club could not be ignored.

"You know. That just might work, until the guy finds out your about as straight as a zig zag."

Santana chuckled, instantly putting on her mischievous smirk that meant she was up to something on, "Well he's not gonna know that by looking at me. And plus, unless he's gay, no straight man in the world would pass up looking at this. I'm fucking hot and if I have to play straight for thirty seconds to meet that woman. So be it."

Puck gave up, Santana was determined and he if nobody else knew that the minute she set herself to something, there was nothing or no one that could deter her from her goal. "Well then good luck. I'll be waiting in the car. Please don't take too long, and if you have to, do that thing with your tongue you were telling me about so she'll cum faster. I'm not gonna be waiting thirty years for you to bust one." Puck claimed nonchalantly as he pulled out another cigarette.

Santana quickly hid the blush she felt creep up her cheeks as she thought of Rachel with her legs wrapped around her neck, screaming her name. "Shut the fuck up Puckerman and go sit in the car."

Santana walked out of the building and slipped through the side doors when she was sure no one noticed her and saw a sign that said backstage. _Well I mean damn they could have attempted to hide it better._ She thought to herself as she walked past all the people who were in too much of a rush putting costumes and props away to notice the Latina walking through looking for any signs of the woman who's been haunting her wet dreams for the last week. Glancing around a corridor that contained rooms and box props that looked like where dressing rooms where, Santana almost had an accident when she heard the voice of the woman she was searching for around the corner. Peeking to see where she was, she only caught the sight of a white robe swishing into a dressing room before closing the door behind her and a big, brawly looking guy dressed in all black stood in front of the door when it closed. _Fuck, I knew it was too easy._ Santana shook her head and shook the rest of her body, trying to get out the last minute jitters and ignoring the small voice in the back of her head screaming "run as fast as you can." Hiking up her dress and pushing her boobs higher, she flipped her long curled hair over her shoulder, put on her best flirting face before confidently striding over to the man and stopping right in front of him, her heart doing backflips in her chest as she saw the gold star that was on the door that said in bright glittery letters 'Rachel Berry'. Looking back up at the security guard, she saw that he was staring her down, his eyes near bulging out of his head as he looked from her long legs that descended from under her dress, up her body and stopping at her breasts, cleavage almost spilling over the top of the green skin tight dress. Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, she batted her long eyelashes and smirking at him, looking from under her lashes, the guard was almost drooling. She had him right where she wanted him.

"Can I help you with something?" The guard croaked turning red and wiping the sweat that appeared on his forehead out of nowhere.

"Hi, Officer.." Santana asked questioningly as she smiled and flipped her hair over one shoulder.

"Oh, I'm not an Officer. I'm just Rob." The security guard said, chuckling nervously as he stared at the woman in front of him.

"Oh ok, Rob." Santana smiled before leaning over in his ear, making sure her breasts were pushed up against the man's chest. She whispered "I was wondering if you could let me into Ms. Berry's dressing room. I'm an old friend from high school and I wanted to surprise her."

The guard looked around nervously, checking to see if anyone was around. He wasn't supposed to let her in. But she looked too damn good in that dress, but at the same time he didn't want to lose his job. "I'm not sure if I can do that."

"Please? I really just wanted to show my face. It's been years since we've last seen each other." Santana whined, placing her hand on the guards shoulder and leaning into his ear once again. "I won't tell anyone who let me in." Santana stated, and just for added effect lightly let her lips 'accidently' graze across the guys cheek, her breath cool on his neck. She leaned back and batted her eyelashes again for certain measure, almost laughing when the guard looked like he had an accident himself, before looking around and nodding for the Latina to step inside. _Bingo._

"Thank you so much Rob." Santana winked at the man seductively, before she mustered the courage to open the door silently and step inside.

Once she was inside she smiled looking at all the humidifiers and different bags of organic tea, and the large vanity mirror that had large gold stars framing it. Glancing over the stage makeup she saw a framed picture of Barbara Streisand and a bunch of makeup wipes that were covered in green splotches. She looked around the room again, but to her avail found no Rachel. She sighed once she heard a loud, infectious laugh on the opposite side of the room behind a black room divider. She had to grab a wall to keep her knees from going weak at the beautiful voice she recognized from the club. She closed the door and clicked it voice inside her head telling her she was all types of crazy for this. But Santana couldn't pass up letting the beautiful woman slip through her fingers once again. Her breath hitched in her throat when she heard Rachel stop laughing when the door closed. _Fuck Lopez hide!_ Her brain told her to move but her legs locked in place paralyzed in fear. She had gone too far. There was no turning back now. She heard Rachel speak again.

"Mercedes, let me call you back. I think this might be Rory with my throat coat. I love you too. I'll see you in a few bye." Rachel walked out from behind the room divider in some sweats and her hair pulled up in a sloppy bun. "Rory did you get the ve-" Rachel's eyes went wide as she looked to her door and saw that it wasn't her assistant at all. It was the beautiful woman from the club, that she had knocked down the week prior and couldn't stop thinking about since. She attempted to speak, but every time she tried she ended up closing her mouth again. After what felt like hours she was finally able to croak out. "I-I-It's you."


	5. Tea Anyone ?

A/N: And now we get to the start of Pezberry. And a nice little smidge of Samcedes. GOD, I love writing my OTP's :D Thank you so much for the feedback and alerts. Enjoy and review (:

Chapter 5: Tea Anyone?

Rachel stood in shock. Shock from the fact that the woman she has been thinking about nonstop since that fateful Friday night is standing right in front of her. The thought crossed her mind on stage tonight, when she locked eyes with someone in the audience and those eyes locked her brain, she almost forgot her lines. But she had to stop herself; she knew it couldn't be her. But her she was, standing in front of her, her eyes wide with fear. Rachel swallowed the lump in her throat as her eyes shameless wondered down over her body, she was flawless. The dress the woman had on hugged her body in every right place, the dress sitting high on her legs that went on forever, her breasts large and ample spilling over the top of her dress, the tattoo running from her top right shoulder down to her elbow. Rachel shook her head, trying to rid herself of the lust that she knew was clearly apparent in eyes, her mind snapping flashes of the women her dress hiked up around her waist and her long slender legs wrapped around Rachel's waist quivering as Rachel's fingers brought her closer and closer to oblivion, flashing like pictures in her head. She licked her lips as she fought the evident fact that her underwear are completely destroyed now.

Santana couldn't move. Her legs locked in place as Rachel stared at her like a deer caught in head lights. Her knees slowly turning to jelly as the she watched Rachel stare her up and down, licking her lips. She knew her underwear were goners the minute she saw Rachel lick her lips. Finally mustering up the courage to speak after what felt like hours, this in turn only turned out to be several uncomfortable minutes.

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have come. I didn't mean to bother you. I'm so stupid. You must think I'm a creep." Santana rambled as she willed her legs to move, she felt uncomfortable under the gaze of the diva in front of her.

Rachel shook herself out of her stupor. She was not about to let this woman run away. She's been looking for her since the club that night. "Wait no. I'm sorry. I was just shocked. It's perfectly ok. No one really comes back here unless it's my assistant or friends. I thought you were my assistant." Rachel rambled, relieved to see the look on the woman's face. "Please sit down. You want tea or something?"

Santana sat down, thankful for the fact she doesn't have to fight with her legs to keep her standing up right. "Thank you and tea would be nice." Santana said softly, before crossing her legs and fidgeting with her prevention bracelet on her wrist.

Rachel turned away just in time to see the beautiful woman on the couch cross her legs nervously. Rachel took a deep breath before turning back around with the tea for the beautiful being sitting in her dressing room, offering the tea with a smile. Her breath hitched in her throat when she felt the Latina's hand brush against hers, offering the tea with a smile. They both jumped at the contact, and chuckled nervously. Rachel rubbed the back of her neck nervously before she sat in the chair next to the Latina, before she found the courage to speak again.

"Did you like the show?" Rachel couldn't think of anything to say. She was rendered completely speechless by the sheer beauty of the woman in front of her which is saying a lot because Rachel Berry was never at a loss for words.

"It was amazing. Wicked is my favorite musical. You were flawless." Santana said quietly before cautiously sipping her tea.

"Thank you." Rachel said before looking around the room. Before she finally blurted out. "What are you doing here?"

Santana's eyes darted over to the small woman sitting in the chair next to her. Her eyes wide with confusion and slight shame at having intruded on the woman. "Wait no. I didn't mean it to come out like that. It came out wrong." Rachel stated at once before she saw the look in the girls eyes.

"I was just wondering like how you found me. I don't know.. I just.. Oh never mind. I'm putting my foot in my mouth." Rachel chuckled nervously, embarrassed that she is such a mess in front of this woman.

"Well, I just came to see Wicked. And imagine my surprise to see the woman that ran me over in the club was on stage, singing her heart out. Your voice is beautiful by the way." Santana said looking at the coffee table before sipping her tea again.

"Thank you." Rachel smiled at the compliment, happy the woman's eyes weren't looking at her so she couldn't see the blush rushing to her face. "And I really am sorry about running you over. My best friend and her boyfriend, who is also my friend, are here in town and I was really happy to see them." Rachel started rambling, not knowing why she was telling this woman all her life story.

Santana laughed at the nervousness of the woman in front of her. At least she wasn't the only one feeling the tension in the room. "No, it's fine. I was trying to tell you that night. But…" Santana trailed off, hoping she wouldn't have to tell the woman she's been lusting over for a week now, that the reason she ran away was to keep herself from throwing up on her.

"Oh, well I did want to apologize."

"And, I wanted to accept." The women stared at each other for a while. Before Rachel spoke up again.

"Oh, and you left your shoe. I have it. It was a nice pair and I didn't want to turn it into lost and found so someone could take it." Rachel gulped, knowing the real reason was because she was planning on finding the woman again to turn the shoe back to her herself.

Santana smiled. "Well I'm happy you found it. Those were my favorite pair." Santana started fidgeting with her bracelet again at the silence.

"Well I could return it back to you…. if you want. We can meet up somewhere and I can give it back to you. Maybe we can meet for coffee or something?" Rachel asked hopefully. The last part of her statement poured out before she could stop it. She bit her lip in anticipation of the Latina's reaction.

Santana looked almost startled at the diva when she asked her if she wanted to go out for coffee, but her heart lurched in her chest at the opportunity to see Rachel again. Just as she was about to answer, her phone vibrated in her clutch. Taking it out and checking her phone, she rolled her eyes when she saw Puck's name flash across the screen:

**Did u cum yet ? wtf come on ! I have a blunt I wna spark, but the po po is out here. Bring yo ass !**

Santana slid her phone back into her clutch before standing up, fixing her dress. "Coffee sounds fantastic. How is tomorrow for you?" Santana internally applauded herself for her ability to seem cool and calm around Rachel and the fact that she wants to see her again.

"Ok, tomorrow is great. I have sound check at 3 for tomorrow's night show. So is like 11:30 ok? I know this great organic coffee place in downtown LA." Rachel smiled and internally celebrated the fact that her word vomit turned beneficial.

"Yeah, that sounds great." Santana reached for the door knob before she felt Rachel grab hold of her wrist, and instantly felt her knees go weak at her touch. She turned around to find the shorter woman standing behind her.

"I never caught your name." Rachel smiled at the beautiful woman in front of her and her heart melted at the smile of the woman, it was bright and beautiful. Just like her.

Santana smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear, noticing how Rachel's hand was still on her wrist. "Santana. Santana Lopez."

Rachel smiled. "Santana." Trying the name out on her lips, loving how it sounded before extending her hand out to the Latina. "Well, I will formally introduce myself. Rachel Berry."

Santana chuckled before shaking her hand, still feeling the electricity shooting between their connected hands. "Pleasure to formally meet you Rachel."

"Please the pleasure is all mine." _Trust me..it is all mine._ Rachel once again shook her head from her thoughts. She doesn't even know if the woman is gay. She doesn't want to push up on her, and scare her away. "Well here, pass me your phone and I'll give you my number and I'll call myself, so I'll have your number too. That way we can call each other so we can meet up tomorrow."

Santana almost ripped her purse open for her phone, unlocking her phone and passing it to Rachel. Rachel quickly programmed her number in the phone and called herself, when she saw her phone light up on her vanity mirror. She hung up and walked over to her phone and saved Santana's number before passing the Latina her phone back. "There now we can keep in contact."

"I'll be sure to use it. I'll see you tomorrow Rachel, my best friend in sitting in the car whining for me to come back." She offered a smile before she flicked her hair over her shoulder and left out, closing the door behind her.

"Make sure you use it." Rachel called out after the door closed. She quickly threw on her flips flops and grabbed her suitcase with all her toiletries before grabbing her phone, and quickly dialing a number. "Mercedes, I'm on my way over now. Guess who just popped into my dressing room?" Rachel flipped off the lights in her dressing room, before nearly slamming her door shut behind her.

…..

Santana and Puck sat in Puck's truck in their normal spot, deep in the woods somewhere in LA, the lights out and the car radio playing in the background as Puck took another hit of the joint he rolled and passed it to Santana.

"I can't believe you got her number, and you're getting coffee tomorrow. Damn you and your persistence." Puck blew out the smoke and dazed out the window of his car. He loved these moments with his best friend, no inhibitions and no drama, just good music, good weed and the open starry sky.

"I'm not gonna lie, I almost shit myself when I saw her. I still can't believe we're going out tomorrow." Santana exhaled the smoke before she hit the joint again and passed it to Puck. "Even if it is as meaningless as giving back my favorite pump, hopefully we can be friends." Santana smiled at the situation. She was going out with Rachel Berry tomorrow, THE Rachel Berry. She couldn't believe it, it was so weird. She chuckled at the thought, she knew she was high. "What kind of weed is this anyways?"

"Ah, Jake said it was called Cali Grown. This shit is amazing." Puck blew out smoke and passed the joint to Santana again. "So, what exactly are you planning on doing with Ms. Berry? She looks like a classy lady, San. Let's try to keep your legs from falling open on the first date like you did with Nina."

Santana playfully punched her best friend in the shoulder, laughing at the joke of one of her many fuck buddies from the past. "Shut up Puckerman. I'm not easy."

"Says the countless notches on your bedpost."

"And you should talk."

"But I'm a dude. I can do that."

"Again with the double standards."

"I'm just saying." Puck smiled, his best friend meant the world to him. "I'm just saying. Let the freak come out after a few established dates. Even though she does look like she's wild in the sheets."

Santana nodded in agreement with her best friend, before stubbing out the joint on the ash tray in Puck's car. "It's done."

"Alright, well let's get you home so you can get beauty rest for your coffee date with Rachel." Puck started the ignition of his truck and pulled off the dirt road they were on and made their way back to the city. Santana heard her phone bing and pulled it out, her face almost cracking from her smile when she saw Rachel's name flash on her screen, sliding her finger across to unlock it, she read the text…

**Meet me at Valley Scene Organic Café tomorrow 11:30. Can't wait to see you (:**

Puck glanced over from looking at Santana's phone and chuckled at the Cheshire cat grin on his friends face. "Dude.. she wants in those boy shorts my man."

…..

Rachel sat in her best friend Mercedes' living room, telling her the story about Santana and how she basically destroyed her underwear watching her cross and across her legs nervously as her best friend sat in shock, before breaking out in a fit of hysterical laughter.

"Rachel Berry. You have out done yourself this time." Mercedes sat back, sipping her coffee and pulling her legs behind herself as she sat on the couch.

"I honestly have no idea what came over me. I normally have much better control over my hormones. I have no idea what it is about this woman. I feel like some sex crazed high school adolescent. You don't think I'm taking this too far Mercy?" Rachel sat Indian style on the large chair in the living room, gingerly sipping her coffee. It was all new to her, never has she reacted like this with someone she likes.

"I think you should see where this goes." Mercedes smiled at her best friend, knowing she was internally conflicted. She knew Rachel, always over thinking and over analyzing every single crevice.

"I don't even know if she's gay." Rachel sighed in defeat. If Santana wasn't gay, she knew there would be nothing in the romantic aspect of her life for a long time.

"Please girl. You did see her in the club that night. Tattoos, gauged ears, she screamed Shane from the L Word." Mercedes once again rolled her eyes at Rachel. Her gaydar was great from years of knowing Rachel and Kurt since high school, she can tell.

Rachel scoffed. "Clearly she's just as girly as the both of us." Rachel stated. "Just cause she has tattoos and gauged ears means nothing."

"I just think you have a thing for studs." Mercedes chuckled at her friends reaction to her last statement. "Must we not forget Portia, Lydia, Bella AND Angelina?"

"There's no need to bring up my past relationships Mercy. I have no particular "thing" that you speak of." Rachel made quotes with her fingers as she said things. "I only date what I find attractive. And although clearly both Portia and Angelina were both mistakes we will _not_ bring up again…. I must say Bella was a great lover."

"And that's why you stayed.." Mercedes had her thoughts interrupted when she heard her front door open to her apartment, revealing her boyfriend of almost 5 years Sam Evans. "Hi baby." Mercedes kissed her boyfriend as he walked over from the door.

"Hello beautiful. Hey Rachel." Sam put his guitar down on the stand in the living room before exhaustingly plopping down on the couch next to Mercedes, placing his head in her lap and allowing her to run her fingers through his blonde locks.

"Hello Sam." Rachel greeted before sipping her coffee again and shooting a look to Mercedes so they could finish their conversation.

Mercedes took the hint before leaning down and kissing Sam on the top of the head. "Baby, go get some sleep. I'll be back there in a few, let me just finish talking to Rachel then I'm all yours." She smiled brightly at her boyfriend before he grudgingly got up and walked back to the bedroom. "I love you." Mercedes called out to the back.

"I love you too." Sam called back before shutting the bedroom door.

"Alright, so what do you think I should do, Mercy? I've never been this terrified to make the first move, or contact someone I liked before." Rachel picked up her coffee mug, draining whatever was left in it.

"Just text her and tell her the plans for tomorrow. No one said you have to say I love you. You JUST learned her name less than 6 hours ago."

"I guess you're right." Rachel pulled out her phone and opened it to the text she's been trying to muster up the courage to send since she got the Latina's number. Re reading it over again and revising it a few times to make sure she wasn't sounding desperate or creepy. She took a huge breath and pressed send while she exhaled.


	6. The First Date

A/N: I am **SO** sorry for the wait with this update. I had the worse case of writers block ever, and then when I actually did get started and finished it... I was on vacation. I also would suggest a trip to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, if your a Harry Potter fan. It was the most fun I've had in a while lol. But all in all, I'm sorry and I promise to try my hardest to start doing better with these. So enjoy & review (:

Chapter 6: The First Date

Santana looked in the mirror, checking herself for what felt like the thirtieth time in the last five minutes. She picked up her flat iron and straightened out the fly away piece of her bang, everything had to be perfect. Satisfied with how she looked she walked out the bathroom, and walked over to her full length mirror, flipping her bangs over her head and throwing on her Ray Bans she slipped her feet in her all black Vans, smiling. She looked hot, she knew it. Her ripped short shorts sitting low on her hips, elongating her long, tanned legs. She fixed her sports bra under her shirt that was cut far down the sides leaving her sides open and exposing her very intricate lotus flower side piece outline that Mike had started for her just a few weeks prior.

Grabbing her wallet and taking once last glance in her mirror she walked out her room and almost jumped out her clothes when she saw Puck sitting in her living room watching ESPN.

"Fucking Christ Puck!" Santana screamed placing a hand over her rapidly beating heart, trying to calm it. "Why are you never in your apartment?"

"I wanted to see you off before your big date with your Jewish princess."

"How do you even know that's she Jewish?" Santana asked raising her sunglasses to give Puck the side eye.

"I googled her. She's sweet from the outside, but I wanted to make sure she wasn't cut-you-up-and-cook-you in-cookies sweet when you turned your back." Puck smiled at his friend, before pulling out a pack of Marlboros and lighting one.

"Puck, I've been trying not to smoke all morning. Fuck." Santana whined before pulling out her pack of Newports lighting one herself, inhaling deeply she looked at Puck before exhaling. "So what else did you find out, since you seem to think I'm one of the bait girls on 'To Catch a Predator'?" Santana rolled her eyes before she exhaled, blowing smoke deliberately in Puck's face.

"Well, apparently she's from a small town in Ohio called Lima." Puck started before he went to the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge and plopped down on the couch, kicking his feet up on the coffee table. Opening the can and taking a long gulp before continuing, "She was in the high school Glee Club. They were actually pretty good. I watched a few performances on YouTube. They went to the state Sectionals and Regionals a bunch of times. They were called The New Directions or some shit like that." Puck took another drag on his cigarette and another swig from his beer. "Oh, and she's vegan, which means she won't like your dick Lopez, unless it's completely made from soy." Puck chuckled at his joke. "I crack myself up sometimes."

"Did you work on that joke all night Puckerman?" Santana rolled her eyes before taking another drag on her cigarette. "And did I invite you to my fridge? More specifically my beers?"

"I need an invitation?" Puck raised an eyebrow. "After I spend almost twenty five percent of my life since the start of high school cleaning up YOUR puke after you've gotten trashed? I think I'll help myself. You owe me."

"Whatever Puckerman. You're gonna make me late. I'm out, see you later since it seems like you won't be leaving once I do. And get your fuckin feet off my coffee table jack ass." Santana stubbed out her cigarette in the ash tray.

Puck grumbled and put his feet on the floor before grabbing the remote. "Later Lesbro."

"Fuck off." Santana replied, closing the door behind her. When Puck heard the elevator ding, he put his feet back on the coffee table and started surfing the channels.

…..

Rachel sat at a table outside the coffee shop, looking at her watch. It was only 11:34. She couldn't expect Santana to be walking up to her at 11:30 on the dot. Just because she was extremely punctual, doesn't mean everyone else was. Glancing over the Vegetarian/Vegan options on the menu to pass the time, she looked up to grab her glass of water and as soon as she looked up, her breath hitched in her chest. Santana was making her way over to her, she turned around to thank the waitress who showed her were Rachel was sitting and gave her a bright smile as she made her way over to her. Rachel felt her heart beating seven trillion miles a minute. Santana was beautiful; Rachel couldn't help but smile at her. She looked so different outside of her club attire and being dressed up to see her show. She instantly thought of Mercedes when she said that Santana was like Shane from The L Word, and her fetish for studs. Rachel chuckled at the thought, Santana still had a girly look to her. She actually looked like some of the regular 'hipsters' that came here. It almost seemed as she walked in slow motion, every gesture she made emphasized, her long dark hair flowing down her back, flowing in the breeze. Her long tanned legs showing just enough thigh from under her barely there shorts. Rachel took a long gulp of water to cool herself off before standing up to meet Santana when she walked over to the table.

"Hey." Santana smiled when Rachel enveloped her in a hug, Rachel's floral perfume filling her senses. Her body on fire from the feeling of the small diva's body pressed up against hers so intimately.

"Hey." Rachel smiled nervously as she parted from Santana, the hug lasting a bit longer than normal. Her body was on fire; having the sultry Latina wrapped around her small frame was something she couldn't even have her body remotely prepared to handle. Trying to shake her head away from her thoughts she picked up the gift bag with Santana's other shoe she had sitting next to her and handed it to her.

Santana took the bag and looked at it skeptically before she chuckled and placed it next to her, the bag was purple with gold stars emblazoned on it. "Thanks Rachel. I really appreciate it."

Rachel saw Santana look at the bag, and smiled to herself. "Sorry if the bag is a tad elaborate. It's the only one I had and I didn't want to give it back to you in a plastic bag. It seemed tacky." _Oh god. I'm rambling again._ "You ready to order?"

"No, the bag is fine. It's quirky, I guess. If that's the right word for it." Santana causally sipped at the water on the table in front of her, before picking up the menu and glancing at it.

"Thanks…" Rachel trailed off, watching the beautiful woman in front of her look over the menu. "Gold stars are kind of my thing, have been since I was little." She sipped her water again, awkwardly shifting in her seat at the silence that fell between them. "I hope you don't mind, I brought you to a vegetarian café. The food here is really good. They don't have that many non- vegetarian options, but me and my friends come here all the time. They aren't vegans, so they normally get the Veggie Fajitas or the Breakfast burrito."

"No, I don't mind. It's fine. I will give this Breakfast burrito a try though. It sounds good." Santana took her sunglasses off from the top of her head and clipped them to her shirt. "So how long have you been a vegan?"

"Since I was in 8th grade, I saw a documentary on the treatment of animals that were kept for food and I haven't had a burger since. Not even a glass of milk." Rachel finished as the waitress came and took their orders.

"So like, not even ice cream?" Santana looked at the small woman in front of her in misbelief as she handed the waitress her menu.

"Unless it was soy… no."

"I have give it to you. I couldn't do it. I needs my arroz con pollo." Santana chuckled and the waitress came back with their coffee orders.

When Santana reached out for her coffee, the sunlight reflected off her tan skin and Rachel couldn't help but notice a series of small faded scars that ran down the Latina's arm, her curious nature got the best of her before she could bite her tongue. "What happened to your arm?"

"What?" Santana was caught off guard by the question the brunette in front of her asked her.

"Your arm, all those scars. What happened if you don't mind me asking." Rachel sipped her coffee to distract herself from once again, putting her foot in her mouth as she saw the woman in front of her tense up at her question. She briefly saw the look of worry and fear in the beautiful brown orbs she often found herself captivated by before the Latina quickly wiped her face void of any emotion and smiled again before Rachel could fully read her looks.

"I was racing my cousin Diego when we were little on our bikes. I stopped to short and flipped over the handle bars into a rose bush. Some of the scars never went away." Santana lied through her teeth; she hoped that Rachel would believe it.

"Ouch." Rachel replied before sipping her coffee.

"Yeah…" Santana let out an inaudible sigh when it seemed the brunette believed her answer. _Crisis avoided Lopez._

"So Santana, I can't help but notice your tattoos. Especially the one on your shoulder, they are beautiful. How many other ones do you have?"

"I have a bunch. I lost count at about 8. I actually just started this new piece on my side." Santana shifted in her seat to show Rachel.

"The lotus flower, it's rather stunning and very intricate. Why did you choose the lotus?"

"I like what it stands for." The waitress came and gave them their food orders and Santana took a bite of her burrito before finishing. "The lotus flower is something that grows from dark murky waters and grows toward the light, and then it blooms and becomes a beautiful flower. It's the embodiment of overcoming personal turmoil and becoming one with yourself and rising from the ashes."

"Wow, that is absolutely beautiful Santana." Rachel was at awe, the woman in front of her, just with a few words has made herself seem so much more attractive. It almost made her uneasy at the fact that the beautiful being in front of her, seemed like she had a dark and troubled past. And for some reason Rachel got the feeling those scars weren't from a bike accident. She shook her head from the idea and took another bite of her Asparagus stir fry.

"Yeah, I can't wait till it's finished. It's gonna be so bad ass." Santana looked over at the Rachel across the table, unable to keep her eyes to herself as she watched her eat. _How does she make eating look attractive?_ "So Rachel, when did you decide you wanted to be on Broadway?"

Rachel smiled. "Ever since I can remember, my dad's always told me I was going to be a star…"

Santana quickly looked up from her burrito, a look of confusion spread across her face. "Dad's?"

"Yes Santana, dad's, as in more than one. I have two dads. Hiram and Leroy, my fathers are gay."

"Oh, cool." Santana looked back down at her burrito and took a bite, hoping she didn't offend the diva. "I hope I didn't offend you."

"Oh, no that's perfectly fine. I always get the same question whenever I first mention my fathers to someone new. It always catches people off guard. I don't think anything of it. I actually find it rather amusing now." Rachel sipped her coffee and resumed her previous explanation. "But, yeah. I was about 4 or 5 when I told my dad's I wanted to be like Barbara Streisand. Which excited them because I was named after her, soon after they put me in acting, dance and vocal lessons, I stuck with them all throughout the rest of my life after that. My determination however, wasn't exactly too keen with my peers in school. They found me rather bossy and 'annoying'" Rachel made quotes with her fingers when she said annoying. "I was constantly bullied and humiliated. But I never once let it deter me from my goal. I had a few friends from our high school Glee Club. I was tormented by more than a few of my other team mates, but we were a family none the less. And the two people I had the most competition with, ended up becoming my very best friends. So I guess now I have something to tell E! True Hollywood Story." Rachel said smiling.

Santana was in awe at the woman in front of hers determination. How she remained so positive Santana would never know. She surely would have cracked in high school if that were her. "You are a lot stronger than, you seem Ms. Berry."

"Oh please, just because I kept the façade and held my head high at William McKinley doesn't mean I wasn't a mess at home sometimes. When I felt myself get upset or depressed about it. I focused on my dream and the things I needed to do to get me where I wanted to go. It all became second nature after a while really." Rachel took another bite of her stir fry.

"I realized that later in life. I put everything into my business and the relationships I had with my best friends."

"So what is it exactly that you do Ms. Lopez?"

"I'm a tattoo artist. I own the shop in downtown LA called Order of The Dawn. It's pretty popular. It's my baby, I'm so proud of it."

"That is so cool. I've been thinking about getting a tattoo. I might just come to your shop and give you the honors." Rachel chuckled as she finished the rest of her stir fry.

"Well, I would be honored to give you your first tattoo. You have my number, just call me whenever you're ready and I'll personally make space in my book for you." Santana gave the brunette a seductive smile before finishing her last bite of her burrito. "This burrito was actually really good for it to not have any meat in it."

"Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it Santana. And I'll take you up on that offer about the tattoo." Rachel raised her eyebrows suggestively at the Latina, feeling the blush creep up against her cheeks as she watched the blush creep up Santana's neck at the same time.

…

Santana smiled as she drove back to her apartment after her lunch with Rachel. It seemed almost weird how from the outside and even personality wise they were completely different. But for some reason, they fell into comfortableness and they just worked. They talked about everything under the sun from high school memories to religion. Once they got over the initial awkwardness, they fell into a groove that only realizing the time broke them out of. Rachel ended up a half hour late to sound check and Santana was left with her heart pounding so hard she swore Rachel could hear it. It's been so long since Santana has ever felt like this, and even then she swore this feeling now was more intense than she ever thought possible. She was floating on cloud nine. And after fighting with Rachel for almost 5 minutes, it was decided Santana would foot the bill. So after a hug goodbye, Rachel and Santana parted ways with a promise to get together again sometime next week to continue their conversation.

Santana locked her car and made her way up to her apartment when she heard her phone beep right as she was about to put the key in her door. She couldn't help herself from the face cracking smile that broke across her face when she realized it was a text from Rachel.

**Being late for sound check was totally worth it. I had the best time. You truly are amazing Santana. Hopefully our next date, I'll be able to pay without having to fight you for the bill (; **

**p.s I love how your hair smells like coconut and vanilla (;**

Santana's heart did a back flip in her chest when she read the words 'next date'. She thought it was a date, but actually seeing Rachel call it one too, put it in a whole other ball park. And was she hitting on her? Did her hair really smell like coconut and vanilla? Santana's mind ran a mile a minute, as she walked into her apartment, closing and locking the door behind her out of habit. She looked almost like a space case as she flopped backwards onto the couch, resting her head into Puck's lap.

"So by the dazed lovey look you have on your face, I'm guessing your date with the hot Jewish princess went great?" Puck smiled and shook his head at his best friend; it's been forever since he's seen Santana like this. He was so happy that she was looking like this again.

Santana didn't say anything, she just handed her phone over to Puck showing him the text Rachel just sent her, her heart doing backflips every time she thought about it.

"Awwww yeahhhhh." Puck started out. "See I told you, she's tryna get in your pants Lopez. Look at all these winky smiley faces and the obvious flirting. You even paid, I taught you well. I'm proud."

Puck handed her phone back to her and she looked at it again, her stomach doing somersaults as she let out a heavy contented sigh before texting back.

**I hope I didn't get you in trouble :/ And your pretty amazing yourself, Rachel. I'll take you up on that offer for the next date. I had a lot of fun too (;**

**p.s I love how your hair smells like the ocean breeze (; It may sound corny but it really does.**

Santana stared off into her own little world, and that world was consumed with any and everything Rachel Barbara Berry. From her laugh, to her smile, to her extremely extensive vocabulary, and Santana couldn't lie to herself if she wanted to…. She wanted Rachel Berry. And she wanted her bad.

…..

Rachel sighed happily after hanging up the phone with Mercedes, sitting in her balcony chair looking out over the night sky of Los Angeles, she was floating ever since her date with Santana earlier in the day. She couldn't get that beautiful smile out of her mind all day. Even during her show, all she kept thinking about was how beautiful Santana looked when she laughed or how her nose crinkled when she smiled. She sat back and read the text message she received back from Santana over and over again, each time her heart felt like it was trying to jump out her ribcage, swirling her wine around in the glass before taking another swig, she drained the rest of her glass before walking back into her apartment and going to her bedroom. She curled up in her blankets and set her phone on her bed side before it lit up, signifying she had a text message and her heart almost cracked out her chest when she saw it was from Santana.

**Hope you had another great show. I know you killed it (: Sweet dreams beautiful xoxo**

Rachel's face almost cracked off from how big her smile was. This woman had her going in every which way and she hasn't even known her formally for a week yet. After getting over her momentary school girl crush freaking out, she rapidly sent off a text back to the beautiful Latina.

**Thank you, you are too sweet. But the show went great, can't wait to tell you about it soon. Good night beautiful (: xoxoxoxox **

Rachel sat back in her bed after she sent the text, and instantly felt herself fall asleep with the beautiful Latina's eyes behind her lids and one thing on her mind…. Rachel Barbara Berry, had it bad for Santana Lopez and it wasn't going away anytime soon.


	7. Gold Stars and Wine

A/N: Now the update, it took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do with this. And I'm pretty happy once I got on the road with it. This is a longgg chapter. lol

**WARNING**: This chapter contains slight Finn and Jesse bashing. But on a better note, you get to see a little into Rachel's psyche. **R&R **(:

Chapter 7: Gold Stars and Wine

"Santanaaaaaaaa, you promised you wouldn't make fun!" Rachel sat on the phone in her living room chair, playfully pouting as if the woman of her affections could see her face through the phone. Since their first 'date' three weeks ago, Santana and Rachel spent every second of spare time together, and when they couldn't they were talking or texting. Rachel had finally decided to get that tattoo that she wanted, and was whining at the Latina on the other end of the phone as she made fun of Rachel for her nervousness for her appointment the next day.

"I'm the best there is, there's no reason to be nervous. Plus, I was just picking with you. You're so cute when you get riled up." Santana smiled sitting in the back room of her parlor finishing up some paperwork for the week. She and Rachel had fallen into a casual flirting every time they were around or spoke to each other.

"Does it hurt?" Rachel asked nervously, playing with the hem of the shorts she was wearing.

"Not really, I guess it depends on where you get it. But then again, I was sort of addicted to the pain, so I guess I'm not really the best person to ask."

"You won't hurt me will you?"

"Now why would you even ask a question like that? You know I never would." Santana stopped her logging and sat up crossing her legs under herself in the chair.

"I was just making sure. I trust you Santana." Rachel said any ounce of fear or doubt dropped away from her voice as she listened to the Latina's words of reassurance. In the time that she spent with Santana, she saw that behind that blunt, bad ass, hardcore exterior, Santana was caring, protective and compassionate. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that Santana would take care of her; she just wanted to say it for that little voice in the back of her head telling her she's crazy for trusting this woman she's only known for a little while.

Santana couldn't help but smile, glad she was on the phone so she didn't have to hide the apparent blush that rose up her cheeks. She had accepted the fact that she liked Rachel a while ago, the feelings only doubled after her first date with Rachel. Rachel was intelligent, cheerful, optimistic and unbelievably sexy. The way her smile lit up the room, or how her laugh was so obnoxious it was infectious, Santana figured she could just sit there and listen to Rachel laugh all day, her thoughts interrupted when she heard her name called.

"SANTANA." Santana whipped her head around and rolled her eyes when she saw it was Puck. He always had the worst timing ever.

"Hold on Rachel." Santana said into the phone before covering it with her hand. "What Puckerman. I'm on the phone." She spat out in annoyance.

"I've cleaned up and locked everything up. Are we gonna leave now for our Halo night or what? I brought Corona's." Puck held up the case of beer he was carrying.

"Yeah, hold on let me put the books away and we can go." Santana got up from her chair and started to lock the books in the safe. "Rach, text me. It's game night with Puck. I'll see you tomorrow." She smiled brightly, it was safe to say she was excited to see Rachel. She hasn't seen her in a week. Their schedules constantly butting heads with her show and Santana has been booked up the ass this week with appointments.

"Ok, I'll talk to you later. I'm excited for tomorrow, despite my nerves about this whole thing. I can't wait to see you."

"I'm excited to see you too. You're still not going to tell me what you're getting?"

"No, it's a surprise. I'll see you later Santana." Rachel smiled knowing the Latina was rolling her eyes.

"Alright, whatever Rach. Bye."

"Bye." Santana put her phone down to see Puck grinning at her like a mad man.

"What's with your face Puckerman?"

"Santana wants in them star panties, that's what's wrong with my face." Puck chuckled as Santana turned off the lights in the back room before they left out the shop for the night.

"Shut the hole Puckerman. Me and Rachel are just friends, plus like I've said about 30 times before I don't even know if she's gay."

"So you mean to tell me after 3 weeks of hanging out and talking and shit, not ONCE has the topic of your liking of tacos came up, besides when you talked about her dads?" Santana looked at Puck with wide eyes before she remembered that she had told Puck every detail from their first date.

"No asshole. I didn't want to throw that in a conversation. What would that sound like? Hey Rachel, I'm a lesbian by the way." Santana rolled her neck with attitude. "It would be like I'm only being her friend so I can turn her out."

"Well, you did say you liked her. And I mean that's what you did with Amelia. Last I heard of her I her she was a raging lesbian now, her head caught between more legs than yours." Puck shrugged off.

Santana punched Puck in the arm. "I did NOT turn Amelia out; she was a friend and just stated once that she was curious. I simply fed her curiosity. And I'm going to act like I didn't just hear you call me a slut either Puckerman." Santana huffed out. "Plus, Rachel has never once said she liked women. And what about you? All that research you did on her, did you find out if she liked women?" Santana asked once they left out the shop and leaned up against Puck's truck. She looked at Puck for the answer, more out of curiosity than annoyance.

"She keeps her private life very private. Trust me, I spent a while trying to find out. Plus I told you, I have great gaydar. She's a lesbo, Lopez."

"Well she clearly doesn't want people in her business. And I'm not gonna pry OR ask until she says something." Santana rolled her eyes before pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.

"So basically your just gonna be real close friends with the vibrator you keep in the drawer besides your bed, thinking of Rachel going knuckle deep till you can go knuckle deep in her?" Puck smiled mischievously at his best friend.

"First off, how do you know what I keep in my drawers? And secondly, I don't get off on thinking of Rachel, Puckerman." Santana got up from her spot on Puck's truck and walked to her car.

"But you didn't deny getting off though." Puck laughed at the look on his best friend's face, once again, if Santana wasn't his best friend and wasn't gay. Puck would have totally tapped that a long time ago. But he couldn't deny the fact that the idea of Santana getting herself off, was hot too hot actually.

Santana rolled her eyes before getting in her car. "Fuck off Puckerman." She slammed the door before she pulled off.

…

Santana slammed the controller to her Xbox down before jumping off the couch. "TAKE THAT PUCKERMAN. IN YOUR FACE, ADMIT IT. YOU'RE MY BITCH AND I JUST OWNED YOU AGAIN. 74 KILLS, I JUST WIPED THE FLOOR WITH YOU."

Puck grumbled before he drained the rest of his beer. "Oh fuck off Lopez! You play better when you're drunk!"

"Oh you're just a sore loser." Santana laughed as she opened another beer and stuffed a handful of Doritos in her mouth.

"And you're a sore winner."

"Don't pout Puckerman."

"I don't even know why I insist on these bro nights anymore." Puck grumbled before pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.

"Cause you love me."

"No, cause I haven't seen you outside of work in almost a month, ever since you started having lesbian relations with Rachel."

Santana looked at Puck in shock. Has she really been so occupied with Rachel that she hasn't been spending time with her best friend. "I'm sorry Puck. You know I love you, you're my brother. You've been there for me at my best, and carried me through my worst. I promise I'll make more time for you and to hang out with Rachel." Santana jumped on his lap and hugged him tight around his neck.

Puck gratefully accepted her hug. He really had missed his best friend. He wasn't jealous of Rachel, he just wanted his bro back. "I know. I just missed my bro San. You are my sister, I'll love you always."

Santana ruffled her best friend's Mohawk. "Ok, enough of this mushy shit." She shifted in his lap and felt something hard, looking over and seeing the game controller and the remote on the table, she grunted in disgust before jumping off Puck's lap. "That's fucking nasty Puck. You just called me your sister and then you pop a boner when I sit on your lap? Really scumbag?"

"Hey! I'm a guy and best friend or not, hot chick on my lap equals boner. Doesn't matter if you like what the Puckasaurus is packing or not." He laughed as he saw the look of pure disgust on Santana's face.

"Alright, remind me to never sit on your lap again." She picks up the game controller and picks another level for them to play. "Back to wiping the floor with your ass." She hits start game and grumbles before she gets back into playing mode. "Fuckin heterosexuals…"

…

Rachel stood outside the building looking up at the sign and smiled. Santana had done a really good job with the shop. It looked almost like those tattoo parlors that you see on TV. Mustering up the courage, she took a huge breath and walked in the door before being greeted by an Asian girl with black and purpled hair behind the front desk.

"Hey welcome to Order of the Dawn. Can I help you? I'm Tina." The woman extended her hand and smiled.

"Hey Tina, I'm Rachel. I actually have an appointment with Santana today.." Rachel grabbed her hand to shake it before watching Tina's eyes light up at the mention of her name.

"YOUR Rachel?" Tina smiled wickedly. "I've heard a lot about you. Lemme go get San." Tina walked over to Mike before nudging him in the shoulder and motioned her head in the direction of Rachel before whispering something in his ear. Mike's head instantly whipped around and stared at Rachel with the same wide eyed expression before they both chuckled.

Rachel wasn't sure if she should be flattered by Santana's friend's reactions or creeped out. Her thoughts interrupted before Tina's voice rang out.

"Oh Santaannnaaaaa." Tina sing songed loudly over the music playing in the shop. "Rachel's here…" Tina emphasized Rachel before dissolving in a fit of giggles along with Mike and then happily continued with her business from before Rachel walked in.

Rachel sat nervously looking around the shop before Santana strode in with a huge grin on her face from the back room, causing Rachel to instantly sport that large smile that Santana loved. She instantly picked Rachel up off the floor and enveloped her with a huge hug.

"Rach. I missed you." She breathed into her ear before putting her back down. "I see you met the lunatics. These are my other two close friends, you've already met Tina. Who likes to make everything in life as creepy as she is." Tina only responded to Santana with a sarcastic smile before flipping her off.

"And this is her boyfriend Mike. Who also like to make things incredibly awkward. What did you two do to her?" The Latina scolded her friends before leading Rachel to her station which was already set up and ready to go. "But yeah, unfortunately I call these my friends. They do make coming to work a lot easier though."

As soon as Santana finished her statement, Puck came striding through the doors of the parlor. "Late as usual Puckerman." Santana rolled her eyes as she shook her head at her best friend.

Puck turned around to make a snarky comment back to his best friend before he saw Rachel sitting in the chair. "Ahhh, so I finally get to formally meet the mysterious Rachel." He flashed a smile in the smaller brunette's direction.

"Mysterious hardly, but Rachel none the less. You must be Puck." Rachel chuckled as she saw Santana roll her eyes in her peripheral.

"And as you can see, this is my best friend/ co-owner. NOAH Puckerman. Everyone just calls him Puck." Santana placed emphasis on the Noah part.

"Nice to meet you Noah. I've heard a lot about you. Santana seems to care for you very deeply." Rachel started, but them seemed confused as Tina and Mike started snickering in the background.

"Please, call me Puck. No one calls me Noah but Mom and my Bubbie." Puck cringed in disgust as he heard Santana trying to stifle her laughter behind her hand.

"You're Jewish?" Rachel looked up to Puck from where she was sitting.

"Yup full blooded."

"I'm Jewish, but only on my Dad's side. My father's decided to raise me in Dad's faith. Daddy was never really a religious person." Rachel stated.

"Rach hun, don't use too many words with Puck. Remember what we spoke about." Santana laughed as Puck punched her arm. "Watch it Noah." Santana chided.

"Yeah Noah, don't wanna make us call Bubbie do we?" Mike teased from across the room.

"I've called you Puck for so long, I forgot your real name was Noah." Tina laughed

"Alright, enough with the snide remarks ass holes." Puck trudged over to his station and took off his leather coat.

Santana smiled before turning her attention back to Rachel. "Ok, so what's this big surprise? What are you going to be getting for your first tattoo?" Santana placed her hand against the brunette's knee and almost thought for a second she felt the smaller brunette shudder in response.

"I'm going to get a gold star!" Rachel smiled brightly before clasping her hands together in delight. "A small one right here so that it heals fast and it can easily be covered on stage." Rachel pointed to the side of her wrist.

"You had me waiting all week for a tiny gold star?" Santana asked playfully. "You were asking all these questions like you were going to get your whole side done or something. You wimp."

"I assure you I am not a wimp." Rachel stated matter of factly. "I wanted something small and concealable that way it's being there or it's healing doesn't affect my career. Plus, I was just making sure that I liked the idea of a tattoo in the first place Santana. I surely didn't want something I would later regret. Additionally, in the research I've conducted, tattoo removal is even more painful than actually getting it in the first place. Therefore, this star is something small and cute and is precautionary in case something goes wrong in the future." Rachel finished her statement by crossing her arms across her chest and heaving a heavy sigh that caused her bangs to fly up.

"You are too cute when you start your long winded explanations." Santana joked as she prepped Rachel wrists. She laughed when she saw Rachel flinch when she started the tattoo gun. "Calm down, I haven't even started yet."

"Don't make fun Santana. I'm just nervous." Rachel averted her gaze between Santana and the tattoo gun. She smiled when Santana placed a kiss to her temple, a blush raising across her cheeks while she raised her hand to her cheek.

"I'll be a gentle as I can." Santana assured touching her lips, feeling a tingle from the intimate contact with Rachel's skin.

…

"It didn't even hurt." Rachel smiled as she admired the gold star that now adorned her wrist.

"I told you." Santana smiled as her and Rachel walked up to Rachel's apartment. Santana decided that since she or Rachel didn't have to work tomorrow, she would leave early and spend the day with Rachel. "You were worrying for nothing."

"Yeah, it wasn't even bad. I actually wouldn't mind getting some more." Rachel smiled as she opened the door to her apartment. "Here we are."

Santana walked in and shook her head. The apartment was definitely Rachel. It was very homey feeling, the sleek finishes had almost a very modern feel to it. She walked around and admired the pictures of Rachel and her friends and family. "Your apartment is really nice Rach."

"Thanks, make yourself at home." Rachel called out from the kitchen. "You want something to drink?"

"Yeah a bottle of water would be nice. Thanks." Santana sat down on the couch and continued to look around, she noticed the shelf that held a considerable amount of awards, plaques, scripts and monumental pictures that documented important milestones in Rachel's life. She smiled when Rachel came back with two bottles of water and plopped down on the couch next to Santana grabbing the remote control and turned on the TV.

"You wanna watch a movie or something?" Rachel asked nervously, she wasn't sure if she was moving too fast by inviting Santana to her apartment or not. But she felt like she was in dire need of spending some more time getting to know the beautiful Latina.

"I don't care. It's up to you. I don't mind just talking." Rachel smiled at Santana's suggestion. It was almost like Santana was reading her mind sometimes.

"Is that your boyfriend?" Santana asked looking at a picture of Rachel's arms wrapped loving around a boy on her side table.

"What?" Rachel looked at the picture in question. "Oh god no! That's my best friend Kurt." Rachel laughed. "Don't let him hear you say that. He would have a heart attack, plus his finance Blaine wouldn't be too happy either. I'm single."

Santana let out an internal sigh of relief. At least she didn't have to worry about some guy coming in her face for trying to hit on his girlfriend. "Wow, you single? Any guy would be lucky to have you, you're a catch Rachel." Santana spoke her words clearly before she took a sip of her water, hoping Rachel heard the guy part and picked up on what she was trying to ask without actually asking it.

"Please, guys are the furthest thing on my mind right now." Rachel took a sip of her water before finishing. "I've been down that road, never again."

Santana looked at Rachel questioningly. "Really? I never would have guessed."

"Yeah, after my last one. It ended pretty badly. A complete mess, I should have known things weren't right."

Santana was now completely invested in this conversation, tucking her feet underneath her and turning to Rachel and motioning her to continue.

Rachel looked at Santana who now had her undivided attention on her. She sat briefly for a minute terrified if she should continue scared of the Latina's reaction if she told her the complete story. After taking a deep breath she figured it had to come out sooner or later, she continued.

"Well like I said a while ago, I sort of was an outsider in high school. I've had a few brief relationships outside of school and some within high school as well. I dated a guy named Jesse, that turned out to be just plain horrible. I was more attracted to the fact that he was someone who could keep up with me talent wise. But of course he was the star of our rival Glee Club and our biggest competition, it was sort of a Romeo and Juliet type of romance. Our team mates didn't approve, so we kept it hidden and it blew up in our faces in the end. More mine then his, and I ended up with egg on my face, literally. He embarrassed the life out of me. I was upset but it was really a distraction from the person I really wanted so it didn't take me long to get over it. I like a hopeless puppy chased after the star of the football team, Finn Hudson, he was in Glee Club looking back on it now it was so pathetic. But when we finally dated, it was rocky especially in the beginning. Breaking up and making up over and over again, I had a few trysts with others during our break ups. But even though I actually felt something a bit more with the others I was fooling around with. I forced myself that it was supposed to be Finn, which I couldn't have gone through all of this with him for nothing, despite my qualms. So, we finally got steady at the end of junior year. And I swore up and down I was in love and there was no other for me, and he finally reciprocated the feelings as well. Needless to say I was engaged by the spring of senior year." Rachel rolled her eyes at the memory before she took another sip and shuddered at the memory and looked in Santana's eyes for a reaction. She looked a mix between slightly shocked and angry, but none the less interested in hearing the rest. So Rachel continued.

"It was all so rushed. I pushed my true feelings behind because I just didn't want to face it. As the date neared, I started getting cold feet. I was about to embark on a life long journey that I realized more and more every day I couldn't do. My best friends truly knew what I was going through and advised me from going through with it. But the guy of my dreams wanted to marry me, so I kept up with it. So about a week before the date we were supposed to get married, I decided to try something out. I ended up getting drunk and hooked up with one of the girls in my Glee club. Who I thought hated me, but it turned out that the reasons why she was so mean to me was because she was fighting with herself and coming to terms she had feelings for me. Which I didn't mind because I actually had feelings for her as well, I lost my virginity to her that night. Finn found out a few days after that and I lied to him about it. I felt horrible, but it was a huge eye opener for me. So two days before me and him were supposed to go to the justice of the peace to get married, I broke it off. He was so mad, I've never seen him look at me like that. The hurt in his eyes, I still think about sometimes. But I had to tell him. I couldn't lie to myself anymore. So when he asked me why I would cheat and lie to him before we were supposed to get married, I just blurted it out. It was too much." Rachel wiped the tears that were falling from the corner of her eyes. Santana grabbed the smaller brunette and wrapped her arms around her and held her to her chest. She felt the hurt coming from the small diva, holding her and whispered reassurances in her ear, telling her to go on. And after composing herself, she continued her story.

"I told him it was because I didn't love him like he loved me and as hard I tried I just couldn't. He looked me in my eyes and kissed me. And then when he pulled back and asked me if I still didn't love him like he loved me, and I told him no. The kiss was just the reassurance of what I've known the whole time but was just too afraid to admit. I looked him in the eyes and told him the reason I couldn't love him the way he did me was because…. Because I was a lesbian." Rachel felt Santana tense at the last part and she felt her heart start to break into a million pieces. When Santana let Rachel go, Rachel looked at Santana get up and she tried her hardest to hold back the tears that were trying to fall again. This is the reason why she didn't want to tell Santana the story.

"Santana wait…"

Santana stopped mid step and turned to Rachel. "What's wrong?"

"I thought you were leaving.." Rachel looked so defeated, it broke Santana's heart.

"Why would you think that Rach? I just figured if we were going to have this talk we would need some booze." Santana smiled before placing a kiss on the top of Rachel's head before she got up again.

"Don't scare me like that Santana. I thought you were gonna hit the ground running. The wine is in the fridge, wine glasses are in the cabinet next to the fridge." Rachel playfully patted Santana on the arm before she grabbed some tissues and dabbed underneath her eyes trying to fix her eye makeup which she was sure was ruined.

When Santana came back with two bottles of wine and two wine glasses she resumed her spot on the couch and opened the first bottle and poured her and Rachel a glass. Rachel took the glass gratefully and drained almost half the glass before setting it down.

"Whoa easy there Rach." Santana chuckled before taking a long sip of her wine. "Now continue your story."

Rachel drained the rest of her glass of wine before she poured herself another glass before she continued. "He was so mad Santana. He called me awful names. Said he should have known when he saw me glancing at other girls, but he just thought I was self-conscious." Rachel scoffed at the thought before she continued. "But anyways, it was just really bad. He told me that all the time I would say I didn't want to be the stereotype that gay parents raised gay kids. But I just couldn't lie to myself anymore, and I told him that. I told him I couldn't help who I loved. He rebutted that by shoving me and calling me a dyke, saying that he didn't put up with me being a prude for all these years and not putting out and that he wasn't going to be 'Rachel Berry's beard'. I tried to apologize but he didn't want to hear it. He just told me I was a slut, and that my legs just fell open at the sight of a female. I was devastated. I never knew he could be so hurtful. We never spoke again after that. I just was happy that I could finally be myself."

Santana was shaking with rage, she wanted to find this Finn and beat the life out of him for hurting Rachel. She instantly calmed down when she felt Rachel, place her hand on Santana's instantly making her release the fist she didn't even know she was making. "Calm down. I'm so much more happier now."

"So what happened to the girl?" Santana asked trying to keep her mind from punching some faceless boy till he bleeds.

"We dated for about 6 months after that. It was too hard to keep up the long distance relationship. She went across the country for school and I went to New York. We haven't spoken since either." Rachel took another long sip of her glass of wine and smiled at how protective Santana instantly got of her. "You're cute when you get protective." Rachel slipped out before she could stop it, feeling a small buzz from drinking her wine to fast.

Santana couldn't do anything but smile as she sipped her glass of wine.

…..

By the time the sun went down Rachel and Santana were laughing at old stories of Rachel's childhood, the two bottles of wine empty on the table in front of them with their discarded wine glasses and they were now taking turns drinking it straight from the bottle. They both were clearly drunk and enjoying each other's company and with every sip their touches becoming more intimate and their flirting getting more and more evident.

Rachel threw her head back in a fit of giggles before she climbed across the couch into Santana's lap straddling her, taking the bottle of wine out her hand and taking another swig. "Have I ever told you how sexy you are?" Rachel let her fingers trace along the outline of Santana's face before stopping at her lips lightly running her fingers across them. They were so plump and kissable. She instantly felt her panties grow damp, the intimate closeness between them and the ideas running through her mind about what she possibly could do with those lips.

Santana pressed her forehead close to Rachel's she could smell the wine on her breathe they were so close. Her underwear were instantly drenched as with every breath she exhaled, she inhaled. They were so in tune, like a well-oiled machine. "Have I ever told you how sexy you are Rachel?" She husked out, her voice now thick with lust.

Rachel shuttered, her eyes now dark with want. She was sure now her underwear were drenched. "My, my Ms. Lopez, are you trying to seduce me?"

"Possibly."

"Well then, let me take you up on that." Rachel said before she meshed her lips to Santana's and instantly felt a fire that started in her stomach and spread throughout her body like wildfire. Wrapping her arms around the Latina's neck and deepened the kiss, feeling Santana wrap her arms around her waist bringing her closer if that was even possible. Rachel fisted her hair through Santana's long dark locks and ran her tongue across the Latina's bottom lip. Santana took the invitation to plunge her tongue into Rachel's mouth and both of their tongue's battled for dominance and caressing the other's mouth. Learning every crevice and learning it by memory. Rachel pulled back when she could no longer fight her lungs need for oxygen.

Santana looked at Rachel, she was completely flustered and by far the most beautiful thing she has ever seen. As her lungs desperately worked to get oxygen from the kiss that left them both clearly breathless, she locked eyes with Rachel's again before sighing deeply. They both grunted out at the same time "God, you are so beautiful." Before reattaching their lips together in another passionate kiss, their tongues entangled in a tango that they quickly found their ways to. Rachel felt Santana slip her hands under her shirt and shivered at the contact of the Latina's hands drawing small circles with her thumbs on her hips, before she lifted the shirt off Rachel and trailed kisses from her lips down to her jaw bone to her neck, sucking roughly and started making small bites in the wake of where she sucked before running her tongue along the bites she made. Her body was instantly lit aflame the minute Rachel locked her lips with hers and she let Rachel lift her own shirt over her head and let out a slight moan when she left Rachel's lips trail to her neck marking her just like Santana did to her. Santana started trailing kisses down to Rachel's chest before roughly grabbing Rachel's breasts through her bra massaging them gently and smiled when she heard Rachel moan at the contact, and then she felt Rachel leave her neck before whispering huskily "Why don't we finish this in my bedroom?"

Santana didn't need to be told twice as she clumsily stood up from the couch with Rachel's legs still wrapped around her waist leaving the empty bottles of wine on the table and asked "What door?"

Rachel could only let out a breathy response "Down the hallway past the kitchen. Straight back." She could only moan when Santana's lips captured her in another breath taking kiss. She was finally about to get what she's been dreaming about since they first met in the club that night.

...

(: I left you with a cliff hanger.. sorta. LOL. Now we get to the good stuff from now. Drunk Rachel is a horn dog lmfaoo


	8. Black Out

A/N: I have been waiting to get this chapter out FINALLY. So here's gift from me to you (:

**WARNING: **This chapter contains smut, smut and more smut. It has some fluff too, but it's just a filler before more smut. **R&R** (:

Chapter 8: Black Out

Stumbling their way into Rachel's room, they didn't even bother to turn the light on, the moon was shining in through the large windows in Rachel's room. It cast a romantic glare across the room as they fell on top of Rachel's bed. Santana removed her lips from Rachel's neck and glared into Rachel's eyes, silently asking permission to continue. Santana got her answer when Rachel moved her hands behind her before unclasping her bra. The lust in her eyes was so deep Santana was sure she could see right into Rachel's soul. She gasped when she felt the cold air sweep across her already pebbled nipples, before Rachel captured her lips again immediately deepening the kiss. Nothing about this kiss was sloppy, it was passionate and Santana took the liberty to slide her hands down Rachel's back before she removed her bra as well.

Rachel's lips traveled down from Santana's lips leaving butterfly kisses from her jaw bone down her neck to her chest before hungrily taking one of Santana's nipples in her mouth. The taste of Santana's salty skin was unbelievable and did nothing but spur her on more to start sucking and biting on and around her breast while pinching and twisting the other.

Santana threw her head back in pleasure from Rachel's mouth on her breast, releasing a light moan that made Rachel go in overtime, doubling her efforts before switching to the other. Santana ran her hands down Rachel's back before reaching in front of her and unbuttoning the divas jeans, sliding them down her hips to her ankles which Rachel willingly kicked off the side of the bed and cupped her through her panties, completely turned on by how wet her panties were.

Rachel gasped when she felt Santana grab her through her panties and immediately decided that the Latina was overdressed as she pressed her lips to her neck and removed Santana's shorts she was wearing in the process. Pushing Santana back onto the pillows of her bed, she instantly leaned into the Latina's ear and husked out. "You have no idea how bad I've wanted this, ever since I first laid eyes you in the club that night. I've gotten off almost every night after that with the thought of my head between those long tan legs of yours." Rachel completed her statement by wrapping her lips around Santana's earlobe and began sucking lightly.

That one statement trigged Santana into overdrive, she flipped Rachel over and immediately started the attack on Rachel's breasts, licking, sucking, tugging and gently biting each nipple until she heard Rachel moan, her back arching slightly from the contact. Rachel wrapped her legs around Santana's waist and moaned again. "Santana please."

Hearing Rachel moan her name, begging her to continue her assault just spurred her own animalistic tendencies and she growled before slipping her thumbs under the hem of Rachel's panties, gently sliding them off her legs and throwing them on the floor next to them. Rachel completely splayed out completely bare underneath her in the moon light was the most beautiful thing she has ever seen. She instantly started leaving kisses down her stomach before reaching the apex between Rachel's legs, completely mesmerized by the glisten in the moonlight, telling her she was more than ready for what happened next. Trailing her finger along her glistening sex, she heard Rachel's breathing turn into short pants, and she looked up to see her back starting to arch at the contact while pinching and squeezing her breasts. "D-don't tease San, please I need you…"

Santana felt herself dripping through her underwear before she removed them and returned to Rachel, placing small kisses on the insides of her thighs. "Spread for me baby." Santana breathed out, her voice thick with lust and her eyes darkening as she saw Rachel spread her legs wider opening her pussy for a clear view even in the moon light. It was dripping, so much that she was creating a small wet spot on the bed spread beneath her. Taking her finger, she dragged it across the wet folds before flicking the hardened bundle of nerves already peeking out of its hood. She heard Rachel gasp as her hips rose from the bed.

"Again. Baby please again." Rachel was barely able to speak before she felt Santana's fingers start to circle around her clit and then rubbing up and down her slit. The feeling was indescribable, she could already tell she was close and Santana had barely even started. When Santana's full lips made contact with her hardened bundle of nerves, Rachel's eyes rolled to the back of her head and her back arched so high it hurt.

Santana licked her lips, Rachel was the most delicious thing she had ever tasted. She knew Puck was right in his accusations yesterday, she has gotten herself off plenty of nights to the thought of her and Rachel intimately, but she never thought the real thing would be as amazing as this. She instantly dove in again, this time licking up and down Rachel's folds and drawing figure eights around the diva's clit, before sucking it in her mouth and feasting on it hungrily.

"Ahh, Santana fuck. Oh my gahh." Rachel's moans only spurred her on more, her taste for Rachel couldn't be satisfied. She placed Rachel's legs over her shoulders and dragged her tongue down to her opening and plunged in deep tasting around learning Rachel's insides, she placed a firm hand down on Rachel's hips to keep her in place as she continued her assault.

"Fuck, Santana fuck fuck fuck. Oh my…fuck." Santana never heard Rachel curse ever, so to hear her in the bedroom was completely a turn on. Rachel fisted the Latina's long hair and pulled her in deeper, desperate for the release that she felt quickly growing in the pit of her stomach all the while the heels of her bare feet digging into Santana's back. She felt herself starting to buck against Santana's face. "God, San just like that. Deeper baby, I'm so close…"

Santana replaced her tongue with her two fingers and instantly started to scissor them, trying to find that one magical spot while her mouth continued to attack her clit. Smiling to herself when she finally found the spot and noticed Rachel's toes starting to curl. "Fuck Santana right there, right there…" Rachel rang out, her voice in perfect pitch as she moaned Santana's name.

Santana doubled her efforts, twisting and turning her fingers to consistently hit that spot until she felt Rachel's walls squeeze her fingers in a death grip. "Fuck San I'm gonna…." Rachel couldn't even finish her statement before her body rose so high off the bed she was almost in a back bend against the bed, her toes curling so hard they were cramping as she pulled Santana's hair with her, thrashing about wildly screaming Santana's name at the top of her lungs as she came. She has never had this powerful of an orgasm. But Santana didn't stop her ministrations with the diva's clit, she sucked and gently bit even more, making the smaller diva ride out orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. Each one it seemed more powerful than the last. After what felt like forever Rachel finally slumped back to the bed, completely limp and unable to move. Her legs quivering from the aftershock of the most insane orgasm she ever had.

Santana instantly started to lap at the diva's juices that were still spilling out, completely covering her hand and her face as well as the sheets underneath them. Finally coming up for air she crawled back up to Rachel kissing her, allowing her to taste herself on her tongue.

Rachel couldn't speak or move. She tried to kiss Santana back just as passionately, the taste of herself all over Santana's mouth. When she felt Santana lay next to her and wrap her arms around her, placing small kisses on neck while she tried to regulate her breathing and build up the energy to return the Latina's favor tenfold.

After a few moments Rachel was somewhat back to normal, her body still on a high she kissed the Latina on her lips before she was able to speak. "Never in my life, Santana. Never.." She was completely unable to form words at what just happened. She was speechless. "Thank you." She couldn't even begin, her legs still unstable as she attempted to climb on top of her and with every move she tried to make her hyper sensitive clit, sent tremors through her spine.

Santana laughed before helping Rachel on top of her. "You're welcome beautiful." Santana brushed the hair out of Rachel's face, her bangs sticking to her face from the sweat that covered both of their bodies.

When Rachel was finally able to control her limbs again, she smiled mischievously before placing kisses on the Latina's chest each one going lower and lower until she was face to face with her glistening sex. "Now it's your turn baby."

Rachel smiled when she saw the effect of her breath so close to Santana's spot and the Latina spread her legs willingly without Rachel even having to ask. She parted Santana's lips before placing a wet kiss to her clit, before instantly diving in and beginning to lap at her tasting every bit of the Latina before sucking her clit into her mouth and plunging her fingers deep inside her simultaneously.

Santana felt her back arch at the instant contact of Rachel's lips and her fingers. She instantly felt that familiar tingle starting to build in her stomach. "You like that baby?" Rachel asked her lips still attached to the Latina's clit, her voice sending vibrations through her body as her two fingers felt their way inside of the beautiful being underneath her.

"Fuck, god yes Rachel. Please I need more.." Santana panted out as her eyes rolled to the top of her head, she threw her head back as a deep guttural moan raised from her throat as she felt Rachel stretch her with another finger.

"Like that baby?" Rachel found the spot and instantly started raking her fingers across it and then prodding it in an unsteady rhythm.

"Yes.. yes..yes.. Joder por favor bebé sí hay derecho querido Dios.." Santana panted starting to mix her words with Spanish and English, she couldn't think straight. Rachel inside her felt too good, she tried to keep it together so Rachel could finish. But god she was making it so hard.

Rachel was so turned on by Santana speaking in Spanish she doubled her efforts; she wanted the Latina to cum as hard and as long as she did, if not longer. Plunging her fingers deeper and aggressively sucking on her clit, she felt the pressure of her walls start to close on her fingers as she continues her efforts. "Cum for me baby." Rachel husked out and gently bit her clit as the Latina came undone before her.

Santana let out a strangled cry as her body exploded from the inside out, her toes curling, her back arching so high it was close to snapping and squeezed Rachel's head tight between her legs. She let out a stream of more obscenities in Spanish as Rachel continued to ram her fingers into that spot inside her, causing her orgasms to become more and more intense as she felt them building in her stomach, not recognizing the feeling before she exploded again not even being able to realize just how powerful or what type of orgasm she had before it all went black.

Rachel wiped her face and licked up the mess Santana left behind in the wake of her orgasm, she would never get enough of the taste of her. It was like a drug, and Rachel vowed then and there she would proudly be an addict because it was the best thing she's ever had. When she felt Santana's body go limp underneath her she smiled, looking down at what she did, proud of the fact that she was able to give her such a powerful orgasm and that her juices were still falling like a waterfall, mingling with what she had left on the sheets prior. She wasn't even upset at the fact that they both completely ruined her bed spread, she could just buy another. The large wet spot that covered a majority of the bed spread and herself as well just made Rachel smile, if she had it her way she would never be without this woman again. She then sat back and realized how quiet it got and crawled up the Latina's limp body and placed a kiss on her lips. "Santana baby?" Rachel shook the woman underneath her. "Santana?" Rachel looked on in wide eyes as she tried to wake up the Latina underneath her, before realizing what happened. The force of her orgasm caused her to black out. _Damn, I'm that good?_ Rachel thought to herself, before wrapping herself around the sleeping beauty next to her before finally letting sleep overcome her. She pressed a kiss to the woman's temple and fell asleep contently wrapped around her lover.

…

Santana woke up groggily in the dead of night, trying to remember when she fell asleep when she heard the soft breathing next to her and realized it was Rachel. She smiled as she looked at the content smile on the diva's face as she slept soundly, before she realized they both were completely naked she looked across the room at the clothes that was strewn about and realized what happened before it all went black. Rachel had given her the most earth shattering, mind blowing, life changing orgasm she's ever had in her entire life. Pressing a kiss to the sleeping diva's temple she managed to wriggle herself out of Rachel's grip and reached down for her shorts to retrieve her Newports and her lighter and got up from the bed to put her shorts on. Once they were on she tried to tip toe quietly across the room and only made it half way on her wobbly legs. She was just able to catch herself on Rachel's dresser before she toppled to the floor, quickly looking over to see if she woke up Rachel she smiled when she saw the brunette cuddled with the pillow she was just sleeping on. Once she was able to regain the strength in her legs enough to walk, she snuck out the room and made her way to the balcony she saw earlier. She let out a quiet laugh as she flicked the lights off and saw the empty bottles of wine on the table and their shirts on the floor, she picked up her shirt and put it on before stepping outside and lighting a cigarette.

Rachel had a fantastic view of the city from her apartment, the building was high up and there was no one around for miles, the sky line just made visible in the distance. She definitely wouldn't mind having her way with Rachel out here. Taking another drag of her cigarette, she reflected on the night she had with Rachel. Of course they had been drinking, they drank a lot actually considering the 3 large empty bottles of wine on the table but she didn't plan on things moving so fast. She wanted Rachel to be hers, and after what happened earlier in the night she definitely knew that she wanted something more. Even through her drunken lust, what her and Rachel did wasn't just drunk casual sex. They connected, and with every kiss her soul was set ablaze and there were nothing but fireworks. She couldn't deny it now. She held herself against the railing to support her wobbly knees as she finished the rest of her cigarette and exhaled the smoke. She definitely needed one after what Rachel had put on her. She didn't know the little diva had it in her, she was so sweet and well-spoken and carried herself with such dignity. Never in a million years would Santana have guessed that she was such an aggressor in the bedroom. Puck always said it was the small, timid ones to look out for to rock your world. Her and Rachel were definitely going to have some good times if this continued. Taking a deep breathe she exhaled and took in the city night in front of her. It was so peaceful, so peaceful in fact that she didn't hear the balcony door open behind her and then she felt hands wrap around her waist from behind her and lips kiss her bare shoulder. Turning around she saw Rachel, dressed in a pink robe with a gold star emblazoned on it with the initials RBB, pulling the smaller diva closer to her body she brushed her hair out of her face that was being blown around in the night wind and placed a gently kiss to her lips.

"You smell like smoke." She said snuggling closer to the taller Latina's body.

"I'm sorry. I tried to come out here and air it out once I was finished so you wouldn't be able to tell. It's a bad habit I picked up a long time ago." Santana stated, she couldn't explain it but right there on that balcony with Rachel wrapped around her, she never felt more whole. More at peace with the world and everything in it.

"It's fine. I actually think it's sexy. You're the only person who can make smoking sexy." Rachel giggled before nuzzling herself into Santana's chest. "So, can we talk about this?"

"I actually wanted to talk about it too." Santana sighed. She was so happy, purely happy she hoped Rachel felt the same way and wanted to take it further and see where it went.

Rachel looked into Santana's eyes, hoping to find the answer somewhere in there that she wanted to take this further than just sex. Sure, things had moved a little fast, but she felt something special. She hoped Santana felt it too. "You know Santana. I don't regret what happened between us at all. Nothing happened that I didn't want to happen you know that right?"

Santana nodded her head in response before Rachel continued. "I just can't deny the fact that my feelings for you only grew stronger in time and then after tonight, I realized I wanted nothing more than to have this continue for however long it should last…" Rachel was stopped mid-sentence by Santana pressing a passionate kiss to her lips. When Santana pulled away, Rachel still had her eyes closed and smiled.

"Rachel, you have no idea how bad I wanted to know you felt the same." Santana ran her finger across the outline of Rachel's face, looking deep within her eyes before finishing her statement. "I know that this probably isn't the order in which you wanted this to happen, but nothing would make me happier than for you to be my girlfriend. That is if you want to?" Santana looked into Rachel's eyes and her heart almost skipped a beat when Rachel grabbed her hand and placed a gentle kiss to each finger before cupping Santana's face and placed a passionate kiss to her lips before answering.

"Nothing would make me happier than to say yes." Rachel's heart thudded madly in her chest when she saw the smile that spread across Santana's lips. She leaned down and immediately connected their lips in a kiss that paralleled no other. Never have either woman been kissed like this. The kiss soon turned needy and Rachel plunged her tongue into the taller Latina's mouth, instantly feeling heat pool between her legs as she tasted the faint traces of herself in Santana's mouth as well as the wine they consumed earlier and the taste of smoke as well. Rachel pulled away from the kiss and laughed.

"I'm guessing your bisexual then huh?" Rachel looked at Santana in confusion when she burst out laughing after her statement.

"Bisexual, oh god that's rich Rach." Santana laughed hysterically.

"For some reason I thought you and Noah were involved."

"ME AND PUCK?" Santana hollered before clutching her stomach in more hysterical laughter. "God, please just kill me if I ever lay a non friendly finger on Puck."

"So you and him never dated?"

"Never. We've been best friends since we were 7. I've never even kissed him, he's like my brother. That's disgusting. Even if I was bisexual..." Santana said the word like it left a bad taste in her mouth. "He's the male version of me, in every way shape and form. There is NO way we would ever work, not that he hasn't tried a few times way back when before I was even in the closet. I'm an out and proud lesbian Hun. And I'm even more proud to have you as my own." Santana smiled before pressing a kiss to Rachel's temple.

"Just promise me this, don't ever bring up me and Puck romantically ever again. Just the thought makes me want to go full Linda Blair all over the balcony. The idea of anything heterosexual disgusts me."

"You've got my word, beautiful. Now if you don't mind..." Rachel started before she grabbed Santana's hand and interlaced their fingers. "I wouldn't mind you wrapping your legs around my neck now that you're officially my girlfriend." Rachel whispered seductively.

Santana could only grin as she took her shirt off and allowed Rachel to pull her back to her bedroom.

…

Rachel awoke in the late afternoon, groaning as the sun hit her in the face and pierced her skull as she tried to open them. Hung-over was the understatement of the year, sitting up from her spot in her bed and holding the sheets up over her chest, she looked over to her clock. It was two in the afternoon; this was the latest she's slept in in years. She looked over to Santana who was still asleep her hair fanned out across her face and the pillow. She looked so content in her sleep. Rachel smiled at her girlfriend, and looked shocked at the dark marks that were visible on her neck, chest and shoulders from the aftermath of their love making. When they declared their relationship, they spent the rest of the night making love until the sun came up before they fell asleep coming down from their orgasms. She chuckled at the thought that her walls would have a whole lot to say if they could talk. She got up from the bed on weak legs to get her robe and make her way to the bathroom. She needed aspirin badly and a shower, the stickiness between her legs was definitely a testament to that. She went to her dresser and pulled out some shorts and a tank top for her and some shorts and a shirt for Santana when she woke up as well, before going to her closet and getting some towels and setting them out for Santana as well. Before going to her bathroom and turning on the shower, and taking the aspirin before she set some out for Santana and a new toothbrush that she kept for when company came. Before she stepped into the shower she examined the passion marks Santana left across her neck, shoulders, chest and back, it would definitely take a lot of concealer to hide them when she was on stage, but for now she just left them, a beautiful reminder of what happened the night before. When she stepped into the shower the hot water, instantly relaxed the muscles that were tight from the many positions her and Santana tried the previous night. Once she was done showering she dried off and towel dried her hair before stepping out to make some coffee for her and her new found girlfriend.

…

Rachel was sitting on her couch nursing her second cup of coffee while watching the TV on a low volume so not to wake Santana as well to keep her head from rolling off her shoulders as she waits for the two aspirin she took to completely numb the throbbing in her skull. She looks at the time and realizes it's almost three thirty and she hasn't seen or heard from Santana yet, so she walks back to her room to check to see if she's up yet. When she opens the door she sees her bed is empty and hears her shower running, realizing Santana was awake she turned to go back into living room, she hears the most delicious deep sultry alto voice she's ever heard ring from inside the shower and stops dead in her tracks…

_All I can ever be to you,  
>Is a darkness that we knew,<br>And this regret I've got accustomed to,  
>Once it was so right,<br>When we were at our high,  
>Waiting for you in the hotel at night,<br>I knew I hadn't met my match,  
>But every moment we could snatch,<br>I don't know why I got so attached,  
>It's my responsibility,<br>And you don't owe nothing to me,  
>But to walk away I have no capacity<em>

It took a minute for Rachel to register what she was hearing; she didn't know that Santana sung. But not only sung, but sung well at that. Why didn't she tell her that she could sing? Rachel had no idea but the beautiful, raspy mellow tone that was coming out of her bathroom told her that Santana could not be any more perfect that she already was.

_He walks away,  
>The sun goes down,<br>He takes the day but I'm grown,  
>And in your way, in this blue shade,<br>My tears dry on their own_

Rachel gasped at the beautiful tone in her voice, she instantly decided she must have been trained at some point. It was rich and smooth, and god it was the perfect mesh between a contra alto and a mezzo soprano. She had the characteristics of both, and Rachel had to contain herself from stripping from her clothes and join her in the bathroom.

_I don't understand,  
>Why do I stress A man,<br>When there's so many bigger things at hand,  
>We could a never had it all,<br>We had to hit a wall,  
>So this is inevitable withdrawal,<br>Even if I stop wanting you,  
>A Perspective pushes true,<br>I'll be some next man's other woman soon,  
>I shouldn't play myself again,<br>I should just be my own best friend,  
>Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men<em>

_He walks away,  
>The sun goes down,<br>He takes the day but I'm grown,  
>And in your way, in this blue shade,<br>My tears dry on their own_

Rachel was so caught up in listening to Santana in the bathroom, she didn't realize the singing stopped and Santana stepped out in a towel and almost jumps out her skin when Santana yelps.

"For fuck's sake Rachel, you scared the shit out of me." Santana placed a hand over her chest to slow her beating heart.

"I'm sorry San, I was just so mesmerized by your singing in the shower. Why didn't you tell me you sang?" Rachel reached up and helped Santana dry her hair while the Latina dried off before slipping into the shorts and shirt Rachel laid out for her.

"I don't know, it's just something I do for fun. I don't make a living off of it, so I figured it wasn't really important."

"Not important?" Rachel looked surprised. "Santana you have the most beautiful voice I have ever heard, not to mention your raspy alto is unbelievably sexy." Rachel sat on Santana's lap and wrapped her arms around her neck. "Who was that song by?"

"Amy Winehouse. She's my all-time favorite." Santana wrapped her arms around Rachel's waist, before placing a small kiss to her lips. "Thank you for the aspirin, and the clothes… and the toothbrush."

"Figures. Her voice is right in your range. Her songs suit your voice very well." Rachel smiled against her girlfriend's lips. "And you're welcome, beautiful. Just as long as you promise to sing to me more often, it's so calming."

"I have no problem singing to you, as long as you promise to do the same." Santana smiled before pressing another kiss to the smaller diva's temple. "Now come on, I smell coffee and my head is pounding."

…

Rachel and Santana sat snuggled on the couch under the blankets watching TV all day while they nursed their hangovers together, sharing soft caresses and stealing kisses. Santana laced their fingers together before pressing Rachel's fingers to her lips, pressing gentle kisses to each one of Rachel's fingers.

Rachel giggled at the tickling sensation Santana's gently laid kisses always left in their wake. "You owe me a bed spread." Rachel started.

"What are you talking about? You're the one that squirted." Santana looked at Rachel incredulously.

"Oh please, I was nothing compared to the gushing waterfall from you. But of course you wouldn't really remember, you blacked out after every time." Rachel laughed, poking Santana in the chest as her eyes widened in surprise.

"I squirted? I didn't even know I could do that. I never did before."

"Well that explains the black outs. Your body clearly wasn't used to the sensation. But if it makes you feel any better, I've never done that as hard or as long as I have with you before. It was mind blowing."

"Whatever Rachel, I'm not getting you a new bedspread."

"I'm just poking fun baby, come here." Rachel pulled Santana's chin to face her before she kissed her deeply. "You know I can never get enough of kissing you?" Rachel asked with so much adoration in her eyes it made Santana's heart swell.

"I feel the same way." Santana stated against Rachel's lips, before whispering out huskily "About both sets of lips."

Rachel looked at Santana and immediately started to strip herself of her shirt and shorts as Santana did the same and locked their lips together passionately before starting another session right there on Rachel's couch. It was safe to say, they spent the entire day making love, never once stepping foot out of Rachel's apartment.

...

And now Santana and Rachel are together... *insert cues of angels singing*

Also the song Santana sang in the shower is Amy Winehouse's 'Tears Dry On Their Own'. I love Amy, and so does Naya in real life as well as Santana, so I figured it would be the perfect match.

**Santana's Spanish Translation: **

_"Joder por favor bebé sí hay derecho querido Dios" - "Fuck baby, please. Yes right there dear god."_

:D


	9. A Talk With Quinn

A/N: And here is some more Pezberry fluff, a PezPuckleberry Bro Night, and a little bit of serious talk between Santana and her friends. This is a set up for in the next couple chapters I believe where things get really angsty, if things go how I plan.

**WARNING: **This chapter contains slight triggers. **R&R (:**

Chapter 9: A Talk With Quinn

Santana and Rachel sat in Santana's apartment snuggled on her couch. Santana sat with her legs open and Rachel snuggled comfortably in between them, with Santana's arms round her, her fingers diligently pressing buttons on her Xbox controller as she killed as many enemies she could find on Call of Duty.

"Do you and Noah seriously sit here for hours and play this, San? It's so egregiously violent." Rachel looked threw her fingers as Santana just slit the neck of another person. Why Santana thought it was necessary to insist on her to come be a part of her and Puck's bro night this month she would never understand. It's been two weeks since her and Santana started dating, and she wanted Rachel to 'spend some time with her and her brother'.

"Rach, if you're going to comment and distract me from my gaming zone, then sit in my room." Santana said not even looking at Rachel while she continued to mercilessly slash people left and right. "Fuck yeah, 50 kill streak."

"Why don't you join me? I think we have some time before Noah gets here." Rachel whispered seductively before Santana pressed pause on the game and caught her lips hungrily in a kiss. The kiss quickly turned heated as she turned Rachel around and slid her hand up her shirt massaging her breasts through her bra. Rachel let out a moan at the contact as she slid her hands down Santana's sweats, stroking her through her boy shorts that were already damp. Santana could only moan as she latched her lips onto Rachel's neck and began to suck hungrily.

"Hot. Lesbians making out on the couch, now this is what a king should come home too." Puck said kicking the door closed behind him. Rachel and Santana jumped from their spot on the couch, as Santana pulled her hand from under Rachel's shirt and Rachel removed her hand from Santana's pants.

"Jesus, knock much Puckerman?" Santana asked agitated, she was just about to get her mack on. Puck ALWAYS had the worst timing.

"Why should I knock when I have a key?" Puck sat down on the couch and opened a beer from the case he was holding. "Don't stop cause I'm here."

"In your dreams Puckerman." Santana rolled her eyes and grabbed a beer and passed it to Rachel before she grabbed one herself. "Remind me to take your key back."

"Nonsense. It's for emergencies only." Puck grabbed the second controller and turned it on. "Hey, Rach."

Rachel looked mortified. The blush on her cheeks still evident, even though Santana didn't seem to be bothered that Puck had walked in on them with her hand down Santana's pants, she wasn't as comfortable around Puck just yet. "H-hello Noah." Rachel stammered.

"Don't get all shy now Rach. Don't think I didn't see you with your hand down my sister's pants." Puck didn't even look in Rachel's direction as him and Santana got into a heated session of Call of Duty.

"PUCK WHAT THE FUCK?" Santana yelled, eyes still trained on the screen in front of her as she let out a round of shots before changing the clip and tucking under a bridge on the game. "You see she's embarrassed. You're gonna give her a fuckin heart attack."

"What I'm just teasing? She should get to know, we don't get embarrassed around these parts. We're very open, aren't we San?" Puck laughed as he still looked nowhere from the television screen as his fingers worked at unloading shots from his rifle.

"Yeah, were open but that's because we've been friends for the last 16 years of our life. You've known Rach a month and a half. Relax till she's comfortable."

"I'm gonna go sit in your room and watch TV." Rachel said sullenly as she got up from her spot between Santana's legs.

"See what you did Puckerman? Fuck." Santana paused the game and got up from her spot on the couch to follow Rachel back into her room. "Rach!"

"Aww, Rach I was just joking!" Puck called from the living room as Santana walked into her room and shut the door.

"Rach…babe." Santana grabbed Rachel's arm and pulled her to her looking her in the eyes. "Babe, Puck was just being Puck. He's not used to new people; he doesn't know how to turn it off. He's sorry. He didn't mean anything by it."

"I know, it's just I'm so mortified. I couldn't stay. I just wanted to escape it till it blows over. I wish I could be as open as you and Noah. I'm sorry. You must think I'm a baby." Rachel turned her gaze from Santana and looked out her window, until she pulled Rachel's face close to hers, her lips just barely touching Rachel's.

"I don't think you're a baby. Puck takes some getting used to. And it's even more so said that us being so close we really don't shy away from much. We tell each other everything. I'm sorry if the brashness of our relationship makes you uncomfortable. We'll tone it down." Santana leaned down and placed a lingering kiss on Rachel's lips.

"No, you don't have to. I have to get used to Noah, it's nothing serious. Plus, 'brashness'? It seems my rather extensive vocabulary is rubbing off on you." Rachel smiled linking her fingers with Santana's.

"Goodness, it's starting. Next I'll be wearing your argyle sweaters and knee high socks like you back in high school."

"I must say, that whether you approve of them or not. I liked my style of dress in high school at the time, and although now I've seen the error of my ways. I would ask you to refrain talking about them further. Even though I still have a few of those incredibly short skirts in my closet." Rachel leaned into Santana's ear and whispered the last part seductively before placing a chaste kiss to her lips and attempted to leave out the room, before Santana had pulled her back to her and aggressively pinned her up against the bedroom door.

"And what exactly would I have to do to see you in those skirts, Ms. Berry?" Santana all but growled in Rachel's ear, sending tremors up her spine and started flicking her earlobe with her tongue before biting it gently and sucking it into her mouth.

"Well c-clearly y-you'll have to find out when Noah leaves.. I can't have that happen twice in the same night." Rachel stammered as she tried to contain the moans that were itching to fall from her mouth as Santana sucked her earlobe and gripped her waist, her fingers ever so often slipping underneath the waist band of the shorts the smaller diva was wearing.

"I'll kick him out." Santana said as she trailed kisses down Rachel's neck. Rachel bit her lip as Santana started making kisses closer and closer to the spot on Rachel's neck, that if Santana kissed it would be over before it even started. Regaining her composure she wriggled out of Santana's grip right before the Latina kissed the spot that would have had her shorts around her ankles.

"Santana this is your bro's night. And I'm not going to allow you cancel on Puck while he's already here. That would be rude." Rachel stated as she fixed her shorts on her hips.

"Puck knows the deal when it comes to sexy times." Santana pouted, even though she knew there was no winning in this situation.

"Santana." Rachel chided, giving her a look like this conversation is over.

"Fine." Santana grumbled. "Well, you wanna come back out with me and Puck or stay in here?" Santana asked as she grabbed the door handle.

Rachel only responded by grabbing Santana's hand and linking their fingers. "Can we play Rockband when you and Puck are done slaughtering hundreds of innocent people?"

"Rach, it's a war game. They aren't innocent, they're ENEMIES. Clearly I'm gonna have to teach you how to play." Rachel pouted. "Urgh, I hate it when you pout I can't say no. Sure we can play Rockband after." Rachel clapped with excitement and her eyes light up, but just as she opened her mouth to ask another question, Santana answered it for her. "And yes, you can have the microphone."

"YES!" Rachel squealed with excitement before wrapping her arms around Santana's neck and gave her a passionate kiss on the lips.

Santana smiled at the kiss and then rolled her eyes as she opened the door, finding Puck snacking on chips and taking swigs from his beer.

"Everything better?" Puck asked after he wiped his mouth. "Sorry Rach."

"It's fine Noah. Santana explained everything to me, and it's just something I have to learn to embrace as a part of your relationship. Being so blunt about private matters is something that is new to me, so it just takes time." Rachel smiled at Santana before taking her previous spot on the couch between her legs with Santana's arms wrapped around her, as she took a sip of her beer. "Plus, San said we can play Rockband after she wipes the floor with you on COD."

Santana smiled before placing a kiss to Rachel's hair. "My girl knows what's up."

"Well, let's just see how much shit you and your girlfriend start talking when I unleash my secret weapon on your ass, Lopez." Puck stated confidently before Santana pressed resume and they went right back into gaming mode.

…..

"You and Rachel doing good?" Mike asked as he was shading the lotus flower tattoo on Santana's side, trying to take her mind off the pain.

"Yeah. Rachel is amazing. I really like her." Santana gritted through her teeth as Mike started on the section right on the side of her ribs. "Fuck that shit hurts."

"I have no idea how you can sit so calmly when he's on your ribs like that San." Tina piped, looking up from the magazine she was reading. "I was in tears when Puck did the dove on my side."

"Yeah it hurts, but I find the pain calming kinda. It's better than the pain I am used too." Santana let out the breath she was holding when Mike stopped to get more ink to color in the flower.

"I would much rather prefer her getting it out through tattoos than other methods." Puck stated.

"Yeah me too. You're doing good San?" Mike asked as he resumed.

Santana bit her lower lip as he continued shading. "Yeah, I'm doing good. I've had to start taking my anxiety meds every now and then. But I think it's just because I know sooner or later. I'm gonna have to tell Rachel about my past."

"You haven't told her anything yet?" Tina raised an eyebrow.

"No. I'm terrified about it though. I have no idea how to handle it if she leaves. I don't wanna ruin anything. I'm so happy."

Puck looked at his friend with concerned eyes. "San, you know Rach would never just leave at the sight of trouble."

"I know, but being with me is so much emotional baggage. I can't put that on her."

"Yeah, but if things get serious you know that you'll have to. What you're dealing with is a big part of you San, the most important part. It's not fair when she's been so open with you and you're holding back. It's like a smack to the face." Mike stated. He knew that Santana dealt with a lot. More than most people to be honest, but he saw in Rachel's eyes how much she cared for Santana. And he's never seen Santana as happy as she's been with Rachel. He wanted her to know that hiding that part of her isn't right.

"Yeah San, Mike's right." Puck chimed in. "Rachel is your girlfriend. She's supposed to be there for the good and bad. She cares so much for you, it's not right to keep her out the loop. What happens if you have another dream while you're at her house? Or if you two are out somewhere and something triggers another episode? I know you're getting better, but it's not fair to Rach if you keep it from her and something happens and she doesn't know who to call or what to do."

"Mike, can you stop for a second please?" Santana sighed sitting up from the table she was laying on. She was getting that tight feeling in her chest again, the one she knew all too well. She got up from the table and walked over to her station and grabbed her anxiety meds before popping two in her mouth and washing them down with her Gatorade.

"You have to bring them with you, you take them that often? Why didn't you tell me?" Puck walked over to Santana and grabbed her arm, turning her to face him.

"First off, don't fucking grab me. Second, if I was constantly taking my other meds than sure. It's not that serious. It's just my anxiety pills. Relax." Santana snatched her arm from Puck's grip and glared at him. "And third, I carry them with me just in case when I'm out with Rachel and we start talking about the past, I get angsty. I don't want her to ask about mine. So I sneak off to take them so I won't become a crumbling mess in front of her. And like with all of you ganging up on me isn't exactly helping either, therefore a slightly medicated Santana. Happy? Now you know."

The trio sat there stunned to silence. "I'm sorry San." Tina said.

"Yeah, San. I didn't mean to push you like that. I do agree that you need to tell Rachel, but tell her in your own time. When you're ready." Mike said as he started the tattoo gun back up as Santana laid back down on the table.

"Yeah me too San. I don't want you to think we're ganging up on you. We're just concerned. We don't want this to end badly. I couldn't handle it if it went badly." Puck said retreating back to his station. The personal conversation abruptly ended when Puck and Tina's next appointments walked in the parlor.

Santana looked on to her friends with sad eyes. She knew they cared, she also knew that things with Rachel were heating up fast and becoming serious. She knew it was only a matter of time before she had to divulge in her past with her. She didn't know if she could handle another hit of rejection from someone she cared so deeply about. She needed to talk to Quinn; she would call her tonight for a phone consultation. Quinn always steered her in the right direction.

…..

Santana was kicked back on her bed, pajamas on, hair still wet from her shower and smoking a cigarette with her phone in her hand as she waited for Quinn to pick up. She had to take her anxiety medication again before she went to bed and spoke to Quinn. She had her other medications next to her on her night table in case she needed something else before she went to bed tonight, depending on how her conversation with Quinn went.

"Hello, Dr. Quinn Fabray speaking." Santana instantly felt her nerves calm as an effect of her medication as well as hearing Quinn's familiar voice.

"Hey, Quinn. Can you talk for a second?" Santana heard shuffling around in the background before Quinn spoke again.

"Yeah, what's going on San?" The blonde asked questioningly to the phone.

"Well, I've been seeing this girl. A new girl, her name's Rachel. And I like her so much. We've been dating for about 2 months now and things are starting to get serious." Santana exhaled the smoke from her cigarette as she heard Quinn scribbling in the background.

"Very serious?"

"Very" Santana started. "But the thing is, we spend a lot of time talking, about her past. Like her family relationships, high school and she even told me about a few of the boyfriends she had before she came out and girls she dated once she did. Stuff like that."

"Ahh, I see the issue." Quinn started to scribble more notes in her notepad from Santana's file. "You're afraid of divulging your past troubles and your current issues because you don't want to lose her."

"Exactly." Santana ashed her cigarette. "I care for her so much. So much for me to only have known her as long as I have, and I don't think I would be able to take it if I was rejected again by someone I cared so much for. I haven't felt this way for someone since Brittany." Santana felt her throat get tight by mentioning Brittany's name, let alone mentioning Brittany and Rachel at the same time.

"Well San, I can see you care for her deeply. But first you must know that it is imperative that sooner or later you let her know. If she cares for you the way you care for her, then she'll stick it out. Your condition is something that is very sensitive Santana. It's easily triggered, still to this day. Even if you don't know it, your subconscious is always there to pick up the triggers. It's not easy. Nor will it be an overnight fix. You're almost 3 years into recovery and there still are bumps. I'm sure Rachel will understand. It's something that if she is serious about keeping you in her life, she needs to know the warning signs and the triggers. It's not something you can keep her in the blue about."

"I know, Puck and Mike told me the same thing today. I've been taking my anxiety medication anytime I think about it or the past is brought up between me and Rachel. Puck's really concerned because he knows that I'm easily triggered sometimes. I have random episodes at the most inconvenient times. He doesn't want it to happen when I'm with Rachel and she's clueless about what to do or who to call. They say it's not fair to her."

"Puck's right San. I know you have to do it on your accord, because that's always how you've been. But the sooner the better, the last thing you need is for an episode to rehash its ugly old head and cause you to back pedal because no one around you at the time is equipped to handle the situation. You want to bring Rachel into one of our sessions and you can tell her with me there as a support system?"

"I'm not too sure about that Quinn. What happens if she runs for the hills the minute I ask her if she wants to join me in one of my therapy sessions?"

"You don't have to say it like that. Tell her that you want the both of you to come speak to someone."

"But, what if I insult her by saying that? It's almost like saying everything isn't as alright as it seems." Santana stubs out her cigarette and twirls a strand of her curly hair between her fingers before pushing the piece behind her ear.

"You're looking for an excuse to run away from the problem again Santana." Quinn stated scribbling more notes. She also made a note that it was imperative to not only get Rachel and Santana in a session together, but to also get Rachel in a private session to clue her in on the details of how to react and treat the situation if Santana were to back pedal in any sort of way or have an episode.

"You're right Quinn, I should just buck up and let her know the truth. God, when did I get so emotional and sappy? If the high school me saw me now, I would kick my ass for being such a pussy."

"You are not sappy, you're recovering. You're talking about your feelings, something you in high school would not do. You in high school was just an angry girl, who didn't know how to deal with her feelings or come to terms with her sexuality. It's very common Santana. You're not on your own with this. You have me and Puck and Mike and Tina, and hopefully Rachel as well once you let her know what you're dealing with emotionally."

Santana sighed as she buried herself deep under the covers. "Thanks Quinn. I needed that."

"No problem. Should I set up another appointment?"

"No, not yet. I need to figure out when, where and how to tell her. I think I can handle telling her by myself. I don't want there to be someone else with us when I tell her. I will call and make an appointment before I do it though, that way I can run some things past you to find my approach."

"Alright then, good night Santana. I'll talk to you soon."

"Talk to you soon Quinn." Santana hung up her phone before she turned over in her bed and stared at the ceiling, willing her eyes to drop close with no avail. After about 30 minutes she huffed as she turned over grabbing two sets of the pills she laid out before her conversation and washed them down with water, silently thanking God that she didn't have to work tomorrow. Her mind instantly went from running a mile a minute to a silencing calm, and she instantly felt drowsy. Turning over in her bed, she flicked off her bedside lamp and stared at the ceiling before she felt herself drift off into another blissful and dreamless sleep.

...

And now, the angst will slowly rear it's head... (hopefully) lol.


	10. Fix You

A/N: And here is one of the most angsty parts of the story. Santana tells Rachel about her past. This is a really long chapter.

**WARNING:** This chapter contains MAJOR triggers. As well as Bartie bashing. Please read at your own risk. **R&R(:**

Chapter 10: Fix You

Alright to say that that these last few weeks have been a cake walk for Santana, would be a bold down right lie. Let her tell it, she was fine to anyone who asked. But those who knew it best knew that she just wasn't at her best.

Her anxiety was through the roof. Her nightmares more frequent and her ever present insomnia wasn't exactly helping either. She had no other choice but to start taking almost all of her medications more frequently. All the talk about rehashing her past is actually making her relive it. It's been at the forefront of her mind ever since her phone conversation with Quinn and as the date of her and Rachel's 3 month anniversary drew closer. Santana knew she couldn't hold off any longer. Every time she closed her eyes without medication, she found herself waking up drenched in sweat and crying, reliving another part of her darkest days.

And it wasn't just affecting her, Puck, Tina and Mike noticed it as well. Even Rachel could tell something was off with her girlfriend. She was more quiet, more distant and to herself. Even what seemed like spaced out. Santana seemed almost airy on her meds. She was sluggish and lazy and constantly sleeps. Rachel just thought she was sick, at least that's what Santana told her. But Puck and everyone else knew otherwise. Santana was on her meds again, and not just her anxiety meds… all of them.

…

Santana sat back on the chair in her station; she didn't really have any appointments today, just a few small ones. But anything was better than sitting in her apartment all day. She gradually sipped her coffee as she tried to stay awake.

"San, Hun you ok?" Tina asked looking up from her appointment book concerned at her friend.

"It's been some of those weeks Tina. It's been some of those weeks." Santana attempted a weak smile at her friend. She barely had enough energy for that. Her head just dropped to her chest and she instantly dozed off.

"San, wake up. Why don't you just go home and sleep? You can't even finish a conversation without falling asleep in the middle of it. You know when you constantly are taking your medication it makes you sluggish. I'll take you home." Tina said shaking the Latina. She hated seeing her friend drugged like this. It just saddens her when she thinks of how much of a fire cracker the girl used to be back in high school compared to now.

"I don't really want to be by myself. That's why I came in the first place." Santana attempted to stretch and yawn but no avail. "I don't trust myself."

"You want me to stay with you? I'm done for a while and can keep a look out for you." Tina pulled the Latina up from her chair and threw her arm around her shoulder to help steady her before she could start walking again.

"I don't want everyone dropping what they're doing to look out for me." Santana said as her and Tina walked to Santana's car before helping her in the passenger's seat and getting in behind the wheel.

"I'm not dropping what I'm doing. I have a break for about 5 hours till my next appointment. By then Puck will be off and he can come and hang out with you. We want to look out for you, even if you don't think you have the will power yourself. We can help you San. We love you and are here for you no matter what."

"Thanks Tina. I love you." Santana yawned before lazily looking out the window. She fucking hated her medications.

…..

Santana groggily grabbed her phone off the side table when it's ringing woke her up from her third nap of the day. Looking at the caller id, she smiled when she saw the name flashing across the screen. Honestly the thought of Rachel was the only thing that made her happy now a days.

**Incoming Call**

_**Estrella**_

"Hola, Estrella." Santana smiled into the phone, she was happy Rachel decided to call her. She really wanted to hear her voice because the picture she had of them as the background on her phone wasn't enough anymore to even add just a little bit of light into her darkness.

"Hi beautiful. How are you feeling?" Rachel asked, she was sitting in her makeup chair as she applied her stage makeup for her show tonight.

"I've had better days, still not feeling too well." Santana hated lying to Rachel about the reason why she was so off lately. But the last thing she wanted was to loose Rachel. She couldn't handle it.

"Aww, baby. Well how about I come over and nurse you back to health? I'll bring some soup and my vegan peppermint tea you like so much." Rachel bit her lip, she knew something was up and she knew Santana wasn't sick. She's been like this for weeks and she still hasn't been to the doctor. Something was wrong and Rachel was determined to find out what was wrong with her girlfriend.

"I'd like that. But I would like sexy times with Rachel even more. That would cure me I think." Santana silently worried about Rachel coming over. Not that she hasn't been over to her apartment many times before, it's just that she wasn't so sure about her and Rachel being alone now, especially now that Santana was relying on her medications heavily. She would know for sure that something was up and she knew Rachel, if something seemed off Rachel will definitely call it out. Before it used to make her laugh how much she and Rachel were alike in calling out bullshit, now she was terrified because calling of bullshit meant something she was not ready for.

"Well how about this, after I give you some soup and tea, we'll snuggle and watch a movie. We'll even add a kiss or two, and then if you feel better. I'll give you sexy times. How's that sound?" Rachel knew Santana better than Santana thought she did, and the long bits of silence and how Santana lazily spoke her words, she knew something was wrong and there was no telling her there wasn't either.

"I get sexy times? I'm fine with it." Santana yawned, she didn't really want to get out of bed but she figured she could call Puck and let him know Rachel was coming over so he didn't have to come and get something to eat. She could stand a few hours alone, she had to figure out how she was going to work out going around the actual truth with Rachel when she came over.

"Alright then baby. I'll see you after my show. I'll call you when I'm on my way."

"Ok, I'll see you later. Break a leg beautiful." Santana smiled, and it was her first genuine smile for the first time in the last few days. Even though she was worried about telling Rachel the truth, she couldn't help how her heart fluttered whenever she knew she was going to see her soon.

"Thank you." Rachel smiled. "Ok bye baby. Mwah" Rachel happily kissed the phone before ending the call and sitting back in her vanity chair. She was worried about Santana, she couldn't quite put her finger on what it was exactly, but she almost bet that it had something to do with her past that she adamantly has been keeping mum about ever since they first met. But whatever it was she knew that she was going to let the Latina know that there was nothing that could deter her from how she felt about her and that she was going to stay there. She'd never felt this way about someone before and she wasn't going to let it go so easy. Finishing the last of her tea with honey, she quickly ran over her scales and placed the wig and hat on her head as she heard the call time as the curtain raised for another show.

…

Santana sighed as she opened the door when Rachel knocked and immediately enveloped the small diva in a hug. The smaller brunette sighed in Santana's arms and let go before placing her hand to the Latina's forehead.

"You feeling better sweetheart?" Rachel smiled and placed a kiss to her lips.

"I am now. I missed you Rae."

"I missed you too." Rachel smiled lightly before handing the Latina the bowl of soup. "Here, it's still hot. I'm gonna go make you some tea and you lay down and I'll bring it to you. Then we can get our snuggles on, as you like to say."

Santana smiled before going to her bedroom and lying in her bed and opening the bowl of soup and started to eat it. She loved Rachel's cooking, even though it was vegan she didn't mind. It warmed her heart that Rachel cared enough to take care of her. Even if she was faking a sickness, it still made her heart smile that Rachel was so motherly. It reminded her of that time in high school when she first got mono and Brittany took care of her… Brittany. Santana's throat caught as she thought about her. She's never thought about Brittany when Rachel was around. It just reminded her why she was struggling so much with her past now, and how Brittany was the cause of that. She immediately felt the tears prickle at the back of her eyes and she rushed to the bathroom, frantically looking through her medicine cabinet for her meds. She didn't know why she didn't take them before Rachel got there. Finding the exact ones she was looking for she hurriedly opened them and dry swallowed them, holding on to the sink for dear life as she tried to catch her breath from her heart beating so rapidly. She wiped at the tears she knew were falling, she couldn't break down. Not when Rachel was here, she couldn't let Rachel see what a mess she was. She couldn't let it happen. Everything was so great, she couldn't let Rachel see. She had to be strong. "You can't let Rachel see you like this Lopez. Get it together." She scolded herself. She almost had it together as she felt her meds take effect, before she heard someone clear their throat behind her and her heart dropped to her feet.

"Santana?" Rachel asked silently, her heart broke as she saw the beautiful Latina holding onto the sink, wiping her eyes furiously at the tears that were falling. "Baby, are you alright?"

Santana looked at Rachel with wide eyes as she looked at the predicament. Her medications open on the counter in front of her. She was caught, Rachel found out she was crazy. She fucked everything up, just like she did with Brittany. It was too much, she couldn't breathe. The room was spinning, she tried to contain the sobs that were trying to escape her throat. _How could she explain this? _It was ruined, she always fucked up everything. She fell to her knees and immediately started sobbing. She wasn't strong enough. Her body convulsed with tears as she attempted feebly to hold herself together, but was failing miserably.

Rachel tried to grasp what was happening. Why was Santana taking all those medications? Why was she crying? She immediately snapped herself out of the initial shock and rushed over to her sobbing girlfriend and wrapped her arms around her, hugging her tightly to her chest as she tried to keep her own tears at bay. "Shh, baby calm down I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. What's going on? Why are you crying? Please baby, talk to me."

Santana shook her head as she tried to get herself together. She tried to pry herself out of Rachel's arms, but she wouldn't let her. "I ruined everything." Santana sobbed into Rachel's chest after what felt like 15 minutes of crying.

"You didn't ruin anything sweetheart. Just tell me what's wrong." Rachel wiped at her own tears before she delicately wiped the tears from under Santana's eyes and gently stroking her hair. "You haven't really been sick these last few weeks have you?"

Santana felt her throat clench as she faced the inevitable. How was she supposed to explain this to Rachel, her perfect Rachel? Now more than ever Santana felt the darkness close around her, only Rachel's face was visible at the end of her tunnel vision. She tried so hard to keep herself together, for the sake of Rachel for what she had with Rachel. But it was soon to be over. Rachel would decide that having Santana and all her emotional damage would be too much and move on, while Santana was left to pick up what little she had left of herself. "No." was all she managed to croak out between the fresh batch of sobs that left her throat. She wasn't prepared. It was too soon.

"Please baby, tell me what's wrong." Rachel pleaded. She lifted Santana's chin so that now she was looking her straight in the eyes as fresh tears started to fall from her own as she saw the pain and sadness that was swirling in the beautiful Latina's eyes. "Please."

"Rachel, I don't know why you stayed. I'm a mess. I literally have nothing left of myself." Santana croaked out.

"I'm with you because you're my girlfriend and I care so much about you. More than I've cared for anyone. You and you alone make me happy. Please tell me what's going on, it's breaking my heart to see you in so much pain."

"If I tell you, you'll leave." Santana broke out again.

"I can't leave you like this Santana. I would never." Rachel reassured. There was no way she was going to leave her like this. There was no way in the world. She never wanted to leave, she cared about the Latina in front of her that much. She looked into Santana's eyes again, hoping the broken girl in her arms would see that she was telling the truth and let her know what was going on.

Santana saw the reassurance in Rachel's eyes and took a deep breath. "Alright. But can we go sit in my room?" Rachel helped the beautiful girl off the floor and interlaced her fingers with hers before leading her to her bedroom and sat down on the bed. Santana sat up against her head board and stared down at her fingers before drawing out another shaky breathe.

Rachel sat down on the end of the bed and stared at the Latina with intent eyes, grabbing her hand and placing it in her lap before intertwining their fingers again. "Santana, you can tell me anything. I'm not going to judge, and I'm definitely not going to leave. Trust me enough to know I'm not going to leave."

Santana stared at the beautiful chocolate orbs that were locked with hers. "It's not that I don't trust you. It's just….hard." She let out another deep breath before starting. "You promise you won't leave?"

Rachel kissed their interlaced fingers and squeezed them gently. "I promise."

Santana looked at the ceiling before wiping the tears that fell from her eyes again before starting.

"You remember when I told you how I was outted in high school?" Rachel nodded her head urging the Latina to go on. "Well, it was hard. There was this girl, her name was Brittany. And she was my best friend. We were best friends since the fourth grade and did everything together. We took dance classes together, we both cheer leaded together, and we literally did everything. We were inseparable. I first started feeling things in middle school for her. I thought at first that I just relied on Britt because things were rough at home. My parent's always worked and I always was by myself, so I spent those days with Brittany. When I wasn't with Britt, I was with Puck. I never thought of her in a different way until high school, we were both really popular and were captains of our school cheer squad. Soon we quickly fell into a friends with benefits deal. I just thought that it was experimenting, and it was ok because I just thought that's what kids in high school did, experiment. I soon realized that I was developing feelings for her. And I immediately knew it was wrong. I seen how the gay kids in my school were treated. That wasn't me. I couldn't be gay. I mean yeah I looked at girls, but I looked at guys too. I just told myself that everyone did it. So I pushed those feelings for her aside, and I turned into 'Slutana Hopez'…" Santana scoffed the high school nickname.

"I got around. I mean really got around. I coined the phrase 'Never say no' and that's exactly what I did. I was still having sex with Brittany, and soon it got around the school that me and Britt were sleeping together too. Which surprised no one, considering how we were always attached to each other, linking pinkies as we walked down the hallway together, they just thought that we were too close and me being the slut that I was had just talked Britt into it because I was so manipulative and to top it Britt wasn't exactly that bright either. I soon turned into not only the school's biggest slut, but their biggest bitch as well. I constantly picked on kids and fought and threatened people. I never let anyone in, except for Brittany. She was the only one that saw the real Santana. Anyone who picked on Brittany, I kicked their ass. I quickly became overly aggressive, everyday felt like a war. And as the years went on, it got worse. The more I felt for Britt, the meaner I got. I literally had the entire school jumping out of the way when I walked past. Nobody fucked with me or Britt or Puck. I was drunk on power, and anybody who tried to buck the system quickly got their ass beat. Boy or girl, didn't matter. It was sophomore year when I realized that I was in love with Brittany. She had seen me at my worst and seen me at my best. There wasn't many people who saw the real me. And then there was a side of me that even Puck hadn't seen. I only showed Brittany. So towards the end of sophomore year, Brittany wanted more. We told each other over and over how much we loved one another. And Brittany had openly embraced her bisexuality. I wasn't at that stage yet. So she started dating this kid Artie. He was a paraplegic and Britt had expressed many times before that she liked him. I would just change the subject. Every time she tried to talk about feelings I would push it aside. I claimed that I was just as straight as could be and it was just because I couldn't have sex with a guy, I had sex with Brittany." Santana wiped furiously at the tears that were now falling from her eyes again.

"So Britt started dating Artie and I flew into many a relationship with other guys. I was so sexually aggressive. I used any and every guy I forced myself to think was attractive and had as much sex as possible. Of course me and Britt still kept what we had going, but it was less often because she didn't want to hurt Artie. I of course just assured her it wasn't cheating because the plumbing was different. But it soon became too much to bear. So finally during junior year, I admitted to myself that I was a lesbian and was head over heels in love with my best friend. So I told her. And Brittany by that time was also in love with Artie, and rejected me. Claiming that she loved Artie too and didn't want to hurt him, she said that if her and Artie were to break up we could be together and she would be mine proudly so. I of course was devastated, she was the one that forced me to be honest with myself and who I was and she flat cold rejected me. We didn't speak for a while after that, and that's when it all started going downhill." Santana released another shaky breathe as she started to divulge in the story, never once looking into Rachel's eyes, knowing that if she did she wouldn't have the strength to continue.

"I was so depressed after that, not only had I lost the love of my life at the time. Now I was a closeted lesbian on top of that, pining over a girl I couldn't have. So I got meaner, even more nasty and constantly fought. I couldn't tell anyone, not even Puck. So I kept it inside, it all became just an inner blood bath with me fighting with myself. Until one day I found the comfort in one of the worse ways possible. Drinking only did so much for me at that point, I was the weepy hysterical drunk. Always crying, and always drunk. I one day was in my bathroom shaving and accidently nicked myself with the razor. I was amazed at how even though it was supposed to hurt, I felt relief. So I started cutting, every day it was the same old thing. I would see Britt with Artie and I would almost break down. I would pick a fight with someone then come home and find release with a razor blade. It all started going downhill so fast, I couldn't even catch myself. I started to date one of the football players, Dave. I found out that Dave was also in the closet himself, so we used each other as beards. Every time I would walk with Dave, I saw the look of hurt in Britt's eyes. She knew I was lying to myself and I did too. The cutting just got worse. My mom walked in on me in my daily 'release sessions' and immediately placed me in therapy. They diagnosed me as clinically depressed and prescribed me medication and placed me on watch. I couldn't have razors or use knives. But I snuck them anyways. I needed it, if I didn't release somehow I would burst. But of course I couldn't tell anyone, because then that would mean coming out and I was nowhere near at the stage I needed to be to do that just yet." Santana brushed her bangs off her face and hear Rachel sniffling, she still refused to look her in the eyes so she focused on the thread on her bed spread continuing.

"Finally towards the end of junior year, Britt and Artie broke up. I was ecstatic because I could finally have Britt the way I wanted. I was so in love with her Rachel. I swore up and down she was it for me. The sun rose and set on Brittany. Every time I looked into those bright blue eyes, I saw my soul. My future, I instantly laid my heart out and placed it in her hands. She stopped me from cutting and I was so happy I didn't need my medication anymore. My therapist stopped prescribing it to me. And me and her started the long trek that would be our relationship together. First I came out to Puck my senior year. He was the most important person in my life besides Brittany. The only family I had really, since my parents where never there. Well besides my Abuelita. See, when I was younger I was always with my Abuelita. She practically raised me. She saw my first steps, heard my first words and was the first person to start potty training me. My parents spoiled me rotten because they were never there, and I viewed my Abuelita as my both my parents. She taught me to fight and defend myself, and was the only family member that I respected. Puck was accepting of me being gay and my relationship with Brittany. He already knew, but was just waiting for me to tell him. Puck was my brother. I didn't have any siblings and Puck was the only person that I've known since I could barely speak English. Being around my Abuelita, she spoke mainly in Spanish so that was really my first language. But as things started to get more serious with Britt, I wanted to come out. I was working my way up there. My close friends knew about us, but that was it. Not my parents, my family, the rest of the school and definitely not Abuelita. I had toned down a lot since I got with Britt. I was starting to come to terms with myself, so I still had my snarky HBIC attitude my patience was longer and my temper wasn't easily as sparked as before. Until one day, I had got into a fight with the quarterback of the football team. I had said some mean things and I walked away in triumph as I just stumped the idiot with my snarky comebacks until he hit where it hurt. He screamed at me "Why don't you just come out the closet Santana? You're such a bitch all the time because you just can't accept the fact that you're in love with Brittany and she might not love you back. You know what I think you are? A bitch…. and a lesbian…and a coward."" Santana started crying remembering easily one of the worst days of her life.

"I didn't want to be outted like that. I just stopped in my tracks and everyone stared at me, snickering and making jokes. Until one guy on the hockey team called me a Dyke. And I ran for the hills, with everyone laughing at me as I ran out the doors and immediately went home. I started cutting again. The school called my parents and told them that I left. I finally came out to them and I was so surprised at how supportive they were. They instantly called the guys parents and told them what happened. He was suspended and I was tormented. The only thing that made even coming to school worthwhile was Britt. She was there through it all, all the times I cried all the times when she felt I was turning back to my old ways. She was there. I had stopped taking my meds again after my doctor had prescribed them for me once again when I was dealing with being outted at school. And everything was going fine, the teasing stopped and people were supportive of me and Britt. Everyone then turned their attention to the douchebag the outted me and began tormenting him for using someone's sexuality as a weapon against them. I had become close friends with Tina and Mike, as they supported me too. And when I wasn't with Britt, I was with Tina, Mike and Puck. I slowly started to come out to the rest of my family, until there was only one person left, my Abuelita. My family was so supportive of me, even though most of them knew, a few were shocked that I wasn't with Puck. But none the less they supported me and took Britt in as one of the family. I decided one day after school, I was going to tell my Abuelita. I wasn't nervous because the rest of my family was ok with it, and she loved me the most out of everyone and was the most important woman in the world to me." Santana shook her head at the memory, if she thought being outted was bad. This part took the cake.

"I told her and she immediately disowned me." Santana heard Rachel gasp as she felt a fresh batch a tears fell at the memory. "Said that it was a sin and the sin was in the scandal when you said it aloud. She would have rather me kept it a secret then tell her the most important part of me. She said she never wanted to see me again and was disgusted with me. I was never more hurt and devastated in my life. I could have dealed with my parents disowning me, but my Abuelita? I never thought in a million years it would be her. So once again I reverted back to old ways. My parents were furious with her. And Britt held me through it all. She didn't come to my graduation, she didn't pick up my phone calls, she didn't come over for Christmas or Thanksgiving. I always had to deal with my cousins doing things with her and love and affection, but she never looked my way again. Like her little Santi never existed. I was able to deal after a while and then it turned to anger. I was so mad at the woman that I loved the most and looked up too just blatantly tore me out of her book like that. But there was always two things that were a constant, Britt and Puck. So once we graduated, I decided to move in with Britt. We got a place together as I went to school to become a licensed tattoo artist as Britt went to a performing arts college to major in dance. She wanted to open her own studio. It had always been her dream. And my dream was to own my own tattoo shop and be with Britt for the rest of my life. By that time we were together for almost 2 ½ years. Everything went beautifully after that, I got my license and started working in a shop downtown and Britt had started teaching classes at a local studio as she finished school. Things went beautiful for 2 years after graduation before everything crashed and burned to the ground." Santana felt her throat close up before she started crying again, looking down at her and Rachel's interlaced fingers she composed herself before she started the worse part of the story. The part that lead them into the present day.

"Britt sat me down one day and told me that while she loved me with everything she had, she had reconnected with Artie and wanted to be with him. I felt like someone had ripped the rug from underneath me. I begged, I pleaded. I needed Brittany. She had no idea how much she kept me together throughout everything shitty in my life. She was my everything, but Britt was adamant on giving things with Artie another go. She wanted to remain friends but I couldn't do it. I couldn't just be friends with Brittany. I was so in love with her, my world revolved around her. I had lost and gained so many things in my life because of her. I couldn't just be friends. So I moved out and moved in with Puck. Puck held me through it, but it wasn't the same. It wasn't Brittany. You have no idea how many nights I cried myself to sleep after that, calling her name out in my sleep, dreaming about her, thinking about her and then thinking about her rolling around town on Artie's lap like back in high school. I had officially hit rock bottom. I started cutting again, worse than ever before. I didn't really talk to anybody about what I was dealing with not even Puck. I slept around a lot, this time only girls. I was repulsed by the idea of anything sexual with men. I got pissy drunk every day. Going out to the club one night, one of the artists that I worked with introduced me to this guy named Dean. Dean sold oxycodone and gave me some to try it out. I was hooked. I loved how when I got high, I no longer though about Britt or the shit hole of a life I was living without her while she was out and in love with Artie. I tried coke with Dean once, but I didn't like the high it gave me. So I just stuck with the oxy. It had gotten out of control. Puck had picked me up plenty of nights and took care of me when the people I was hanging out with called him after I got high and drunk off my ass and passed out. Puck tried so hard to keep it together, Tina and Mike did too. But there was nothing they could do, I had spiraled down until I thought it could get no worse. Until my dad called me and told me Abuelita died. Even though I was so mad at her, I truly thought at that point there was nothing left for me. Despite the fact that I had Puck and his family, Tina and hers and Mike and his, I always held on to the little hope that she would come around and accept me for who I was. After the ordeal in high school my parents went back to their old ways and all I had was Britt, Puck, Mike and Tina. After Britt left me and my Abuelita died. I couldn't take it. I learned that Abuelita took me out of her will and forbade anyone to speak of me at her funeral; she didn't even want me to come. I had enough. I was with Puck that night…" Santana started to break down sobbing again as she thought about that night. She composed herself when she felt Rachel tightly squeeze her hand and continued through her tears.

"He held me while I cried my eyes out and drowned my sorrows in an entire bottle of tequila. I had it. I told Puck I was going to the bathroom cause I was sick. I went to the bathroom and found my stash of oxy. I took all I had left… which was about 8 and washed them down with the rest of the tequila. I sat in the middle of the bathroom floor and cried till everything went black." Santana heard Rachel break out into heavy sobs at this point. She wanted to stop, but she had to tell Rachel the rest. "Next thing I knew when I came back to consciousness, I was being whisked by past bright white lights. I thought I was seeing the light. I was so content in the fact that I ended all of my pain and suffering, until I heard Puck crying my name. I didn't know what was going on. I started seizing and throwing up and then Puck was gone. Next thing I thought I saw was Brittany. I was so happy that she was there with me while I ended everything before it went black. I woke up two weeks later in the Psych ward. I was on suicide watch for two weeks as my body was nursed back enough to health before I was checked into St. Mary's rehab clinic and Mental ward as my body detoxed from all the drugs I consumed over that last year and a half, I was there for six months before I was checked into the Mental Ward, I was there for another six months as I sat through group therapy, NA and solo therapy sessions. It was there that I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression, anxiety, insomnia and post-traumatic stress disorder. I soon started to develop night terrors of the incident when I tried to kill myself. I spent a year at St. Mary's, trying to put back the pieces of what was left of my life. Puck, Tina and Mike visited me every day. They helped me retain what little sanity I had left. Once I was cleared safe enough to go home and to self-medicate myself, I stayed with Puck as I went through another 2 years of outpatient therapy. They prescribed me with all these medications, and that's what you saw me take in the bathroom. I've been doing good for a while, I haven't really needed them. But when things started getting serious with you, I was so afraid you would leave and I would go through the same thing I did with Britt. I wasn't sure I was strong enough to deal again. So I've been taking them regularly. I have prescriptions for my depression and anxiety as well as sleeping pills for my insomnia and dream suppressants and sedatives for my night terrors. I still get them every once in a while, but nowhere near as frequent as I did when I was at St. Mary's. So after all that here we are, a broken girl from a broken family trying to keep what little happiness she has left in her life with her girlfriend that she hasn't had this deep of feelings for since Brittany. I'm so sorry Rachel…" Santana broke down again before she felt Rachel wrap her arms around her tightly as they sobbed into each other's necks.

"You have nothing to feel sorry for Santana. You've been through a lot, too much for one person to handle. I admire your strength to be able to bounce back from that. I'm so happy you let me in and told me. I'm not going anywhere. I'll never do to you what Brittany did, ever. I'm here." Rachel sobbed into Santana's neck before kissing her lightly on the lips. "I will kiss every scar until they're healed." Rachel said before lifting Santana's arms and placed kisses over every scar she could find. "I will be here for you every step of the way, until you can love yourself again. I promise I'm not going anywhere. I'll will go to therapy sessions and meetings and listen when you need someone to talk to. Just please don't shut me out." Rachel pleaded looking into Santana's eyes for the first time since she started her story.

"Thank you Rachel. You have no idea how much it means to hear that." Santana said softly. "Lay with me?" She asked quietly.

"Of course beautiful." Rachel laid next to Santana on top her covers and wrapped the Latina in her arms, placing soft kisses on the back of her neck. She silently started to hum as she felt the taller brunette's body tremble with silent sobs. "Let it out baby, I'm not going anywhere. I promise." She said as she started to sing softly into the Latina's hair.

_When you try your best, but you don't succeed  
>When you get what you want, but not what you need<br>When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep  
>Stuck in reverse<em>

_And the tears come streaming down your face_  
><em>When you lose something you can't replace<em>  
><em>When you love someone, but it goes to waste<em>  
><em>Could it be worse?<em>

_Lights will guide you home_  
><em>And ignite your bones<em>  
><em>And I will try to fix you<em>

_And high up above or down below_  
><em>When you're too in love to let it go<em>  
><em>But if you never try you'll never know<em>  
><em>Just what you're worth<em>

_Lights will guide you home_  
><em>And ignite your bones<em>  
><em>And I will try to fix you<em>

_Tears stream down on your face_  
><em>When you lose something you cannot replace<em>  
><em>Tears stream down on your face<em>  
><em>And I...<em>

_Tears stream down on your face_  
><em>I promise you I will learn from my mistakes<em>  
><em>Tears stream down on your face<em>  
><em>And I...<em>

_Lights will guide you home_  
><em>And ignite your bones<em>  
><em>And I will try to fix you<em>

Rachel cried softly at the beautiful being in her arm's pain as she finished her song and she felt the woman's body stop trembling and her breathing even out as she fell asleep. Rachel knew then and there that she wasn't going anywhere from the Latina. She actually felt her feelings for her grow as Santana's story went on. She never knew someone could go through so much and still keep themselves together even as remotely as well as Santana did. She had a whole new respect for her. "I promise baby, I will be there to fix you…" Rachel mumbled before she let her hug her tighter before she let sleep overcome her.

...

And there you have it, Santana finally got up the courage to tell Rachel everything. The song is 'Fix You' by Coldplay. It's one of the most beautiful songs ever written in my opinion and I thought that it would match perfectly with Santana and what she's been through. I hope it wasn't too much :/


	11. A Surprise At Dr Fabray's

A/N: Thank you all so much for the reviews/alerts. It makes me feel so loved, plus it makes me work faster because I know that people are actually interested in what's going on in this. But here it is another chapter ! PLUS, new Glee tonight ! Who's ready for this beautiful Pezberry duet that I've been looking forward to for a solid 9 weeks ? *raises hand and cries hysterically*

**R&R(:**

Chapter 11: A Surprise at Dr. Fabray's

Santana was beyond annoyed with her girlfriend. But not in the bad way, after Santana had told Rachel everything about her past almost a month ago, their relationship was at an all-time high. Neither woman had been happier in a relationship for a while now. So when Rachel had asked Santana to teach her how to play Call of Duty so they could all play when Puck came for bro's night, Santana happily obliged. But what Santana didn't expect was for Rachel to be such a fast learner and quickly start beating her ass every time they played.

Rachel sighed triumphantly as she placed the controller down again looking at the scores from the last round she played with her girlfriend. When she heard the Latina grunt, she chuckled before grabbing another beer and taking a few large swigs, to say some of Santana's habits have rubbed off on her in the last 4 months they've been dating is an understatement. Rachel, before Santana was never a beer drinker or a video game player nor did she use the bathroom with the door open or even casually walk around with no underwear on. Which is what she was doing now, gulping a beer in a pair of Santana's old sweats full commando, chuckling to herself as her girlfriend threw the controller across the coffee table and grunted before pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. "Oh stop being a sore loser Santana. You're just upset that the student has surpassed the teacher."

Santana looked over at her girlfriend before rolling her eyes again and exhaled the smoke before taking another drag. "I still think you put a cheat code in when I went to get the beer from the fridge."

"I assure you I have no reason to cheat Santana. I'm appalled that you would even consider that. I've been nothing but fair." She scrunched her nose up at the smell of the cigarette. She was still getting used to Santana smoking around her; luckily it didn't affect her voice because she insisted that if Santana were to do so, they would have to sleep with the humidifier on.

"Yeah, yeah whatever." Santana got up from the couch and grabbed the box of Chinese food her and Rachel ordered early and started to eat it.

"So San, remember when I told you that Sam and Mercedes got engaged?" Rachel asked looking up from her box of Chinese to her girlfriend.

Santana nodded her head before taking another swig of her beer and took another drag of her cigarette. "Yeah, we hung out with them the next day remember?"

"Yeah. Well their having their engagement party in a couple weeks back home in Lima and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me? Plus, my fathers are insisting I bring you because I'm constantly talking about you and all they have are pictures."

"You send your dads pictures of me?" Santana asked raising an eyebrow.

"No silly. Pictures of us, remember when Tina had got that really cute one of us when we all went to that fair a few weeks back? The one when I jumped on your back after you won me that penguin playing Skee-Ball? I sent him that one."

"Oh, that was a cute picture. But uhh, sure I'll come. If you think I'm good enough to meet the 'Rents then I'm down." Santana shrugged her shoulders, but inside she was a mess. Meeting Rachel's dad's? She actually was really nervous. Plus that means she's going to have to drive out to Valencia and introduce Rachel to her parents. They haven't met anyone was involved with since Brittany.

Rachel sensed the aura shift in her girlfriend. "Santana, they'll love you. You have nothing to be worried about." She assured before placing a soft kiss to Santana's lips. She'd never actually pick up on the habit, but Rachel loved the taste of cigarettes on her girlfriends tongue. She found it unbelievably sexy.

Santana eased a bit at Rachel's reassurance. "I guess then that means you'll have to meet mine as well soon?"

"Oh Santana, please don't feel obligated to introduce me just because you're going to meet mine. Meeting mine is just convenient because we'll be attending Sam and Mercedes' engagement party and it will be back home. I'm so excited. I'll have to show you all around. Take you to my old high school, and introduce you to some of my friends from school that are still living there. I'll have to start planning soon." Rachel pulled out her phone and started looking up plane tickets. "Do you mind if we stay at my parents' house? That way we won't have to get a hotel room. The house is plenty big for all of us. You can sleep in my room with me." Rachel smiled.

Santana raised her eyebrow at her girlfriend again. "Your dads are gonna be ok with me sleeping in the same bed as you in their house?"

"Oh please Santana. I'm an adult. And they know I'm in a committed relationship."

"I don't want them to think I'm defiling their daughter in their house."

"Like I said earlier, they know I'm in a committed relationship with a woman I care deeply about. They also are aware that as an adult, I have needs, especially ones of the sexual sort. They've known and had time to accept the fact that I am sexually active, and have been for a while. There is no doubt in my mind that whatever does happen, they will respect me being an adult and my relationship enough to get over it." Rachel looks down to her phone again scrolling through airline tickets.

"Well that's not exactly what I want their first impression of me to be." Santana exhaled the rest of the smoke from her cigarette and stubbed it out. "What if they hear?"

"My bedroom is soundproofed." Rachel said still scrolling through her phone.

"Soundproofed?" Why Santana consistently found herself raising her eyebrows at her girlfriend's statements was beyond her.

"Yes, when I was younger my neighbors complained about me always singing and my dad's had it soundproofed so that I could sing all I wanted without making people upset." Rachel looked up from her phone. "So how does about June 15th sound? We can leave right after my matinee performance and I'll have my understudy take the roles for the week."

Santana just rolled her eyes at her girlfriend's nonchalant attitude, for some reason she wasn't surprised that was the reason why her room was soundproofed. She pulled out her phone and checking her schedule. "Yeah, that's fine. I'll just have Tina take my two small appointments during that week." Santana grimaced as she heard Rachel squeal with delight before placing a kiss to her lips.

"I'm so excited. I'm so happy; I finally have a reason to be excited to come back to Lima."

….

"Are you sure you want to come with me Rae? Like you could be doing something else, like helping Mercedes and Kurt plan for her wedding or sleeping or learning a new vegan recipe that you're going to torture me with." Santana sat in the seat of her car looking at the building ahead of her. She wasn't sure if she was ready to let Rachel into this part of her life. No one else that she dated after she broke up with Brittany had even gotten close to knowing this part of her.

"Santana, we are going into your therapist's office together." Rachel laced her fingers with Santana's before squeezing gently. "And I am honored to accompany you. This is a big step, I know it. But like I've told you ALL last night and ALL of last week, I'm here with you every step of the way. I'm not going anywhere." Rachel kissed the back of Santana's hand and smiled when she felt the Latina's clammy hand squeeze her back before they got out of the car and walked into her therapist's office.

"Hey Lauren." Santana greeted cheerfully to the woman behind the desk. She honestly can say she's never been more at ease walking into this place than she was with Rachel's hand wrapped in her hers.

"Santana! I see you're in the best of moods. Who's the lucky lady with you?"

"Lauren, this is my girlfriend Rachel. Rachel this is Lauren."

Rachel smiled politely before she reached out her hand that wasn't wrapped in Santana's to shake the woman's hand. "Pleasure to meet you Lauren."

"Please, the pleasure is all mines. Anyone who can make Santana smile like I've never seen her before is the best person in the world in my book." Lauren buzzed to the back to let Quinn known Santana was here. "Plus there was only so many times I could have the stand in the lobby knocked over from a raging Santana, rushing out cursing in Spanish."

Rachel looked at her girlfriend, silently scolding the woman with her eyes for her bad behavior like a child. Santana just shrugged and looked away from her girlfriend's eyes. "Well I assure you Santana is sorry. And it won't happen again, will it Santana?" Rachel looked at her girlfriend with her serious 'you better apologize' face.

"Yeah it won't happen again." Santana grumbled annoyingly as she was slightly embarrassed for being reprimanded in public like a child by her girlfriend.

"What was that Santana? I couldn't hear you." Rachel spoke louder, pinching Santana's arm in the process.

"I'm sorry about the bitch fits and knocking your shit over. It won't happen again." Santana grumbled while she rubbed her arm where Rachel pinched. She heard Rachel scoff. "Take it or leave it Rae. That's the best you're gonna get."

Lauren chuckled slightly and coughed in her hand something that sounded an awful like 'whipped'. Her and Santana have become relatively good friends over the course of her treatment over the years. So she could play around with her like this. She caught Santana glaring evilly at her mouthing "Wait till she's not here." Lauren laughed when she saw Rachel pinch Santana again, telling her to be nice.

Just as she was going to start laughing even harder at Santana's defeated face, the office door opened.

"Santana, I'm ready for you now. And I can't wait to meet your new girl-" Quinn was cut off mid-sentence when those chocolate brown eyes she hasn't seen in years locked with hers and she stood shell shocked.

Santana smiled, completely oblivious to the situation going on around her. "Quinn, this is my girlfriend Rachel Berry. Rachel this is my therapist Dr. Quinn Fabray."

Rachel stood rooted to her spot. _Fuck, why is the world so small._ Rachel hasn't seen or heard from her since Christmas vacation from freshman year of college. Now she just happens to show up, and be Santana her NEW girlfriend's therapist. She instantly snapped out of her daze and plastered her biggest Broadway smile on her face before reaching her hand forward to Quinn. "Pleasure to meet you Dr. Fabray."

Quinn shook her self mentally and like Rachel, plastered her biggest professional smile. In all her years of school, she was never trained for something like this. "Please, I want to make this as comfortable as possible. Call me Quinn." _Yeah right, like it's not already uncomfortable. I've seen you naked, way more than once._

Rachel, Quinn and Santana walked into Quinn's office as she they all sat down on their respective couches. "Would you like something to drink? Water, tea?"

Rachel politely declined while Santana walked over to the mini fridge and pulled out a vitamin water, before cracking open a window and pulling out a cigarette and sat closer to Rachel. Rachel was snapped out of her daze when she felt her girlfriend sit back down and she took the liberty to wrap her arms around the Latina's waist, before pressing a kiss to Santana's neck. She wasn't trying to make Quinn jealous; it was just natural for the both of them to be touching somehow whenever they are near each other.

Quinn snapped out of her daze when she saw Rachel wrap her arms around Santana and started the session. "So Santana things seem to be going good with Rachel after you told her everything?" Quinn decided to just look down at her notepad the entire time. She had to get herself together before her one on one with Rachel later.

"Yeah, everything is going fantastic. I've never been happier and Rachel is amazing. She's sweet, funny, kind, talented, smart, and compassionate. Rachel is everything I could have wished for." The Latina smiled proudly before placing a kiss to the top of Rachel's head. The smaller brunette giggled before poking her side cutely. That statement from Santana made her fall even harder for the Latina. She realized that it was no longer awkward between her and Quinn, because she truly was over it. She had Santana. And that was all she wanted and all she ever really needed to begin with.

Quinn cleared her throat and finished writing the notes and directed her next question to Rachel. "Well Rachel, I'm personally glad that you are there for Santana after she told you everything. It took a lot for her to be able to do that. It took me almost a year and a half to get it out of her. It only took you a few months; you must be something special to her."

"Well I hope I'm something special to her. She's the most special thing to me." Rachel smiled before she placed a kiss to Santana's lips, briefly licking her lips afterwards tasting the left over cigarette and smiling. It was the taste of her girlfriend, she couldn't be happier. "I couldn't be happier. Santana is gentle, caring, smart, artistic, funny, and caring… I could go on for days about all the things I love about her. But one of the biggest things is that she's so protective, I feel safe when I'm with her and I feel like Superwoman when her arms are wrapped around me, like I'm invincible. Like no one can touch me, I've never felt more safe and cared for then I do when I'm with her." Rachel smiled before wiping a tear from her eye. She meant every word of it. Santana made her feel like she could fly, and there was nothing in this world that could stop her if they wanted too. No one had ever made her feel like that. Not Jesse or Finn or Lydia or Bella, not even Quinn. Rachel knew what she wanted, and her arms were wrapped around her waist right now.

Quinn watched as Santana kissed Rachel deeply and she let them have their few moments together. She was happy Rachel was happy. It's been years and Quinn has since mended her broken heart since she last saw the tiny brunette, she instantly pressed a button on the screen of her phone revealing a picture of her and her girlfriend of 3 years Alicia. She was in love and there was nothing anyone could do or say to change it. She knew were Rachel and Santana were, she was there too once. And it was the most blissful time of her life. "Alright, well Rachel the reason I had San bring you here was because as you know now, there are some things that are very important when it comes to being with Santana. As she's told you she has been diagnosed with severe clinical depression as well as insomnia, anxiety disorder as well as PTSD. Now her issues have become way less severe over time, but we aren't completely there yet. She still needs help and I can only do so much as her therapist. People she's close to and her family have to help as well. Santana's condition is easily triggered, and even though the number of triggers have lessened as I've worked with her. There are still many that haven't been discovered or worked through yet. Santana is strong, but even superman needs help sometimes." Quinn smiled before looking over at Santana. "San, I need to talk to Rachel in private for a few moments."

Santana smiled before getting up from her spot on the couch and kissed her girlfriend deeply on the lips before leaving the room.

"Quinn-" Rachel started before Quinn put her hand up.

"Rachel, we came here in the first place to discuss Santana. We can talk about whatever after we get business taken care of."

Rachel could only nod in agreement before Quinn went on. "Rach, Santana has some of the most severe mental disorders one can come by, especially to have all at the same time. Nonetheless by far the hardest I've ever worked with. And as she's probably told you, we have put her on many different medications to manage it. Now like I've said before, Santana is easily triggered. Now I'm not saying whole her up in the house all day, but do be aware of what you or others around her say. Her episodes can get and have gotten very ugly. Now I'm going to tell you what I told Puck, Tina, Mike and her parents. Santana is strong. She just needs to be reminded of it. So when she starts getting distant, that's the first telltale sign. Don't let her distance herself, if she trusts you, which she has shown she does by telling you. If you give her a little gentle prodding, she'll tell you what's going on. Now also, do not speak formally of what she has been through or what happened unless she talks directly to you about it. Those could cause her night terrors. Do NOT by any means say the name Brittany. She has gotten better with time, but she still cries at the mention of her name." Rachel nodded her head as her mind memorized every bit of advice Quinn told her.

"Now sometimes she can be very sneaky with her distancing herself, sometimes you won't know until it's progressed to where she resorts to anger and sometimes violence. Now if this does happen, don't take what she says to heart. She's just trying to push you away to deal with whatever it is on her own. Remind her that while she is strong, she does still need help and there is nothing wrong with that. Now you may see her fidgeting a lot with the bracelet on her left wrist. That is her self harm prevention bracelet; make sure she never takes it off. She's always been good about that, so it's not anything to worry about but still. She pops it when she gets nervous or when she has that urge to cut. She's always been good about using it, so like I said nothing to worry about on that end. Just make sure she doesn't take it off. Now there are also a few other things that have been known to cause her episodes in the past, I don't think they still are problems but just to be safe. Don't bring up anything about that is even remotely tied to Brittany. It seems now Santana only has issues with Brittany herself, she used to not even be able to look at a cheerleader without breaking down into hysterical tears. Now when she does have an episode, it's normally just a lot of hysterical crying, repeated words and trouble breathing. Her episodes normally mix with an anxiety attack. If she does have an episode all you can do is hold her, whisper reassurances in her ear, just calm her down. Get her to breathe and stop crying. Tell her you're not going anywhere and she's safe. Remind her that she's come far and not to back track, you know things like that. Even the littlest bit helps. Now it's important that you remember that because Santana's condition is very sensitive, as well as unpredictable. She can do well for months, she even got as far as a year before something triggers and she takes two steps back. It's a long road for her, but she's further along than we thought she would be. She's a trooper. But like I said, be on the lookout for any signs or clues to back tracking. It may get annoying, especially to Santana, but it's better to be safe than sorry. Even her subconscious picks up on things even when Santana consciously doesn't. So just be aware."

Rachel nodded and took a deep breath. She cared for Santana so much, she was going to help. She was going to everything she could to help if it killed her. "Thank you Quinn." Rachel fixed her shirt and wiped her hands off on her short jean shorts that sat on her hips before Quinn reached out to grab her hand. Rachel looked down at it confused before she wrapped her arms around the taller blonde in a hug. "There is no need for us to be informal. We'll probably end up seeing a lot of each other now. So we might as well not make this awkward."

Quinn looked down at the smaller brunette confused before she smiled and nodded her head before her face turns serious. "Alright Rachel, now given our past history I am now faced with a decision. You and I used to be involved, now Santana is my patient. You are now involved with Santana. Now as a physician I'm not supposed to be able to keep Santana as my patient because now it is personal." Rachel gasped and tried to interject but Quinn shook her head continuing. "But because I am a professional and also because I am involved with someone else, I'm going to keep Santana as my patient. Not just because we've both moved on and matured or even because I'm currently with someone. But because besides you, Tina, Puck and Mike, I am the only person Santana confides in and trusts. And it took a long time and a lot of effort to get her to the point where she is now. And giving her to someone else would only set her back further, plus I like to think of Santana as one of my closest friends, that kind of thing sort of happens when you spend 3 hours a day with a person for almost 2 years." Quinn chuckled.

"I understand." Rachel laughed lightly as well before it dawned on her. "Should we let Santana know about our past relationship?"

Quinn frowned as she thought for a second. "No, as of right now I don't think that would be a wise decision, maybe once we have some more ground trekked for Santana and your relationship with her progresses more, we should make that step." Quinn started to pack up Santana's file before she stopped and looked at Rachel. "You never told her my name?"

"No. When I was telling her about me coming out, I only mentioned Finn and Jesse. I was trying to fill out the grey area's before I dropped the 'I'm a lesbian bomb.' I didn't know if she was gay at the time and I didn't want to run her off. I only told her that I lost my virginity to a girl in Glee Club with me, who I thought hated me but she only acted like elementary school boy on the playground because she couldn't come to terms with the fact that she had feelings for me and was gay." Rachel smiled as she slightly chided the blonde in front of her.

"I am and was not ever gay. I am bisexual, thank you very much, Hobbit." Quinn playfully poked fun at the smaller diva.

"I haven't heard that nickname in years." Rachel laughed as she grabbed Santana's Vitamin Water on the table and walked over to the door. "It really was nice seeing you again Quinn. I'm happy for you, you've done really well for yourself."

"I can say the same for you Rach. I always knew you would make it big on Broadway." Rachel smiled at Quinn's comment.

"Thank you for being one of the only few that actually believed in me." Rachel shut the door behind her to walk out seeing her girlfriend and Lauren in the middle of a playful spat. Rachel walked up to Santana and wrapped her arms around her waist from behind, deeply inhaling the familiar scent of coconut, vanilla, coffee and menthol that was her.

Santana turned around in Rachel's arms before placing a kiss to the top of her head. "Hey how did it go beautiful?"

"It went fine. Quinn just explained to me some stuff and answered some questions. That's all, you ready to go?"

"Yeah. I'm hungry, you want to go get Thai or something?" Santana asked unwrapping Rachel's arms from around her waist and lacing their fingers together. There was something about how perfectly Rachel's hand fit in hers that just made her heart stop beating altogether for a little bit.

"Thai sounds perfect." Rachel leaned up on her tip toes and kissed Santana deeply, she giggled when she saw the taller Latina scrunch her nose up all cute and Rachel loved it. She loved it even more because Santana knew she loved it and did it just for her.

"Catch ya on the flipside Zizes!" Santana waved behind her as her and Rachel left before playfully smacking her ass before she got in the car. "I'm gonna get some Thai food and then I'm gonna gets cuddles and kisses and THEN I'm gonna get sexy times with Rachel."

Rachel just smiled as she put her seatbelt on. "That you are. I'm so proud of you San. You've come so far."

Santana smiled genuinely as she pulled out of the parking lot and headed back to her place. "Yeah, but I still get sexy times."

"Is that all you think about?"

"No, I think about you and Puck, sometimes Tina and Mike, my parents, you, sexy times, tequila…sexy times, you, sexy times with you…" Santana counted off on her fingers as Rachel playfully slapped her.

"What am I gonna do with you?" Rachel shook her head.

"I would much rather enjoy that question if you worded it, 'WHAT am I gonna do TO you?'"

"You. Are. Ludicrous."

"Not the rapper baby, but the adjective." Santana winked at her girlfriend playfully as Rachel, looked out the car window before reaching across the gear shift and linking her fingers with Santana's. Santana could truly say that for the first time in a long time, she was truly happy. And she knew it.

...

BAHAHAHA ! So of course, I threw in some Faberry as well because come on, Faberry is pure canon. And even though I ship Rachel with Santana (endgame) I love my TV canon OTP's. Next chapter is the trip to Lima :D *does the Naya Dance*

Now off to my beautiful world of Pezberry, where they sing duets and have me crying for a week (:


	12. Lima Part I

**A/N: **I seriously allow everyone to punch me in the face for this long with the update. I've been so busy and working and my summer. I've seriously been slacking. And writers block is seriously a bitch. So I apologize for this shitty update. I needed to update so this is part 1.

**WARNING: **This chapter includes some smut... **R&R (:**

Chapter 12: Lima Part I

"FUCK SANTANA." Rachel moaned as she fisted the bed sheets so hard they came off the sides of the mattress, back arching high off the bed as Santana continued her assault on the smaller diva's pussy.

"Tell me what you want Rachel." Santana could not resist how turned on she was, seeing her girlfriend thrash about wildly underneath her tongue.

"Ahhhhh…..oohhhhhmyyyygoddddd" Rachel couldn't even form words. She swore there had to be cocaine on the tip of the Latina's tongue, she couldn't get enough. The smaller diva screamed as Santana's tongue dove deeper, while she rubbed circles around her sensitive nub that was almost painfully throbbing from the anticipated release as she grabbed handfuls of the Latina's hair. "San….fingers…please…" Rachel panted. She was so close, all she needed was just a few strokes and she would finally get the release she needed.

Santana grinned to herself before plunging her two fingers deep into her girlfriend, going straight for the spot that she knew like the back of her hand. Immediately finding what she was looking for and grazed her fingers across it lightly, taking Rachel's clit in between her lips. "Cum Rachel." Santana commanded calmly as she felt Rachel's walls tighten around her fingers. She gently prodded Rachel's spot as she gently bit Rachel's clit before pulling it with her teeth and Rachel came undone before her.

"YESSSS SANN FUUUCCCKKKKK!" Rachel screamed so loud she felt her voice get hoarse as she pulled Santana's hair, glad she had something to hold on too to keep her on earth while she felt like she would shoot out to the stratosphere.

Santana watched as her girlfriend exploded across her bed, not wanting to waste a drop she bent back down to drink every drop Rachel gave her and cleaned the rest from in between her legs. Climbing back up her girlfriend she kissed her soundly as Rachel attempted to get her breathing and heart rate back to normal. Rachel brought both her hands up and cupped Santana's face before kissing her again with everything she had left after that last orgasm. Running her tongue all across the Latina's mouth tasting herself, it just made her wet again. Rachel smiled seductively as she brought Santana's fingers up to her mouth and sucked off the left over essence from her orgasm.

Santana went completely wild. Rachel was almost prudish in public, but behind closed doors she was an animal. Santana growled before leaning back down to kiss Rachel again before spreading Rachel's thighs with her knee and pressing her thigh to Rachel's dripping core. "You're wet again beautiful? You're gonna dehydrate baby." Santana husked into Rachel's ear.

Rachel groaned when Santana's thigh met her already hyper sensitive core, she instantly started grinding her hips into her thigh, almost squealing in delight at the friction it caused. She quickly felt the tension in the bottom of her stomach start to coil and fast and continued to buck against Santana's thigh making it build bigger and bigger until she came again, all over Santana's thigh and dripping onto Santana's bed underneath them. Rachel looked up to the ceiling, trying to regulate her breathing. She would never understand how every single orgasm from Santana was mind blowing.

"You are beyond amazing Santana." Rachel smiled before the beautiful Latina bent down to kiss her softly on the lips.

Santana smiled looking deep into her girlfriend's eyes. She was so immensely happy. Everything about Rachel just made her melt. She never thought she would have this feeling again after Brittany left her, she thought Brittany took every bit of love she could give when she left. Rachel proved her wrong. Her heart swelled at the thought. Rachel held the pieces of her heart that was left and was putting them together again. She actually got scared. The last time she lost herself in someone else, she almost didn't make it. A tear slipped out and she attempted to wipe it away before Rachel stopped her and placed a soft kiss where it fell. She couldn't help but smile at the gesture; it helped Santana in her decision that being with Rachel was the right choice all along.

Rachel smiled back at Santana, her own eyes filling with tears as well. Santana didn't have to say anything. In those moments of silence, looking into each other's eyes they had a silent conversation. She felt what Santana was feeling. She knew that her being with Rachel like she is, emotionally invested was a big step from where she was years prior. Santana let her in, and she knew just in Santana opening up to her was something major. She kissed Santana softly again. "And that's how a girl should be woken up in the morning…"

…

Santana fidgeted in the car as Rachel drove to her parent's house, trying to keep herself occupied by looking out the window taking in the small town that Rachel was from. It was completely different from where she's from.

"Baby relax." Rachel reached across the gear shift and took Santana's hand in hers interlacing their fingers. "My dad's will love you. Don't be nervous."

Santana huffed in annoyance. She ever since they left Rachel had been repeating the same words over and over again, and this was just one instance when Rachel wasn't able to calm her down. "Rae, I'm meeting your parents. I think I can be nervous. I haven't dated seriously or met any girl I've dated parents since Britt. This is a big step." She took a deep breath, trying to ease the feeling of her chest tightening in anxiety and panic.

Rachel sighed, she knew Santana would be antsy. She just didn't know how badly. "Did you bring your meds?"

Santana reached in her bag and pulled out her anxiety medications and took two before washing them down with water. "What if they don't like me? What if they think I'm too crazy for you and think we shouldn't be together? Or what if-"

Rachel interrupted. "My dad's will not think you're crazy Santana. Stop with the what if's, it's not gonna help any." Santana grumbled under her breathe before looking out the window as Rachel turned down a street lined with houses. "Here we are!"

Santana gulped as they pulled into the driveway. She took a deep breathe feeling the tightness in her chest ease and her heart slowdown from the rapid pace it previously was beating at. Rachel put the car in park before hopping out the car, as she spotted her dads come out the house and enveloped them both in a huge hug. Santana shook her last minute nerves and got out the car, walking up to the 3 Berry's smiling nervously.

Rachel felt her girlfriend's nervousness, grabbing her hand and interlacing their fingers she smiled brightly at her dads. "Dad, Daddy this is my girlfriend Santana Lopez. San, these are my dad's Leroy & Hiram Berry."

Santana smiled. "Nice too meet you both, Mr. and Mr. Berry." She felt any nervousness in her system leave as she saw both men beam brightly at her.

"Please Santana, Mr. and Mr. gets too confusing. Please call us Hiram and Leroy." Hiram said shaking her hand. She chuckled before Leroy took her in a huge hug, clearly Leroy was Rachel's biological dad. They both had the same large smile and the same mannerisms.

"Yes, please. We want to be as formal as possible. You are dating our little girl and staying at our home. It would make the most sense for us to be on the first name basis. We will more than likely see more of each other." Leroy said beaming brightly at Santana. If she wasn't sure before, she was now. Leroy spoke in paragraphs just like Rachel.

"Daddy, please give her some space. No need to smother her." Rachel looked pleadingly at her father, her cheeks flushing deep red with embarrassment. "Dad, do something! Get him!" She whined.

"Come on Leroy. Let's take their bags into the house." Hiram looked at his husband with intent eyes.

When her dad's grabbed their bags out the back of the truck, Rachel walked over to Santana and grabbed her hand. "Baby, I'm so sorry. I forget that he's a little high strong sometimes."

Santana just chuckled at her statement. "I see where you get it from now."

….

"Babe, this was one of my favorite places to come eat back in high school. It was the prime place for dates. It was fancy and pretty cheap." Rachel beamed brightly as she held Santana's hand before she opened the door to Breadstix. "Plus they have a rather large selection of vegan and vegetarian options."

Santana looked around. It was a very nice small restaurant. She just hoped the food was good, she was starving. When they were shown to their seat, she grabbed Rachel's hand and kissed her fingers. Her stay in Lima was definitely different. She hasn't been any place outside of California. She always said she was a self-proclaimed city girl, it almost stunned her how someone with as big as a personality as Rachel even survived let alone came from this small country town. Her thoughts were interrupted when she realized Rachel was talking.

"So have you decided what you were gonna get babe?" Rachel looked over at Santana from her menu, she couldn't help but smile brightly. Despite what Santana seems to think, Rachel knew that she lucked out when she found Santana. She personally thought that they found each other when they both needed each other, and they were meant to be together for some reason. The odds have definitely been in her favor. Realizing that she was being creepy just grinning wildly into Santana's eyes, she leaned across the table and tapped Santana's nose to get her attention before she kissed her gently on the lips.

Santana just smiled against Rachel's lips, before catching her lips into another passionate kiss. There was no battle for dominance like usual, just passion and pure emotion. It clicked to Santana just in that moment with Rachel's lips pressed against hers that what she thought was just caring deeply for her girlfriend, somewhere along the lines developed into something more. She was in love with Rachel, her heart thudded madly in her chest as the revelation made itself more present in her mind. She loved Rachel. She was in love with Rachel. How did she not realize this before? Santana felt her chest grow tight and she released a breath that she didn't even know she was holding when the waitress had come over to take their orders. Once she was finished she placed a basket of complimentary breadsticks at the table before she left off to place their orders.

"The breadsticks are complimentary. They are all you can eat." Rachel smiled at Santana's smile as she dug in the basket and grabbed a breadstick munching on it happily.

"So they seriously can't tell us we can't have any more breadsticks?" Santana asked as she continued to munch on her third breadstick. "These are sooooo good."

"Babe, slow down. They'll bring out more; you need to save room for your food. And yes, they can't tell you no."

"We're coming here tomorrow and I'm bringing a wheel barrow. I dare them to tell me I can't take it home full of breadsticks either."

"No, we are not coming back here tomorrow. It's Mercy and Sam's party tomorrow. And I will not bring you back here if you bring a wheel barrow."

"Well, then I'm going to sit here and eat every breadstick that comes my way. Damn them for being so good."

Rachel just chuckled at her girlfriend and rolled her eyes as their waitress came back over with their orders.

…..

Santana flopped on the bed in Rachel's room, holding her stomach and groaning. "I swear I'm going to burst."

"Well no one told you to eat your weight in breadsticks Santana. Your upset stomach is completely your fault." Rachel chuckled while she took off her heels from the night and then walked over to her bed to curl up on Santana's side. Leaning up to her girlfriend's neck and placing a kiss there, she smiled before rubbing her belly in soft soothing circles.

Santana groaned in response. "They weren't supposed to be that addicting. Don't stop babe. That makes it feel better."

"You weren't supposed to ingest 6 baskets of them by yourself either, PLUS dinner. I swear, where do you even put all of that?"

"Being around Puck all my life has taught me to eat and eat as much as I can before he eats everything and I starve." Santana laughed at her statement.

Rachel raised her eyebrows suggestively at her girlfriend. "Well I have something you can eat. Dessert?" Rachel bit her lip seductively before crawling over her girlfriend straddling her hips.

"Rach, I told you I'm not having sex in your parents' house."

"But Saaaaannnn, they don't care." Rachel pouted crossing her arms across her chest. "Please baby." Rachel asked leaning down to trail kisses down Santana's neck before wrapping her lips around her earlobe sucking gently and rubbing her hands up and down her stomach, raking her fingernails along the Latina's sides making her shudder in response.

Santana felt heat grow between her legs as she felt Rachel's lips on her ear and her fingers inching their way up under her bra. "Rachel stop. I said no." She stated pulling her hands from under her shirt before she got started and Santana knew she wouldn't have the power to stop.

"FINE." Rachel huffed crawling off her girlfriend. "I'm going to get you to have sex with me sometime during this trip… in this house."

"I doubt it." Santana chuckled before taking off her shirt and jeans and putting on her pajamas.

"I'm going to take a shower." Rachel rolled her eyes at Santana getting undressed. "A cold one…" She grumbled under her breath before walking into her ensuite bathroom to start her night time routine.

…..

Santana nearly jumped out of her skin as she stepped out of the shower getting ready for Mercedes and Sam's engagement party. "Jesus Rachel, I almost pissed everywhere." Santana clutched her chest to calm her heart as she wrapped a towel around her body and brushed her wet hair out of her face.

Rachel gulped as she watched the water droplets fall from her girlfriend's wet hair and fall down her cleavage. To say she had a one track mind lately was an understatement; Santana had blatantly refused every advance Rachel could give for sex for the last three days they were in Lima. And Rachel was pissed, even her fathers could see the difference in her attitude as she stomped throughout the house, slamming doors and cabinets and grumbling responses when anyone tried to talk to her.

"I-I'm sorry Santana." Rachel stammered once she realized she was just staring openly at her girlfriend's body.

"I know you wants up on this Rae. But I told you no, and you're making me uncomfortable by ogling my goodies babe." Santana smirked as she plugged in the hair dryer and towel drying her hair. If you would have told Santana seven years ago that she would be saying no to sex, especially from her super-hot girlfriend… she would have hysterically laughed in your face.

"I don't understand why you won't even have a quickie with me." Rachel sighed, the throbbing between her legs almost painful as her eyes wondered up and down Santana's body. She clenched her thighs together to at least attempt to relieve the throbbing and cause some much needed friction. "And I believe that it is completely unfair that you're parading around half naked knowing that I can't indulge in the magic that is under that towel." She huffed.

Santana raised her eyebrow inquisitively. "Magic? Really Rachel?" She laughed at her girlfriend's obvious sexual frustration induced delirium. If this is how Rachel gets after a few days of not having sex, then what's gonna happen when she has a show to do in New York or something.

"Santana, could you at least be respectful to me in the situation here. We go from engaging in intercourse on the regular basis to none at all." Rachel yelled over Santana starting the blow dryer and her turning the shower on and stepping in.

"Rachel, why do you insist on talking in paragraphs and using SAT words all the time? Why can't you just say we used to have sex and now we don't?"

"Because my rather extensive vocabulary will go to waste, I didn't memorize three words from the dictionary every day for no reason."

"And your reasoning for that was?" Santana chuckled at the fact that out of all the girls she had to date, she had to find the high maintenance over achiever. She just shrugged shoulders and plugged in the flat iron and curling iron.

"Stop trying to change the subject Santana." Rachel whined as she stepped out the shower and grabbed her towel before walking over to the sink to brush her teeth.

"There is no subject to change Rachel, no sex in your parents' house. I told you."

Rachel let out a rather obnoxious sound that sounded like a mix between a huff and a grumble as she reached out for the blow dryer to start her hair as Santana finished straightening her hair. "Just so you know, whenever you DO decide to want to have sex again. You're cut off for like two weeks."

Santana snorted, almost burning her finger in the process. "Please, you're practically dry humping the air around me for some friction after three days. You would burst into flames if you had to go two weeks." Santana raised her eyebrow and gave her trademark smirk before she continued with her hair.

"I could slap that smirk off your face Santana Lopez." Rachel stated before she heard her phone ring from her bedroom.

Pulling her phone off the charger next to Santana's she looked at the caller ID before answering. "Merce, what are you doing calling me? You should be getting ready. You know preparation is vital for every occasion including parties. And to be honest you know how you are when you wait till the last minute, and furthermore-"

"Yeah Rach, preparedness whatever whatever. I was actually calling to prepare _you_."

"Prepare me for what?" Rachel looked inquisitively at her phone while she ran her hands through her hair making sure that it was completely dry so she could straighten it.

"I didn't know Sam was going to, I could knock him back into high school again for this."

"What did Sam do Merce? I really should be finishing my hair. You know it takes forever."

"Sam invited Finn to the party." Mercedes rushed out and wincing in preparation for whatever may come at the other end of the line.

Rachel stood stock still in her place before dropping her phone to the floor with a loud thud, her face slowly draining in color as she felt the room starting to spin and time stop completely.

"Rae babe, what was that noise?" Santana stepped out of the bathroom to see her girlfriend pale as a ghost staring into space. Reaching down to the floor where she heard Mercedes frantically calling Rachel's name on the other end of the line. "Babe what's wrong?" Santana reached out to caress the side of Rachel's face looking concerned.

Feeling Santana's skin come in contact with hers, everything seemed to rush back to Rachel in a flash as she took a deep breathe she didn't even know she was holding. Her eyes bulging she grabbed the phone from Santana and screamed into the receiver. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN _HE'S_ COMING?"

Santana's eyes bulged as she saw her girlfriend apparently rip a new one into Mercedes over something she still was unaware of until she picked up on Rachel mid rant when she heard the name Finn.

"So given our romantic history and the fact that I'm your _Maid of Honor_, he didn't seem to think it was necessary or even appropriate to invite him and let NEITHER of us know?" Rachel was seething. After all the years of not seeing Finn she got past her hurt over the situation and focused on the one emotion that was still prevalent in the situation…rage. She was pissed at Finn, for the way he reacted, for the way he shunned her and the way he treated her afterwards. "Mercedes, your fiancée is COMPLETELY on my shit list as of right now." Rachel shook as she stomped her feet to the floor and balled her hands into fists at her sides before she looked over to her girlfriend. Completely forgetting that she was in the room as well, her anger dissipated she saw a look on the Latina she has never seen before. The normally beautiful brown eyes that she often found herself captivated by was replaced by dark orbs that seemed to have fire lit beneath them, her body stoic and her chest huffed out as she took deep ragged breaths, her body trembling as racks of rage seemed to flow through her like venom. She has never seen her girlfriend look so dark or so angry before. "Mercy, let me call you back." Rachel didn't even wait for an answer before she hung up and looked to her girlfriend. "Santana baby?" Rachel cautiously approached her reaching out timidly to calm her down, she was slightly terrified at the sight before her.

"_WHO_ is coming tonight?" Santana ground out through her teeth, growling as she felt anger she hasn't felt in years overtake her.

"Baby, it's really not that big of a deal. You know I have a tendency to overreact. I'm a drama queen, that's what we do." Rachel tried to downplay the situation, almost terrified to take another step towards the raging Latina. She didn't know how to handle the situation. The Latina seemed almost unpredictable. Quinn had prepared her for almost every scenario regarding Santana and her emotions, except this… her anger. Even though, as terrified as she was there was still a part of her that thought the Latina and her primal instinct to protect was about one of the sexiest things she's ever witnessed. The way her chest huffed out and her body squared off in preparation to protect what was hers had Rachel almost dripping. Until she heard the Latina snarl in the most venom laced voice she probably has ever heard.

"Do NOT downplay this Rachel. Now before I completely loose it, I'm going to ask you again. . .TONIGHT?"

Rachel gulped in fear as well as clenching her thighs together to calm herself. "Finn.." Rachel whispered, truly trying not to set her girlfriend off any more than she already was.

Santana rolled her neck as she closed her eyes, attempting to control her breathing. Concentrating on taking deep breaths, she started to pop angrily at her prevention bracelet. "Finn, as in Finn Hudson? Your ex before you came out, Finn Hudson?" Santana glared at Rachel through dark eyes as she continued to pop at her bracelet. Rachel felt herself nod to affirm Santana's question. She was terrified again, yep that was certain.

"I'll fucking kill him." Santana snarled as Rachel attempted to calm her down. Rachel looked on wide eyed as Santana growled lowly, teeth almost bared like a protective pit bull.

"Baby, calm down. There's nothing left there between us. And baby stop popping your bracelet. You're gonna hurt yourself." Rachel placed her hand on Santana's wrist and she instantly felt the taller Latina relax.

Santana was still fuming, but the minute Rachel's skin made contact with hers, her body immediately released all the tension she was holding. "Rachel, I'm making it my mission to punch him square in the face. I've wanted to ever since you told me about when you came out to him." Santana snapped, but she instantly softened her tone when she locked eyes with Rachel's and saw the fear in her eyes. "And the whole point of my bracelet is to distract me from the urge to cut."

Rachel's eyes widened at the last statement. "I thought you only cut when you were upset. Did I make you wanna cut?" Her eyes instantly filling with tears, she didn't wanna cause any more stress and pain in Santana's life. She had already enough to deal with emotionally.

Santana saw the panic skim across Rachel's eyes. She instantly cooled and wrapped Rachel in her arms and pressed a kiss to Rachel's hair. She didn't want her little diva fretting over any and everything bad that may happen in her life because she was worried about Santana relapsing. "Baby doesn't worry about me. I don't want you thinking you can't tell me anything because you're scared of me relapsing. I've been cut free for almost three and a half years. I wear this bracelet all the time for a reason. I only get the urge when I'm upset or I feel out of control of something." She gently brushed Rachel's hair with her fingers and placed her finger under her chin. Her heart broke at the look on Rachel's face. "I'll be fine, don't worry about me." She kissed Rachel softly on the lips.

"I haven't heard from Finn in forever. We completely lost contact after I broke it off with him." Rachel whispered, her face buried in Santana's chest. She felt so safe in Santana's arms. "I have you now. And it's all I ever wanted. So if you say your fine than, I'm fine. I won't worry baby."

"Good." Santana released Rachel and walked over to Rachel's closet to get her dress for the night. "Now I would worry about Finn… cause I'm still going to punch him in the face."

Rachel laughed softly at her girlfriend's behavior. "Goodness Santana, can you at least wait until after the party if you're going to do that. And preferably when I'm not around, you know I hate violence."

...

Next chapter includes the Samcedes Engagement Party and the maybe the confrontation of Finn and Santana :D


	13. Lima Part II

**A/N**: This is the second part to the trip to Lima out of three. Please note all spanish translations are made by an online translator and all mistakes are mine, since I am unbetated. (: Thank you all sooo much for the reviews and alerts. It's overwhelming and I appericate it all from the bottom of my heart. ENJOY ! **R&R(:**

Chapter 13: Lima Part II

Rachel and Santana walked into the beautiful reception hall hand in hand as they took in their surroundings. Rachel smiled before squeezing Santana's hand gently as she made her way into the party. Santana could do nothing but smile, Rachel looked beautiful. She had on a simple lacy royal blue sleeveless dress that stopped mid-thigh with a brown belt around her tiny waist. Her brown wedges did nothing but elongate her long tanned legs. She reached with her free hand to brush a fly away piece of Rachel's softly curled hair out of her face and pressed a kiss to her temple. "You are beautiful, Rae." Santana whispered into her hair.

Rachel smiled and felt a blush reach up her cheeks. She would never get enough of Santana telling her that. "How did I get so lucky to have you, baby?" Rachel kissed their interlaced fingers and looked at her equally stunning girlfriend. Her long raven colored hair flowed over her shoulders in curls. Her dress a deep purple with a sweetheart neckline that was tight at the top and flowed out at the bottom and stopped mid-thigh and her black suede pumps made the look even more sexy. "You are more beautiful than words, Santana." She leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Santana's lips, the rest of the room forgotten to them as they were in their own little world. She smiled at her girlfriend as their foreheads were pressed together, soaking up the admiration and love coming unknowingly from each other.

"Rach! I'm glad I found you." A voice disrupted the happy world the couple was in.

Santana looked over Rachel's head and saw Sam running towards them, rolling her eyes she huffed irritably. "What is it Guppy Face?"

Rachel smacked Santana's arm and silently scolded her with her eyes. Santana shrugged her shoulders and went to the bar to get her and Rachel a drink. Once Santana left Rachel turned to Sam with a heated stare, "Samuel, you should know that you're not exactly my favorite person right now. Now, as rather rude and blunt as my girlfriend is… I'm wondering the same thing. What is it that you acquire to Sam?" Rachel shifted her weight to her side and crossed her arms, staring at Sam inquisitively.

"Rach, I know you're not happy about this. But I really wasn't planning on inviting him. I know we used to be best friends, but I stopped talking to him after he treated you that way. And when I ran into him last week when we came up here early to finish getting things together. I ran into him and he said he heard I was marrying Merce and I felt bad cause he didn't think I invited him. And I couldn't not invite him, not to his face at least. I'm so sorry Rach. Merce told me you were pissed. I just felt bad and like it slipped out before I could think about it…" Sam rambled, his face flustered as he attempted to explain the situation to an obviously pissed off Rachel.

"Sam, as much as I could sit here and chastise you on your lack of filter…" Rachel started before she sighed and loosened her defensive stance. "I applaud your compassion. Even though it has put me in a very tough spot after years of not even knowing if the other was alive, and now I have to deal with my new girlfriend and ex-boyfriend in the same place at the same time. But I digress. I understand and accept your apology. But honestly, you probably are going to get more sympathy from me than Santana. She's the one you should be worried about. She wore rings on purpose because she's planning on punching Finn as soon as she sees him. And I couldn't talk her out of it so; I suggest that you make sure you keep him away from her and out of her eyesight. I can ignore his presence, Santana on the other hand….is another story. And it was hard enough calming her down earlier when she found out, who knows how bad she'll be once she gets enough tequila in her system." Rachel stated looking over her shoulder at the Latina taking a shot of tequila at the bar. Sam audibly gulped at the statement.

"Yeah, well good luck with that." Rachel shook her head and laughed at Sam's face. "You know how she gets, you've known her long enough."

"I guess I'll get on that. Or at least get a body guard for Finn." Sam chuckled nervously.

"That might be the smartest idea you've had all night Sam." Rachel laughed again before she felt Santana walk up behind her and wrap her arms around her waist and press a kiss to the top of her hair before passing her a drink. "It's nice to see your taking tequila shots instead of bringing me my drink Santana." Rachel rolled her eyes.

"What? You couldn't expect me to not take advantage of the open bar. And it's free. That bottle of tequila practically had 'Property of Santana Lopez' written all over it."

"Well will you just watch it, you know how you get." Rachel turned in Santana's arms so she was facing her.

"Yeah I know whatever Rach." Santana rolled her eyes at her girlfriend. "But don't expect at least half of that bottle to be gone by the time that we leave."

Rachel shook her head and rolled her eyes back at her girlfriend. "I'm going to find Mercy. Can I trust you to not get into trouble while I'm gone?"

"Scouts honor babe." Santana remarked sarcastically while holding up her right hand.

"Whatever San, your sarcasm isn't needed." Rachel leaned over to press a kiss to the Latina's lips. "Your lips taste like tequila." Rachel whispered to Santana once she pulled back from the kiss. Santana only smiled in response as Rachel walked away.

Once Rachel was out of earshot, Santana moved in on Sam and placed her best HBIC glare on, channeling her inner most cheerleader from back in high school and smirked to herself as she saw Sam tense and gulp in preparation for what Santana was going to do to him. "Listen Trouty, I know Rachel and I know that she took your lame ass apology and whatever it was because let's face it, she's the most forgiving and caring soul on the face of this planet. BUT however that doesn't mean I am. I am the grudge holding violent bitch in this relationship, so I'm going to say this once. And I want you to fully understand and take into account of what I'm saying, cause the latter WILL have dire consequences…" Santana leaned in, her voice dripping in poison, she almost snarled in Sam's ear. "If Finn gets anywhere NEAR Rachel tonight and I see her anything but happy and smiling... not only will he be getting the ass kicking of his life, which he will be getting regardless if I see him, but you will not be a fan of what's in store for you as well. You got that?" She stated before jabbing him in the shoulder with her index finger.

"Now I really like you Trouty. You're my girl's best friend's fiancée and you seem to know what you're doing when it comes to COD, which comes in handy with me and Puck's game nights. You're starting to inch your way into being another one of my bros, now with that being said. I care about Rachel and I know how she feels about the whole Finn thing. And you should know that my girlfriend trumps everything. So if I see her so much as sniffle around Finn, I don't care if it's allergies. You better hope you have a tissue and I don't see it, cause if I do… I will rip off those trouty lips of yours and staple them to your ball sack. Ok?" Santana smiled sweetly before patting his shoulder. "Nice chat. And congrats on the engagement _bro_." She emphasized bro before heading back to the bar for another drink, leaving Sam standing behind her terrified at how she went from threatening to sweet in like no time flat.

"I should probably get an eye on Rachel now." Sam stated looking around for the tiny brunette.

….

Rachel stood at the end of the table next to Mercedes and clinked her glass with her fork to get everyone's attention. "Attention, attention everyone!" Rachel stated as everyone's eye's locked on her before Mercedes' dad gave her microphone to make a speech. She gently tapped the mic head, testing it before she spoke into it. "Alright, so as most of you know. I'm Rachel Berry, the Maid of Honor and I'm also proud to call Mercy here my very best friend in the entire world. I've known Mercedes here since I was 11, and we've been friends ever since. Even despite the solo rivalry we had going on all throughout our years of Glee Club together. She's still always managed to be one of the few extremely important people in my life that I can continue to rely on." Rachel took another sip of her champagne before continuing.

"For as long as I can remember it's always been Mercedes, Myself and Kurt, who unfortunately couldn't be here tonight because his PR people for his fashion line ruined something about his fall line or whatever, BUT anywhoo." Rachel giggled, obviously feeling the effects of her many glasses of champagne from the night. "It's always been us three, the self-proclaimed 'Divas' and through everything Merce has always been there, from doing duets to having sleepovers to being my own confidant. I always could trust her, even if she was the school gossip." Rachel flashed a bright smile over to Mercedes who just laughed and covered her face with her hand before turning into Sam's shoulder to hide from the audience's laughter. "I love her so much and I'm so happy that she's found someone to make her happy and can continue this life long journey with. Not many people know this, but I hooked Sam and Mercedes up back in high school and now look at them. I'm speaking at your engagement party. Merce, thank you for giving me the sense and the strength to be true to myself, a shoulder to cry on and my voice of reason when Kurt was too busy being.. Kurt." The crowd laughed as Mercedes and Rachel wiped tears from their eyes. "Because of you I have never been happier in my life and I also have a beautiful girlfriend who I was at first terrified to pursue and you talked some sense into me and I have never been more complete. That's her by the way in the purple dress and long dark hair with the sexy tattoos. Say hi, Santana baby." Rachel waved her glass in Santana's direction eagerly to get her to wave. Santana laughed nervously and waved slowly as she smiled nervously and blushed in embarrassment at her girlfriend's drunken antics.

"Hi, baby." Rachel smiled brightly at her girlfriend before finishing another glass of champagne and pouring herself some more before finishing. "But besides that Merce. I couldn't be any happier for you than I would be for myself. You know I would give a lung to you if you needed it. You will always and forever be more than a friend to me, but my sister...my family and I will love you and fight for you until the world ends and then some. I'm so proud of the woman you've become and I wish you and Sam a lifetime of happiness." She held her glass to the audience. "To Mercedes and Sam." The audience raised their glasses in a toast before taking a drink in honor of the husband and wife to be.

As the audience, cheered and clapped, Mercedes got out of her seat and with tears in her eyes and hugged Rachel tightly, which only made both of them cry harder. The audience 'awed' an snapped photos of the best friends as the slide show showed pictures of them on the back screen from childhood some with a boy who Santana recognized as a younger version of the boy she had seen in various pictures around Rachel's apartment.

When Rachel walked back over to Santana from her place at the table with the rest of the bridal party, Rachel wrapped her arms around Santana's waist and kissed a spot in the middle of her spine. "Did you like my speech baby?"

Santana chuckled softly and turned around in Rachel's arms. "Your speech was beautiful baby, until you gave me a shout out in the middle of your speech that was supposed to be about Mercy and Sam." She pressed a kiss to the top of Rachel's head and brushed her bangs to the side of her face.

"I wanted everyone to know you!" Rachel stated, slightly pouting. "I would have never had the nerve to start talking to you if it wasn't for Mercedes. She's the reason why I'm so happy now." Rachel wrapped her arms around Santana's waist tighter. "Did I ever tell you she's the one who told me I was gay before I even knew it?" Rachel looked up into the taller Latina's eyes, with large eyes clearly glassed over from her tears and many glasses of champagne from the night.

Santana just chuckled before sitting down and placing Rachel on her lap before wrapping her arms around the tiny diva's waist so she wouldn't fall off. "Nope you never told me that."

"YEAH." Rachel stated animatedly, almost bouncing on Santana's lap in excitement. "She figured it out before I did. She was the one who told me to tell Finn, when I told her and Kurt he proposed. I mean when Finn and I broke up all those times, I did make out with a few girls… but I thought I was just curious. Then I thought I was bi, but Merce saw right through it. She saw that I had more of an emotional connection to the women I was hooking up with than I did with Finn. So when I told her Finn proposed, she told me that saying yes was the biggest mistake ever and that I was and I quote 'strictly a lady lovin Berry'. Kurt just told me that I unlike him preferred lady parts." Rachel started giggling at the memory.

"You don't say." Santana chuckled as she nodded her head in mock interest.

"Don't patronize me Santana. I'm serious." Rachel swatted Santana's arm gently before she picked up another glass of champagne from one of the caterers that walked past with a tray. As she raised the glass to her lips, Santana took it from her fingers.

"How many of these have you had tonight, Rachel." Santana asked eyebrows raised.

"Oh I don't know. A bunch?" Rachel giggled before trying to get the glass back from Santana. Her giggling ceased when she realized Santana wasn't going to give it back. "I'm not a child Santana. Give me back my glass."

"Rachel, I think you've had enough. I don't want you trashed."

"I don't need you to monitor me."

"Well, I am." Santana drained the glass of champagne and placed it back on the table. "You were worried about me, when I should have been looking out for you. What's going on beautiful?" Santana used her finger to raise Rachel's chin to look her deep in the eyes, which were quickly filling with tears. "Why are you upset?"

"I don't want to deal with Finn. I know I said I was ok with everything earlier San. But I'm still really hurt about it. I obviously don't have feelings anymore for him. But he was the first person that ever truly cared about me in that sense, despite how things ended. It still hurts that he just treated me so horribly afterwards." Rachel sniffled before trying to wipe underneath her eyes to prevent her make-up from smudging.

Santana's heart broke for her girlfriend. She reached up and helped Rachel clean her face and she was with a new renowned passion for punching Finn in the face the minute she saw him. She knew he was here, she or Rachel have yet to come across him though. _For the better if he wants to keep his face intact. _She gently laid kisses from Rachel's temple down the side of her face before gently kissing the side of her mouth. "Rae, you have nothing to worry about babe. I'll never let anything happen to you. Fuck Finn. What he did was give up on great friend. And I say friend, cause if you didn't come to terms with yourself, then I would have never met you and then I wouldn't have the most beautiful, caring and extremely passionate girlfriend on the face of this planet."

Santana swore that Rachel's smile almost broke her face. That was one of the things that Santana loved the most about Rachel, her smile could cure cancer. The thought of Rachel's smile could bring light into any dark situation. She would do anything to see that smile. Rachel grabbed Santana's face and passionately kissed her lips. Santana melted into the kiss and kissed Rachel back as their lips melded together and fireworks exploded behind her eyes. If she wasn't sure before, this kiss just proved it. She was in love with Rachel. Just as Rachel ran her tongue along Santana's bottom lip and she granted access for their kiss to get deeper, a voice interrupted them.

"Well look at my little Diva all grown up!"

Rachel immediately pulled away from Santana's embrace with big eyes and squealed in delight at the person who interrupted them. "KURT!" She shot up from Santana's lap and practically jumped into the boys arms. "I thought you weren't coming!" She squealed as she jumped up and down in circles with the boy.

"Well once everything got all settled from my stupid PR people. I hopped on the next flight out. I couldn't miss my Chocolate Diva's engagement party. Nor could I miss my other little Diva and meeting her new girl toy." Kurt raised his perfectly arched eyebrow at Rachel and winked before nudging her in the shoulder.

"Oh my manners. How rude of me. Kurt this is my _girlfriend_ not my 'girl toy' as you so eloquently put it, Santana Lopez." Rachel walked over to Santana and grabbed her hand interlacing their fingers. "San, this is Kurt Hummel. My other best friend, this is the one you thought I was dating when we first met."

Kurt cringed at the statement. "Please, I have no interest in lady parts of any kind, especially yours. Nice to finally meet you Santana." Kurt reached out his left hand that was brandished with his platinum engagement band.

"It's nice to finally meet you as well. Rachel talks about you all the time."

"I could say the same. I was wondering when I was going to finally meet you." Kurt smiled as he did a once over of Santana. _She is definitely Rachel's type_. Kurt thought. "So how is Wicked treating you?" Kurt asked Rachel with bright eyes. You could tell that theatre was another one of his passions, just from the way he lit up just from the mention of it.

"Wicked is fabulous! You know it's my dream role. But my contract will be up in about a month or two so we'll see what comes next. I'm just looking forward to more time with San." Rachel smiled brightly as kissed Santana's hand, fingers still interlaced. As Santana blushed slightly before squeezing Rachel's hand reassuringly.

Kurt groaned, feigning disgust. "Well aren't you two just charming?" He rolled his eyes at the couple.

"If you could excuse me for a second, I'm going to the bar. You want anything baby?" Rachel looked to Santana inquisitively.

"Yeah babe, can you get me a Jack and Coke please?" Rachel smiled nodding her head before she leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to Santana's lips before she walked off to the bar.

Once Rachel was out of ear shot, Kurt turned to Santana and smirked, a mischievous glint appeared beyond his eyes as he started speaking leaning into Santana. "You're in love with her aren't you?"

Santana's eyes almost bulged out of her head at Kurt's question. "W-What are you talking about?" She stammered.

"You. I can tell you're in love with Rachel. Don't worry I won't tell anyone. Your secret is safe with me. I'm no longer the gossip I used to be in high school. Just all I'm asking is that you treat her right. She's had her share of heartbreak and torment in her life. I know you're going to take care of her. I can feel it between the two of you, and I can see it. I just wouldn't feel like her best friend if I didn't say anything. I've never seen her happier or more content with how things are going in her life than I have since she's been dating you. You're good for her Santana. Just almost two years ago after she finished Annie before she started Wicked, she was breaking her neck to get another role so she wouldn't have to be away from the stage too long. And now, she actually wants to take time off. That's how I know she's serious about this, about you. Not to sound horribly cliché or anything, because let's face it. It's completely tacky in my opinion. But you've changed her for the good." The boy flipped his hair out of his face with the end of his statement like it was no problem at all.

Santana rolled her eyes at the reference to Wicked. It was tacky, but she smiled in appreciation for the sentiment to begin with. "I care for Rachel deeply, so much it scares me. And she's just as good for me as I am for her. This is doing both of us some good."

"You may not tell me and I don't blame you. I am Rachel's best friend, but I know that you love her. So I'm not going to push anything." Kurt smiled sincerely before Rachel walked back over to them and handed Santana her drink before wrapping her free hand around Santana's waist and leaned into her girlfriend.

"And what where two of my favorite people talking about?" Rachel asked giddily.

"Nothing." Kurt and Santana both replied at the same time. Kurt smiled at Santana knowingly before winking at her. "Alright little Diva, I must go find Chocolate Diva now. I'll leave you alone." Kurt leaned in and kissed Rachel on the cheek and flashing Santana another knowing smile before he walked off in search for Mercedes.

"Don't you love Kurt? I'm so glad he came." Rachel beamed brightly in her best friend's direction.

"Yeah, he is pretty cool." Santana stated. She was in her own little world after what Kurt had told her. Was she that obvious in her feelings for Rachel? If Kurt could tell just by looking at them, Rachel would surely soon be able to tell, if she already hadn't. Santana couldn't risk that yet. She didn't even know if Rachel felt the same, she didn't want to push her away. She just had to be more careful about her looks and glances towards Rachel from now on.

….

Rachel was having the time of her life. She soon forgot about Finn, since she hasn't even ran into him yet, her two best friends were with her and she was currently grinding on the dance floor with her girlfriend. She couldn't stop the shit eating grin that was currently on her face if she wanted to and she didn't care. She's had more than her share of champagne and has been stealing sips off of Santana's Jack and Cokes and Patron and Redbulls all night so to say she was slightly inebriated was an understatement. She focused her thoughts on grinding her butt into Santana's center almost sinfully as Santana gripped her hips bringing her closer if that was even possible. She was determined to make Santana pay for all the times she told her no for sex since they've been in Lima, so she ignored the fire that seemed to be lit underneath her and the fact that she was sure she was dripping down her legs to make Santana see what she's been missing.

Santana thought she was in heaven and hell at the same time. The way that Rachel was expertly grinding her butt into her center was sending chills up her spine. Every rub was perfectly executed to place just enough pressure on her painfully throbbing clit and it was sending the Latina into delirium. She gripped Rachel's hips tighter as she let out a sound that sounded like a grunt and a moan into Rachel's ear. She knew that her panties were completely destroyed; she could feel the wetness seeping through and making her thighs sticky. "Rachel what are you doing?" Santana grunted in her ear. She was trying her hardest to control herself and not drag Rachel into the bathroom to have her way with her. It was hard enough telling Rachel no all week. It's been just as, if not more painful for Santana than it has been for Rachel.

Rachel chuckled. She knew her plan was working. She turned around in Santana's arms and placed her thigh directly into Santana's core and continued to grind. "I'm just dancing beautiful." Rachel breathed sexily into Santana's ear. She continued to grind on Santana until she knew that Santana was close, and based on her breathing in her ear and the fact that her grip on Rachel's hips was getting tighter, Rachel knew that Santana wouldn't last that much longer. So right when she was Santana on the brink, Rachel separated from Santana's embrace and kissed the Latina on her neck before gently breathing in her ear "I'm going to get something to drink." Rachel backed away from Santana and winked seductively before 'accidently' letting her hand brush across Santana's already pebbled nipples and walked away. Leaving Santana stunned and extremely bothered on the dance floor.

…..

Rachel leaned up against the bar, sipping a glass of diet Coke as she watched everyone dancing on the dance floor. She couldn't help but smile as she saw Mercedes laughing and smiling madly as she was sandwiched between Kurt and Sam dancing to the beat of Chris Brown's "Turn Up The Music". She bobbed her head to the beat as she took another sip of her soda. Out of her peripheral she saw the gold star tattoo that adorned the side of her wrist, she immediately thought of the beautiful Latina, _her_ Latina. Running her thumb along the tattoo that has long since healed and smiled brightly, her girlfriend meant so damn much to her it almost made her heart crack. A thought crossed her mind, but she quickly dismissed it. She just passed the feeling off as strong infatuation. Santana probably doesn't even feel the same way. Just as she was going to head off and find her girlfriend back on the dance floor. She heard a voice call her name and she froze in place.

"Rachel?"

Rachel took a deep breath and prepared herself to look into the face of the very last person she wanted to see and hoped she wouldn't. She turned around and looked up into the dark brown eyes of the one person that hurt her so deeply so long ago. Taking lessons from Santana, she instantly steeled her face and voided it from any emotion besides disinterest and annoyance as she piped out in sarcasm. "Hello Finn."

Finn looked at Rachel and took into her appearance. The tiny brunette still looked the same just more mature and filled out to her body quite nicely. He rubbed his neck nervously, he wasn't sure how he was supposed to go about this situation. "Umm…" He stumbled over his words as he saw the smaller brunette shift her weight to the left and place her hands on her hips. Her facial expression remained stoic and you could tell she was starting to lose patience with the taller boy.

"You look good." He stated trying to look anywhere but directly in the little Diva's face.

Rachel raised her eyebrows inquisitively at the statement and crossed her arms around her chest. "Thank you."

Finn coughed and attempted to make the situation less awkward. "You look really happy Rach."

Rachel huffed in annoyance at Finn's need to continue their conversation, they didn't like each other. Well, at least Rachel doesn't like Finn and his presence is only resulting in her heightening anger and loss of patience. She blames Santana for her now decreasing tolerance of bullshit. "Listen Finn, let's get one thing straight. I'm not your biggest fan still. And I probably never will be, but you speaking to me is only resulting in me wanting to slap you. So if you would ever so kindly either get to the point of what you wanted to talk about or get out of my face. I would appreciate it. Plus, if my girlfriend finds you, I'm not responsible for the harm she more than likely will cause." Rachel rolled her eyes at his shocked expression. Clearly he's not used to Rachel sticking up for herself or actually not liking another person. That Rachel he knew back in high school was long gone, and mainly because of him.

"Rachel I'm not trying to start any issues here. I know hurt you, and the reason I came tonight was because I knew you would be here because I wanted to apologize. I figured it was something that I should do face to face instead of over the phone. Plus no one would give me your number afterwards even if I wanted to." Finn shuffled his feet nervously as he tried to get Rachel to see he really was honest about what he did. "I realize that what I did was wrong on so many levels. The names I called you, treating you the way I did and even putting my hands on you. I wish I could take all that back, but I know I can't. I know and appreciate you being honest to yourself and telling me you were gay instead of just swallowing it and resenting me and living a lie later. I was immature and an idiot and cruel and just an overall sucky person. So if you still don't want to talk to me anymore after that, I understand. Just know that I really am sorry Rach and I hope that we can move past it and maybe be friends, even though you might not want too."

Rachel looked up through teary eyes; she's so long for an apology from Finn. And she appreciates it, but she just can't forgive how he reacted. "Finn I appreciate your apology, but what you did… I just can't let it go. I understand that the way I handled things could have been done in a more tactful manner, but your reaction was the one that hurt me the most. You were my real relationship, the first person who ever cared for me romantically. You doing what you did not only devastated me and broke me so completely, but showed me the person you really were. And there is just something about it that every time I see your face or hear your name… I think of that boy who called me a dyke and shoved me into a locker my senior year because of me being true to my sexuality with so much hate in his eyes, I still have nightmares about it." Rachel brushed more tears off her face before looking down at the ground; she couldn't look into his eyes. She still saw that same eighteen year old boy that she cared so much for calling her names and shoving her, instead of the twenty three year old man apologizing in front of her. "So I'm sorry but apology not accepted."

Finn looked back stunned at the girl in front of him, he felt horrible that he treated her so badly and now the first true best friend he ever had wanted nothing to do with him. He wanted to go back in time and kick his eighteen year old ass for doing this to Rachel. "Rachel you will never understand how sorry I am. I was never the same since it's been something that has been eating at my conscious ever since we graduated. My wife told me that in order to open the next door of your life, you must close the first one. I was so hell bent on trying to hurt you like you hurt me, that I never focused on the closure of our ending relationship. I was so in love with you Rachel, even though I had the weirdest way of showing it all throughout high school, I was. And the fact that you just ended everything I had dreamt of pertaining my future and us as a couple so abruptly, just hurt. I wasn't mature enough to work through my pain and hurt like an adult and I took it out on you. Rachel, I still care about you as a friend. I know you're not attracted to me or men at all, but I want you to know that there's a part of me that will always care about you, regardless of time, other people or location." Finn grabbed Rachel's hand as his eyes silently begged the smaller girl to forgive their past and show him the girl he first fell in love with.

Rachel stood back and stared, ever so often wiping the tears that escaped out of the corners of her eyes. The old Rachel was crawling at the back of her throat to forgive Finn and not look back. But she was different, she's grown. After all these years and more dramatically her time with Santana, she's realized that she no longer has the patience nor needs people in her life that treat her horribly. Blinking her eyes in realization she stumbled over her words. "W-Wife? You're married?"

Finn bit his lip in anticipation. "Yeah, her name is Marisa. I met her my first year at OSU and we got married once we graduated. We have two little girls, twins named Mackenzie and Kendall." Finn pulled out his wallet to show Rachel their family picture. Rachel grabbed it and looked on in disbelief as she stared at the picture of Finn and this rather attractive mocha colored woman both wearing bright smiles as they held two twin babies, both of them with caramel colored skin and dark curly hair. Rachel then looked at his left hand and sure enough there was a wedding band on his ring finger. In her hast, she didn't even realize it and now that she did she almost scoffed at how noticeable it really was.

"Well I'm glad that you're happy Finn. I hope we can move on from this, but I still would rather not remain in contact with you. It still is a sore spot and I'm irrevocably happy with my current girlfriend and my life as it now." Rachel nodded her head through her tears. It was still a spot that she was trying to erase, and it still hurt no matter how much time has passed.

Finn nodded his head in acceptance. "I understand and respect your decision Rach."

"Don't call me that. You lost those privileges a long time ago."

"I'm sorry, Rachel. I just wanted to get that off my chest. I just wanted you to know that I'm sincerely sorry…" Finn looked at the ground sadly. "I'm sorry it had to be this way."

Rachel was just about to say something back as she for what seemed like the thirtieth time in this conversation to wipe her eyes, when all she heard "SON OF A BITCH!". Her eyes widened in shock at the clearly pissed voice of her girlfriend and before she could blink her girlfriend was standing in front of her between her and Finn, shaking with rage. "Hey PUTA did you not get enough of making her cry in high school? You little mother fucker, you have some nerve showing up here ruining everything like you always seem to do." Santana raged at Finn. If looks could kill, Finn would be cremated.

"Hey, I was just apologizing to Rachel for how I acted in high school. Who are you in the first place? I don't even know you." Finn backed up from the fiery Latina in front of him. She was a lot smaller than him, but he knew to be scared of her. Her glare alone was enough to send chills to his very core.

"¿QUIÉN SOY YO? ¿QUIÉN SOY YO? SU NOVIA, USTED SOBRE NIÑO CRECIDO. Y USTED ESTÁ JODIDO PEOR PESADILLA BASTARDO." Santana raged on and Rachel knew that it would be just a matter of time before this completely blew up. Santana only lapsed over in Spanish for three reasons, a) she's talking to her family, b) she's close to coming or c) when she's about to go all Valencia Heights on someone. And Rachel can tell what the reason to for her lapse is this time. "I suggest you back the fuck up from Rachel and leave her alone for as long as I'm going to let you live." Santana seethed as she held Rachel protectively behind her back, her teeth bared at Finn in full defense mode.

Finn looked on in confusion as he looked around the room and saw the crowd of people watching as Santana ripped a new one into Finn with Rachel looking on helplessly from behind her girlfriend's arms. "I'm pretty sure that your threats don't scare me. I don't know your name and you just learned mine. Stay out of this; this has nothing to do with you." Finn spat out, aggravated that a girl was embarrassing him in front of all these people.

Santana sat up and raised her eyebrows at the statement. Cocking her head slightly to the side, she scoffed and turned to face Rachel. She moved Rachel a few steps behind where they were originally standing and placed a kiss to her forehead. "Stay here." She whispered sweetly in Rachel's ear as a majority of the people watching had turned their attention to other things. Santana smiled before she turned around and walked towards Finn who was walking away.

She tapped Finn on the shoulder sweetly before he turned around and looked at her. "What do you want n-" He was cut off by Santana's fist flying full force into his face, connecting with his nose with a deafening crack as the room went silent. Blood pouring out of his lip, he howled in pain as he held his nose as he fell to the ground.

She smiled at the larger boy laying on the ground as everyone looked on in shock before leaning over him, teeth bared yet again as she snapped out. "Stay the fuck away from Rachel. I'm not going to let you hurt her again. And if you do, this is only the beginning of what would happen." She looked down at the howling guy again in disgust, just as she was getting ready to jump down on the boy while he was down, she felt small but strong arms wrap around her waist and pick her up carrying her out of the room. "¡Sal! Permítanme terminar. No he terminado con usted pero Hudson!"

The rest of the room looked on in awe again as she was carried by the significantly smaller diva out of the hall, as other members of Mercedes and Sam's family either patted the Latina on her back or silently cheered for someone finally giving Finn what he deserved. The remainder of the bystanders just looked at each other asking the same question. "Who invited him here in the first place?"

...

**Translations:**

**"¿QUIÉN SOY YO? ¿QUIÉN SOY YO? SU NOVIA, USTED SOBRE NIÑO CRECIDO. Y USTED ESTÁ JODIDO PEOR PESADILLA BASTARDO."**- Who am I? Who am I? Her girlfriend, you overgrown toddler. And you're worst fucking nightmare bastard!

**"¡Sal! Permítanme terminar. No he terminado con usted pero Hudson!"**- Get off! Let me finish. I'm not done with you Hudson!


	14. Lima Part III

**A/N: **I really should start doing better with these updates. It's bad I'm sorry. But here is an update. Please note that I found these Yiddish phrases and such online, so all mistakes are mine and the fact that I'm not Jewish either also doesn't help. So sorry :/

**Warning:** This chapter contains smut :D

_Chapter 14: Lima Part III_

"Here baby." Rachel walked over to Santana and pressed the bag of ice to Santana's swollen knuckles as she hissed in pain at the cold bag hitting her inflamed knuckles.

"Ouch Rach, that shit hurts." Santana winced as Rachel sat down on her lap.

"Well that's what you get for violence. Now buck up and stop complaining." Rachel chided as she chuckled holding Santana's hand in place.

"I told you when I saw him I was going to punch him in the face." Santana flinched when Rachel applied pressure to the bag. "You should be happy you pulled me away from him or he would have left in a body bag. I'm fucking seething at what he did to you."

"Babe, that was years ago and he apologized. I would have explained that to you if you hadn't swooped in screaming in Spanish like a bat out of hell." Rachel cupped Santana's face with her free hand and pressed a kiss to her lips tenderly. "But I guess that I should be thanking you for defending my honor regardless. Even if it was for an incident that was years ago and had nothing to do with you."

"Rach, you didn't see your face. It only made me even more mad to see that it still had lingering effects. It just sparked my protectiveness." Santana shrugged as Rachel's lips claimed hers in another kiss, this one more passionate than the last.

"Well thank you my own protective Rottweiler." Rachel smiled as Santana pressed a kiss to her forehead before walking over to her glass of juice on the table and taking a hefty swig.

"Rach, are you still drinking?" Santana looked onto Rachel curiously. "What is that?"

Rachel rolled her eyes at her girlfriend before a mischievous smirk graced her face as she drained the rest of her drink. "Relax baby. It's just pineapple juice. No alcohol."

Santana shrugged her shoulders and shook her head, she didn't feel like asking any more into her girlfriend's odd antics. She put the bag down and flinched when she stretched her fingers before she walked over to her suitcase and pulled out some grey sweatpants and a white v neck and changed into them before pulling her hair up into a messy bun. She didn't even pay attention to Rachel as she slipped her iPhone into the speaker and grabbed the remote and a scarf.

"San, baby. I have a surprise for you. I want to thank you for defending me to Finn tonight." Rachel smiled sweetly before guiding Santana to the computer chair in her room. "Now sit down and don't take the scarf till I tell you." Rachel said as she tied the scarf across Santana's eyes and making sure she couldn't see anything before she walked over to close her room door.

"Rach, what are you doing? And why do I have this scarf over my eyes?"

"It's a surprise baby." Rachel smiled to herself as she walked over to her closet and grabbed part of her surprise for girlfriend. "Now do what I say and don't take the scarf off. Just be patient baby." She smirked before walking over to her bathroom to change.

Santana sat in the chair impatiently as she wondered what her girlfriend had up her sleeve. She really did find an odd one didn't she?

….

Rachel did yet another look at herself in the bathroom mirror. Oh did she have a surprise for her girlfriend tonight. She was so unbelievably turned on by the protective and angry side of the Latina sitting just beyond the bathroom door, she honestly couldn't take it. If she was a boy, she was sure her amount of blue balls would probably cause them to explode. So she decided to take matters into her own hands. Fixing her hair again for what seemed like the thirtieth time, she called out.

"Santana? Do you still have the scarf over your eyes?" She cracked the door open and peeked outside to make sure.

"Yes Rachel." Santana sighed exasperatedly. She just wanted to go to sleep. Rachel's antics on the dance floor tonight mixed with how hot she was when she carried her out of the party tonight left her with an ache down below so bad that she just wanted to rub one out to last her the next two days they were in Lima so she could ravage her girlfriend properly in the comfort of her own apartment into oblivion for teasing her so relentlessly. "Can I take this stupid scarf off now?"

"Not yet. Don't take it off until the music starts." Rachel smirked as she turned the lights out and lit the candles she had strategically placed among the room.

"Music? Rae, what are you up too?" Santana asked slightly irritated. She had been sitting there blind to the world for the last five minutes.

"Didn't I tell you to be patient, beautiful?" Rachel smiled seductively, her voice dropped an octave lower as she positioned herself against the doorframe of her bathroom door. She queued the song up and pressed play.

Santana visibly brightened as she heard the scream of the intro to one of her favorite songs by her favorite band start to play. "Rach, if you have M. Shadows in this room right now I will come on the spot." She started to take off the scarf as she continued. "The only man I will go straight for…" She stopped mid-sentence as she took in her surroundings and felt her mouth go dry at the sight in front of her. There was Rachel in a black lace bra and one of her impossibly short skirts from high school and black stiletto heels, her leg propped up against the wall and spread just enough for Santana to see the all lacy underwear she wore underneath it. Her long hair fell in messy curls that framed her face as she bit her lower lip seductively.

"Now I want you to keep your hands to yourself San. This is for you." Rachel seductively sauntered her way over to her girlfriend before stopping and sexily moving her hips to the beat of the guitars that was playing loudly over the speakers in the candle lit room.

_Caught up in this madness too blind to see_

_Woke animal feelings in me_

_Took over my sense and I lost control_

_I'll taste your blood tonight_

_You know I make you wanna scream_

_You know I make you wanna run from me baby_

_but know it's too late you've wasted all your time, yeah_

Santana had to blink her eyes to make sure she wasn't seeing things. A look of disbelief on her face as her girlfriend continued to sway her hips to the beat, while she flipped her hair over her shoulder and bit her lip. Her hands wandering over her body and through her hair as she continued to dance for her stunned girlfriend.

_Relax while you're closing your eyes to me_

_So warm as I'm setting you free_

_With your arms by your side there's no struggling_

_Pleasure's all mine this time_

_You know I make you wanna scream_

_You know I make you wanna run from me baby_

_but know it's too late you've wasted all your time_

_Cherishing, those feelings pleasuring_

_Cover me, unwanted clemency_

_Scream till there's silence_

_Scream while there's life left, vanishing_

_Scream from the pleasure unmask your desire_

_perishing_

Rachel smirked as she watched the Latina clench her legs tightly together as her breathing picked up in an alarming pace. She decided to take it up a notch as she quickly turned around and continued to sway her hips as she undid the front clasp of her bra before tossing it across the room before she bent over, giving her girlfriend an open view of her ass in her barely there lace thong that was clearly sticking out from under her already short skirt. Raking her fingers slowly up her legs and chuckled to herself as she heard the Latina whimper from the chair, her knuckles almost white as she clenched her thighs together while moving back and forth attempting to relieve the ache that was now making itself known from earlier tenfold.

Santana felt like she was sitting in a pool. She knew that she had easily soaked through her underwear and wouldn't be surprised if it soaked through her sweat pants. The air was considerably thick and hot as she started to sweat. She knew she had soaked through her sweatpants, she could smell her arousal as Rachel continued her ministrations. As Rachel made her way slowly up her thighs, she slipped her finger into her wetness as she felt herself dripping at the sight of how turned on her girlfriend was. Running her free hand through her hair Rachel looked up at the Latina with hooded eyes as she continued to run her fingers along her sopping slit. "Fuck what you do to me Santana." She moaned breathlessly.

_We've all had a time where we've lost control_

_We've all had our time to grow_

_I'm hoping I'm wrong but I know I'm right_

_I'll hunt again one night_

Rachel made her way over behind her girlfriend and she bit her bottom lip again as she saw the Latina never take her eyes off her. Throwing her leg over Santana's shoulder, she grabbed her girlfriend by the hair to make her look up at her before running her wet fingers across the Latina's lips. "Do you taste what you do to me Santana? I've been like this all week, nonstop. Do you know what it's like to consistently have to throw out underwear because you've been so wet that there's no chance in salvaging them?" Rachel used her hand to roll Santana's neck to the inside of her thigh, her breath so close to the place between her legs that she's been aching for the Latina to touch all week. "Do you smell me Santana?" She whispered seductively in her ear. "Cause I can smell you, and you smell delicious." She watched the Latina lick her lips and roll her eyes back at the taste of Rachel on them.

_You know I make you wanna scream_

_You know I make you wanna run from me baby_

_but know it's too late you've wasted all your time_

_Cherishing, those feelings pleasuring_

_Cover me, unwanted clemency_

_Scream till there's silence_

_Scream while there's life left, vanishing_

_Scream from the pleasure unmask your desire_

_perishing_

Rachel made her way from behind Santana who was practically drooling at this point, while slowly unzipping her skirt leaving her in nothing but her thong and heels. Santana sat on her hands not trusting herself enough to not ravage the sight in front of her or at least to not touch herself at the sight. She let out groan once she saw Rachel drop to her knees and crawl over to her before placing her hands on both of her knees and pushed them apart before crawling between her legs and tsking at the large wet spot she saw between them. She cupped the Latina's sopping sex through her sweatpants and started to draw lazy circles around the taller girl's clit causing her to moan obscenely. "Look at you Santana. You're such a slut for me. I can feel your clit throbbing. Do you want me to touch you?" She asked sweetly before reaching down into her sweat pants and pushed her soaked underwear to the side as she teased the Latina's entrance with her fingers. She smiled when her girlfriend lost all of her resolve and started to buck against her hand. "Uh- un baby. Remember no sex in my parent's house?" She chuckled as she heard Santana growl above her before she pulled her hand out her pants and licked the essence of her girlfriend off her fingers. Her eyes rolled in the back of her head as she moaned making sure every trace was gone off her fingers. "Fuck you taste so good, San." She stated before she got up and sat on Santana's lap facing away from her as she grinded her hips into the Latina's core to the beat of the music, causing the girl underneath her to start whimpering desperately.

_Some live repressing their instinctive feelings_

_Protest the way we're built don't point the blame on me_

_Scream, Scream, Scream the way you would_

_if I ravaged your body_

_Scream, Scream, Scream the way you would_

_if I ravaged your mind_

Rachel turned around and removed her thong leaving her completely bare besides her heels and straddled her girlfriend before desperately grinding her throbbing need into her girlfriend's lap as they both let out obscene moans and whimpers as Rachel thrashed her head around in circles in tune with the song, not once losing the persona she was portraying to seduce her girlfriend. And by the way the Latina was grunting as they frantically grinded against one another, she was successful in her attempts. She was so close, just from watching her girlfriend's reaction. All she needed was a few thrusts from San's fingers and she would have the release she obsessively needed. "S-San…I-I need…" Rachel struggled through her panting, hoping to get across what she needed.

"Rach.." Santana moaned. "Dedos, por favor."

"Together?" Rachel panted as Santana vigorously nodded her head.

_Cherishing, those feelings pleasuring_

_Cover me, unwanted clemency_

_Scream till there's silence_

_Scream while there's life left, vanishing_

_Scream from the pleasure unmask your desire_

_Perishing_

Rachel and Santana both thrusted two fingers into each other simultaneously, each of them going directly for that spot in each other that they knew so well. And just as they hit spongy patch of skin inside, both of their heads fell back as white heated exploded inside of them causing them to moan as their orgasm burst onto each other, just as Rachel's door opened.

"Sweetie? We're hom…OY VEY!" Leroy screamed as he covered his eyes while shaking his head at the sight of his daughter and her girlfriend coming, just as he opened the door. "VOY IS DOS?" He continued to scream as he slammed the door before running downstairs, still ranting. "My daughter…shtupping. In front of my eyes… Zol Got mir helfen."

….

Leroy Berry was not only in shock, but mortified. Screaming down the stairs to his husband, it took Hiram to smack him across the face to calm down and hand over 2 of his prescribed Xanax pills to get him to calm down.

He and his husband had come home from a nice wholesome dinner, when he came upstairs to check on his daughter and her girlfriend. He knew they were home when he heard the loud rock music playing down the hallway from her room. He knocked loudly because he knew that Rachel's room was soundproofed.

"Rachel!" He called loudly over the music, giving up on knocking and testing the door handle. Leroy was surprised to find it unlocked as he walked into his daughter's room looking around for her before being greeted with a sight he hoped to never see in his life. Screaming out in a mix of English and Yiddish, he ran down the stairs trying to find his way to the basement to drown his eyes in bleach to wash the sight from being burned in his corneas. It was one thing to walk in on your daughter having….adult relations with her girlfriend, but walking in in enough time to see her rather…explosive orgasm was something that made Leroy want to burn his brain so he would never have to deal with the memory ever again. He needed a Xanax.

….  
>"Shit isn't funny Puck. How am I supposed to look her parents in the face again. I'm here for three more days." Santana whined, why she thought calling Puck was a smart idea after something like this she would never know. She should've called Tina. After Rachel's dad walked in on the both of them coming at the mercy of each other's fingers, Santana ran out of the house as quickly as possible. Almost pushing Rachel off her lap and onto the floor in the process of grabbing her phone and cigarettes before hightailing it out of the house with not such as a word or look in any direction besides the front door. She barely was able to make out Leroy's screams and Hiram's uncontrollable laughter at the situation before slamming the door shut behind her and peeling out of the driveway as fast as she could in the rental car they obtained when they first got to Lima.<p>

"Oh trust me." Puck gasped in between bouts of gut busting laughter. "This is the funniest thing to happen all year. And here you were all serious about the no sex rule and the minute Rachel takes off her panties to some Avenged, her dad walks in on you two coming? Oh this is something that will always be funny."

"You're not making anything better, ass!" Santana snapped as she ashed her third cigarette within the last forty five minutes. She was a chain smoking pile of nothing right now. She was nervous, her chest was tight and she was pretty sure she was going to have another panic attack. Puck laughing really wasn't making anything better.

"Even though the picture of that is hot, what I wouldn't give to have been her dad right then. Damn it, I wish I would have been able to come now! Definitely storing that in the spank bank for later."

"PUCKERMAN." Santana screamed. "You will not use my utter embarrassment for your sick jerk off fantasies….no matter how hot Rachel was." Santana trailed off, damn it her girlfriend was fucking smoking and up until her dad walked in. That was the sexiest fucking thing that Santana had ever been witnessed too.

"So you admit it was hot." Puck raised an eyebrow to the phone. He knew his best friend, and he knew that she had a libido that could rival his.

"I never said it wasn't fucking hot Puck. Fuck, I nearly came on the spot just thinking of it. I'm just figuring out how am I going to make it these next three days. Her dad probably hates me. He'll probably try to shoot me in the vag and then burn me at the stake for-"

"For fucking his precious daughter in their house like the naughty little sex crazed slut that she is?" He interrupted, snickering at his own joke.

"Puck I will take your nuts and hang them from my rearview if you ever talk about Rachel like that again." Santana snarled.

"Hey chill out. I was just joking. I just find it funny how she's been humping the air around you for days and the minute she finally gets what she wants, the exact thing happens that you said would happen when you said no in the first place."

"Her dad's will never let me stay in their house again, let alone sleep in the same bed as Rachel." She sighed as she propped her foot up against the truck before she heard her line beeping. She looked at the phone and rolled her eyes, she already knew who it was and she smirked to herself as the picture of Rachel's bright smiling face lit up across her screen under the name Estrella. "Puck let me call you back. It's Rach."

"Later Lesbro." Santana rolled her eyes again before clicking over, not even getting a chance to answer properly before Rachel bombarded her with questions.

"Santana, where have you been? I've been worried sick. Do you have your anxiety meds? Are you ok? You're not out anywhere having an episode are you? Baby, talk to me.."

"Rach, I would be able to answer your questions if you'd stop talking for a second." Santana took another drag of her cigarette before continuing. "Yes I'm alright and no I don't have my meds nor am I having an episode. I'm just smoking a cigarette." She heard Rachel let out a relieved sigh on the other end of the line.

"I was so worried." Santana instantly dropped her annoyed stature with her girlfriend when she heard the concern in her voice. "San, can you just come back? We can talk about this."

"Rach, I can't look your father in the face after that. He saw you come… shit he saw me come."

"San, dad is laughing at it. He's not even taking it seriously. He told me he's surprised it took this long for something like this to happen." Rachel chuckled lightly.

"This isn't funny Rach. It's not helping, and what about Leroy? He's the one that saw his naked daughter riding my fingers till she came. That's not something to laugh about."

"Daddy, is currently lying down doped up on Xanax, but that's not the point. Daddy overreacts to everything. That's where I get it from. He's a bigger drama queen then I am!"

"I'm getting a hotel room. See this is why I told you no sex Rachel. Now every time your father will hear my name or see me, he's going to have flashbacks of his daughter squirting all over my hand. Some first impression this is."

"Santana will you relax? You are not getting a hotel room. And granted Daddy's a little shocked right now, but neither of my fathers are going to hate you for it. Dad told me that he understands and knows I'm an adult…. _Like_ I said when we first talked about this. He just wants me to make sure the door is locked next time… or put a do not disturb sign up or something." She laughed again hoping to break down some of her girlfriend's nervousness about the situation.

Santana sighed, clearly she wasn't going to win this one. "You promise he won't hate me?"

"No Santana, both of my father's love you. Daddy's just a drama queen. Once he gets enough wine in him, he won't think about it anymore and forget."

"Uhh Rach… didn't you say your dad took a bunch of Xanax?" Santana asked curiously as she stubbed out her last cigarette and got in the car, before revving it to life and putting on her seatbelt.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, I was just thinking aren't you not supposed to drink when taking Xanax? I used to take it years ago, but it they couldn't find an correct dosage to work for me.. but I clearly remember the bottle saying to not drink when you take it."

"Yeah, well you're not supposed to…but daddy does it anyways. After a while we just let him." Rachel shook her head before running her hands through her hair. "Are you on your way home?"

"Yeah, I'm driving now. I'll be back in a few."

"Alright, can we cuddle then? I'm sorry I forced sex on you San." Rachel added, you could hear her pout through the phone.

"Yeah babe, we can cuddle. And it's fine Rach. It takes two to tango. I could have easily stopped, but I didn't so I'm just as much to blame. I'll see you when I get back."

"Ok, bye babe."

"Bye Baby." Rachel sighed and flopped back on her bed, looking up at the ceiling she tried to shake the feeling of Santana really being upset with her because she did force herself on her. Even after she told her no, countless times for this exact reason, she just didn't want her girlfriend mad at her. They had to sleep in the same bed and the thought of Santana being mad and not wanting to snuggle against her to fall asleep at night made her literally sick. She sighed deeply as she felt the bed sink next to her as she looked over to see her dad.

"Hey, princess. Is she alright?" Hiram hated to see his baby girl upset. Even if he did find the situation rather hysterical, it upset him to see his little girl upset over a slip up due to being caught up in the moment.

"Yeah, she just thinks you guys hate her for defiling me in the house and then actually seeing it. I told her you didn't care, but Santana is bull headed."

"Sounds like someone else I know." Hiram brushed the hair from his daughters face as she snuggled into his embrace resting her head on his lap as he gently stroked her hair. "You know Rachel, I know she's been telling you no all week for a reason. I think she's more upset with the fact that she finally caved and she proved herself to be right. Just give her some time. We'll act like it never happened. I know your father will." Hiram placed a kiss to the top of Rachel's head. "Plus if the fact that your father is on his fourth glass of wine , after taking 2 Xanax… he won't remember it anyways." He chuckled lightly as he got up from his place on Rachel's bed. "Goodnight sweetie."

"Night Dad. I love you."

"Love you too sweetheart." Rachel turned over in her bed as her father turned out the light, snuggling into her bed she curled up with one of Santana's pillows and drifted off to sleep waiting for her to get home.

…..

Santana quietly crept in the dark house as she made her way upstairs to Rachel's room, smiling at the sight of her girlfriend snuggled into one of her pillows as her long chestnut hair fanned across it, the moonlight shining in the window and on Rachel giving her an almost angelic glow. She couldn't help but sigh contently, Rachel was so perfect in every way. Santana pulled out her phone to see if she could snap a picture of how beautiful her girlfriend really was and smiled when she was able to snap the picture before Rachel turned over and snuggled further in the pillow hiding her face and snuggling further under the covers. Looking at the picture again, she set it as the wallpaper to her phone before placing it on the charger and walking over to Rachel and gently kissing her temple which caused the smaller brunette to stir in her sleep.

Kicking off her jacket and Vans, Santana crawled into bed next to Rachel and smiled again once the shifting in the bed caused Rachel to flip over and unknowingly snuggle into Santana's side before sighing contently and throwing her leg over Santana's and wrapped her arms around her before lightly snoring as she fell into a deep sleep. Santana felt her heart lurch at the reaction Rachel had in her sleep to Santana being near her and Santana couldn't even stop herself from falling even more in love with Rachel than she already knew she was. She just had to find a way to tell her.

...

So the song that Rachel stripped to is called "Scream" by one of my all time favorite bands, Avenged Sevenfold. It's good shit (:

**Leroy's Yiddish Translations:**

**"VOY IS DOS?"-** "What is this?"

"**shtupping" -** term for sex

** "Zol Got mir helfen."- "**God be with me."

**Santana's Spanish Translations:**

******"Dedos, por favor.." -** "Fingers, please..."


	15. Change and Setbacks

**A/N: Alright so I know I've been completely sucky with these updates. I've been doing alot. I'm currently in the Disney College Program so I've been spending this entire semester working at the Happiest Place on Earth (: So now that my program is starting to come to a close, I can finally focus on updating more. I'd honestly be surprised if I still have readers after this but here it is anyways. R&R if you still even bother with this. It's just a filler chapter for now. But it's an update. **

_**WARNING:** _This chapter contains triggers and smut.

Chapter 15:Change and Setbacks

Shaking her umbrella from the rain, Rachel looked through her purse for the keys that Santana had given to her to her apartment. She heard the blasting of 'Excuse Me Mr' by No Doubt and knew Santana was home, finding her keys at the bottom of her purse she unlocked the door and was instantly slapped with the musky smell of weed. Scrunching up her nose she walked over to the stereo and turned the volume down. "SANTANA."

"What the fuck Rachel?" Santana screamed, stomping into the living room her hair wrapped in bunch of pieces of aluminum foil and ashing her joint in the ashtray and blowing out a steady stream of smoke out of Rachel's direction.

"I wasn't about to damage my voice screaming your name over music." Rachel dropped her purse on the table and kicked her shoes off, before she looked up at Santana and licked her lips. Santana had on a pair of baggy sweatpants that said Puckerman down the right leg and the Valencia Heights Football emblem on the left hip. They were rolled down several times to accommodate Santana's slim frame. Rachel could clearly see the Batman underwear Santana was wearing sitting low on her hips revealing the ex- cheerleaders toned stomach and slight v-cut that led down to one of Rachel's favorite parts on her girlfriend's body.

She heard Santana huff and Rachel realized she was staring, letting her eyes wander up Santana's body she stopped at Santana's breasts that were covered in a matching Batman sports bra that left little to the imagination as you could see the several tattoos that covered the Latina's sides, hips and small sections of her back. She gulped when she heard the taller girl chuckle at her obvious gawking.

"That didn't seem to stop you last night." Santana shrugged smugly. "And by the way Rach, my eyes are not attached to my pussy or my tits, even though your eyes clearly beg to differ." She turned back into the mirror and checked a piece of her hair in the foil. "TINA!" She shouted. "My hair still isn't bleached enough!"

The small Asian stepped out of the bathroom with gloves on her hands. "Well how long has it been on?" Tina looked over to Rachel and smiled. "Hey Rach!"

Rachel stopped glaring at Santana after her rather crude but true statement and turned to smile back at Tina. "Hello Tina. I thought I saw your car outside."

"Yeah, Santana decided that she had to dye her hair today so I came over to help since she can't do it herself." She took the joint that Santana had passed her and took a few hits of it before ashing it and passing it back to Santana.

Rolling her eyes at the small Asian, Santana looked at the clock "It's been about thirty minutes."

Tina rolled her eyes and looked at Santana's hair in the foil. "Santana it's light enough for the dye to take."

"But it's not gonna be as bright as I want it. I need change Tina..change."

"Santana, your hair is jet black, it's going to take a while for the bleach to make the pieces platinum for the dye to be super bright. I had to bleach my hair like three times for my purple to be as bright as it is."

"Well I'm gonna sit her and wait till it's as bright as I want it." Santana huffed as she stubbed out the joint in the ashtray and grabbed a beer from the fridge.

"Your hair is gonna fall out Santana."

"Fuck you Tina." Santana mumbled before she cracked open the can of beer in her hand and flopped on the couch on the opposite side of were Rachel was seated.

"Santana that was rude. Tina's doing you a favor." Rachel chided Santana. She wasn't particularly fond of her attitude as of late and her annoyance was proven in her tone.

"Thanks mom, but I didn't ask for your opinion did I?" Santana rolled her eyes and picked up her phone.

Taken aback by Santana's tone, Rachel stared confusingly at Santana as she cocked her head to the side. "What's _your _problem Santana?" She huffed out, now clearly irritated with her girlfriends attitude today.

Tina's ears sparked at Rachel's tone and grabbed her arm gently. "Hey Rach, can you come to the kitchen for a second with me please?" She whispered.

Rachel's eyes wandered over to Santana sitting on the couch, playing Temple Run on her phone and rolled them before walking with Tina to the kitchen.

Once they were in the kitchen Tina's facial expression softened and she approached Rachel, speaking quietly as to not have Santana overhear in the other room. "Rach, remember when Quinn told you about Santana's mood swings and episodes?" Rachel nodded her head in agreement before Tina continued. "Well today is one of her worst ones. Don't take anything she says personally. She's just lashing out because she thinks she can handle them, so she's going to say some hurtful things to push you away. But just ignore them, she needs you but she just can't and won't let herself express it."

"Her being a bitch to everyone is just her pushing everyone away so she can be alone in her own head. Which as we both know isn't the best thing with her track record. That's why I came over today. I heard her voice and instantly knew." Tina explained sighing softly. She loved Santana like a sister, seeing her so down and out broke her heart over and over.

"I'll talk to her." Rachel sighed. She still had to get used to Santana's ever present emotional issues after almost five months.

"That's something you might not want to do. Just hold her. It works, trust me. Especially from you." Tina smiled at Rachel before she walked back out into the living room.

Rachel walked over to Santana and sat down on the couch next to her and wrapped her arms around her waist, hugging her tight.

"Rachel can you get the fuck off me." Santana grumbled and tried to push Rachel off of her.

"No." Rachel smiled before she wrapped her arms around Santana tighter and kissed her shoulder.

"Rach, get your dwarf ass off me!" Santana almost shouted, using all she could to get Rachel's arms from around her. She was having a bad day and just wanted to not talk at all and get her hair dyed. Rachel was breaking her resolve for the bitch she used to so easily be able to speak fluently.

Rachel's face dropped at the name she heard fly from Santana's mouth. But then she heard Quinn and Tina in the back of her mind telling her not to take it to heart. "You don't want me too. What's going on San?"

Santana huffed as she allowed her walls to crumple and she relaxed in Rachel's arms allowing her to hold her tight. "I'm sorry Rach. I've just been having a really shitty couple of weeks and Puck didn't make anything better today. He was telling me about his latest panty escapade and said something stupid and I spilt bleach all over my favorite pair of jeans. So now, their fucked and I can't wear them anymore and I loved them. They made my ass look great. Fuck Puck." Santana rubbed her hands across her face in frustration.

"Then I called Chang Two over here to dye my hair cause I decided I wanted something new and drastic, and she can't even do that right! I ask her for one thing and she doesn't even follow through completely. What a waste of friends I have."

"Santana Marie! Tina is doing the best she can. You have years of black dye in your hair. It's going to take a couple of times for the bleach to take to your hair completely. Stop being so impatient and apologize to Tina!" Rachel gave Santana a stern look that the Latina could not argue with.

"I'm sorry Tina. I know you're doing the best you can. I'm sorry for being a bitch."

Tina smiled at Santana, clearly used to the Latina's verbal beatings during her mood swings. "It's fine Tana.

"I'm just going to go take my meds and lay down. Today sucks and I really don't want to deal with it anymore."

Rachel looked over at her girlfriend and sighed. It pained her to not know how exactly to deal with Santana and her mood swings. She made a mental note to call Quinn later and talk to her about it. "I'll wash the bleach out her hair and we can try it again tomorrow or something?" Rachel looked over at Tina as Santana quietly sauntered to her room and shut the door.

"Yeah that's fine. I'll get a brighter purple and that should take brighter than this one." Tina grabbed her bag and fished out her keys. "I'll see you later Rach. Tell San I'll call her later."

"Will do Tina." Rachel smiled brightly at Tina before pulling her in a hug before she closed the door behind her.

"San, babe?" Rachel called out before opening the door. "You alright?"

Santana looked up from the floor in the bathroom trying to clean up and locking the door. "Yeah Rach I'm fine. I'm just washing my hair. I'll be out in a few." She broke out trying to sound as fine as possible. She didn't want Rachel to see how weak she was. Wiping the tears from her eyes as she assessed the damage she did to her arm. The few cuts she made were small and easily hidden, but she was so disappointed in herself for caving. Three years cut free and two weeks of inner turmoil had wiped that slate clean. She was a disappointment. Rachel and Quinn where going to be so mad at her. Let's not even get her started on Puck. She hurriedly washed the bleach out of her hair, took her depression medications and unlocked the door and quietly walked to her closet before pulling out a black hoody and plopping into bed with her girlfriend.

"Santana!" Rachel looked shot up at her girlfriend with a scandalized look on her face.

"What Rachel?" Santana rubbed her eye sleepily, she was comfortable and Rachel was moving around too much and she just wanted to get her snuggles on.

"Your hoody is appalling and totally inappropriate!" Santana looked around confused before looking down at her hoody. It was just a solid black hoody with the word PUSSY in big white letters across the chest.

"What about it? It's comfy and a Christmas present from Puck from a few years ago."

"Santana, while I'm proud of your embracing of your homosexuality but wearing a shirt with such crude language is a bit extreme don't you think?"

Santana rolled her eyes before walking to her bathroom to take out her contact. "So I'm guessing you wouldn't like the shirt I have that says 'Enjoy Vagina' or my favorite one that says 'trEAT YOUR GIRL RIGHT'? Puck will always be my favorite for that one."

"Why am I not surprised that Noah got you those inappropriate garments?"

"Cause he's Puck, and my best friend and 'lesbro' or whatever he calls it." Santana made quotation marks with her hands when she said lesbro. "FUCK IT ALL TO HELL."

"What now Santana?" Rachel called out from her Santana's bed, making herself more comfortable in the covers.

"My god damn contact ripped and it was my last pair. I can't order a new pair till the end of the month. Fuck everything." Santana grumbled before slamming her medicine cabinet closed and stalking out into the bedroom before plopping back into bed with Rachel, now with a pair of black rimmed, rectangular glasses adorning her face with the words Ray Ban across the sides. She pulled her long hair up into a messy bun and snuggled in further into bed with Rachel.

Rachel reacted by climbing on top of her girlfriend straddling her hips. "I didn't even know you wore glasses. It's sexy."

"Well I live in my contacts because I hate my glasses. I look like a nerd."

"You are a nerd Santana." Rachel giggled at Santana's facial expression to her statement.

"I am not a nerd. I'm a bad ass."

"You are a bad ass babe, and sexy. But let's not forget nerd. Who's the one walking around in Batman underwear?" Rachel smiled and kissed her girlfriend gently.

"Batman is bad ass. Just like me." Santana smiled as she trailed her nails up and down Rachel's sides and Rachel groaned in response.

"Don't tease." Rachel pouted and Santana just smirked and leaned up so her body weight was resting on her arms as she pouted out her lips for Rachel to kiss her. Rachel happily obliged and leaned forward towards Santana making her fall back onto the bed, their lips never parting in a now passionate and lust filled kiss.

Their tongues intertwining with such a passion that sent jolts of fire to both girls cores. Rachel moaned into the kiss as she felt Santana's hand reach up her shirt and begin to massage her right breast. She gasped when Santana begin to tweak her nipple as it began to harden even more under her girlfriends gentle but urgent touch.

"San, I wanna ride you." Rachel breathed out heavily when they finally were able to part when the desire for air became too much.

Santana's eyebrow rose at Rachel's statement. _Challenge accepted._ "Rach, have you ever used a strap on before?"

Rachel's eyes widened almost comically. "What?"

Santana sat up again leaning back on her arms as Rachel adjusted to sitting on her lap, legs wrapped around her waist ."A strap on Rachel. A dildo..a toy… a fake dick..a-"

"Ok Santana I get it." Rachel rolled her eyes. "And no, I've never had nor needed stimulus other than fingers or tongue."

Santana burst out laughing at Rachel's response. Only she could make sex sound proper. "No wonder you have such an affinity for gold stars, Rach."

Rachel looked on at Santana quizzically. "What does me liking gold stars have anything to do with that?"

"Oh come on Rachel. What type of lesbian are you? You've never heard the term 'Gold Star Lesbian' before?"

Rachel shook her head before Santana burst out laughing again. "I really don't get it Santana."

Santana rolled her eyes at her girlfriend's naivety and chuckled slightly before continuing to explain. "Gold Star is a term they use for lesbians who never had sex with a guy before, only girls."

"So they call lesbians like myself 'Gold Stars'? Well that's dumb; I liked gold stars since before I even knew I only was attracted to women. My mom got me into them when I was little."

Santana burst out laughing again. "Well who knew Shelby was setting up her daughter to be a lesbian?"

Rachel slapped Santana on her forehead. "Santana, I doubt that my mom was trying to do that when she decorated my room with stars."

"Sureeee Rach. Whatever you say."

"Santana please don't insinuate that my mother was implanting the thought of my homosexuality in my head at a young age. You know that it's not something you just choose to do, you're born that way."

"And now that we've had a lesson from Lady Gaga, can I gets back to my lady lovin' now?"

Rachel rolled her eyes before she got settled to straddling Santana's hips again. "Well I don't see why not." She smirked and Santana went wild, reaching her hand up and entangling it into Rachel's thick long chestnut hair and smashing their lips together in a bruising kiss.

"Do you wanna try out Lil Lo?" Santana breathed into Rachel's ear as she led kisses across the tiny Diva's neck and shoulders.

"Who's Lil Lo?" Rachel asked between gasps as she felt Santana bite on her collar bone before smoothing the skin over with her tongue.

"My strap on of course." Santana exclaimed before nibbling on Rachel's ear lobe. "And trust me lil is just a nickname, cause ain't nothing lil about this."

Rachel froze mid moan, as wetness flooded to her panties and panic rose in her chest. She was turned on and slightly nervous at the aspect of Santana using her toy on her, especially because she's never had anything that wasn't fingers or tongues around or inside her.

"I'll be gentle baby I promise." Santana continued whispering against her neck as her fingers trailed down her stomach, just slightly dipping down into the waistband of Rachel's sweatpants. Which just happened to be stolen from Santana. "God Rach, I can feel how ready you are for me. Just the thought of me filling you so completely is making you throb. It's nice to know you no longer bother wearing underwear in your sweats, it makes for easy access for this." Santana ended her statement with firm steady stroke to Rachel's needy clit.

"God Santana." Rachel moaned throwing her head back on contact.

"I'm not God baby, only Santana. But I'm sure I can make you see those stars your so fond of." Santana husked in her ear as she continued the slow steady pace of drawing lazy circles around the tiny brunette's clit, her groans and moans spurring her on to switch up the pace and direction every now and then.

Rachel responded with a loud moan and grabbed a handful of Santana's hair. "Please San…inside now." She practically cried between moans.

Santana smirked hearing Rachel whine in protest of her hand leaving her sensitive nub before reaching over in the drawer besides her bed pulling out the 7.5 inch red dildo and it's harness she affectionately dubbed "Lil Lo", moving Rachel off her hips so she could remove her clothes leaving her completely naked and attach the harness to her hips and slide the inner piece into herself, moaning slightly at how easily it slipped into her from how wet she was.

Once everything was attached she smiled and climbed back over Rachel. "You sure you want to do this Rach? We don't have to if you don't want." She wanted to give her girlfriend one more chance to back out, because Santana wasn't sure if she'd have the will power to stop once she started.

Rachel looked at her girlfriend's body speechless and instantly felt her mouth go dry at the thought of technically having her virginity taken by the taller brunette. Looking deep into her eyes she saw the trust and passion swimming about in the Latina's eyes, as well as something that looked an awful like love? Rachel swallowed deeply before removing her own clothing and spreading her legs a little further to accommodate Santana. "Yes, I trust you. I want this." She stated confidently.

Santana kissed Rachel passionately as she rubbed the dildo over Rachel's clit and lubing it up with her essence. Swallowing Rachel's moans from the friction over her nub, Santana felt the tiny diva tense up once she positioned the toy at her entrance. "Baby, you need to relax. It will hurt more if you're all tense. I just want to make you feel good. You already lost your virginity, just a couple of seconds of stretching and I promise to make it up to you." Santana whispered to Rachel, brushing the smaller girls bangs off her face as she felt the girl's body beneath her relax.

"Please San." Rachel whispered back, her nails digging into Santana's arms and her hips practically bucking into the toy impatiently.

"Alright babe, I'm just gonna push on in, that way it gets the uncomfortable part over."

"San, stop talking and fuck me alre-" Rachel's statement was cut off by Santana thrusting in quickly into her, bottoming out almost instantly. Rachel breath caught in her throat as her whole body tensed around the foreign intruder filling her so completely. Nails digging into Santana's shoulders as she gripped tightly, tears springing to her eyes at the painful stretching.

"Baby, breathe are you ok?" Santana asked worriedly. "You want me to pull out?"

Rachel shook her head. "I…just need to get used to it…. Give me a minute… Don't move." She gasped out, trying to breath her way through the pain. Being the fighter that she is, she and Santana sat still for a minute allowing her to accommodate to the stretching. Once she felt the tiny brunette relax, Rachel took a deep breath before nodding. "You can move now.. just go slow."

Santana responded by peppering Rachel's face with kisses as she slowly began to thrust into the diva, struggling through the tightness. Rachel's eyes almost rolled back into her head as the pain shortly gave way to pleasure. The friction of the toy's groves had her inner walls fluttering as she spread her legs wider urging the Latina above her to go deeper. "F-faster San."

Santana sped up her thrusts almost crying at the way the inner piece drove deeper into her as she continued pushing into Rachel. "Fuck Rachel, so tight." She groaned as she leant down to place sloppy kisses along her neck, making little marks all across her shoulders and neck.

"I-I.. what.. oh my..fuck." Rachel couldn't even make coherent thoughts, let alone sentences. Santana was hitting all the right spots and Rachel even wondered how she was just now finding out about how great these things were.

Santana was now able to easily slide in and out of Rachel as her hips almost looked invisible from the pace in which she was now rutting into Rachel. Taking the opportunity to reach down and start toying the Rachel's clit, making the smaller girl arch her back and cry out in ecstasy.

"Dear God." Rachel couldn't focus on anything but the complete udder feeling of being so full and the hard circles Santana was making around her clit in time with her thrusts. Feeling that all too familiar energy starting at the pit of her stomach, she pulled Santana in deeper. "Right there… don't stop… please… so close!" She pitched out.

"Fuck Rach. So good… I'm gonna cum." Santana's hips starting thrusting even faster and even deeper into Rachel if that was at all even possible. She was determined for her and Rachel to cum together. She leaned down and wrapped her lips around Rachel's nipple and sucked hard.

Rachel couldn't even take it anymore, she pulled Santana off her nipple and smashed their lips together in a searing kiss. She needed to be as close to Santana as possible as she came. Santana's hips started jerking and she took the opportunity to pinch Rachel's clit as the kissed, and that seemed to push her over the edge.

Rachel separated her lips from Santana's as she screamed against her mouth, fisting both her hands into Santana's hair as a white bright light exploded behind her eyelids as she came harder than she ever thought possible. Warmth spread from her head to her toes as her body with completely rigid with the intensity of her orgasm, she was barely able to register the feeling of the flooding of juices she gushed across Santana's stomach, bed spread and thighs.

Santana instantly felt her own body racking orgasm as Rachel pulled her hair tight as she came. Her own juices spray across the dildo and mixing with Rachel's on her legs and bed. Her body jerked as she rode out the waves, causing Rachel to fall into yet another orgasm.

Once she felt Rachel's grip on her hair loosen she looked down at the tiny Diva underneath her who was out like a light, despite the tremors shaking her tiny body and twitching of her left leg. Santana grinned to herself. _Payback bitch. _She gently pulled out of the smaller girl, and watched in awe as the remainder of Rachel's orgasm drip out of her and add to the already huge mess on Santana's sheets in the aftermath of their love making. She pulled the harness off her weak body and climbed under the covers before covering the tiny girl's body as well and fell instantly fell asleep.

….

Rachel woke up groggy with a dull ache between her legs. It took her a while to assess her surroundings before she heard the light breathing of her girlfriend next to her. Her body was completely useless as she tried to snuggle into the Latina's naked body under the blankets. She tried but her body was completely spent.

The rustling in the bed next to her awoke Santana from her slight slumber and she pulled the little brunette into her body before kissing her temple. "You're moving to much munchkin. I wore that pussy out, you blacked out. Go back to sleep."

Rachel rolled her eyes at her girlfriend's blatant crudeness, not even having the energy to argue so she just snuggled further into Santana's body and let the smell of her and the aftermath of their heated love making lull her back into another deep slumber.


	16. Heavy Meaning

**A/N:** Finally an update. Sorry about the wait again... I had the worst writers block with this chapter. I knew what I wanted to happen, but I just couldn't put it into words to make it sound the way I wanted too. I 've re-written this chapter about 4 times... but without further ado. Chapter 16 (: _**R&R.**_

**Warning:** This chapter contains angst and possible triggers. As well as some smut (;

_**Chapter 16: Heavy Meaning**_

"Merce, Kurt code L." Rachel slammed the door to Mercedes' apartment before plopping down on the couch between the other two divas, who up until then had their heads immersed in several bridal magazines.

Kurt raised his eyebrow to the smaller diva in mock surprise he knew this was coming. "Really now?"

"Code L, is it really that serious Rachel?" Mercedes smirked at Kurt, they both knew sooner or later this was going to happen.

"Can you two please wipe the "I so knew it" faces off please and help me out? I'm barely hanging on by life support and I need my two best friends more than anything right now." Rachel buried her face into a couch pillow.

Kurt and Mercedes shot each other a serious look before assuming the 'Calm the Overly Dramatic Rachel' position. Mercedes guided Rachel to lay her head on her lap as she ran her fingers through her hair as Kurt reached for Rachel's legs and brought them across his legs as he gently stroked her calves.

"So you think this is love Rachel?" Mercedes asked soothingly while running her fingers through the smaller Diva's long hair.

"Merce, it's different with her. I don't see her as this girl who battles inner demons every day, or this bitch that hides behind a mask deflection. I see Santana, a beautiful girl who likes Batman and enjoys being the big spoon. She makes me feel complete, whole and cared for like I never thought possible. I feel like I can fly whenever I'm with her. Like I'm the strongest woman alive and no one can hurt me. And she's so strong and protective. I admire her strength and her will and her fierce loyalty. No one has ever fought for me like she does. And I can't even begin on the intensity and passion we have between us. It's unparalleled. The connection between us I feel deep in my gut, and when we're together intimately I feel it even more. When we make love-"

"Alright, lady sex is where I draw the line on this one." Kurt grimaced. "I love you Rach, and I'm here for you always… I just can't with your and Santana's sex life."

Mercedes rolled her eyes at her other best friend. "Are you sure it's love LD? What do you know about her?"

Rachel looked up from her dazed state from her earlier explanation about Santana to look Mercedes in the eyes. "I know her biggest struggle is the feeling of giving some one everything only to get it snatched from her and thrown back in her face is why she deals with half the things emotionally she does now. I know that she's not the closest with her family, so she only really considers Noah, Mike and Tina her true family. I know that Noah is her emergency contact for everything and that she loves no one on earth the way she does him. I know Batman is her favorite, and has been since she was nine. I know her favorite color is red, because she thinks it's the color she looks best in. I know she only drinks Americano's because it's the only coffee that doesn't make her crash. I know that she has an intense fear of spiders and clowns, and even though she's gay there is only one man on earth she'd ever go straight for and it's the lead singer of her and Noah's all-time favorite band. I know she's been drawing since she was seven, and has kept every single one of her sketch books since then…except the ones during her relationship with Brittany. She burned those when they broke up." Rachel shook her head at the thought of the troubles Santana deals with because of the girl before she continued.

"The little things I know about her goes on and on and on. I could sit her and just list things I know and love about her all day. I've just never felt this way about a person before and every time I think about her I smile and my stomach erupts in these obnoxious butterflies that swarm around in my throat and I feel like I'm falling, but I don't mind because I know Santana is there to catch me. I love her, and there's really no other explanation for it."

"Then tell her LD. If you really feel this strongly about your relationship with her and your feelings about her than you need to tell her, I have no doubts that she feels the same way." Kurt stopped massaging Rachel's calves to look her deep in the eyes, so she knows that he's serious.

"It's just that what if I chase her away. She's told me that she hasn't had this serious of a relationship since Brittany. I just can't deal with the fact that I cause her to relapse or any more pain then she already deals with on the regular." Rachel let out a deep sigh.

"Rach, you shouldn't let her past trauma's keep you from possibly being the best thing for her right now. You have no idea how different your and Santana's relationship is compared to the train wreck that was hers and Brittany's. You both found each other in a time in your lives when you needed the other. You're both on the path of healing and you just needed someone that was on the same page to help the other. Never be afraid of letting a good thing happen to you." Mercedes said soothingly while running her fingers through Rachel's hair.

Rachel wiped at the tears that was threatening to fall from her eyes. "I truly think I would go crazy if I didn't have you guys."

…..

Santana and Puck sat across from each other playing Uno while throwing back shots of tequila, and for it to only be four in the afternoon, Santana was pretty wasted and Puck not too far behind if not equally wasted.

"You know Puck. I've known it for a while now, but I was just too pussy to admit it to anyone but myself." Santana slightly slurred.

"Admit what?" Puck picked up a card from the middle pile and looked at Santana curiously.

"That I'm in love with Rachel."

"Say what now?" Puck's eyes almost bulged out his head. "Are you sure San? This is big. Like do you even know her?"

"What do you mean do I know her? I've been dating Rachel for over six months now." Santana looked at Puck sideways. She wasn't drunk enough for this, she reached over for the tequila and poured herself another shot.

"I know that. I'm saying like this is huge, you know this. I'm saying like are you sure? Do you know her enough to love her?"

"What kind of question is that Fuckerman? Of course I know Rachel. I know that she's dreamt of being on Broadway since she could talk and she's living her dream finally. I know her idol is Barbra Streisand and wanted to be her all her life. I know her favorite color is yellow and that she loves animals so much that she won't eat anything that has even the slightest animal by product in it. I know when she's tired her eyes cross, and when she's horny she bites her bottom lip. I know when her right leg shakes she's mad and her left leg shakes when she's excited. I know that Mercedes and Kurt have been her people since practically the beginning of time. And that those big brown eyes can bring even the strongest willed person to their knees. I know she can cry on cue, but her acting cry and her three real life cries are completely different. She has a cry when she wants something, a cry when she's actually upset or hurt about something and a cry when she's so mad but she can't do anything about it."

Puck looked into Santana's eyes and was able to read her like a book. Santana, especially when she's drunk is like a teleprompter of emotions for Puck. He hasn't seen that look in Santana's eyes in a long time, and even now it looks different from when he's seen it previous. But he knew exactly what it was; Santana wasn't bull shitting in the slightest. She really did fall in love with Rachel. He couldn't believe the growth his best friend is doing right in front of his eyes.

"I know she likes being the little spoon, and that she didn't even know she was a lesbian until Mercedes told her. I know she lived with her dads, but she was raised equally between them and her birth mother. Who is fucking awesome by the way, and even though she thinks her little brother is a douchebag most of the time she would still drop everything for him in a second because regardless he's always there for her when it counts." Santana continued to explain passionately while she poured herself another shot of tequila.

"I love how her eyes light up when she's excited and her smile practically cracks her face in half. I love the little gasps she lets out when I kiss the back of her neck and how her fingers dig into my neck and hip when I'm only a few thrusts away from making her come. Puck, literally everything about her just.. I don't know. I can just spend all day watching her and never get bored. I'm happiest when I'm with her, I'm whole when I'm with her. I've never felt more complete in my life, not even with Britt. And that scares the shit out of me. What if she doesn't feel the same? I can't take another break like with Britt, Puck. I know I won't make it."

"Don't think like that San. I've seen you and Rachel together, those same love sick puppy eyes you make at her, she makes at you. You may think that you're not being obvious, but you are. Everyone knows it but you two seriously. You don't have anything to be afraid of. You and Rachel, you guys are like perfect and shit. I don't get it, I probably never will. But you two are so opposite that you balance each other out, like some ying and yang type shit. You bring out the best in the other. Rach calms you and keeps you on the narrow and you mellow the fuck out of high strong Rach. You two just fit. It's not often that you find that San. You and my Jew Princess just work, like a puzzle or some sappy bullshit like that."

Santana has no idea what to do with information; it still scares the fuck out of her. But talking to Puck just seemed to make things just a little more clear. She appreciates that shit and Puck for always being there. So she just nods and clinks her shot glass to Puck's before throwing it back and yelling out. "UNO BITCH."

….

Santana rolled her eyes at Rachel looking through costumes. Mike's birthday was this coming weekend and him being the nerd that he is wanted a costume party, even though Halloween was months away.

"SANTANA!" Rachel practically bounced down the aisle at Santana with a costume in each hand. "Look this is so cute. It's ketchup and mustard!"

"Rachel I'm not going to Mike's party dressed in matching costumes. That's so fucking lame." Santana flipped her bangs back over her face and looked down at her nails, picking at her cuticles.

"But Santana, it's cute coupley things. Don't you think we should do coupley things?" Rachel pouted as her shoulders dropped as she saw the uninterest in Santana's eyes.

"Rachel, we fuck on the regular and I hold your hand. That's 'coupley' things." Santana makes quotations with her hands when she said 'coupley'. "Dressing in matching costumes is fucking dumb. I hate when couples do that. No, and don't pout at me. I'm not budging."

"First off Santana, let's not cheapen our love making. And second, why not? You've shot down all my costume suggestions."

"Rach, I'm not going Mike's party dressed as a matching condiment. Pick something else or I'm getting my own."

"Fine, well then what do you suggest then since you don't like any of mine." Rachel put the costumes back on the rack and folded her arms across her chest in frustration.

"How about we get our own costumes and go together like planned?" Santana grumbled and walked over to the superhero costume section.

Rachel pouted before she looked over at Santana and her eyes lit up. She rushed over to Santana and wrapped her arms around the taller girl's waist and kissed her shoulder through her sweatshirt. "Sannnnn…"

"What Rachel? I'm not dressing in matching costumes for the last time."

Rachel rolled her eyes before turning the Latina around in her arms. "How do you feel about a compromise?

…

Santana chuckled as she took another sip of her beer while she stood off to the side of the room, watching her girlfriend drunkenly attempt some line dance between Mike and Tina on the dance floor. Santana loved seeing Rachel like this, all unabashed and free and comfortable around people she loved and cared for. Smiling to herself when she heard Rachel's rather loud laugh over the bass of the music that was playing from the speakers in the corners of the room, Rachel flipped her hair back over her shoulder and glanced over at Santana smiling as well. Her face flushed from non stop dancing and the numerous drinks she had over the course of the night, she winked at Santana before switching directions to the left. Her Wonder Woman costume swishing with her showing Santana a peek of thigh, that made Santana want to take her to the nearest bathroom and make Rachel come completely apart at the work of her fingers.

"I must say Lopez, you and Rachel make some of the sexiest superheroes I've ever seen." Puck shouted over the music as he walked up to Santana. "Even though I wasn't aware Batman had boobs…or that his costume consisted of super low v-cuts, a super short skirt and shiny skin tight spandex."

Santana rolled her eyes as Puck lifted his beer to clink with Santana's. "Fuck off, Puckernone."

"I seen Mike pulled out the double funnel." He raised his eyebrows at Santana excitedly. "I say we show these pussy's how you properly funnel a beer? Pucktana style." He grinned wildly watching Santana's eyes widen at the mention of a double funnel, as well as their portmanteau nickname given to them in high school.

"Well you know, it has been a while since I honed my skills." Santana quirked an eyebrow and smirked while pretending to examine her nails.

"Fuck yes!" Puck grabbed Santana by the arm and pulled her over to the beer pong table where a very drunk Sam and one of Mike's clients from the shop, Adam attempted and was failing miserably to Mercedes and Blaine who was in town visiting. Kurt stood off to the corner sipping a vodka and cranberry from a red solo cup while egging on Mercedes and Blaine and making noises when it was Sam's turn.

"Step aside bitches, Pucktana is gonna show you how you truly handle a funnel." Puck grabbed four beers from the sink full of them and grabbed the double funnel before bringing it over to where Santana stood and smirked taking the funnel and handing it to Kurt. She instructed him to stand on the dining room chair as Puck unscrewed the beers and gave them to Kurt as he poured them into the funnel.

"This is a lot of beer Santana. You sure you can handle this?" Kurt asked unknowingly glancing over into the funnel.

Santana scoffed, looking almost offended at the pale boy standing on the chair. She rolled her neck as she and Puck got in place bending the long tube that they drank from so it wouldn't spill before they drank it. "Please, I've been funneling since I was 15. This is child's play."

Adam, stopped his game knowing exactly where this is going. After being such a regular at the shop for such a while, he began friendships with everyone there. He knew when Puck and Santana got together, whether it meant for drinking games or challenging each other. It was like the gauntlet. They were unbeatable. They're so in tune with each other that Adam thought for a while that they were together before he found out Santana was a lesbian. He yelled out loud over the music. "PUCKTANA THROW DOWN!"

Mike and Tina immediately left the dance floor and filed into the beer pong room and moved to the front of the crowd around Santana and Puck as Rachel followed behind, unaware of the situation at hand before she saw Kurt standing on a chair with a large funnel with Puck and Santana standing at the bottom of each side as all the patrons crowed around and cheered them on.

Rachel leaned over to Mercedes confused. "What is going on?"

"Apparently 'Pucktana'," Mercedes rolled her eyes at the nickname, making quotations with her fingers as she continued. "felt it necessary to show everyone the proper way to funnel a beer since we don't know how to, and are to pussy to try to double funnel it."

Rachel rolled her eyes at her girlfriend and her best friend; they always turned into two college frat boys whenever they were drinking at a party. One time Rachel went to the bathroom and came back to Santana being held in a keg stand by Puck while a group of guys loudly cheered her on. Rachel sat with Santana for 3 hours and held her hair back as she puked that night.

"Santana, what are you doing?" Rachel asked annoyingly she was already drunk and didn't need Santana to be completely trashed tonight as well.

"Celebrating my boy Chang's birthday today by teaching these bitches how to properly go down on a double funnel." Santana smirked wickedly as Mike cheered the loudest over everyone else. Santana called Rachel to her by crooking her finger at her in a come hither motion, and smiled when Rachel got to her and puckered her lips for a kiss, which Rachel happily obliged too, her annoyance moments before forgotten as soon as Santana's lips touched hers. She smiled and blushed slightly at the cat calls of the other patrons of the party before Santana leaned over and whispered in her ear "When we get home, I'm going to bend you over your vanity and make you watch me finger fuck you from behind till your screaming my name. And keep your costume on, I know you're not wearing underwear." Santana kissed her cheek sweetly despite the statement she just made.

Rachel blushed deeply feeling warmth spread throughout her lower stomach. Santana was right, underneath the shorts of her costume she wasn't wearing underwear. She walked away from Santana and joined Mercedes over on the sidelines, trying to inconspicuously close her thighs together to relieve the throb that just made itself more present.

Drunken cheering and loud yells of "CHUG" were heard around the circle of friends as Sam pulled out his phone to record the feat.

"Before we start!" Santana yelled over the crowd. "I just wanted to let you know that you're all about to be schooled by a girl, a lesbian at that! And her fucking brother." Santana smirked evilly as she looked to Puck and they did a fist pound that turned into their own special handshake before crouching down underneath the funnel assuming the position to start.

"Ready?" Kurt asked obviously enjoying the games a little more than he should be. "And may the odds be ever in your favor."

"SHUT UP KURT." Rachel chuckled loudly trying to seem not obvious behind another cup of vodka and cranberry.

Kurt rolled his eyes at Rachel before looking over at Sam. "Ready?"

"It's recording….now." Sam gave the thumbs up sign when he phone started flashing the red light meaning it was recording a video.

"GO!" Kurt squealed before Santana and Puck let go of the tubes attached to the funnel and started to hurriedly drink the beer that was flowing freely down the tube without stopping. The crowd cheered as Puck and Santana lowered themselves to continue the downstream of beer quickly without even taking a break between gulps.

"Go San! You can do it babe!" Rachel cheered and clapped loudly as she rooted for her girlfriend while others cheered things like "CHUG!" and "Slash her Puck!" and "Fuck him up San!"

Santana was on her knees finishing up the last bit of beer and letting go of the tube letting the foam fall out mere seconds before Puck let go of his. Puck looked mildly disappointed as everyone cheered for Santana while she wiped her mouth the back of her hand and raised her fist in the air in victory as Rachel sped over to her and almost tackled her into a hug in which a loud burp erupted from the taller Latina which led to louder cheering from the men in the room. Rachel scrunched in nose in disgust before using the rope that came with her costume to hook Santana around the waist and bring her closer and leaning over to whisper in her ear "You are so getting laid tonight." Before placing a kiss to the corner of Santana's mouth and wrapping her arm around her waist.

Santana just smiled drunkenly, "Hell yeah."

Rachel chuckled and rolled her eyes playfully at her girlfriend's drunken antics. "Come here you…" Rachel reached up and placed her small hands on both sides of Santana's face, pulling her into a deep passionate kiss. Their bodies flush together as Santana kissed back urgently as her hands slid down to hold on to Rachel's tiny waist. A small moan was heard from Rachel as Santana slid her tongue along Rachel's bottom lip asking for access to which she was automatically granted.

Puck looked over from his conversation with Sam to look for his lesbro, only to find her in the middle of a passionate kiss with her girlfriend, oblivious to the party and rest of the world around them. It was like his childhood fantasies come alive, seeing Wonder Woman and Batgirl making out. But he just shook his head, he was happy that Santana finally was happy. She deserved it.

Puck pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of the two lovers. Rachel really loved candid photos of her and Santana. He quickly sent off the picture to both Rachel and Santana with the message:

_Why don't you just fuck in front of everyone already?_

…..

Rachel and Santana stumbled into Rachel's apartment, with their lips locked together in a sloppy drunken kiss. Being in the elevator to Rachel's floor had been a struggle in itself as the couple could barely keep their hands off each other.

Kicking the door closed behind her, Santana aggressively pinned Rachel against the door as her tongue glided along Rachel's. Rachel unwrapped her arms from around Santana's neck to pull Santana by her neck to bring her even closer. Her body seemed lit ablaze every time the taller Latina's tongue caressed the insides of her mouth, Santana's fingers digging into her hips as she gripped them pulling her even closer.

"San..San.." Rachel panted out between kisses. "I have a surprise in my room." Rachel moaned as Santana started to trail hot wet kisses down the smaller diva's neck.

"Rach, if that surprise doesn't involve me fucking you up against this door like I was planning, then it can wait till after orgasms." Santana stated while her lips went back to Rachel's neck and her hands snuck their ways up her back and up and started to hike up Rachel's costume up her stomach.

"The surprise…" Rachel groaned again as Santana pulled her shirt over her head and started kissing down her chest. "Will guarantee multiple orgasms."

"More than this?" Santana asked with her lips still pressed to the top of Rachel's left breast as she reached up the tiny diva's skirt between her legs and pushed her shorts to side and smirked when she was met with wet bare flesh. "I knew you weren't wearing panties." She gently bit Rachel's breast as she stroked the quivering flesh under her fingers, making Rachel gasp and unintentionally work her hips against Santana's hand.

"San…bed…surprise…please…" Rachel panted while she tried to roll her hips onto Santana's fingers, her mind and her body trying to pull her into different directions. Her hips tried desperately to impale herself on Santana's fingers, but her mind was hell bent on trying to get Santana to her room to show her the gift she'd purchased earlier in the week.

Santana huffed as she unlatched her lips from the smaller Diva's neck and removed her hands from underneath her skirt. "Fine Rachel, show me this surprise." Rachel smiled in victory before grabbing Santana's hand and interlacing their fingers, leading them back to Rachel's room.

Rachel led Santana to the bed and gently pushed her down on it with her index finger. "I'm gonna run to the bathroom real quick. Why don't you get undressed and look in the box in the closet for the surprise." Rachel whispered seductively into Santana's ear before gently biting the Latina's earlobe and sauntering off into her ensuite bathroom.

"Rachel I swear to god. I'm gonna fuck you into this mattress." Santana called out as she peeled herself from her costume.

"I sure hope so, tiger." Rachel called out from behind the bathroom door.

Santana smirked as she walked over into Rachel's closet in her strapless bra and underwear as she waited for Rachel to emerge from the bathroom. _I don't understand why she doesn't just get naked out here. I mean it's not like I'm not gonna see her naked anyways. _Santana thought to herself as she looked around in the large closet for the box that Rachel told her to find. Seeing a large white box in the back of the closet, Santana fist pumped in the air in triumph before pulling the box down and placing it on the floor to look at the contents.

She looked in the box confused for a second, as why she just saw a bunch of old photographs and what looked like yearbooks. _Why would Rachel consider this a surprise that guaranteed orgasms?_ Santana shook her head as she continued to look through the box. _Maybe it's at the bottom. _The further Santana looked into the box, which looked like a box of old memories, the more she got confused. Until in she came across an old photo that was tucked in the back of what looked like Rachel's Senior yearbook.

Opening up the book to the last page the picture fell out and Santana looked around to see if Rachel had come out the bathroom yet. She picked up the folder picture and read the block letter scrawl across the back. "_I love you. May Third Two Thousand and Twelve3_" Thoroughly intrigued now, Santana unfolded the photo and nothing prepared her for what she was about to see.

The black and white picture showed an awfully young looking Rachel wrapped in an embrace of pale looking blonde dressed in a ripped black shirt with cut off sleeves, with a short choppy haircut, dyed tips and a bandana tied around her head. The blonde was placing a kiss on Rachel's cheek and Rachel looked surprised and overly exuberant with her mouth open and eyes wide. Santana couldn't shake the feeling of even though the blonde was shot from the side, she looked oddly familiar. Santana placed the photo back in the spine of the yearbook when an entire page written in the same block lettering caught her eye as she began to read:

_Rachel,_

_Telling you my true feelings towards you was honestly the best thing that could have happened to me in all my years of high school. I'll never say it enough about how sorry I am for the way I treated you and if I can get the chance, I'll spend as long as you allow me to make it up to you. I want you to know there is nothing about our night we spent together I regret. I'm glad that you shared that special part of yourself with me, I'll cherish it always. It was one of the happiest days of my life, the first being you saying yes to being my girlfriend (: You're gonna get out of Lima and make it big Rachel, you mark my words. Forget what douchebag Finnept says and all his jerk off friends that actually took his side in this. You're gonna be something someday. And when you accomplish your dreams, I'm gonna look at you from the audience and blow you a kiss while you give the finger to everyone who said you couldn't do it. Being across the country from each other will be hard, but I know we can make it through. Like we have everything else life has thrown our way. I love you Rachel Barbra and I'll continue to tell you that until you get tired of it._

_Love Always,_

_Lucy Q_

_May 3__rd__, 2012-forever 3_

Santana sat back on her knees shell shocked. It couldn't be. There was just no possible way. _Rachel said that she lost her virginity to a girl in glee club with her and ended up dating her, but they broke up after their first semester of college._ Santana thought trying to rack her mind around other possibilities, but the harder she tried the more things make sense. _Rachel's from Ohio, so is Quinn. Quinn moved across the country for school._ California _is_ across the country. Santana took a deep breath before she looked into the senior class pictures and looked up Quinn's name. And sure enough there she was under the name Lucy Quinn Fabray, the girl looked just like the Quinn she'd known and grown to trust over the years just younger and… grunge? Santana never pegged Quinn for the grunge type. Her short, choppy blonde hair complete with vibrant pink dyed tips sticking out of a black beanie cap, her faced adorned with a smirk and a nose ring. Santana looked up to the sky desperation; this had to be a coincidence. She flipped to the club section with her one last hope, and there clear as day sat the New Directions. Complete with Rachel and Finn proudly holding a National Champions trophy and sporting huge smiles. Santana quickly scanned the mass of faces some of which she could point out clearly: Kurt, Mercedes, Sam and… Quinn. Right behind some cheerleader that was apparently named Kitty, stood Quinn wearing that same smirk that Santana wanted to smack off the blonde, it was like she was teasing her. "I got her first and got something you'll never have." _QUINN?! SHE FUCKED QUINN._ Santana couldn't even wrap her mind around it. She had sat there in Quinn's office and acted like it was the first time they have ever met each other. When in actuality it was Quinn that Rachel came out with, and even more so it was Quinn that Rachel lost her virginity to. She couldn't even fathom it. Like fuck, she knew they said it was a small world but Christ.

Santana picked up the book and stomped out of the closet, just in time for Rachel to open the bathroom door. "You wanted me in my costume San?" Rachel asked seductively.

"No. I wanted to know when the fuck you were gonna tell me you rubbed clits with Quinn?" Santana gritted out through her teeth. She was livid, and it wasn't even so because of the fact that it was Quinn. It was because they lied to her. Santana was hurt; she never thought that two of the people she trusted with her life would just blatantly lie so openly about something like this.

Rachel's head snapped up at Santana's statement, her eyes widening almost comically if Santana wasn't so furious. "I…San…I-I-I…" Rachel stuttered.

"Oh nothing to say now? You seemed to have a whole script for me when we were in Quinn's office Rach." She threw the yearbook on the bed and it flopped to the page where Quinn signed it and the picture marking the page fell to Rachel's feet. Rachel picked it up and looked at it. She completely forgot about that box. "Still nothing to say Rachel? What's wrong cat got your tongue? Oh no, I'm sorry maybe your tongue is still in my therapist?" Santana rolled her neck in time with her statement.

"Santana you know I'd never cheat on you!" Rachel felt her eyes sting with tears at the accusation.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TELL ME?" Santana screamed, she refused to break down in front of Rachel. "And you know what I used to think you wouldn't cheat on me but I also thought that you wouldn't lie to my face either. But I guess I was wrong about that huh? What's to make me not believe you're sleeping with her again?"

"I'M NOT SLEEPING WITH HER." Rachel raised her voice, but caught herself and watched her tone. Santana was hurt and she was the one that caused it. "Santana, I wanted to tell you." Rachel croaked out, big fat tears leaked down her face and dropped to her chest.

"But what? What stopped you Rae?"

"Quinn, she told me to let some time pass between us before and get some ground trekked before we told you. I would never intentionally hurt you Santana. I just didn't wanna cause another relapse…"

"Rachel I don't fucking need you to look out for me. I'm a big girl. I don't need a mother, I already have a half ass one. I need my girlfriend. Someone who I can trust no matter what. Someone I know who won't lie to my face and instead help me work through it instead of trying to keep me from everything. That's not how you treat people you love Rae. I tell you the truth every day, I've been upfront from the start. Because I never wanted the girl I was in love with to feel like part of the relationship she held so dear to her heart was a lie." Santana screamed at Rachel while she furiously wiped her eyes from the tears that were falling, everything was just bubbling out before she could get a chance to stop it.

Rachel felt her entire body crash to a speeding halt all at once. Her heart broke and spilled out with love all at the same time. Those same words she's been waiting to hear…waiting to say has finally been said. Rachel took a step closer to Santana and placed a hand gently on her cheek, even though the Latina was upset she felt herself involuntarily calm at the smaller diva's touch. "Y-y-y-you love me?" Rachel asked with her head cocked to the side, she was sure she misheard Santana.

Santana tensed up again. _FUCK. I've ruined everything yet again._ Santana attempted to blink back tears. There was no way that she could talk her way out of this one.

Rachel sensed Santana's reservations and attempted to speak but nothing but gibberish came out. "San…I don't even… I … I can't believe."

"Forget it Rach." Santana literally felt her heart shattering with every breath she took. She quickly grabbed her phone and wallet with her keys and headed out of Rachel's bedroom. She couldn't look Rachel in the face, she needed to get out of there before she completely broke. Her will power was fading with every time Rachel called her name out chasing her from the bedroom to the front door before grabbing her arm.

"Santana.."

"Rach, I said leave it. I just.. I can't do this." And with that Santana opened the front door with her head slumped and closed the door behind her, leaving Rachel in her doorway with tears streaming down her face and her hand still out reached towards where Santana was just there. She could still smell her perfume. And that's when reality hit her, she really just watched the love of her life walk out the door in front of her. Her body crumpled in on itself as she fell to her knees in the hallway in front of the door she just watched Santana walk out of. "I love you too." Her voice broke before she let the waves of sorrow wash over her in body raking sobs that shook her tiny frame to the core. "I love you too…" she cried out before burying her face in her hands and sobbing even harder.

…

*ducks tomatoes*


	17. The Hardest Part Pt I

_**A/N:**_ I've been having some serious writers block. But I was able to get this first part out. I know what I want to say, but I can never figure out how I want it to be said and how it will flow into the next part. So my apologies if this seems kinda choppy or uncohesive.

**WARNING:**This chapter contains triggers. Please read with discretion if easily triggered.

Chapter 17: The Hardest Part

Santana slammed her apartment door shut, finally allowing the hiccuping sobs to over take her as she fell to her knees and let out an anguished wail of despair. Wrapping her arms around herself she tried to shake off the feeling of her falling apart, but it didn't really work. Feeling her chest constrict with every labored breath she took, she immediately felt the beginnings of a panic attack coming. Clutching at her chest, she immediately broke out into a sweat as the room started to spin. She crawled to her purse to grab her anxiety pills, her vision started to unfocus as her peripheral started to cloud. She fumbled with the top of her pills, between her crying and hiccuping breaths she wasn't able to get enough oxygen. Santana knew it, she had to relax or else this wouldn't be good. She just couldn't get herself too. Every time she tried to, she was just reminded of how she once again ruined things. This is the second time she had given someone her heart only for it to be slapped out her hand in the end. The very thought caused her breathing to become desperate pants for air as she couldn't grip the top of her medication.

Santana reached out for the side table near her door to hold herself up so that she could just lie down in her bed if she couldn't take her medication. Another sob overtook her and caused her to jerk the table and cause a picture to fall to the ground. She looked over wearily to see what the crashing noise was looking over to the broken shards of glass on the floor; Santana saw that it was a picture of her and Rachel. Santana had her arms wrapped around Rachel, as the smaller brunette was reaching up on her toes to kiss the Latina on the cheek. They both looked so happy and you could see the love pouring from the Latina, from how far Santana's smile reached across her face to the delicate but protective way she was holding Rachel. And Santana knew in that moment that she would never get that back. The one person she's ever truly loved since Brittany, and as her chest constricted again she actually thought that it was somehow possible that she loved Rachel even more than she thought she ever did or could love Brittany. Her body starting to become weak from lack of oxygen, Santana gave up her fight against the full blown panic attack she was suffering from and just succumbed. Gasping in her last breath of air, her body shook with feeble sobs before her eyes fluttered shut.

…

Mercedes walked into Order of The Dawn, slightly worried and almost at her wits end. She's been trying to contact Rachel for about four days now and every time her phone has went straight to voicemail. She even went as far as calling Rachel's little brother Evan, to see if he's heard from her, no one has. Oddly she hasn't been able to reach Santana either.

"Puckerman." Mercedes called out when she walked into the doors. Puck looked up and smiled at his Jewish Princess' best friend/fiancé of one of his newly acquired bros.

"What's going on my Chocolate Princess?"

"Please, tell me you've at least seen or spoke to Rachel or Santana since Mike's party."

"Well San texted me that she was sick the other day and would be out until further notice. I figured Rach was just taking care of her when her phone went to voicemail."

Mercedes took a deep breath and tried to calm herself before she flew into full-fledged panic mode. "See, I called Rachel's director and he said that Rachel called in sick for the week as well."

"See. Rachel's just taking care of San, nothing to worry about. Either that or they took some romantic vacation somewhere and are getting freaky in the sand on some remote beach." Puck chuckled to himself before going back to sketching an outline for a tattoo he would like to do.

"Rachel has ALWAYS told me when she was sick. She's like a baby when she gets sick. All she does is whine and complain. Plus, her contract to Wicked is up in two and a half weeks."

Puck looked up from his sketch and looked over to Chang squared with concern in his eyes. "Have you guys heard from San or Rach?" They both shook their heads no, matching Puck's eyes with concern.

"Do you have a key to Rachel's?" Puck asked picking up his phone and jacket, while Mercedes nodded her head. "Alright, you go to Rachel's and call me if you don't see San. Fuck even if you do see her." Puck hurriedly walked to the door behind Mercedes. "Chang Squared either one of you call my appointments for the day and reschedule. I'll call you when I find out more of what's happening."

Tina hopped up from her chair and walked over to Puck's station and grabbed his appointment book.

…..

Mercedes knocked on Rachel's door hesitantly. "Rachel?" She pressed her ear to the door to listen out for any noise and could've swore she heard faint sniffling. Placing the key in the lock and opening the door slowly, she snuck in quietly closing the door after her. Walking back to Rachel's room, she distinctively heard what sounded like sobs, muffled. "Rach?"

Walking into Rachel's room, she didn't expect to see what she did. Rachel was balled up in her bed, covered in blankets surrounded by almost a mountain of used tissues as she attempted to quietly sob into her mattress. Mercedes looked around the room wide eyed until, her eyes landed on a ripped picture on the floor near the foot of Rachel's bed. Leaning over to examine the pictures, Mercedes quickly realized the picture was an old one of Rachel and Quinn. She sucked her teeth morosely, "Aww Rach sweetie…" she swiped the used tissues from Rachel's bed and sat down next to what she supposed was Rachel's head. She pulled the covers from over Rachel's head and her heart broke immediately. Mercedes doesn't think she's ever seen Rachel look so completely utterly heartbroken and devastated. Rachel's eyes were bloodshot and so puffy they almost didn't even look open, her face red and flustered from what looks like nonstop crying.

Rachel looked up into the eyes of her best friend as she gently stroked the hair from Rachel's face. "Sweetie what happened?" Mercedes looked on sadly as Rachel broke into another round of hysterical body shaking sobs.

"S-S-S-S-S-Santanaaaaaa….meee…overrrr….my…faullttttt." Rachel barely managed to get out between her hiccupping sobs and her voice cracking. Only to break down even harder at the end of her sentence.

Mercedes' eyes widened in response as she immediately pulled out her phone and dialed Puck.

"Yo, did you find Rach?" Puck asked into his phone as he sat in his truck outside Santana's apartment. He was barely able to get it out before he heard Rachel's hysterical sobs on the other line cracking out 'I love her…I love her' over and over again.

"Yeah, I found her. And if Rach is like this, I suggest you find San and fast."

Puck didn't even wait to hear if Mercedes had anything to say after that before he quickly hung up the phone and darted up the stairs to Santana's 5th floor apartment.

…..

Puck almost ripped the door off the hinges as he swung it open, calling Santana's name out in desperation. He head the toilet flush from Santana's room and quickly blew out a breath of relief before he heard a deafening crack followed by the sound of a body hitting the floor in a loud thud.

Rushing to the bathroom he saw Santana lying out in the bathroom floor on her back, empty bottle of Jack across the room not far from her almost lifeless fingers. "No..no..noo." Puck slide over to Santana and lightly slapped her face. "San. Don't you do this to me again. Did you take anything?" Puck grabbed Santana's chin as he checked her pulse.

"Fuckerman, you slap me again and I will nail your balls to the wall." Santana slurred opening her red puffy eyes to give Puck the best glare she could muster in her heavily inebriated state. She groaned as she felt the rough hands of Puck grab her face, and not the soft warm touch of Rachel she was used to. She felt her stomach lurch at the thought of Rachel and how everything they had was now no more. Her eyes instantly filled with tears as her head span and her stomach flipped flopped, she attempted to drunkenly crawl back over to the toilet as her stomach instantly started the actions of expelling its contents.

Puck helped Santana over to the toilet and held her hair back as she cried and threw up into the toilet bowl. "San what happened?" Puck asked as soon as Santana was finished and held her head in his lap as she continued to cry.

"Nooo more Rachellllll." Santana sobbed as she slurred her words even more. "She doesn't love me."

Puck looked at Santana confused. "Yes she does I just heard her cry it over the phone."

"She didn't say back." Santana attempted to lift her head only to have it drop back to Puck's lap as her neck proved too weak to hold it up. "Had a panic attack." Santana slurred ever more, making Puck have to listen harder to what the Latina in his arms was saying.

"You had another attack? Why didn't you call? Or take your meds?" Puck was extremely concerned now.

"Couldn't breathe, passed out….. I'm sleepy… Where's Rachel?" Santana's eyes drooped shut as Puck lifted her off the bathroom floor and into her bed. He placed a trashcan next to her head, and he started getting way too familiar flashbacks of doing the same thing for Santana after Brittany. He wasn't about to have this happen again. He knows Rachel is perfect for Santana and this is just a bump in the road. He'd do anything to see Santana happy again, and with Rachel who Puck over the course of their relationship has come to love like family as well.

The whole situation confused Puck. They're had to be more to the story, that doesn't seem like Rachel to not say it back when he knows she feels the same way. Knowing Santana she probably said it at the most inopportune time and when Rachel was shocked to silence, her "fight or flight" instinct kicked in and she bolted. He knew her too well and it's the only thing that makes sense.

He picked up the phone and called Mike. "Mike, found Santana…..yeah….break up with Rach….real bad…. The worst I've seen since HER…. Yeah… hold down till further notice…can do… love you too Bro."

Puck once he hung up with Mike. The wheels in his head started turning in ways to get his feisty Latina and Jewish Princess back together again. He went back into Santana's room to see her sprawled across the bed, her head hanging off and over the trash can. Puck walked over and pulled her long hair up and away from her face before checking her pulse and making sure she was still breathing. He plopped down on Santana's bed next to her and turned on her TV low. He wasn't sure how long he'd be here for, but he wasn't about to watch Santana sleep.

….

Almost month later Rachel sat with Mercedes at the hair salon, staring in the mirror as Rachel decided what she wanted to do. It had been a month since she last spoke to Santana. She's called her on several occasions like now; she's sitting in the chair waiting for Santana to pick up the phone again. Almost screaming in frustration when the phone went straight to voicemail again, she hung up and looked at her reflection in the mirror. These past few weeks have been hell for her. Once her contract with Wicked was done, Rachel had no desire to jump back on a stage. But in true Rachel Berry fashion, she has been looking through some things that her manager has thrown her way.

She's spent the last week since her contract ended in her apartment, listening to super sad music, going through scripts and drowning her sorrows in countless bottles of wine. She looked at herself as she ran her fingers through her hair as her mind was flooded with images of Santana. How Santana used to run her fingers through her hair to relax her, how she used to grab handfuls of it when she came, how she used to just play with it when they would snuggle. The smaller diva felt that same sharp pang in her chest that she always got when she thought of Santana and bit her lip as she wiped the tears that tried to fall again. She honestly didn't even know how she still had tears left. She's cried every day since her break up with Santana. Trying to push back the all too painful memories, she played with the ends of her hair before stating. "I want to cut it off. Like all off, as in Anne Hathaway, Emma Watson, Miley Cyrus off."

Mercedes' eyes almost bulged out of her head, along with her hairstylist Marley. "Rachel, are you serious like your hair has been your pride and joy since ever." Marley leaned over Rachel's shoulder in the mirror, grasping her shoulder lightly. "I mean, you've had me double deep condition your ends since I first started doing your hair years ago."

"Rach, I think you're taking this break up a little too hard. I mean you were only with her what?"

"Six months Mercedes. And I love her, so fuck you for thinking I'm taking this 'too hard'. I didn't say shit to you when you cried on my shoulder for a month when you and Sam took that break back in college… so either be my best friend or kindly get the fuck out of my face." Rachel huffed away from her friend indignantly, rolling her eyes in the process.

Mercedes just ignored Rachel's mean streak. To be completely honest since her breakup when Rachel wasn't sobbing hysterically or passing out on the couch clutching an empty bottle of wine, she was a major bitch. Snapping at everyone who even remotely tried to cross her path any differently than she wanted them too. Mercedes was honestly getting a little tired of it, but her best friend was heartbroken so she'll take the verbal beatings for now. But there was only so much Mercedes could take.

"Mar, I want it off. I just can't with this. It's… I can't please." Rachel bit her lip as her eyes welled in tears. All she wanted was something different, everything she had or did reminded her of Santana. It was bad enough that every time she looked at her wrist she saw the small gold star tattoo Santana had done. And just like that tattoo Santana surrounded her everywhere. She suffocated her, without her there Rachel felt like she was struggling to keep afloat from all the things that reminded her of the Latina.

"What about if we did like a long bob, or like an inverted bob. Like Victoria Beckham? I really don't think you should cut all your hair off Rach. You're gonna regret it." Marley looked Rachel in the eyes and handed her a tissue to wipe her eyes from the tears.

"Yeah LD try the bob, that way it's still short and then if you still want it shorter you can cut it. But if you don't like it, then you would just wear extensions till your hair grew back in a few months." Mercedes tried to reason with Rachel, hoping it would work. She knows Rachel isn't thinking sanely and she will regret it if she cut it really short.

"Fine, we'll do the inverted bob." Rachel used her hands to show Marley exactly where she wanted the length to stop, which was just at her shoulders. When Marley picked up the scissors, she separated Rachel's hair into parts and stared at her through the mirror, looking for any last minute reservations. When Rachel nodded her head in certainty, Rachel took a deep breath and closed her eyes till she heard the swift clip of the scissors and felt some hair fall to her shoulder.

…..

Puck had dragged her to Quinn's office. Santana really didn't want to see Quinn at all. She wasn't pissed that she fucked Rachel, she was just pissed she lied to her. Which lead to her break up with Rachel and hence why a still slightly drunk Santana sat in the waiting room of her therapist's office with her arms folded next to Puck who was reading a magazine.

Santana tried her hardest to avoid having to deal with the paralyzing ache in her chest at her lost from Rachel. She was in so much pain she was numb. She fiddled with the sleeve on her arm, hoping that Puck wouldn't notice she wasn't wearing her self-harm prevention bracelet. Her streak way long gone, she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Her jeans rubbing against some of her newly made cuts on her hip. She only made a few on her arm last week because she didn't want all her other places to be noticeable. When Quinn stepped out her office, smiling brightly with her short shoulder length blonde hair almost bouncing and her suit tailored perfectly for her, Santana's mind instantly flashed a picture of high school Quinn. Pink, choppy hair with a ripped Nirvana shirt and flannel tied around her waist, tight black and sleeveless jean jacket. Santana wanted to rush up and punch her. She wanted to go all Valencia Heights on her. For assisting in fucking things up with Rachel, for telling Rachel to not say anything, for unknowingly cause her to relapse back into her old ways of dealing with overwhelming emotions. She felt Puck squeeze her knee comfortingly, and she felt her body slightly relax from how she tensed up when she saw Quinn. Santana stood up and followed Quinn into her office leaving Puck behind in the lobby as she closed the door. She walked over to her normal spot and pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

Quinn looked over Santana and took notice to Santana's tense and defensive body language. She sighed, knowing that this was about to be another hard session with Santana. Pulling out her file Quinn crossed her legs and looked at Santana with her infamous eye brow arch. "So Puck told me you needed to speak to m-"

"When exactly where you planning on telling me that you went down on my girlfriend?" Santana interrupted Quinn's question. Her cigarette just enhanced her intoxication level just a little bit. Santana figured that Quinn wasn't allowed to ask questions this session. She owed Santana way more answers than she owed asking questions.

Quinn took a deep breath before placing Santana's file on the table next to her before placing her hands in her lap and looking at Santana with sad eyes. "Me and Rachel dated years ago, yes. I figured at this point in time it wouldn't be beneficial to your situation if we said anything just yet-"

"So you didn't think it was a good idea to tell me that my girlfriend used to fuck my therapist?" Santana scoffed as she ashed her cigarette. "And when exactly did you think it would be beneficial Quinn. Our wedding? The birth of our first child? Oh I don't know…fucking ever?"

"Santana, I wanted you two to trek some more ground in your relationship before this information was brought up. Make sure you both were more stable in what you have."

"So we're not fucking stable now Quinn? I'm not even pissed at the fact that you dated Rachel. I don't give a fuck about the cute little picture that you put in her yearbook. I don't even care about the consistent declarations of love over and over in what you wrote to her. What I'm fucking pissed about is the fact that you both lied to me. You both sat here in this very office and acted like it was the first time you've ever met the other talking about how you would see a lot of each other so you wanted to keep it 'as comfortable as possible', when in actuality you two not only dated….but you took her virginity Quinn. You cashed in on my girlfriend's fucking virginity Quinn and you both sat here and smiled and shit like you never met the other." Santana has since stubbed out her cigarette and was wiping the back of her eyes from the tears that was falling. She sat on the edge of the couch as she leaned over the table pouring her soul across the room.

"I fucking trusted you Quinn. I told you everything. I trusted you with my life. I told you my deepest darkest secrets and inner battles and you helped me fight through them. But you lie to me about something like this? You fucking know how I feel about Rachel. You know I fucking love her and would take a bullet for her. You know that. And guess what? Now, because of a stupid fucking lie over something fucking stupid, Rachel's gone. And I'm by myself again. I can barely breathe at night. And I keep having dreams of Brittany and she fucking morphs into Rachel and I can't fucking deal with it. I can't deal with the fact that I fucked up yet another good thing in my life. And my heart is breaking and there's nothing I can do to stop it. And I just fucked up... I just can't." Santana screamed as she doubled over herself and sobbed. She's done her share of crying over the course of the last three and a half weeks. Her body shook as Quinn walked over to Santana once she finally let out everything she had to say. To say she was shocked was an understatement. She never thought that this would come out this soon. She was more than prepared to have a sit down with them both and talk this out, but she wasn't expecting this to come out the way it did. And she especially didn't expect Rachel and Santana to end things. She continued to hold Santana as she cried. She knew it wasn't necessarily professional, but besides Santana being her patient, Quinn also considered Santana a friend, a close friend at that. It broke her heart to see San broken like this.

"A fucking month, Quinn. I haven't held her in my arms in a month and it feels like my heart has been ripped from my chest mid-beat and someone is squeezing all the little bit of life that's left in it, out."

"San, I'm so sorry. This didn't happen the way I intended it to. I never expected this to happen like this. We'll fix this and we'll get Rachel back to you. Ok?"

"She won't come back I scared her off." Santana stated through her sobs. "We were fighting and I told her I loved her on accident. I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I wanted to wait until the time was perfect. Not when I was pissed and wasn't thinking. She just didn't say anything. She just stood there and stuttered around her words and I left. I haven't seen her since."

Quinn sat back as Santana leaned her body into Quinn's. Her anger long gone and taken the place of it was the numbness that she felt before. She sat at Quinn's side taking in the comfort that Quinn exuded and sat their quietly sniffling once her sobs subs sided.

"You know Santana; change isn't such a bad thing. Try to something new to take your mind off Rach. Experiment with a new style of clothing, or redecorate you apartment. Channel your hurt into a positive outlet, until things work out with Rach." Quinn stated wrapping Santana in her arms and hugging her tightly. She couldn't help but feel just a little guilty about the situation. It does technically involve her. She'll talk to Alicia when she gets home. That the upside of dating another therapist, when you have issues you can't work out yourself, the other one can.

"I feel numb Quinn. The numbest I've ever felt in my whole life."

"Sometimes Santana, love has its bumps. But nothing is more gratifying then when the bumps smooth out to fresh pavement."


	18. The Hardest Part Pt II

_**A/N:**_Alright it was brought to my attention that some things didn't click in the last chapter. Hopefully this chapter fleshes out the confusion. I'm sorry about that. But besides that **R&R (:**

**WARNING:**This chapter contains some major triggers and acts of self harm. Read with discretion.

Chapter 18: The Hardest Part Pt. II

"Has Rach called you or tried to see her?" Sam asked Puck while they were sitting in his apartment playing Halo.

"I've spoken to Rach almost every other day. San insists that she doesn't want to see Rach right now, and she's still pissed. Even though she loves her and wants to be with her again…" Puck took a swig of his beer and shrugged his shoulders.

"Well why doesn't San, just call Rach then?"

"San is _also_ convinced that Rach hates her, and is only calling her to say she never wants to see her again. And something about hearing her voice is too much to handle right now." Puck grumbles as he lights a cigarette.

"This whole thing is too complicated. Like I was gonna ask San to be my best man, so she and Rach could walk down the aisle at the wedding together. Plus Merce is bugging me to pick a best man." Sam shrugged as he took another gulp of his beer. "I wasn't even gonna have one cause like all I had was a couple of my cousins. I'm so happy Rachel is finally dating someone with kick ass guy friends."

"I'm honored you want me to wear a tux at your wedding bro."

"I don't even know if San will say yes cause Rach will be there and vice versa. This makes my brain hurt."

"Sometimes I forget San is a chick. She's been like my best bro for pretty much my entire life; I forget that she has tits. Until I see her in a bikini, or she gets bitchy around rag time."

"That's gross Puck." Sam shrivels his face in disgust as she looks at Puck.

"What my point in being, she's a chick and chicks are fucking complicated."

"Truth man." Sam reaches over and clinks his beer to Pucks.

…..

Santana sits on the edge of her bathtub with the razor blade in her hand. She's trying her hardest to resist the urge to make yet another incision on her hip that's already starting to look littered with small scars from her other release sessions. Her urge to feel outweighed all other when she brought the blade to her hip, gone were the tears and emotions for relapsing like when it first happened. It now became just about relief. Taking a deep breath, she exhaled as she brought the blade across her skin and watched the small amount of blood trickle from behind the blade. The sting of air hitting the cut flesh forced almost a sadistic laugh from the Latina; her reminder of being alive was there. She felt almost relieved, she sat back and watched the blood trickle from the cut it almost felt like all her pain was trickling out mixed with the blood. She realized now why she was so enamored with the almost near morbid act of marring her body for her own emotional purposes.

Rinsing off her razorblade and putting it back into the compartment where she kept her 'emergency kit' and cleaned her hip before she took her depression and dream suppressants and flopped into bed.

…

Hours passed and Santana was still lying in her bed staring at the ceiling. She doesn't have any more of her sleeping pills, and to keep herself from becoming reliant on them she hasn't ordered any more. Flipping over to her side she looked at her phone and the bright flashing LED numbers told her 1:07AM. Flopping back onto her back, she's been having the hardest time falling asleep at night without Rachel next to her, biting back the tears that threatened to fall yet again she blindly reached for her phone in the dark and dialed Puck. It didn't even ring three times before he answered.

"What's up San?"

"Puck, I'm having a real bad night and I can't sleep. Can you come over?"

"Yeah, sure I'm out anyways. I'll swing by. I'll be there in 15."

"Thanks."

"No prob lesbro."

As promised, fifteen minutes later Puck was walking through Santana's front door with his guitar in hand and made his way over to her bedroom. Quietly placing his guitar on what he claimed as 'his side of the bed' he took off his jacket in the dark and climbed into bed behind Santana and wrapped his arms around her as she snuggled back into his body.

Puck felt Santana's body shake with small but quiet sobs and he wrapped his arms around her tighter. "San.." He exclaimed morosely. "San, don't cry. We'll fix things alright?"

"I just hate how I can't sleep without her here. I can function now in the outside world, but the minute it's time for me to sleep. I lie in bed and I'm still expecting her to be right next to me and her arms to wrap around me and her head on my chest." Santana sniffled. She hated how weak she sounded. But having Puck there always eased the blow, even if just a little bit.

Puck stroked Santana's hair as she laid her head on Puck's chest. The sound of his familiar heartbeat calming her in ways others could not. She didn't care what anyone said, in these moments more than anything; you couldn't tell her that she and Puck were blood brother and sister. They relied, trusted and even calmed the other like they shared a womb. You just don't get that type of friendship anywhere. "Puck?" Santana asked quietly as she looked up to Puck's face in the dark.

"What's up San?" Puck gently brushed the still bleached blonde bangs out of Santana's face to look into her pain filled eyes.

"Can you sing me that song you used to sing to me when I had those rough days at St. Mary's? I could really use it right now; I can't explain how it just calms me."

Puck grinned at his best friend and reached over the bed to grab his guitar. He knew it was a good idea to follow his gut instinct and bring his guitar, Lola with him. Santana moves over to snuggle into Puck's side so he could comfortably strum the guitar and she could still get the physical contact from her best friend.

Puck tuned his guitar and got the did a couple of test strums to see if he still remembered the chords to the song, and once he was satisfied he felt Santana snuggle further into his side as he gently started strumming and singing:

_I wish you would step back  
>From that ledge my friend<br>You could cut ties with all the lies  
>That you've been living in<br>And if you do not want to see me again  
>I would understand, I would understand <em>

_The angry boy a bit too insane  
>Icing over a secret pain<br>You know you don't belong  
>You're the first to fight<br>You're way too loud  
>You're the flash of light on a burial shroud<br>I know something's wrong  
>Well everyone I know has got a reason<br>To say put the past away_

_I wish you would step back  
>From that ledge my friend<br>You could cut ties with all the lies  
>That you've been living in<br>And if you do not want to see me again  
>I would understand, I would understand<em>

_Well he's on the table and he's gone to code  
>And I do not think anyone knows<br>What they're doing here  
>And your friends have left you<br>You've been dismissed  
>I never thought it would come to this<br>And I, I want you to know  
>Everyone's got to face down the demons<br>Maybe today _

_You could put the past away  
>I wish you would step back from<br>That ledge my friend  
>You could cut ties with all the lies<br>That you've been living in  
>And if you do not want to see me again<br>I would understand, I would understand  
>I would understand, I would understand<br>I would understand, I would understand _

_Can you put the past away_

_I wish you would step back  
>From that ledge my friend (I would understand)<em>

_I wish you would step back  
>From that ledge my friend (I would understand)<em>

_I wish you would step back  
>From that ledge my friend (I would understand)<em>

_I would understand, I would understand  
>I would understand, I would understand<br>I would understand, I would understand_

By the time Puck finishes strumming the final chords of the song, he feels Santana has finally fallen asleep. He places Lola back on the ground near the bed and wraps Santana back up into his arms, where she snuggles even further in his warmth. He pulls the covers up and over the both of them and gets comfortable before placing a kiss to Santana's forehead before falling asleep cocooned around his best friend in the entire world.

…..

Puck grumbled as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, he must have fell asleep watching TV. He looked over to Santana still snuggled into his side snoring lightly. Exhaling deeply and pulling his phone out his pocket and sliding the screen to answer it without looking at the Caller ID. "Hello." He gently wriggled his way from out of Santana's arms and swung his legs over the bed and

"Noah? I called Noah right? Hi Noah." Puck looked at his phone confused, the Caller ID said 'Jew Princess'. He walked out of the bedroom in into the kitchen for a bottle of water.

"Rach?" He whispered her name so Santana wouldn't hear, he shrugged she's pretty much comatose right now so he doubts she could hear Yahweh himself if he spoke to her.

"Noah… hi. I miss Santana. Puck you.. I have an idea." Puck double checked his phone again just to make sure that this was actually Rachel, her words were slightly slurred and she had long pauses between her sentences. She almost sounded..

"Rach are you drunk?"

"Shh, Noah you don't have to scream at me. I'm highly aware of my blood alcohol content." Rachel giggled before taking a loud swig of whatever she was drinking before she finished. "But Noah, I learned… I need you to help me."

Puck rolled his eyes as he heard Santana start to grumble in her sleep, apparently even in her subconscious state when she was asleep, she could tell something she fell asleep with wasn't there anymore. Placing his pillow to Santana's side as she latched on to it and snuggled before falling back into a quiet slumber, Puck looked Santana in the face as she was sleeping, her beautiful face was tense and reflected pain even in her sleep. He couldn't continue to see Santana like this. "What's your idea Rach."

…..

"Come the fuck on Santana, we were supposed leave fifteen minutes ago!" Puck rolled his eyes looking at the clock on his phone. Rachel is extremely punctual and in order for this to work. He and Santana needed to be out of the house and in place within the next half hour.

"Puck, I don't even know why your dragging me out. I don't even wanna fucking go. Plus my head feels like it's about to roll off onto the fucking floor." Santana stepped out of her bedroom as she flipped her hair over her head dressed in low riding black skinny jeans that clung to her body like a second skin, a white button up and grey fitted blazer with the sleeves rolled up all topped off with a black skinny tie and a skinny grey belt. She slipped her feet into her tattered and worn grey vans and looked up to Puck expectantly. "Alright I'm ready. Are we leaving or can I go put my sweats back on?" She rolled her eyes with her statement.

"Lopez, I said dress nice. Not dress like a lesbian."

"Fuck off Puckerman. I'm trying something different."

"It looks good. But if you cut your hair to look more androgynous or some shit… I'll choke you."

…..

Puck and Santana immediately walked to the bar once they stepped inside the local open mic/karaoke bar, Vinyl. Normally with Santana's drinking lately, he wouldn't let her drink. But with what he has planned for her tonight, she might need a drink or two to loosen up and listen.

"Puck, you brought me to a karaoke bar to listen to people butcher Adele and Shania Twain hits? If this is your idea to keep me from killing myself in depression.. I'm gonna need you to try a little harder cause this might be what does me in." Santana rolled her eyes as she grabbed her drink from the bartender and leaned against the bar, slowly taking a sip. She felt eyes burning holes into the side of her head. Looking to her right, she saw a cute red head staring at her and offered her a small smile. She wasn't into looking for other women. She only wanted Rachel, but she fucked that up so…. She sent a slight head nod in the red heads direction before turning her attention back to Puck.

"San.. Are you listening?" Puck nudged her shoulder. "That was not a comforting thought you just placed in my head." He looked over in the eye line of where Santana was just looking and saw the red head. "So you trying to get over one girl by crawling on top of another one?" He asked with his eyebrow raised.

"Fuck you Puck. I just nodded at her Jesus." She rolled her eyes as she turned around to signal the bartender for another drink.

While Santana had her full attention with the bartender, Puck pulled out his phone to text Rachel they were there and that if there was anything else he needed to do to get the plan in full affect. And once Rachel texted back saying:

_Just get her in eye view of the stage. I'll take everything else from there._

He locked his phone screen and took a slow sip of his drink and now they just played the waiting game.

…..

Rachel shook her last minute nerves out. She's never in her life been nervous before a performance, but this one seemed like life or death. The balance of her happy future with the woman she has over this break learned that she can't bear to be without, depended on this performance. She steeled her nerves as she heard the MC signal the start of Open Mic Night, she especially asked for him to not say her name before she started as it would be a surprise and he kept his word. Quelling her stomach to keep her from vomiting (she did twice already), she deeply inhaled before exhaling through her nose and stepped out onto the stage.

Looking out into the audience trying to find Noah, once she spotted him her breath caught in her throat as she saw what was unmistakably Santana's silhouette next to him. She turned around but had yet to face the stage and Rachel's eyes stung with tears as her chest clenched painfully at the beauty she has fallen so deeply in love with. Her face to outsiders just was normal, but Rachel could see the pain that swirled underneath it. Pain she caused, she had to fix it.

There stood a different Santana then when she last saw the Latina. Gone were the body hugging dresses that she normally adorned when going out, and in were skinny jeans and blazers with button ups and ties. This new Santana, attracted Rachel in ways the smaller diva couldn't describe. Her long hair cascaded down her back, entrancing Rachel as her gaze dropped to wear the Latina was holding a glass in one hand, the other perched in her side jean pocket. She had to tear her eyes away from the beauty in order to start this, or she never would. Glancing at Puck again, he nodded her way before she turned to the man behind the piano and acoustic guitar to start strumming the first few bars of what Rachel hoped would double as an apology as well as an explanation of words Rachel couldn't describe. The lights lowered till there was just a spotlight on her as she took her stance in front of the lone microphone, taking yet another nerve steeling breath she opened her lips and vowed to display as much emotion and to make this as heartfelt as possible:

_The day we met,_

_Frozen I held my breath_

_Right from the start_

_I knew that I'd found a home for my heart..._

_... beats fast_

_Colors and promises_

_How to be brave?_

_How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?_

_But watching you stand alone_

_All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow_

_One step closer_

Santana stopped mid sip of her drink, she wasn't that drunk. She couldn't be hearing things. It couldn't be. As she listened on, she caught on. She'd know that voice anywhere. She could pick it out of a million voices. But she couldn't be her, she turned around slowly to face the stage and what she saw, she would swear up and down her heart completely stopped beating.

_I have died everyday waiting for you_

_Darling don't be afraid I have loved you_

_For a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more_

_Time stands still_

_Beauty in all she is_

_I will be brave_

_I will not let anything take away_

_What's standing in front of me_

_Every breath_

_Every hour has come to this_

_One step closer_

Rachel finally locked eyes with Santana and her breath faltered, her note quivered and her pitch swooped. But being the trained professional that she is, she quickly righted it before anyone could notice. Finally seeing those deep brown almond shaped eyes, and for a second just like when they first met, the room emptied and it was just them. She took this time to put even more emotion behind the song as her eyes filled and overflowed from the tears she'd been trying to hold back since she first saw Santana moments ago.

_I have died everyday waiting for you_

_Darling don't be afraid I have loved you_

_For a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more_

_And all along I believed I would find you_

_Time has brought your heart to me_

_I have loved you for a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more..._

Santana finally snapped out of her shocked phase enough to look over at Puck disbelievingly as he tried to seem like he was an innocent bystander in bringing her here tonight. Tears spring to her eyes and her ability to stop them is no longer there. When she feels the first drops of tears on her shirt, she punches Puck with all the strength she had in the arm. "Fuck you." She spit out spitefully through her tears and with one lasting look to Rachel, whose eyes were trained on her as she desperately tried to keep her emotions in check as she harmonized. She stormed off in the direction of the bathrooms. Leaving Puck rubbing his arm and Rachel in tears that where evident in the slight cracking of her voice as she struggled through the rest of the song without breaking down in front of group of stranger's center stage.

_I'll love you for a thousand more..._

_One step closer_

_I have died everyday waiting for you_

_Darling don't be afraid I have loved you_

_For a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more_

_And all along I believed I would find you_

_Time has brought your heart to me_

_I have loved you for a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more_

_I will love you, a thousand years…_

Rachel immediately hopped off stage in tears as the club gave the thunderous applause in reaction to her emotional performance. Any other time she would have relished in the applause, but now her heart felt shattered. She thought nothing could have been more heartbreaking then watching Santana walk out her front door, but she was wrong. Watching Santana storm off in tears in a surprise reaction to seeing Rachel, was by far the most heart murdering thing she's ever had to witness, and on stage mid performance at that. She instantly was wrapped up in strong arms, and was tense before she recognized the smell of Old Spice and menthol that was Puck before she let go. Her face crumpling as the dams broke loose, her body shaking in uncontrollable sobs as she faced what she thought would never truly be reality. Santana really wanted nothing to do with her anymore, they were truly over. She cried even harder if that was at all possible into Puck's chest as he stroked her hair, cooing softly in her ear. "Rach, don't cry. San is just stubborn. Santana loves you so much Rach. I know you love her just the same. I'll go get her. She just needs reassurance that you feel the same way."

…

Santana sat back in the women's restroom as she tried to get a hold of herself. She could barely hear Rachel's muffled singing through the thick walls, and that's exactly what Santana needed. She needed a moment of clarity. She knew it was Rachel, but that wasn't _her _Rachel. This Rachel wasn't the bright shining star that she'd always known Rachel to be. She looked broken, devastated and almost miserable. Her voice although the song was emotional, lacked the luster that the tiny diva could punch with a crowd. Instead her voice rang through the crowd full of sorrow and pain and regret. Rachel's long chestnut brown hair was gone, and in place was a slightly inverted bob that in the light looked almost walnut in color. She couldn't go back out there looking like hell on wheels. "Get yourself together Lopez. She's just a girl." She muttered to herself before marching out and heading back over to the bartender. "Hey can I get a shot of Cuervo Silver? Keep em' comin." She smiled at the bartender as he placed four shot glasses in front of her, and she shakes her head at his offering of limes and salt.

Puck left Rachel about fifteen minutes after Santana stormed off, and he set his sights on looking for his best friend. Sighing in relief when he looked over to the bar and saw her in the far corner knocking back shots of tequila, he knew he had to stop things before they got out of hand.

"You know San, Rach is really upset about you storming off during her performance. She did that for you, you know?" Puck asked sitting next to Santana at the bar. Santana rested her arms on the bar for support as she swung her head to Puck slowly.

"Really now? I 'm guessing she can't be more upset than I was when I told her 'I love you' and she didn't say it back." Santana remained stoic as she threw back her last shot of tequila before signaling to the bartender for another round.

Puck rested his hand on Santana's as she reached for her next shot. "San give her a chance. She feels the same. Don't ruin a good thing." He squeezed her hand for emphasis before walking off, leaving Santana there to finish her round of shots before getting ready to leave and paying the bartender.

…

Why Puck had talked her into this again, she will never know. She already made a fool out of herself once; she didn't think she had it in her to have Santana openly reject her ways of making things right between them. She only wanted to feel happy again, and she only felt truly happy with Santana by her side. She took another deep breath and walked over to the guy who played guitar and gave him the song. Before she sat down behind the mic again, grabbing the mic she adjusted it to her height before speaking into it.

"Hey, so I really wanted to do another song. I thought the first one would get my point across, so I'm hoping this one fills in any grey areas. This person knows it's for them." She leans back to give the guitar player the cue to start and he begins strumming the first few notes. This song was a little out of her repertoire and a lot lower key then her comfortable register, but after hearing the song so much when Mercedes and Sam got back together after their break up all those years ago. The words kinda stuck and meant much more to her now than ever, granted she switched a few words around to better fit the situation. She closes her eyes and puts everything she had into this:

_It had been many years since I've been in love  
>With a real girl I had given up on love<br>I didn't think a good girl existed in this world  
>I was tired, of searching<br>Because of relationships I've dealt with in the past  
>Couldn't fathom bein monogamous<br>When I least expected it, I found you  
>And because of you, I know how it feels to be<em>

Love, and when I look into your eyes I see  
>Love, pillow talking at night I can hear<br>Love, ooh, the next mornin' make  
>Love, I'm so in love<p>

Through you I live and love again  
>Open the pact to happiness<br>Through you I learn to smile again  
>I thank God for you<br>Through you I live and love again  
>I trust you, just guide and take my hand<br>Through you I learn to smile again  
>I love you, I love you, I love you<p>

Santana despite her pain was almost magnetically drawn to Rachel's voice, so raw and passionate singing lyrics that hit just a little too deep for Santana. It started to click, Rachel didn't hate her, Rachel loved her and she was trying to tell her that in the best way she knew how. When words couldn't be enough, she found her outlet through music. Santana can't help but look directly into the Diva's eyes now that she was in plain eyesight, Rachel poured more emotion if that was even possible into the next verse as the Latina felt her eyes start to prick with more tears.

Now it's been six months since we've been in love  
>And you keep doin' things to show your proud of<br>Thirty beauties in the room only me you see  
>The confidence you give, lives in me<br>I vow to never break your heart or never let you down  
>For better or worse, I'll always be around<br>And with you here, to share my life so complete  
>And because of you I know how it feels to be<p>

Love, and when I look into your eyes I see  
>Love, pillow talking at night I can hear<br>Love, ooh, the next mornin' make  
>Love, I'm so in love<p>

Through you I live and love again  
>Open the pact to happiness<br>Through you I learn to smile again  
>I thank God for you<br>Through you I live and love again  
>I trust you, just guide and take my hand<br>Through you I learn to smile again  
>I love you, I love you, I love you<p>

Rachel felt her eyes begin to well with tears and this time she didn't try to hide them, she let them fall freely as she saw Santana was openly crying as well. This next verse is what has to hit it home. Rachel was giving the performance of her life, and the prize was to have the love of her life back in her arms to stay.

_I thank God  
>For you<br>Your loves amazing  
>And like the rain it fell on me<br>Wanting it more and more cause your loves in the air  
>I breathe, lying beside me<br>You see into the soul of me  
>And your spirit sets me free<em>

Through you I live and love again  
>Open the pact to happiness<br>Through you I learn to smile again  
>I thank God for you<br>Through you I live and love again  
>I trust you, just guide and take my hand<br>Through you I learn to smile again  
>I love you, I love you, I love you<p>

_Through you I live and love again  
>Open the pact to happiness<br>Through you I learn to smile again  
>I thank God for you<br>Through you I live and love again  
>I trust you, just guide and take my hand<br>Through you I learn to smile again  
>I love you, I love you, I love you<em>

Now it's been six months since we've been in love  
>And you keep doin' things to show your proud of<br>Thirty beauties in the room only me you see  
>The confidence you give, lives in me<br>I vow to never break your heart or never let you down  
>For better or worse, I'll always be around<br>And with you here, to share my life so complete  
>And because of you I know how it feels to be<p>

_Through you I live and love again  
>Open the pact to happiness<br>Through you I learn to smile again  
>I thank God for you<br>Through you I live and love again  
>I trust you, just guide and take my hand<br>Through you I learn to smile again  
>I love you, I love you, I love you<em>

Rachel ended the song softly and the audience watched intently with quiet applause, clearly seeing that something was brewing between the her and the girl who had found her way to the front and center of the stage right in front of her as she was performing. Rachel climbed off the stool and walked down the stairs of the stage slowly to see if Santana would walk away. When she saw that Santana wasn't moving, she walked closer to the Latina until she couldn't go any further without being in the Latina's personal space. Looking deep in Santana's eyes, she saw the pain and hurt swirling in them and Rachel vowed that if she could get this back, they would never be there again as long as she had something to do with it. Not being able to take the brooding silence anymore or being able to be next to Santana without touching her, Rachel walked over to the taller brunette and reached out for a hug that the Latina eagerly replied. Rachel sighed in relief as she almost threw herself into Santana's arms, wrapping her arms around the taller Latina's neck breathing her scent in as Santana wrapped her arms around Rachel's waist almost as if she would slip away if she let loose just the tiniest bit. The thunderous applause from the audience watching the scene around them, rumbled around them but was only muffled as the two lovers sat back in each other's arms and gazed into the others eyes. "I love you so much, San. So much it scares me. I'm so sorry." Rachel sobbed brokenly into Santana's neck.

"Hey none of that Estrella," Rachel smiled at the use of her special nickname from Santana. "I know that now. I'm sorry for being so dumb. Thank you. That was…both songs were beautiful. Thank you." Santana stated sincerely wiping the tears from Rachel's cheek as she bit her cheek to quell her own. Rachel beamed her infamous million watt smile for what seemed like the first time in years. Overcome with happiness, Santana slid her hand up and around the back of Rachel's neck, tangling her fingers in the back of her hair and bringing their lips together in a bruising and feverish kiss. Rachel grabbed Santana's hips with both hands and pressed her even closer against her body as she got lost in the kiss. Her knees slowly becoming jelly as she and Santana placed so much love and emotion and raw undying passion into the kiss. Once the need for air became necessary they parted, barely noticing the club patrons passing by them offering congratulations and well wishes. Santana continued to look deep into Rachel's eyes as they rested their foreheads against the other, inhaling what the other was exhaling and vice versa. Rachel reached up on her toes to quickly peck Santana's lips, using her thumb to swipe across the bottom of Santana's lip. "I love you Santana."

Santana couldn't fight the smile that reached the corners of her mouth even if she wanted to. "I love you too Rachel." After a beat Santana smiled and whispered into Rachel's ear. "I want to _make love_ to my girlfriend."

Rachel's lips turned up into a devious smile. "I thought you'd never ask." She reached down to link her and Santana's fingers together and giving a small knowing wave to Noah as she walked out. Mouthing a 'thank you' before she allowed Santana to pull her outside and into her arms. "Your place or mine?"

"Definitely mine." Rachel smiled. "I still have that surprise for you, you know? And then we can talk about this after?"

"Talk later, now orgasms." Santana said pulling Rachel to her black Volkswagen Jetta to go back to her place.

...

**Puck's Song List:**

_Jumper- Third Eye Blind_

**Rachel's Song List:**

_A Thousand Years Pt. 2- Christina Perri Ft. Steve Kazee_

_Love- Destiny's Child_


	19. Slip Up

_**A/N:**_I'm sooo sorry about this wait. I got writers block and then it seems I've almost lost my spark for writing. A lost has been going on lately, so please forgive me as I try to get back up on this horse again. I really want to finish this story and I have pretty much the main plot points in the story all planned out, now it's just a matter of getting to them and fleshing out details. I'm working on doing better, I swear it.

_**WARNING:**__** This chapter contains smut and rough sex kinks.**_

**Chapter 19: Slip Up**

Rachel woke up groggily as she heard someone knocking on her door. Pushing her hair over her shoulder she was still drunk with sleep so she didn't bother to run her fingers through it, she pulled on her underwear were she spotted them across the room and threw on one of Santana's large flannel shirts that sat at about mid-thigh and buttoned it about half way up. She looked over her shoulder to see if the knocking woke up Santana, who was lying on her stomach across the bed snoring lightly and the covers only covering from the dimples in her lower back down leaving her completely bare upper half exposed.

Shuffling her feet down the hallway, still trying to keep herself upright as her knees gave out slightly ever few steps from the frequent love making her and Santana have been engaging in since they got back together, the knocking got more frequent and louder. "I'm coming. I'm coming. Goodness.." Rachel grumbled loudly. "Relax!" Rachel opened the door huffily. "What?!"

"Good it's nice to know you're alive Rachel. We haven't heard from you in like four days. Have you and Santana been holed up in your apartment this whole time?" Mercedes easily pushed past the tiny Diva into her apartment.

"Hello Mercedes, sure you can come in." Rachel rolled her eyes as she closed the door.

"What do you even have on Rach? Is that Santana's, you're like swimming in it." Mercedes raised an eyebrow at the large flannel shirt that was adorning her best friend.

"Can you keep it down Merce?" Rachel whispered harshly, fixing the shirt to make sure her breasts weren't exposed. "Santana is sleeping. And yes this is Santana's shirt. I was enjoying a deep, peaceful, post coitus slumber with my girlfriend before you interrupted. So if you could kindly tell me what it is you acquire to so I can go back to sleep, that'd be more than pleasant."

"Alright first off, did you or Santana even leave the apartment? Like I know for a fact that you don't own any flannel."

"If it's any of your business, Santana left the next day after we got back together to pack a bag for a couple of days so she could stay. Now on with what you wanted please?"

"Oh yeah right. Anyways, Puck wanted me to come over and tell you that we're all getting together tonight at Tina's and we would all appreciate it if, and these are his words 'could get your tongues out of each other and hang out with your friends'." Mercedes cringed at the visual. "But in a less nasty Puckerman way, it's true. So get Santana-"

"Get Santana what?" Santana interrupted wiping sleep from her eyes dressed in nothing but a sports bra and boy shorts.

"Babe, put some clothes on and go back to bed." Rachel walked over to Santana and kissed her lips gently before swatting her butt playfully.

"What? It's more than what I went to sleep in." Santana smirked filthily. "And you better stop it before Mercy gets a show on this table. You know I like it rough." She winked as Mercedes let out a disgusted scoff in the background. "Hey Merce."

"Nice to see you emerge from Rachel's bed."

"Nice to see what the rest of the world looks like instead of just what's between Rachel's thighs."

"Santana!" Rachel looked scandalized as Mercedes plugged her ears screaming 'la la la la la' as Santana laughed out loud.

"Alright, I'm done I swear." Santana raised her hands in surrender. "What's going on Merce?" Santana sat down on the couch as she pulled Rachel down onto her lap.

"Before you were being completely inappropriate Santana, Mercedes was telling me that our presence is requested at a get together at Tina's place tonight."

"I guess it is time to see the real world. What time?" Santana asked tickling Rachel's sides lightly as she squealed and squirmed in Santana's lap.

"Tina said nine. And she said bring beer." Mercedes rolled her eyes at the two in front of her acting like two lovesick teenagers. "And it's almost one now, so that gives you plenty of time. And you better be there to."

"We'll be there right Santana?" Rachel held Santana's hands to her sides so she could stop tickling her.

"Si, mi amor." Santana smiled cheekily at Rachel on her lap as she leaned in to press a kiss to her lips.

Rachel smiled as she released Santana's hands and wrapped her arms around the Latina's neck. "I love you too." Rachel mumbled before she pressed a series of small pecks to Santana's lips.

"Aww, you two are making me sick. I'll see you guys later." Mercedes rolled her eyes as she got up and walked to the door.

As Santana distracted Rachel with kisses she took the liberty to full on start tickling Rachel, using all her power to flip the diva onto the couch and straddle her hips. Rachel squealed as Santana mercilessly attacked her most ticklish spots as she gasped for air. "San- San- stop…OH MY GOD…CAN'T BREATHE STOP!"

Mercedes smiled at the sight of the two, she's never seen Rachel so happy or so in love. Before she closed the door and called Sam. "Pezberry is in for tonight. So order a vegan pizza for Rachel."

…

Santana fussed with her hair in the mirror, she was still trying to decide if she wanted to take the extra twenty minutes to straighten it or just keep it natural. _Well I'm wearing a hat anyways so fuck it._ Padding over to the speakers that currently her iPhone hooked up to it, she decided to play some old Fall Out Boy, dressed in a pair of ripped skinny jeans that were cut to capris and a sports bra she started to bop her head to the song playing while applying her eye liner and singing along under her breath while Rachel was still in the bathroom.

_The D.A. is dressed to the nines  
>In the mirror he practices all his lines<br>To his closing argument twelve hearts beat in favor  
>I'm guessing that he read the morning paper<br>The headline reads "the man hangs", but the jury doesn't_

As soon as the guitars picked up, the bathroom door flew open and Rachel skidded out dressed in nothing but a white V-neck t-shirt and black panties, hairbrush in hand, almost slipping on the water from her hair on the floor screaming, "STOP IITTTTTT!" before singing along as well.

_And everyone's looking for relief  
>United States versus disbelief<br>Mothers cast tears on both sides of the aisle  
>Clear your throat and face the world<br>The verdict falls like bachelors for bad luck girls  
>Only breathing with the aid of denial.<em>

_Case open, case shut,  
>But you could pay to close it like a casket<br>Baby boy can't lift his headache head  
>Isn't it tragic? (Whoaaa-ooo)<em>

He glances at his peers sitting seven to twelve stacked  
>On one to six the gallery is hushed<br>Boys in three pieces dream of grandstanding and bravado  
>The city sleeps in a cell notwithstanding what we all know<br>Hang on a rope or bated breath  
>Whichever you prefer<p>

Santana's mouth almost dropped Rachel, in her eyes could not be any more perfect at this point. Any girl who appreciated Fall Out Boy, is clearly a winner in every category. Instantly smiling as she watched Rachel bop around the room in her own little world singing into a hairbrush, she chuckled before she decided to play along acting as if she was playing a guitar and singing the back up harmonies to Rachel's lead vocals.

_And everyone's looking for relief  
>A bidding war for an old flame's grief<br>The cause, the kid, the course, the charm, and the curse  
>Not a word that could make you comprehend<br>Too well dressed for the witness stand  
>The press prays for whichever headline's worse<em>

Case open, case shut,  
>But you could pay to close it like a casket<br>Baby boy can't lift his headache head  
>Isn't it tragic? (Whoaaa-ooo)<p>

The song picked up and now at this point completely oblivious to the world around them, Santana is jumping up and down on the bed rocking out playing air guitar as Rachel's failing her arms around and jumping in circles rocking out to the song playing loudly over the speakers. Santana and Rachel would occasionally peek looks at the other only to burst out laughing at the others childlike behavior and they instantly felt like two teenage girls dancing around and enjoying life. Rachel hopped on the bed with Santana and they both continued to jam out as Rachel leaned over sharing the end of her hairbrush with Santana as she played the guitar solo.

_Fresh pressed suit and tie  
>Unimpressed birds sing and die<br>Can talk my way out of anything  
>The foreman reads the verdict<br>"In the above entitled actions we find the defendant..."  
>Guilty...Guilty...Guilty...Guilty...<em>

Case open, case shut,  
>But you could pay to close it like a casket<br>Baby boy can't lift his headache head  
>Isn't it tragic?<br>Case open, case shut,  
>But you could pay to close it like a casket<br>Baby boy can't lift his headache head  
>Isn't it tragic?<p>

As the song ended, Rachel looked at Santana and fell to the bed in a fit of hysterical laughter. Every time they would start to calm down, they would look at each other all out of breath and flushed from exertion and start the cycle again. Santana chuckled and kissed Rachel's nose sweetly once their laughter calmed down and looked deep into Rachel's eyes.

"You're perfect Rachel." Santana brushed some of Rachel's hair from her face and gazed into her eyes lovingly.

Rachel felt the blush rise up from her chest and make its way up her neck and to her cheeks. She surpassed the ability to count on her hands the amount of times Santana had told her that. She felt like a high school girl with her crush every time, she never got tired of hearing it. "I love you." Rachel said as she leaned in and pressed her lips to Santana's lips softly, their lips meshing together gently before they broke away and stared into each other's eyes.

Santana smiled softly before running her hair through Rachel's hair. "I never got a chance to say I love your new haircut Rae. It looks really good on you." Playing idly with the hairs on the back of Rachel's neck, Santana pulled Rachel closer to her and meshed their lips together in a heated kiss.

Rachel moaned softly into the kiss as Santana ran her tongue along her bottom lip and Rachel wrapped her arms around Santana's neck wanting Santana as close to her as possible. Santana crawled on top of Rachel hovering over her, never once breaking this kiss. Rachel gripped Santana's hips as she felt the Latina's hands roam under her shirt and graze the underside of her breasts.

"Don't tease San…" Rachel panted against Santana's mouth and pressed her knee to Santana's core. Causing the Latina above her to growl and in two swift motions, took off Rachel's shirt and bra, depositing them on the floor next to them.

Santana quickly made work of her sports bra and her jeans and panties as Rachel shimmied out of hers leaving them both completely bare and wet before they connected their lips again in a sloppy lust filled kiss. Rachel reached down and roughly grabbed Santana's ass, moaning against her lips.

Feeling Rachel grab her roughly pushed Santana into overdrive, trailing kisses from the smaller diva's lips down to her chest, she wrapped her lips around one of Rachel's nipples and bit gently causing Rachel to gasp and buck her hips involuntarily. Using Rachel's breathless gasps as ammunition, she continued her attack to the Diva's breasts.

"San… baby please." Rachel gasped out, her hand snaking between her and Santana to start playing with her painfully throbbing clit.

Santana grabbed Rachel's hand from between her legs. "No Rachel. I'm finally gonna make through on that promise of making you watch me fuck you on your vanity." She smirked as she reached down between Rachel's legs and was met with a pool of wetness.

"Please San." Rachel's hips bucked against Santana's hand. "Please baby…inside…inside now… please." Rachel begged and let out a sob of desperation as Santana got up and walked over to her closet and retrieved a box.

"I want you bent over the vanity Rachel." Santana commanded as she pulled out the purple strap-on and the Hitachi Wand Rachel purchased. She smirked as she slide the straps on her hips and slide the inner piece in herself while Rachel, eyes blown and lust hazed as she scrambled off the bed and braced herself on the edge of the vanity. "Spread your legs." Santana commanded.

This dominance in Santana is something Rachel has never seen before in her girlfriend, and it turned her on almost painfully. Feeling and smelling the evidence of her heady arousal dripping down her legs, she wasn't prepared when she felt three of Santana's fingers graze across her sopping slit and trail back up to her clit where the Latina started tortuously slow circles on her nub. "Ohhh myyyy…." Rachel moaned throwing her head back in pleasure.

"I'm not stopping till you can't walk." Santana rasped out in Rachel's ear, her breasts grazing along Rachel's back. Snaking her free hand up Rachel's body, grasped at Rachel's neck roughly before slamming her fingers into Rachel's sopping pussy.

"Fu-" Rachel could barely gasp out, her knees instantly giving out on her as Santana choked her and roughly pounded her fingers into her from behind. Santana continued to thrust forcefully into her while her fingers closed tightly around Rachel's throat. The sounds of Rachel's gasps each time Santana thrust into her and the sloppy wet sounds of Santana's hand in Rachel were the only sounds heard. Rachel could never understand why, but she had a serious kink for being choked during sex. And the way Santana's fingers would wrap tightly around her throat and release with every thrust from behind had her knees shaking and her knuckles white with the force she was trying to keep herself upright. She felt the all too powerful and familiar coiling in her lower stomach as her walls started to tighten around Santana's fingers. And she almost wept as she felt Santana pull her fingers out from behind her.

"You won't come till I tell you to Rachel." Santana ground out from behind her, ending her statement with a slap to Rachel's wet, abused pussy. "This," Santana stated while cupping Rachel's sex roughly. "This is mine Rachel. No one else's. And I think it's about time I show you exactly who you and it belong to."

Rachel's legs trembled with anticipation as she waited for whatever Santana was going to do next. "Only yours San. Only you."

"You damn right only me Rachel." Santana ground out, grabbing a handful of Rachel's hair and tugged back roughly so they could make eye contact in Rachel's vanity mirror. "No, one else can get you this wet. No one can do this like I can." Santana pulled back on Rachel's hair roughly as she slid the dildo through Rachel's slickness.

"N-n-no one San. No one." Rachel stuttered out and gasping as Santana pulled on her hair roughly again. Each pull making her even more wet with arousal if that's even possible.

"Look at you Rachel, so desperate for me to fuck you, your shaking with need. I can smell you from here." Santana husked in Rachel's ear as she lined the toy up with the Diva's entrance. "Look in the mirror. I want you to watch." Santana tightened her grip on Rachel's hair before she leaned into Rachel's ear again. "I love you Rachel."

Santana slammed with all her force into Rachel's sopping hole as Rachel screamed out in pleasure. "OH MY… FUCK….. SANTANA!"

The Latina grunted in exertion as she continued to pound into Rachel from behind, using the hand that wasn't tugging on the Diva's hair to hold her up as her knees turned into jelly with each thrust she made.

Rachel finally understood what everyone meant when they said they saw stars. Every thrust Santana made into Rachel from that position, hit her spot so thoroughly and with such intensity she saw stars. She's never in her life been as thoroughly fucked as Santana is doing to her in this exact moment. She couldn't even form words, she could only whimper, gasp and moan with every thrust Santana threw at her. She could quickly and forcefully feel her orgasm approaching as Santana's thrusts became more erratic and sloppy, a tell tale sign that the Latina was close to coming as well. "I'm….cum…SAN."

Right on the brink of Rachel's orgasm, Santana pulled out again as Rachel sobbed for being brought back from the precipice of her orgasm for the second time and if not for Santana holding her up, falling to the floor in a puddle. Santana picked Rachel up and placed her over on back on her bed on her back.

Rachel no longer had use of her extremities. Santana could do whatever she wanted to her and she couldn't do anything about it. She couldn't even keep her head held upright. She had literally been fucked numb. She didn't even know someone could do that. Her eyes widened as Santana spread her legs, climb in between them, lined up with her abused slit and started her relentless rutting again. Causing Rachel's eyes to shut tightly as she moaned out again, she was sure Santana was purposefully hitting that spot deep within her every time on purpose. She screamed out when she felt the vibrations on her hyper sensitive clit.

Santana was relentless. She knew it was only a matter of time before the smaller Diva came undone. She didn't know when exactly this possessive side of her came out, but pushing through the burning in her legs and lower stomach she continued her attack on the smaller brunette underneath her. In the days following her getting Rachel back, they spent all their time making slow sweet love. This, Santana contemplated was all the pent up aggression at almost losing Rachel coming out tenfold.

"San…don't stop." Rachel panted out, feeling her pending orgasm come back with more force than before while her body thrashed about violently.

"I'm not." Santana grunted, her own orgasm burning through her veins like fire. "I won't Estrella. Come…"

Santana's last thrust and rub of the Hitachi Wand against Rachel's clit sent the smaller brunette free falling over the edge. "I LOVE YOU." Rachel screamed as her body went completely rigid with the force of her almost painful orgasm, setting her body aflame as her juices sprayed like a geyser against her girlfriend as she continuously thrusted above her splattering against Santana's stomach.

Feeling Rachel jerk underneath her and her exclamation of love caused Santana to fall into her own body racking orgasm, her body collapsing on top of her from exhaustion as the racks of pleasure shot through her body like wild fire.

Rachel felt herself fall in and out of consciousness as her orgasm racked her small body over and over for what felt like forever. The continuous locking of her stomach muscles caused her body to jerk almost seizure like before she finally lost the fight and fell into blackness. The only thing her mind registering is Santana's "I love you too."

...

Rachel groaned hearing her phone vibrating continuously. She felt like she had the most intense hangover ever, until she looked down and noticed she was naked and sticky with her girlfriend asleep on top of her. Rachel tried to finagle her way out from under the slumbering Latina but her limbs were numb still and useless. Memories of early flooded Rachel's mind again like the most erotic porno to be seen, Santana had fucked her to oblivion and beyond and back one more time for old times' sake. She instantly felt wetness start to pool at her legs again. She would never forget this one and she would more than likely get wet every time she sat at her vanity.

"Rach, get your fucking phone before I smash it to pieces." Santana grumbled into Rachel's neck, tossing the smaller brunette from her thoughts.

"If you would kindly remove your body from on top of mine, I could gladly turn it off before you smash it to pieces." Santana grumbled before climbing off Rachel and flopped over to another sections of Rachel's bed and let out a grunt.

"The whole fucking bed is soaked, Rachel."

Rachel got up from her spot and rolled her eyes at the Latina's statement before walking over to her phone that was vibrating nonstop. The ache between her legs sitting so deep, she actually was limping. Santana had actually fucked her so thoroughly that she was walking funny. She hoped this was just temporary because even if she is comfortable with all their friends together, she'd rather not be limping around especially after everyone already knew exactly what they've spent the last four days doing.

"Nice to know that I cracked it so deep you're limping, Rach." Santana smirked as she noticed Rachel's slight hobble as she went to retrieve her phone.

Rachel scoffed looking down at her Caller ID thoroughly confused. "Santana stop being crude. My brother is calling me." Rachel slid her finger across the screen leaning against her dresser as she felt her knees get weak again and answered her phone. "Hello Evan."

"Rach, why are you not answering your phone? Mom is over here shitting bricks. She called you like seven times."

Rachel looked confused as she checked her missed calls. Surely enough, her mother had called her seven times, left four voicemails and sent her three text messages. "I'm sorry. My phone was on vibrate across the room and I fell asleep with Santana..." Rachel mentally face palmed herself at her word vomit, she knew her idiot brother would have an inappropriate comment for that.

"You fell asleep with Santana, now did you?" Rachel could hear the insinuation laced in her younger brothers voice. "She wear you out that bad Rach? Damn Rachel, you're a Berry/Corcoran AND you took all those dance classes with that crazy workout routine, you should have better stamina than that." Evan laughed hysterically down the receiver of the phone before Rachel her a loud slap followed by and "OW MOM. SHIT." Rachel chuckled as she heard her mom berate her brother over the line before she snatched the phone from him and called out "Stop teasing your sister! And so help me Yahweh, Evan Michael Corcoran if I hear you curse again.. You'll be doing nothing but reading from the Torah for the two months!"

Rachel laughed at her Mother's berating of her little brother as he grumbled in the background as she heard Santana snickering behind her hand, apparently hearing her mother yelling as well. Rachel loved it when Santana laughed, her nose scrunched up really cute and her body seemed to turn in on itself. Rachel was dragged out of admiring her girlfriend by her mother's again serious tone.

"Rachel Barbra Berry! Why didn't you answer your phone when I was calling you? This is important and you just blatantly ignored my phone call!" Shelby chided in Rachel's ear as the smaller Diva recoiled away from her phone at her mother's tone.

"I'm sorry Mom. I was sleep and I didn't hear it vibrate."

"Well I hope your nap was worth it, because now you have some serious damage control."

Rachel looked confused at her phone, her eyebrows furrowing together on her forehead. "Damage control? For what?"

Shelby sighed exasperatedly, she knew Rachel didn't give the go for this. "Rachel have you looked at the tabloid lately?"

"No, you know I pay no attention to those. It's all trash."

Shelby ran her hand over her face. "Is Santana with you?"

"Yes. But what does this have to do with Santana?" Rachel looked over at her clock, 8:35pm. "And can this hurry up? Santana and I have a prior engagement at nine and we're already gonna be late." Santana's eyes widened at the statement and swore before jumping out of bed before grabbing her and Rachel's clothes from off the floor throwing Rachel her clothes.

"Put me on speaker." Shelby commanded. She figured it would be easier to break it to the both of them at once.

Rachel and Santana shared confused looks as Rachel put her phone on speaker. "Alright Mom. What's going on?" Rachel stated as she ran into the bathroom to freshen up really quick as Santana threw her clothes on, they didn't have time for another shower.

"Rachel, did you ever change the point with your publicist to reveal your sexuality to the public?" Shelby asked, she already knew what the answer was, but she was really hoping she was wrong.

Rachel walked out the bathroom in a fresh pair of panties, a white cami and a pair of short denim high waisted shorts as she pulled her now unruly hair in a messy bun. "No. I've told Hanna several times that my private life was private and I wanted to keep it that way." Rachel shrugged on a sleeveless sheer shirt and tucked it into her shorts.

Santana sat back and listened intent fully to the conversation, already dressed in a pair of cut off denim capris, sleeveless tank and a Young & Reckless snapback perched slightly off to the side of her head.

"Rachel baby, I'm so sorry." Shelby's voice rang through the room sadly. "I don't know how they found out or who tipped them off. But they took pictures of you and Santana in a club or something kissing and then of you guys leaving together. They just released them today and they're all over the place. I'm so sorry sweetheart." Shelby explained mournfully.

Rachel's jaw dropped as her eyes widened as Santana rushed over to her computer. "Wait what? Santana and I have been all out in public everywhere for the last six months, how are they just now printing stories?" Rachel was literally dumbfounded. She had been so careful with the keeping of her private life under wraps. She wasn't ashamed of being a lesbian, she was very proud in fact. But she learned from her past relationships more specifically with Finn and later Quinn. The more people involved in her personal life, made it just that more difficult to maintain. Since then she only kept her inner loop of friends and her family in on details of her personal life. Once she broke out into Broadway when interviewers would ask about her personal life, she would politely state if she was or wasn't currently in a relationship and change the subject. She never gave signifiers of the sex of her significant other or names, and whatever else the media came up with after that was all their crazy. Not hers.

"You've got to be shitting me. Rachel look at this fuckery." Santana huffed out. She knew how her girlfriend felt about outsiders in their relationship, and Rachel knew how Santana felt about outsider's period. Rachel shuffled over to the computer and fought the back the urge for her eyes to fill with tears. There scattered all across Google search page next to her name where pictures of her and Santana, them kissing, them looking at each other all lovingly, ones of them leaving together fingers interlaced. They were all from the night when they got back together. Headlines spanning everything from: "Rachel Berry, Broadway's Sweet Heart: Secret Lesbian?" to "Broadway Starlet Having An Affair With Another Women?" or her personal favorite "Broadway Diva Rachel Berry Dating Tattooed Stud"

"How did they even find out who you were?" Rachel signed out as she slid to the floor and covered her face with her hands. How was she even supposed to handle this? And she'll be damned if she lets this affect her relationship with Santana right as they made things right again. Why couldn't they just catch a break?

"Rachel, honey? My publicist is working to clear this as well. I suggest you give Hanna a call too. This can't be too bad and easily fixed. You work on Broadway, the most gay friendly community in the entertainment industry." Shelby tried to sooth her daughter, they already had this conversation years ago during a tear filled conversation when Rachel came out to her.

"I'm not worried about that Mom." Rachel felt her chest begin to tighten as her breathing became labored. "Like me and Santana…" Rachel gasped out clutching her chest tightly.

Santana looked over to her girlfriend alarmed as she watched Rachel fall into the early stages of a panic attack. Dropping to her knees she placed Rachel's hand against her chest and started to breathe in and out deeply. "Baby, I need you to breathe. In and out deeply, follow my breaths. Just like that Estrella."

"God Santana is she having a panic attack?" Shelby asked worriedly over the phone wishing nothing more than that she wasn't in Lima and could hold her baby girl and sooth her worries like when she was a little girl. "Rachel, honey. I need you to breathe."

Rachel soon started to breath normally as she stared wide eyed into Santana's concerned eyes and followed her breathing. "Estrella, nothing is going to happen to us. We've made it past this last month we'll make it past this. Yes, it will be new. But we have each other and the people in our lives that love us. We'll be fine." Santana gently stroked the side of Rachel's face and looked into her eyes deeply and placed a passionate kiss to the smaller Diva's lips. "I love you Estrella."

"I love you too Santana." Rachel reached up and grabbed Santana's hand from her cheek and interlaced their fingers, placing a gentle kiss to each one. "I love you so much."

"Rachel, honey I'll call you back. My publicist just emailed me and she's starting the process of helping Hanna clear everything out as much as they can."

"Alright Mom, thank you. I love you, I'll call you tomorrow."

"I love you too sweetheart." Shelby disconnected the phone call. And Rachel looked up at Santana who was texting on her own phone.

"I'm telling Puck what's going on. He gave me some directions to take to get to Tina's that will lose the paps if they are outside. And he said that Mike would go out and get beer. If you still want to go out tonight?" Santana asked the smaller girl.

"Of course we are. We'll take Puck's route if there the paparazzi are outside. We gave our friends our word and I won't let those media vultures keep me locked up inside afraid of the outside world." Rachel huffed slipping on some flats before looking at Santana worriedly. "I mean this is a lot and I know you didn't really sign up to be followed around by cameras and people prying into our personal lives when we started things and-" Rachel rambled off worriedly before Santana interrupted her.

"Hey. When I asked you to be my girlfriend Rachel, I knew that there was a possibility of this happening." Santana said grabbing her keys, wallet, cellphone and slipping on a pair of Vans. "I didn't care about any of this because I wanted you. That was it. I didn't want anyone else. And I don't regret it. I love you Rachel. That's it, that's all that matters. Period." Santana finished her statement by placing a gentle kiss to the side of Rachel's head as they walked out of Rachel's apartment towards the elevator.

"How did I get so lucky to be loved by you?" Rachel asked staring at Santana lovingly and gripping their interlaced fingers tighter. "I just hope they aren't outside."

"Well if they are then we try our best to ignore them and face it together. Alright. You're a star Rachel. The biggest and the brightest, they'll eventually leave you alone once they see it doesn't sight a reaction from you."

Rachel smiled brightly before placing a kiss to Santana's lips gently right as the elevator door opened and the couple was swamped by flashing lights and reporters sticking recorders in the couple's faces and asking questions "Ms. Berry, how long have you been gay?" Rachel, how long have you been dating Santana?" "Rachel, is this your first lesbian relationship?" "Santana, what's it like dating Broadway's shining star?"

The couple kept their heads down away from the flash of the cameras as they made their way through the crows. Rachel held Santana's hand tighter as the taller Latina pulled the smaller Diva through the crowd as the apartment complex security came to help the couple and escort them to Rachel's Jetta. Santana let out a laugh as she got behind the wheel of Rachel's car and strapped their seatbelts in.

"Well I see now why your windows are tinted so dark, Rachel." Santana blew the horn that scared some of the paparazzi out of the way as they sped off away from the crazy.  
>...<p>

_Read and review if you're still reading and not tired of the bull I'm working through with this story lol _


	20. Bubbie and Zeyde

**A/N: ****I know for a fact that if there is anyone still reading this, I promise I'm working with this. I lost my inspiration for a while and I really want to get back into this because I want to finish this. So I've been forcing myself so I'm sorry if this is all over the place and seems forced... I'm just trying to get back into the swing of this again and find my inspiration. It will get better I swear. R&R :)**

**I also realize this is the first update I've made since Cory's passing. It still doesn't seem real in the slightest to me, even two months after the fact. I'm not going to lie and say that Finn was my favorite character when in actuality I hated Finn, and I still do. But Cory, I loved that man with all I had and then some, times three. I miss him more and more every single day. So I'm consistently praying for the strength for his family and friends, the cast and most importantly, my BabyGirl Lea. I'll never forget what you meant to me Cory, the smiles you've shared, the talent you possessed and the warmth that you've given my life and so many other Gleeks like me across the world just by being you. I love you so much Handsome. Keep a look out over us and Rest Easy.**

_Cory Allan- Michael Monteith 1982~2013_

**WARNING: ****THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SMUT AND TRIGGERS.**

Chapter 20: Bubbie and Zeyde

Parked safely around the back of Tina's house, Santana grabbed Rachel's hand and intertwined their fingers and took a deep breath before exhaling slowly. Santana was aggravated yes, after driving in circles for about ten minutes to lose the paparazzi that were following them before taking the turn down a dark, winding back road that sent them almost another fifteen minutes out of their way to Tina's house.

"I'm so sorry about this Santana." Rachel hung her head morosely, she could sense the irritation flowing off the Latina in waves.

"Don't worry about it Rach. It will blow over soon ok? Until then we'll just have to take back roads and the long way to everyone's house so the fuckers won't be stalking outside everyone else's house waiting for us." Santana finished her statement by giving Rachel's hand a firm squeeze.

"You're so good to me baby." Rachel leaned over the center counsel to pull Santana into a passionate kiss. As the kiss continued to get more heated, Rachel slid her hand around the stick shift and rubbed circles against her girlfriend's hip bone.

Santana's eyes widened immediately when she felt Rachel start to rub at her hip, pulling back from Rachel abruptly she pulled Rachel's hand from her pants and fixed the hat on her head. "Let's go inside Rach."

Rachel looked on confused as Santana rushed to get out of the car and she reached out to pull the taller girls wrist back. "Come on San. You've barely let me touch you since we've gotten back together. Let me really quick…" Rachel grinned before reaching over to unbutton her girlfriend's pants.

"Rachel, we're already late. Come on." Santana snapped. Rachel was too close to _that_ area. There's a reason Santana only allowed a few lights to be on during their frequent love making sessions and the fact that Santana was the one doing all the pleasing.

Rachel sat back and a flash of hurt quickly spread across her face. "Since when do you care about being on time when it comes to sex?" Rachel raised an eyebrow at her statement, clearly hurt by Santana pulling away from her.

Santana sighed, seeing her girlfriend obviously upset she thought quickly on her feet. "It's just we're already late and I don't wanna go in there smelling like sex alright." Santana pulled the keys out of the ignition and looked over at Rachel, clearly pouting. "Aww, come on Rach. Don't pout. Stop looking at me like I just kicked a puppy."

"You won't let me touch you Santana. I would like to reciprocate my love and you won't let me touch you. How am I not supposed to be hurt by that?" Rachel huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

"It's just…" Santana took in a shaky breath, she couldn't tell Rachel. She would freak out and Santana just couldn't see that look on her face. The last time Rachel thought she made Santana wanna cut, the look on her face made Santana want to jump off a cliff. She couldn't bear to see that face again. "I just want to spend my time on you love. I want to make sure you know how appreciated and loved and special you are to me." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth either.

"Well I want you to know the same thing." Rachel looked Santana deep in her eyes. Puck once told her that if you looked in Santana's eyes, you could see everything about her. And what Rachel saw swirling around in them was the normal love she always saw, and something else. She could see Santana was hiding something, but she didn't push. Tonight was about them and their friends. She figured when Santana was ready to speak, she will. Rachel didn't want to fight; she couldn't bear to loose Santana again. So she held her concerns in for now and stored them for a later date.

"I do, Estrella alright. Let's go inside." Santana smiled before she kissed leaned over and kissed Rachel on the nose and getting out of the car.

Rachel smiled halfheartedly and reached down to grab her wallet when she noticed something on her fingers on the same hand she was rubbing Santana's hip with. Rubbing her fingers together to get a feel for the texture she realized it was makeup. _What is Santana doing with makeup on her hip?_

…..

Rachel sat back, comfortable with Santana's arm around her shoulder as she looked on at her friends, all clearly drunk and chattering away over endless bottles of beer and scarfing down pizza.

"Oh please Santana! You know for a fact that if Gwen Stefani walked in this room right now, you'd probably cream yourself!" Tina pointed an accusing finger at Santana while Puck, Mike Sam and Mercedes doubled over in laughter.

Rachel sat up from her spot next to Santana and turned to her accusingly raising and eyebrow at the Latina.

"What Rach? Gwen Stefani is really talented and No Doubt makes really fucking good music." Santana tried to shrug off nonchalantly before taking another long swig of her beer.

"Sure Lopez. You tell Rachel about your wall completely dedicated to her in your room at your parents' house?" Puck said around a mouth full of pizza. Mercedes choked on her mouthful of beer upon hearing Puck's statement.

"Puckerman, you're really close to having your ball sack decorate my Christmas tree this year." Santana glared at Puck while passing napkins to Mercedes.

"Honestly, Santana?" Rachel looked at her girlfriend unbelievingly, scooting further away from her in the process.

Mike started patting Tina on the back when she started to tear up from choking on her pizza from laughing so hard.

"Oh please Rachel. Like you don't sport a lady boner for Zoe Saldana, let's not forgot you were the one that pretty much came on the spot every time she walked on camera when we watched Star Trek the other night. Then you begged me to let you call me Nyota, while I fucked you afterward." Rachel flushed in embarrassment while Mercedes and Tina fell over into each other screaming laughing and Mike snickered behind his beer bottle. "Puckerman I will slap that smirk off your face. Stop thinking about me and Rachel in bed, fucking pig." Santana punched Puck in the shoulder. Before she heard Sam say something in what sounded like Gibberish to Rachel and her reply back in the same language.

"So you and Sam have your own language?" Mike looked over at the two and everyone else besides Mercedes followed in suite obviously confused. "What is that Gibberish?"

"No, these two freaks over here are the only two people in the world that speak nonsense." Mercedes rolled her eyes before taking another sip of her beer.

"I resent that!" Rachel pouted before crossing her arms.

"Yeah, don't be mad at me and Rach because we just happen to speak fluent Klingon." The room looked at the duo skeptically.

"Wait, Klingon is a language that can actually be spoken? Like it's real?" Santana scoffed into her beer bottle and raising her eyebrow at the two before she took a sip.

"I'll have you know Santana, that Klingon is indeed a language and a very complicated one at that. Difficult to learn and even more so read, so difficult in fact that besides Sam and myself there are only thirty people in the world that actually speak it fluently and correctly." Rachel huffed proudly while reaching over to high five Sam in the process.

"Awesome so you two are in a group of thirty-two people that have no life and actually spent time to learn a made up language from a TV show?" Santana rolled her eyes, she swore between Rachel, Puck and Sam her eyes were going to get stuck in the back of her head. "Sometimes I wonder why I'm dating you."

"Because she's great in the sack." Puck stated with a triumphant fist pump to the air that earned him a slap to the back of the head from Mercedes.

"Because she cooks really good." Sam snorted before stuffing half a slice of pizza into his mouth much to the amazement of Tina.

"It's cause you love me." Rachel grinned and stuck her tongue out at Santana, who instantly grabbed a hold of it between her index finger and thumb. "Let go of my tongue Santana!" Rachel mumbled before Santana leaned down and kissed Rachel on the nose.

"You damn right I love you Tiny."

…..

Rachel was drunk. She didn't mean to, it sort of just happened. After a few shots and a couple games of flip cup and about a handful of beers when Rachel got up from her spot in the middle of the floor from watching Puck, Tina, Sam and Mike play Rockband, she lost her balance and pretty much face planted into Mercedes on the couch.

"Whoa there JP, no more for you tonight." Puck laughed while in the middle of a bass guitar solo on Coheed and Cambria's 'Welcome Home'.

Rachel burst into a fit of giggles as she snuggled further into Mercedes side, clutching onto her arm. "I'm not that drunk Merce…I am?" She slurred reaching up and attempting to stroke the side of her best friends face.

"Alright Rachel, no more for you." Mercedes rolled her eyes annoyed, letting her eyes roam the room. "Go be clingy with your girlfriend."

"Where is my girrrrlfriend?" Rachel slurred again, picking her head up from Mercedes' shoulder and looked around the room. "I can't be a lesbian without my girlfriend."

"Rach, you were a lesbian before you started dating Santana." Mike shouted over his playing of the drums and music.

"Santana made me even more gay!" Rachel clapped happily after giving up her search and flopping back onto Mercedes' shoulder.

"Actually Rachel, I don't think it gets anymore gay than you." Sam cracked up at his own statement. Before stopping immediately when Mercedes shot him a glare.

"Nuh uh Sam, Santana is androgynous. I think it's unbelievably attractive." Rachel sat back and dazed off deep in thought for a second. "Speaking of attractive. I'm gonna go find her. Excuse me Mercy." Rachel stumbled across Mercedes lap drunkenly before starting her trek to look for her girlfriend.

"Sannn." Rachel sing songed as she stumbled slightly from room to room in search for her girlfriend. Rachel was just about to give up her search when she saw the light on underneath the bathroom door up the stairs. Trying to stifle her giggles, she attempted to sneak up on her girlfriend while she was in the bathroom. Opening the door, Rachel burst in a fit of giggles. "There you are. I've been looking for yo-.." Rachel stopped mid-sentence as took in the sight of her girlfriend. Santana's shirt was lifted and tucked into her sports bra while her pants where unbuttoned and pushed down far on the Latina's hips as she attempted to apply cover up to sections and sides of her hips. "What are you doing Santana?" Rachel asked while cocking her head to the side and furrowing her eyebrows in confusion.

"Shit Rach, you scared the fuck out of me." Santana jumped at the intrusion and hurriedly pulled her shirt down and started to fix her pants.

"Santana, why are you putting makeup on your hip? That's for your face. And to be honest you don't even need it, your natural beauty is one of the things that makes me so attracted to you and one of the things I love about you." Rachel crossed her arms and shifted her weight from her right foot to her left, slightly faltering because of her state of inebriation.

Santana stared at Rachel intently for a minute, knowing for sure she was caught but then she noticed Rachel swaying slightly on her feet and her glassed over eyes. _Perfect._ "I uhh.." Santana thought quickly on her feet. "I tripped up the stairs a couple days ago and got this gross bruise on my hip. It's kinda nasty looking so I've been trying to cover it up." _Way to fall right back down that path Lopez._

Rachel's eyes lit up. "Oh that's why when I rubbed your hip earlier there was makeup on my fingers?" Rachel giggled before wrapping her arms around the taller Latina's waist, gently to avoid her bruise. "Well why didn't you say that earlier silly? Is that why you haven't wanted me to touch you or see you when we make love? I would have understood Santana. I thought you just didn't want me to touch you anymore." Rachel pulled Santana in closer to her and rested her head in the crook of Santana's neck. "I love you." Rachel mumbled into Santana's neck before nipping at that spot below the Latina's ear.

Santana grabbed Rachel by her hips and hoisted her up onto the bathroom sink before reaching over and locking the bathroom door. "I could never not want you to touch me Rachel. I just want th-…it it. I want it to heal first. I love you too." Rachel cupped both sides of Santana's face and pulled her in for a deep bruising kiss while Santana kept her hands on Rachel's hips.

As Rachel's tongue asked for more access, Santana happily granted and moaned into Rachel's mouth while Rachel worked on unbuttoning her shorts while she pulled Santana in even closer by wrapping her legs around the Latina's waist.

Santana lifted Rachel up just barely enough to unwrap Rachel's legs from around her waist and pull her shorts down to her knees. Using her more dominate left hand, she reached into Rachel's panties and was met with wet, swollen flesh as the smell of Rachel's arousal filled her nose as she used her right hand to pull the bun down from atop Rachel's head and shake her hair out. Rachel let out a breathy sigh when Santana parted her wet folds and immediately went for Rachel's hard bundle of nerves as she left kisses down the smaller Diva's neck, looking up over Rachel's shoulder and into the mirror, Santana sucked in a breathe as she simultaneously plunged two fingers knuckle deep into her girlfriend when she saw what was looking back at her in the mirror. Her same old reflection from her dark days, smirking back at her but instead of the light brown colored hair of Rachel's head that was faced away from the mirror, it was the taller, sunshine blonde hair of Brittany. Santana's old self winked at her in the mirror before Rachel let out a breathy gasp and Santana blinked herself back into now as Rachel's hand tightly gripped the back of her head.

"Santana baby?" Rachel pulled away from Santana's neck and looked at her girlfriend when she left her get stiff. Rachel pulled the hat off of Santana's head and grabbed both of her cheeks and looked deep into Santana's almond shaped eyes. "Baby, what's going on? Come back to me. I lost you for a minute."

Santana's eyes snapped back to real time as her once faraway look was wiped clean from her face and she leaned in to leave a passionate kiss on Rachel's lips. "Nothing baby, I'm fine." Santana smiled softly at her girlfriend before re doubling the effort of the fingers inside her.

"Fuck San.." Rachel's head flopped back into the mirror over the sink as her eyes rolled back into her head, bucking her hips wildly against Santana's fingers chasing her impending orgasm. Santana pulled Rachel back towards her as they crashed their lips together in another lust filled kiss. Santana quickly rubbed an 'S' on Rachel's clit with her thumb as Rachel fell apart. Her entire body shaking as tremors from her orgasm rolled over her body in waves. Rachel always came harder when she had to be quiet. Santana leaned over and placed another chaste kiss to Rachel's lips as she attempted to regulate her breathing and control the tremors that were still rolling through her body.

"I love you Rachel." Santana sighed, trying to hold back tears as she reached down to grab some tissues to clean off her fingers before she cleaned the mess between Rachel's legs after her orgasm.

Rachel, still drunk and now even more relaxed after her orgasm just laid slumped on the bathroom sink with her eyes closed as she felt Santana clean up between her legs. "You're too good to me Santana." She snuggled her head into Santana's neck when Santana placed her hat on Rachel's head and picked her up bridal style and carried her out of the bathroom. "I love you too."

…..

Santana deposited a passed out Rachel on her bed before going to the bathroom to take out her contacts and gauges. She had to think of another way to distract Rachel from her hip and not being able to touch her during sex. At first distracting her with sex was a good idea, she thought. But instead it just provoked Rachel to want to touch her more.

Rachel was drunk tonight, but she's not gonna stay drunk. She's gonna remember and she's gonna ask questions and Santana _hates_ lying to Rachel. She hates it, but she has to. She's convinced herself that she was protecting Rachel. Protecting her from feeling the pain she feels on the regular basis. Protecting her from the pain she knows Rachel's gonna feel when she figures out that she's mainly the reason Santana started back into the daily habit of hurting herself. Protecting her from her crazy. Sure to any outsider her logic seemed insane. But Santana likes to think that after fucking her for six almost seven months (the 'breakup' didn't count according to Rachel, and Santana didn't disagree) that she knew Rachel personally a little better than most people.

But in actuality the thought alone scared her. Santana's dreams and visions are becoming more frequent in nature, and to ward off Rachel's keen sense of knowing when it comes to Santana, she's lessened the amount of medication she's been relying on. Not that it's helping majorly, but she still feels like that scared little girl back in high school. The one that couldn't talk to anyone for fear of seeming vulnerable or weak, when it was eating her alive inside and the only solace she could find was her razor blade. She had Rachel again, Rachel helped. Rachel eased the sting. Rachel dulled the ache and distracted the want for the time being. But the urge always came back. The visions of her early self, always there in the forefront of her mind. She didn't understand how she was slipping so far back. She felt herself almost becoming reliant on Rachel, needing her there at all times to distract her. She didn't feel safe with herself unless she was with Rachel. Santana sighed in frustration as she ran her hands exasperatedly through her hair. Times like these she would call Quinn, but with that she would have to go through the process of explaining her starting to cut again after three years of being clean. And she could lie, but Quinn always had a way to make her spill everything. She could deal with this on her own. She'd just have to be more careful.

…..

Rachel and Santana sat in front of Rachel's laptop as she waited for her nineteen year old brother, Evan to log onto Skype. Santana was going to be meeting Rachel's grandparents via Skype. Santana fixed her bun on top of her head as she felt Rachel lace their fingers together and press a kiss to her temple. "You look beautiful. They'll love you regardless." Santana could help but smile back at the signature Rachel Berry smile that was flashed her way by the tiny brunette before Evan's face popped up on the screen as he adjusted the camera.

Evan Corcoran was eerily Rachel's exact copy in male form. Unfortunately, he didn't pick up Rachel's drive for perfection or well doing. The signature Berry smile graced the screen as he brushed his messy bed hair out of his face. "Morning Sis, don't you look particularly hung over today. The JBF hair looks fantastic by the way. Good job Santana!" Evan put a thumbs up sign in the view of the camera as Santana shook her head and Rachel scoffed.

"Way to look like a heathen Evan. You need a haircut, Delinquent." Rachel sarcastically smiled and rolled her eyes. "Where's Bubbie and Zeyde? I didn't call to look at your face. I got enough of that for a life time."

"Rachelah, Stop with the bickering oy! You and your brother fight like a married couple. You would swear if I didn't know you two I would swear you two hated each other." A small round Jewish older woman with dark brown hair and hazel eyes appeared on the screen, pushing Evan out the way and sitting down before and older man walked in the screen view as well looking exactly like Shelby, Rachel and Evan.

"Bubbie Elle! Zeyde Joe! I missed you two so much. Sorry we missed you while we were home! How was the Canasta Tournament?"

"I lost the last round before the Championship. I was so close to that $10,000 I could taste it. I don't wanna talk about it."

"Please don't get him started Rachel. He's been going on about it ever since." Her Grandma rolls her eyes and folds her arms. Santana now sees that a lot of Rachel's quirks were inherited from both sides. "Now Rachelah. I've been seeing these papers everywhere about you dating a woman. Are you still in that phase where you only date women?"

Rachel sighed audibly, it was always like this whenever she introduced her Grandma to someone new she was seriously dating. "Bubbie it's not a phase. I've only dated women for the past five years and I'll still continue to date them. I'm a lesbian Bubbie. We've been over this countless times already over the years. I'm going to marry a woman." Rachel rolls her eyes discreetly as she crosses her arms, stomping her barefoot on the floor in protest when she hears Evan snicker in the background as well as Santana's snort right next to her. She was still hung over and she was not in the mood to have to go over this again with her Grandmother for the umpteenth time.

"I just wish you would give me Grandkids, Bubbala." Elle sighed in defeat as Evan starts turning red from holding in laughter and Santana starts to cough unexpectedly. Rachel pats her girlfriend on the back and rubs it gently to get her to stop.

As Santana's coughing resides, Rachel throws her hands up in defeat. "Oy Vey! Who said you won't get Grandkids?" Santana starts choking as her eyes get wide at Rachel's statement and Evan starts audibly wheezing behind his Grandparents in laughter. Rachel looks over concerned at Santana offering her, her water bottle to drink as she brushes Santana's bang out her face.

Joe looks at the screen and sees the love in which Rachel looks at Santana. He's never seen his Little Star so happy. He looks over at his wife and shakes his head. "Oy Elle, stop harassing the child. She'll have kids when she's ready. Look at her poor girlfriend, you're practically killing her!" Joe motions to the computer where Santana is slightly hyperventilating and Rachel is rubbing her back in an attempt to calm her down. Joe gives his wife a warning look before picking up the paper in front of him and slapping Evan across the head with it. "As long as she's not dating nafka's or meshuggina's we should be happy."

Rachel's eyes widen at her Grandfathers statement and she chokes lightly as Evan is heard screaming in the background. She's never been happier at the fact that she hasn't finished teaching Santana Yiddish so she couldn't understand what her Grandparents were talking about, although Evan did. "Zeyde, please. Mishegoss."

"Rachelah, please you should listen. I love you always. I just want some great grandkids to spoil before I die." Elle was not giving up. She was determined for some Great Grandkids and they had to be from Rachel, waiting on Evan she would be dead, gone and decayed before he got his act together.

Joe shushed his wife interrupting her and her complaints to his Little Star. "Elle, let the girl breathe. If she wants to shtup with women, let her. She's a big girl. If that's what she likes than that's what she likes." By this time Rachel and Santana are both in coughing fits and Evan had to excuse himself from the room as he was in tears over the conversation between his sister and grandparents.

"Alright enough being Potchkas… who's this bright red girl next to you with the tattoos? Goodness Bubbala, does every girl you date have tattoos?" Rachel slumps back in defeat sighing while Santana looks to the floor. This isn't the worst family meeting situation she's been in. Santana is brought out of her thoughts by Evan screaming laughing in the background. "IT JUST WON'T STOP!"

A blushing Rachel at the time grabs Santana's hand, interlaces their fingers and kisses Santana's knuckles gently before flashing a dazzling smile to her grandparents. "Bubbie, Zeyde… this is my girlfriend Santana Lopez. Santana this is my Bubbie Elle and Zeyde Joe…"

...

End Notes: All of the Yiddish phrases that were found were found via the internet so all mistakes are mine, if there is something that I've done wrong please let me know so I can fix it.

**Yiddish Translations:**

_**Zeyde-**_ Grandpa

_**Bubbie-**_Grandma

**_Meshuggina-_**Crazy; crazy people

_**Naftka-**_Whore

_**Mishegoss-**_ Inappropriate

_**Potchka-**_Fooling around; foolish people


	21. Revelations

**_A/N:_**I'm soo sorry about this. Between working and school and a lot of personal shit. These past few months have really screwed me so I apologize. I'm still trying to fight through completely loosing direction with this story... so if anyone wants to help or shoot some words of wisdom to help motivate or make it better, shoot me a DM please. I'd appreciate it.

_**WARNING: **__**THIS CHAPTER DOES CONTAIN A FEW MAJOR TRIGGERS SO READ WITH CAUTION. **_

**Chapter 21: Revelations **

Santana sat back in her bed, crossed legged with her water bong between her legs as she lit the pipe and inhaled deeply, letting the smoke fill her lungs. Exhaling a large cloud of smoke into her room, she bobbed her head along to the start of the bass line to "Bitch, Don't Kill My Vibe" that was filtering through the surround sound system in her bedroom. She sat back more relaxed then she had been in a while, her blinds drawn and the lights out with the exception of her special red "smoke" lights. Lighting the bong again and taking another deep inhale, she finally let felt the high hit her when she exhaled again.

Santana _loved_ being high. It was something about it that made being in her head bearable. All the thoughts that kept her up at night and medicated during the day where gone and she just felt like she was floating. Her problems didn't matter anymore. Her problems were nonexistent. She should honestly talk to Quinn about getting it prescribed to her, maybe she would be a bit more functional on her meds if she had something to counteract the effects. Humming along to the song she reached down to light the bowl again, she heard her front door open. She didn't rush to get up to see who it was since besides herself only two other people had keys to her apartment, Rachel or Puck. She figured it was Rachel, since Puck said something earlier about having to finish up a back piece today at the shop. She smiled when she heard Rachel's light footsteps trail towards her room after placing her purse down and softly open the door to her room as she took another deep inhale from her bong. "San?"

Santana smiled softly at Rachel, mumbling a "Hey Rach." while she exhaled the large cloud of smoke into her room. Rachel gave Santana a displeased look; she wasn't the world's biggest fan of Santana and her frequent recreational use of marijuana. But she did see that it often calmed the taller Latina when she was feeling particularly moody or in one of her funks. She couldn't speak on the use of the rest of her girlfriend's friends and their usage, but she tolerated it none the less.

"Baby, you've been smoking a lot more recently… what's going on?" Rachel sat next to Santana on her bed and made herself comfortable by laying on one of Santana's pillows and placing her feet across the taller brunette's thigh, knocking the bong with her bare feet.

"I'm just really tired Rach." Santana sighed exasperatedly while running her hand through her hair.

"That's just because you're high." Rachel rolled her eyes at the statement.

"No, I am not high Rachel." Rachel looked at Santana incredulously. "I am stoned. There's a difference." Santana burst into a fit of giggles as Rachel threw her hands up in defeat. "But no seriously, I am tired. I'm just escaping." Santana gently rubbed Rachel's thigh as she looked into her eyes briefly before turning her attention back to her bong.

"What are you escaping Santana?" Rachel sat up on her elbows and looked at her girlfriend, concern slowly making its way across her features.

"Life, Rachel." Santana stated simply before picking up her lighter to light the bong again. But Rachel stops her in the middle of trying to flick her lighter.

"Life?" Rachel takes the lighter and the bong out of Santana's hands and places it on the stand next to the Latina's bed. "San, what's going on in your head?" Rachel reached out and caressed alongside the taller brunettes face and pushing back a strand of now dyed teal wavy hair.

Santana sighed, turning her face away from Rachel's caress and flopped back against the headboard next to her, making sure her shirt was pulled down as far as it could and her hands were covering what wasn't being covered of her noticeably scarred thighs. She sent up a quick prayer to whoever was up there that Rachel didn't look down and notice that in Santana's lack of pants, that her thighs were littered with small, fading angry scars of her previous 'release sessions'. "I just haven't been feeling one hundred percent lately, Rach." Santana closed her eyes and turned her head away from Rachel, in expectation to what the smaller Diva's reaction was. Rachel looked at her girlfriend, concern almost dripping from her eyes like tears. She worried about Santana when she got like this. She could almost sense Santana slipping back into her own dark corners. What upset her the most was the fact that she still had no idea how to stop it sometimes. This was one of those times, so she did the only thing she could do. "Do you wanna talk to Quinn about it?"

Santana sighed and shook her head. "No, I don't really feel like delving into all that with her…"

Rachel interrupted, grabbing Santana's hand and interlacing their fingers. Causing Santana to sit up abruptly at Rachel's sudden serious look, afraid Rachel has saw her thighs before the smaller Diva continued.

"You really should Santana. The last thing we need is for you to back track. None of us want to see you start hurting yourself aga-"

Santana interrupted Rachel's rant with loud and annoyed sigh. "I don't understand what the big deal is about that!" She huffs, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes in the process. "People freak the fuck out about me cutting myself. I couldn't use razors. I had to wear that stupid fucking bracelet. I didn't cut deep! I didn't try to end my life-"

"YOU DID SANTANA! YOU DID TRY TO END YOUR LIFE!" Rachel jumps up from Santana's side, scandalized that this was coming from her girlfriend's mouth. She lowered her tone when she realized she was screaming and that that wasn't going to help her case at all. "Where is this coming from?"

Santana flopped back against her bed and sighed in defeat. "Like I was saying before you interrupted me, I didn't try to kill myself that way. I attempted to swallow an entire bottle of pills. I didn't want to end my life that way. I wanted a peaceful and sedated sleep. I didn't wanna wake up…"

Rachel walked over to the window in Santana's room and stared down at her fingers idly. "Santana, baby I'm worried about you. I don't like talking about this." Rachel discreetly swallowed down the tears that itching their way to falling down her face.

"I'm just saying Rachel…" Santana continued, not noticing fully the distress she was placing on her girlfriend at the current time. "If you're worried about me offing myself, worry about me swallowing another bottle of Oxy, Rae. Not a few cuts." Santana ends her statement by getting up and walking over to her dresser and pulls on some sweatpants.

"Santana, can we not talk about this anymore? I just.. I can't handle it right now. Can we just watch a movie or something?" Rachel looked at the window and quickly wiped the few stray tears that fell down her face before she continued. "I just really want to talk to Quinn about this."

Santana grumbled in annoyance before flopping back into her bed and settling herself under the covers as she picked up her bong again. "Rach, I told you. I'm not going to Quinn. You can, but I'm not. Go pick a movie and I'm gonna finish these last few hits of this and then I'll come meet you in the living room."

Rachel looked down at her bare feet against the wood floors of Santana's room, pushing her bangs up over her face, she continued in a small defeated voice. "Can we watch it in here? I just want to snuggle with you."

Santana looked up at Rachel's face and saw how her girlfriend was trying her hardest to hold back her tears as she bit her lip, trying to look anywhere but directly into the Latina's eyes. "San, I just want to feel your warmth. Please?" Rachel choked out as the tears that were threatening to fall made her voice even more quiet than before.

Santana noticed how Rachel's beautiful brown eyes shined with unshed tears. She placed her bong back down on the side table next to her bed and held her arms out for Rachel to fall into. She felt the Tiny Diva's body start to shake in silent sobs as she held onto Santana like her life depended on it. "Shh, Estrella. Don't cry. Baby, I hate to see you this upset."

Rachel sniffled against her spot where her face was nuzzled in Santana's neck, taking in the warmth and comforting smell of the woman she was so utterly in love with. "I'm sorry baby. I didn't mean to upset you." Santana whispered into Rachel's hair as she pressed a kiss to the smaller girl's temple.

Rachel just nodded and held onto Santana tighter. Being in the embrace of her girlfriend, she didn't want to let go for fear of somehow losing the Latina in her arms. That's what scared Rachel the most when she felt Santana start to slip back into her dark place, she almost lost the Latina once due to stupidity on her part. The idea of losing Santana again, but for good has times when it's actually made her physically ill. It's been clawing away at her since she's been noticing something has been slightly off about her girlfriend. So Rachel just swallows her fears and wraps her arms around the Latina tighter as Santana turns on her TV and scrolls through Netflix to find something for them to watch. She chuckles when she finds Yentl and turns off her mood lightening and the taller brunette makes herself comfortable in Rachel's arms while she pulls the blanket over the both of them.

Santana looks down at Rachel's face and sighs inwardly to herself as she sees Rachel's wet eyelashes showing in the blue glow of the television in her dark room. She can see how much this is eating away at Rachel, and it kills her to see her this way. She's got to fix herself before this gets too out of hand. She squeezes Rachel tighter and places a chaste kiss to the Diva's forehead. "I love you, Rachel." She feels the smaller Diva relax at the statement and she squeezes Santana's waist mumbling a quiet "Love you too."

….

Rachel (at Puck's insistence), found herself at Puck's apartment while Santana was at the shop on his day off. Puck handed her another beer as Rachel scrolled through the boards for another round of Call of Duty.

"It's kinda weird hanging out with you like this without San, Jew Princess." Puck sat back and smiled at Rachel before taking a sip of his own beer. "I'm glad we can."

Rachel raised an eyebrow in confusion at Puck's statement as she twisted the top off her Heineken and took a swig. "Why is it weird that we hangout without Santana, Noah?"

"No, I mean not offensively. Like San's my best friend, my brother really and you're dating her. She's not here and like granted you're not interested in man sausage but most people are like 'Bros shouldn't be chillin with other Bros girls!' but you know?" Puck chuckled clinking his beer to Rachel's when she offered.

"None taken, Noah. I'm just saying, you hang out with Tina without Mike and Mercedes without Sam and vice versa. It shouldn't be a difference between them and Santana. Plus, regardless of the fact that I am no way in the slightest interested in yours or anyone else's for that matters so called 'man sausage', I am completely and devotedly in love with Santana and would never in a million years do anything to jeopardize these last seven months OR the future that I have with her like that."

Rachel sat back and took a long sip of her beer, she had actually wanted to talk to Puck in the first place, which is why she jumped on the chance to hang out with him separately from Santana. She needed a space where she could actively ask him questions without anyone else hearing or Santana being there. Santana has been… off kilter as of lately. And Santana was no help when she needed answers, often brushing her off or they would get into yet another fight. Santana wouldn't let Rachel see her naked or touch her and although Santana admits to not feeling like herself; she still won't go speak to Quinn, which is what she normally would do in any other situation. She needed answers, honest answers and she knew Noah would give them to her. Steeling her nerves she turned to face Puck on the couch and placed her beer down on the table. "Noah, how did you find out Santana was hurting herself?"

Puck almost choked on the swig of beer he was drinking and looked at Rachel with wide eyes. "Excuse me?"

"How do you know if Santana is hurting herself?"

Puck sat back on the couch and let out a tired sigh. "She displays what me and Chang Squared call D.Q.V" Rachel looked at Puck quizzically with her head tilted to the side as Puck continued, "Distant, Quiet and Violent." Puck got comfortable across the couch and leaned his arm across the back of the couch. "San has the weirdest mind frame of a person I've ever met. The D and Q are normally shown at the same time. She keeps to herself and when she feels like someone is onto her game, she'll go out with us but she's quiet. She'll only speak when spoken too. She tends to fidget with her sleeves, but that was way back then. Now she just plays with her bracelet that distracts her from cutting. And the V is the one that we all know very well. San has and will not hesitate to resort to violence when all else fails. She feels someone getting to close, she'll threaten, she'll fight and more often than not she'll use something painful against you. She won't think twice about using what she knows will push you away. Her defense mechanisms are intense. She'll purposefully hurt you for you to leave her alone. You know how many times me and Chang Squared have been at the mercy of these defense ass beatings? Me and Mike never hit her back, but Tina doesn't play that shit. She's fought back with Santana multiple times, which was funny but that's not the point."

Rachel looked at Puck with large eyes. She's noticed a lot of these characteristics in Santana. And with the look in Rachel's eyes, Puck knew instantly where Rachel was heading. "Rach, do you think something is up with San?" Puck looked at Rachel with concerned eyes as he rubbed his hand over his Mohawk. His fear only heightened with Rachel's impending silence. "Rach, if something is up with my sister… I need you to tell me now." His eyes burned pleadingly into Rachel's large brown ones. "Please Rach, is something going on with Santana?"

Rachel sighed deeply and looked Puck deep into his eyes. "Something's wrong, Noah." Puck sighed deeply as he felt the beginnings of tears start to prickle at the back of his eyes. "Something seems off, Noah. She seems so dark most days. Like her eyes shine when I'm with her, but it's not as bright as it was before. I try to get her to talk to Quinn, but it won't work. I try to get her to talk to me, she shuts down. She closes me out. Sometimes I can push her but its getting harder. It's almost to the point now where it's beginning to be almost impossible to get her to open up like before. She spends a lot of time by herself." Rachel took a deep breath to calm her emotions and steel her nerves as she felt her tears that she was trying so desperately to swallow down, but with no avail.

"I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to lose her… I can't lose her. It hurts me so much that she's in so much pain. I just want to take it away but I don't know what to do. What to start with or even talk too. I can't betray her trust, but I can't take losing her for good. I have to do something." Rachel finished her statement breaking down into full out tears, as Puck wrapped his arms around his tiny Jewish Princess and held her tight.

"Shh, JP. We'll find a way. I'm just glad you told me." Puck cradled the crying girl in his arms as the few stray tears fell from the corners of his eyes. He and Rachel were gonna fix this. Neither one of them were going to lose Santana again, not if he had something to do with it. "Rach, you have to check her." He lifted Rachel from his arms and held her by her shoulders looking seriously into her large puffy, wet eyes.

"Check her?" Rachel looked at Puck confusedly. "What do you mean?"

"Look at her body. Look for cuts, new ones at least or freshly fading scars. She tends to make them small, but definite and in groups of three or more."

"Multiple?" Rachel looked on wide eyed. "At a time?"

Puck sat back on the couch he was sitting in and grabbed Rachel's hands. "Rachel, Santana has never made just one cut. It's always been three or more. Check her arms, forearms and the insides of her biceps. Check her stomach, the insides of her thighs and her hipbones. She's notorious for her hip bones. If you want proof, that's the first place you look."

Rachel nodded and made a mental note to check all of those places the minute she gets a chance. "Rachel, you do know that if you find proof, what all that's going to entail right?" Puck continued to grip Rachel's hands tightly, his eyes almost desperately scanning Rachel's large brown ones for any sign of how serious this truly is. "Rach, if you find out Santana is cutting again… you HAVE to call Quinn and then me. We all have to go through her apartment and remove any sharp objects or anything that could be made sharp. Then she'll be back into her three hour, two times a week therapy sessions, which is hard on everyone because San's consistently pissy. And when San's pissy, everyone is pissy. We all try to look out for her but our own selves and relationships take the back burner." Puck let out a heavy sigh as he saw Rachel's eyes widen in surprise.

"Listen, if there's anything you should truly understand is that, no offense but before you, it was just us. You know San isn't really close with any of her family, so we're all she had. We are her family. And not saying you and Merce and Sam and Kurt and Blaine aren't family now too, but San is our blood. We take her, her health, her emotional state and everything else that entails that girl seriously. We'd take bullets for her. If she's not one hundred percent… we all aren't. It's been that was since we were kids. It's never changed. We've seen this firsthand. San comes first, always. She's our sister…_my_ sister. We're like a group of misfits, it's a family effort."

Rachel nodded her head understandingly as Puck explained. She could feel the emotions pouring off of someone she's come to view as big brother over her time with Santana. She could see why Santana clung to her friends like a life line, especially Noah. Noah was her protector, her exact and in a way soul mate. See, Rachel believed in different forms of soul mates. While she couldn't deny any longer that Santana was _her_ soul mate, romantically of course. Just like Mercedes was her platonic soul mate. Noah was that soul mate to Santana.

"Noah, I understand completely. I'm in love with Santana. She's my other half. I've never felt this way about anyone ever, and more than positive I never will about anyone else. She's my family as well. She and all three of my parent speak regularly. My mother already calls her, her 'daughter in law'. My fathers do the same. They all feel and look at San as a member of the family. My daddy is already trying to send me wedding dress pictures because not only is he asinine for us to only been dating not even a year, but more so because they don't want me with anyone else either. So no offense taken, but no offense either, I would do anything for that girl and it's my business too. I promised Santana. I promised Quinn and now I'm promising you… I _will_ help Santana get better and get through this. _By any means necessary._" Rachel's faced turned stone serious. She wasn't trying to combat Puck's statement. But she did want Noah to know that she was on their team. She was going to be a force to be reckoned with when it came to the woman she was helplessly head over heels in love with.

...

Read and Review. And even more so wishing you all a safe and very happy New Years.


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